Stupid Drives Long Distance

, , , | Right | August 30, 2017

(This takes place in the CD/DVD department of a national chain bookstore. I have just handed the customer the movie she is looking for.)

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “$49.95.”

Customer: “Why is it so much?”

Me: “That’s a special collector’s edition. It comes with extra…”

Customer: “I saw it for 50% off at your store across town yesterday.”

Me: “I’m sure you did. But today is the first Tuesday of the month, and all the sales and special offers changed this morning.”

Customer: “It’s 50% off at your other store, why not here?”

Me: “No, ma’am. The price changed just this morning. I’m sorry for the confusion.”

Customer: *in a loud voice* “I’m driving to the other store because movies are 50% off there.” *storms out*

Customer #2: *who has been waiting patiently* “There is a tax on stupid, and today, that tax is a gallon of gasoline.”

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Star Of Devil

, , , , | Right | August 30, 2017

(I have taken a part time job while studying at university. The bookstore is near to campus.)

Customer: “I love how Satanic this section is. All the pentagrams! It’s so fresh!”

Me: “Pentagrams?”

(She points at a book.)

Me: “No, that’s the Star of David.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Judaism?”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “You’re in the theology section.”

Customer: “Ooooh, and is Satanism a religion, too?”

Me: “I think it is, but we don’t sell anything relating to it.”

Customer: “Then what about the pentagram?”

Me: “It’s the Star of David.”

Customer: “Is that like New Age Satanism?”

Me: “No, it’s Judaism; one of the oldest religions in the world.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “You know, Jews?”

Customer: “Is that what they’re calling themselves nowadays?”

Me: “…no.”

(I excused myself and returned to the checkout. I refused to accept that she was being serious, but according to the shop owner, he had met shoppers that were stupider than that.)

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What’s Your Deal?

, , | Right | August 29, 2017

(A coworker is helping me out with repricing products, and we’re discussing some of the sillier customers we’ve had.)

Coworker: “You know, I had a customer come up to me ask if we had any English.”

Me: “…any English what?”

Coworker: “That was exactly what I said!”

Me: “That reminds me of a guy who asked, ‘where’s chili?’ I was tempted to ask if he meant the country!”

(We laugh, and a customer approaches us. We both turn to her.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I have a question about the vegetables over here?”

(I’m with that section, so I follow her to the shelf. The shelf advertises a meal deal where you can get a pack of noodles, a tray of vegetables, and some stir fry sauce for a certain amount. The customer picks up a larger bag of vegetables that is near the deal items, but is not part of the offer.)

Customer: “I want to know why this bag isn’t included in the deal? It’s the same price as the others, why isn’t it?”

Me: “…because it isn’t?”

Customer: “But it’s the same price.”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you. It’s just not part of the deal.”

(The customer huffs and walks away. I return to my coworker.)

Me: “I think we have a winner.”

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She Had Legs Going Up To Her Neck

, , , | Learning | August 29, 2017

(I’m in the cafeteria during exam week, waiting for the exam period to start. Everyone is studying and I hear this gem from another table:)

Student: “That’s the thyroid. It’s a f****** gland. It’s in, like, your leg or something.”

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18 Is The Age And The I.Q.

, , , | Right | August 29, 2017

(The age limit to buy alcohol in Finland is 18. If a customer buying alcohol looks under 30 years old, we are instructed to ask for an ID. The “younger than 30 years rule” is a nationwide rule and it’s in effect pretty much everywhere. You can only use a passport, a driver’s license, or an official ID card to prove your age since these are the official Finnish IDs issued by the state. I’m a student working part-time in a supermarket as a cashier. In my store there is a sign at each register stating the alcohol law and listing the valid IDs. It’s about 8:45 pm on a very quiet summer evening and we are about 15 minutes from closing. A young man, maybe in his late teens or early 20s, comes to my register with a shopping basket full of beer.)

Me: “May I see some ID, please?”

Customer: *pats his pockets* “S***, I forgot my passport at home.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but legally I can’t sell you these without an ID.”

Customer: “Come on, I don’t look that young. I’m 22! I’m obviously over 18! Can’t you just make an exception this once since there is no-one else here?”

Me: “Sorry, but you have to have an ID. That’s the law.” *I point at the sign at the register*

Customer: “H***, I need this beer for a party and it’s too late to go home to get my ID and come back before nine!”

(In Finland it is illegal for retailers [grocery stores, etc.] to sell alcohol after nine pm [and before nine am]. After nine pm you can only buy alcohol from bars, clubs, restaurants, etc.)

Customer: “But look!” *pulls up his shirt* “I have a tattoo! That means I’m over 18!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but, first of all, you don’t need to be 18 to get a tattoo, and more importantly, a tattoo is not a valid ID. You need to have either a passport, a driver’s license, or an official ID card.”

Customer: “S***! Wait! I have my car keys with me. Look!”

Me: “Yeah, I can see them. Unfortunately they are not a valid ID either. You need either a passport, a driver’s license, or an official ID card.”

(Customers hands me his beers and starts to leave.)

Customer: “This sucks. We ran out of beer and it was already 30 minutes to nine. I was in such a hurry to get here I just grabbed my keys, credit card, and license from my bag and forgot the passport.”

Me: “…your license? Your DRIVER’S license?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “You do realise you can use your driver’s license as an ID, right?”

(The customer left very happy with his beers. I was left playing my favourite guessing game: on drugs or just very slow?)

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