Those Pesky Survival Instincts

, , , | Right | March 16, 2009

Me: “Thank you for coming to [National Park]. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

Customer: “Thank you. Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “It’s a national park, ma’am.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The animals are wild.”

Customer: “All of them?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not very safe!” *walks away*

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It’s Not Exactly SAT Vocabulary

, | Right | March 13, 2009

(A customer comes through the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi welcome to [Coffee Shop]! What can I get started for you today?”

Customer: “I want a mo-CHA.”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “The middle one.”

Me: “Okay, did you want that hot or iced?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Did you want that hot or iced?”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re asking. Why are you asking me so many questions? Why can’t you just make my drink?”

Me: “I just need to know if you want it hot or iced.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What’s the difference between hot and iced?”

Me: “About a hundred and thirty degrees?”

Customer: “Oh… hot!”

(Of course, when she gets up to the window it turns out she wanted an iced blended mocha.)

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Just Wait Until They Discover Palindromes

, , | Right | March 12, 2009

Me: “Okay, we now need to log into your modem. It should ask for login details.”

Customer: “What are they?”

Me: “Admin and admin are the username and password.”

Customer: “Are the passwords in that order?”

Me: “Umm. Sure, go for it.”

Customer: “Okay. I’d hate to have gotten them mixed up!”

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From Zero to Stupid In 10 Seconds

, , | Right | March 12, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I just bought this machine. I hooked it up as per the manual and it won’t turn on.”

Me: “Did you plug it in?”

Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot.”

Me: “Did you turn off the surge-master?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Double-checked all the wires?”

Customer: “For God’s sake, YES! It was fairly simple; it’s all color-coded. You’d have to be a moron to make a mistake.”

Me: “Okay… why don’t you tell me what you did?”

Customer: “I unpacked it, plugged all the wires in, and then plugged it into my outlet.”

Me: “Then?”

Customer: “Then I put the accelerator on the floor and stepped on it.”

Me: “Ma’am… there is no accelerator on your computer.”

Customer: “Yes, there is! It’s that thing that has two buttons on either side, and that little wheel on the bottom!”

(In case it wasn’t obvious, she had stepped on the mouse.)

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You Should Meet Mr. For Dummies

, , , | Right | March 9, 2009

Customer: “Do you have any Feng Shui books?”

Me: “Yes, let me show you where they are.”

(I take the woman to the Feng Shui section.)

Customer: “Wow, she wrote a lot of books!”

Me: “Who did?”

Customer: “Miss Feng Shui.”

Me: “Yes… Yes, she did.”

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