The Use And Abuse Policy

, , | | Right | May 23, 2018

Customer: “I hardly ever use this, just a little during the holidays. I have no idea why it needs to be repaired.”

Me: “Okay, well, it’s still under warranty, so we can certainly cover that for you. Now, the turnaround time for the repair is going to be at most four weeks.”

Customer: “Woah, wait that long? That’s a long time to go without using it, don’t you think? Why so long?”

A Brain Blackout

, , , , , | | Working | May 23, 2018

(I’m the stupid coworker in this story. We review backgrounds in our office, and see a lot of criminal history — everything from DUIs to theft to murder. One of my coworkers is evaluating a case involving domestic battery. She is discussing the extent of the battery according to the person’s statement, and the arrest report, and how badly they differed. The coworker with the case, [Coworker #1], is of Asian descent, I am of European descent, and [Coworker #2], who is also listening in, is of African descent.)

Coworker #1: “These aren’t even close. He basically admits that he didn’t beat her that much.”

Coworker #2: “Can you list it as only half-beaten?”

Me: *totally not thinking this through* “Yeah, instead of beaten ‘black and blue,’ just list beaten ‘black.’”

(Thank God I have understanding coworkers who understood my lapse.)

Going To Hell For Leather For This Sale

, , , , | | Working | May 23, 2018

(My mother takes my siblings and me out to dinner. Afterward, we decide to visit a nearby shoe store because both my sister and brother are in desperate need of new shoes. It should be noted that my sister doesn’t like to eat certain meats, like veal, or wear leather.)

Mom: “I think [Sister] should try on the shoes you got here last time, [My Name]. Do you know which ones they are?”

Me: “Yeah, they’re these.” *points to them*

Sister: *turns to associate* “Are they made of leather?”

Associate: “Yeah, most of our walking shoes are made of leather.”

Sister: *visibly disappointed* “Oh, I don’t want those, then. I can’t wear leather. I—”

Associate: “Oh, it’s okay! These are ‘young buck,’ so it’s like baby leather!”

Ranger Danger!

, , , , , | | Working | May 23, 2018

(I am working as a park ranger in a state park when one day another new ranger and I are tasked with cleaning up a section of a river. A great deal of trash has washed down the river and has collected on the banks. We are sent down with a truck and trash bags to clean everything up. About an hour into the project, my coworker starts loudly sighing and moving at a snail’s pace.)

Coworker: “Is this good?”

Me: “Huh?”

Coworker: “Is this good enough? Can we stop?”

(I look around. There is still a great deal of trash around us. This is a popular hiking area and the public is often in this area. Things still look awful.)

Me: “Uh, no. We can’t stop until all the trash in the water is picked up.”

Coworker: “But won’t it just get washed down?”

Me: “What? What do you mean?”

Coworker: “If we leave it, won’t it just get washed away? What’s the point of picking it up?”

(I am shocked by what this park ranger has just said.)

Me: “God, no! If this washes down, it will spread to other parts of the river and eventually get into the bay! Why would that be a good idea?”

Coworker: “Then it wouldn’t be our problem!”

(I have no idea how this person got hired with ideas like that floating around in their head.)

Refunder Blunder, Part 35

, , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(I’m a cash lead, which is basically the supervisor of all cashiers. A cashier calls me over.)

Me: “What’s up?”

Cashier: “She wants to return all these items, but she doesn’t have any of the items with her. We can’t do that, can we?”

(It’s a long receipt, with dozens of panties and expensive bras, and dozens of other items, totaling over $100.)

Me: *dumbfounded* “No… She needs them here to return them.”

Cashier: “Can you tell her that?”

Me: *looks to customer* “Ma’am, we can’t do a return without the items; we need to have them here.”

Customer: *talking to me as if I’M the idiot* “Well, they’ve done it for me before!”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s not possible. If you want to return them, we need our items back.”

Customer: “I don’t want to bring them; I just want my money back.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re not going to do that for you.”

Customer: “FINE!” *leaves, very annoyed*

Refunder Blunder, Part 34
Refunder Blunder, Part 33
Refunder Blunder, Part 32

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