Lacking An Ounce Of Common Sense

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2018

(I’m taking an order from a table that I’m serving.)

Customer: “I’ll have the beef dinner.”

Me: “All right, would you like the 7-ounce or the 10.5-ounce dinner?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “The 10.5-ounce is larger than the 7-ounce.”

Customer: “But, by how much?”

Me: “Um… 3.5 ounces.”

Customer: “But, how much bigger is it?”

Me: *trying to figure out how else to explain it* “It’s about a half larger.”

Customer: “But, is it, like, a really big portion?”

Me: *at this point I have no idea how else to explain it* “Yes, the 10.5-ounce is a sizeable meal.”

(She ended up eventually getting the 7-ounce.)

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Totally Quackers

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 30, 2018

(We love the ducks at [Theme Park]. My wife tends to call out when one is trying to get across a crowded walkway, just to give people a heads-up to watch where they are going.)

Wife: *gleefully* “Duck Crossing!”

Teenager: “Oh! Look at all the chickens!”

Wife: “Ducks.”

Teenager: *to friend* “So many chickens!”

Wife: *losing all belief in our school system* “Ducks…”

Duck: *flies two yards to avoid getting trampled, starts pecking popcorn*

Teenager: *to friend* “Did you know [Theme Park] had chickens?!”

Duck: “Quack!”

Wife: *to the duck* “I know, right?”

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Allergic To Common Sense, Part 13

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2018

(I’m a customer waiting for my order when I hear the manager talking to an angry customer over the phone.)

Manager: “So, you ordered chilli paste on your pizza and you’re allergic to chillies?”

Related:
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 12
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 11
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 10

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Wasn’t Smart To Ask

, , , , , | Right | March 29, 2018

Me: “Aloha! [Hotel] operator. How may I help you?”

Guest: “Hi, I wanted to know if you guys charge for parking, and how much?”

Me: “Yes. We charge $29 for self-parking and $36 if you are going to use our valet services.”

(This seems really high, but for Waikiki, this is pretty good.)

Guest: “Oh, but my car is going to be one of those smaller smart cars. Do I get a discount for that?”

Me: *a couple of seconds of pause to register this* “No, ma’am. The price will be the same, because you are paying for the space.”

Guest: “But it’s not as big as a regular car. There’s no discount?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the price will remain the same, as long as you park within our parking structure.”

Guest: “Well, okay. Thanks.” *obviously disappointed and agitated, hangs up*

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Unable To Drive The Economics Of The Situation Home

, , , , | Working | March 29, 2018

(My vehicle has just gone out of commission due to an accident, and relatives that I live with have a conflicting schedule with mine, so I can’t get a ride into work. I phone in explaining the situation. I live about ten minutes, highway time, out of town, but my job is on the outskirts.)

Me: “I won’t be able to make it in. My vehicle is still out of order, but I should have it good to go by tomorrow.”

Manager: “I really need you in for tonight, though.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I literally have no means to show up for work. I’m phoning to hopefully give you as much notice as possible.”

Manager: “I can just send a taxi.”

(Taxis have special “out of town” fees, making it cost around $80 for each trip.)

Me: “You realise the price of the taxi, each way, is going to be almost as much as you’d be paying me for the day… Right?”

Manager: “What about it?”

Me: “At this point, it’d just be cheaper just to get somebody else. If you can give me triple my pay without batting an eye, all of us are being underpaid.”

Manager: “Well, it’ll be fine.”

Me: “I refuse to see double my pay be used just to bring me in. It’d be cheaper to get somebody to work overtime or get somebody else.”

Manager: “So, you’re not coming in?”

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