Trying To Resuscitate Their Knowledge

, , , , , , | Learning | November 9, 2017

(My coworker has just returned from a three-day first aid course, so he can be qualified as the first aide for our pool and gym. On his first day back, we are discussing how his course went.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, God, the course was so boring. I had to fight to stay awake the entire time.”

Me: “Was there nothing that interested you?”

Coworker #1: “Well, the guy who took the course did say he had done something from the course a lot of times.”

Coworker #2: “Resuscitate someone?”

Coworker #1: “No something else, to help keep them alive.”

Coworker #2: “Resuscitation?”

Coworker #1: “No, it was something else! The main thing we learned.”

Coworker #2: “That’s resuscitation!”

Coworker #1: “CPR! He had done CPR to save people!”

Coworker #2 & Me: “What do you think the ‘R’ stands for?”

Coworker #1: “…”

Me: “Please tell me you didn’t sleep through the course.”

(We don’t plan to leave him as the sole first aide of the gym any time soon.)

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 68

, , , | Right | November 8, 2017

(I work in a farm store that also sells lawn equipment. We offer financing, and I oversee that department. One day a young man and his wife come in and express interest in financing a new zero-turn mower. I ask for identification and a secondary form of ID and get started entering the application into my computer. When I finish, I hit print so the customer can sign the paper copy, and then hit submit. By the time I return from the printer, I see that the application has been denied. I convey this to the customer.)

Customer: “What? There’s no way! I have excellent credit!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I’m not allowed to know why the application has been denied.” *I turn the computer screen to face the customer* “It only displays a denial, not the reason for the decline. The lender will send you something official in writing within a few days. This isn’t the end of the road, however; we can still accept cash or check, or you may wish to apply for a loan through your bank.”

Customer: “This is bulls***! My credit score is in the 800s and I’ve never made a late payment! All my stuff is paid off, even! Call your boss and push this through, now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; even if I did call the manager over, he has no authority to override the decision of a bank that is not connected to our store. Although you’re filling out the application here, the ultimate decision goes through a separate lender.”

Customer: “Well, get on the phone and call the lender, then. Get this straightened out! I don’t have bad credit! I don’t have bad credit! There has to be some simple reason why I was declined. You probably didn’t enter my information correctly!”

Me: *double-checking his ID against what I entered* “I keyed everything in correctly.” *shows the customer a copy, which he barely scans through* “I’d be happy to call the lender for you, however.”

(I dial the lender, go through the prompts, and get a customer service representative on the phone. I explain the situation, and although the exact reasons for the decline are between the customer and the bank, the rep hints that it’s a debt to income issue. I hang up the phone.)

Customer: *incredulously* “Well, did that settle it? I can get the mower, right?”

Me: “Sir, by any chance have you financed anything else recently?”

Customer: “Well… yeah. Let me see… I got a new truck three weeks ago to pull our new boat, we just closed on our house Friday, my wife got a new washer and dryer, and she got a different car maybe a month ago? Why? What difference does that make?”

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They Put More Than A Few Feet Wrong

, , , , , | Right | November 8, 2017

(I am in a department store, and I overhear this discussion between two 20-somethings.)

Customer #1: “How big did you say the room is?”

Customer #2: “Ten feet by ten feet.”

Customer #1: “Okay! These boxes have ten square feet in them, so we can do the whole room with one box!”

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Escalating Problems That Aren’t There

, , , , | Working | November 8, 2017

(I live in the Midwest, so tornadoes are a real threat. Our loss prevention team comes around to each department in the store to make sure we all know where the tornado shelter is, especially the new people.)

Loss Prevention: “It’s just downstairs, in women’s dresses.”

Coworker: “So, what happens if the power goes out? How would we get down the escalator?”

Me: “…like stairs.”

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Exhausted All Other Excuses

, , , | Right | November 8, 2017

(We run a small shop that sells and repairs motorbikes. We sell a small motorbike to a couple for their child. They come back in after a few days.)

Customer: “It’s running hot.”

Me: “Why do you think it’s running hot?”

Customer: “The exhaust melted a hole in my daughter’s $80 riding pants.”

Me: “Did she get burnt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “The riding pants have done their job, then. But what makes you think it’s running hot?”

Customer: “My husband touched the exhaust and burnt his hand!”

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