This Place Is Filled To The Brim With Idiots

, , , | Right | January 17, 2019

(I work at a small coffee bar. I usually keep the cream in the fridge behind the counter to save on waste. Every time someone orders a drink that doesn’t come with milk, I ask if they want room for cream.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “Small black coffee, please.”

Me: “Do you want room for cream in that?”

Customer #1: “No, thanks.”

(Another customer comes up to the counter. They seemingly know each other.)

Me: *to [Customer #1]* “How are you paying?”

Customer #2: “I got it.”

Me: “All right. Can I get you anything, ma’am?”

Customer #2: “A small latte, please.”

(She pays for both drinks and I go fill the first cup with coffee, almost full because he said no room.)

Me: “Here’s a small coffee.”

([Customer #2] takes the cup, and I start making the latte.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me? Can you pour a little bit of this out?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I dump some of the coffee out, thinking maybe [Customer #1] wants to put sugar or something in the coffee. I hand the cup back and start making the other drink again.)

Customer #1: “Can I get some cream, please?”

Me: “…?”

The Appliance Of Solutions Is Failing

, , | Right | January 17, 2019

(I work at an appliance store. I get a phone call later in the day.)

Customer: “When is my delivery coming? I’ve been waiting all day.”

Me: *looks it up* “Your financing never went through; you’re not on delivery today.”

Customer: “Well, why did no one tell me?”

Me: “I left a message two days ago.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I never check my messages. So, what do I do?”

Me: “Call [number].”

(Later:)

Customer: “So, they didn’t approve me. What do I do?”

Me: “What did they say?”

Customer: “That I should get a cosigner.”

Me: “Then do that.”

Customer: “But I can’t get anyone. What else can I do?”

Me: “Then you can pay it in full.”

Customer: “I just don’t know what to do!”

Me: “Well, they gave you the option to have a cosigner; I’m giving you the option to pay in full. Pick one of those.”

Making A Mammoth-Sized Mistake

, , , , , | Right | January 17, 2019

(I manage the children’s section of a bookstore, where we also sell stuffed animals. I am putting some books away when a little boy of about four or five excitedly grabs a stuffed woolly mammoth from the display.)

Boy: “Elephant!”

Me: *cheerfully* “Actually, that’s a woolly mammoth!”

(He pauses and side-eyes me, looking between me and the toy like he’s not sure he believes me.)

Boy: “Elephant?”

Me: “Mammoth. See? It has fur.”

(Still skeptical, the boy goes to where his mom is browsing and tugs on her sleeve.)

Boy: “Mommy, is this an elephant or a mammoth?”

Mother: *glances down* “Elephant.”

(I hope that kid gets sent to a good school.)

When They Go Lo Mein, We Go High

, , , , | Right | January 16, 2019

(I work at a Chinese restaurant that is owned by a family and has two locations. I’m taking a phone order for pickup.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Chinese Place] on [Location #1]. Is this pickup or delivery?”

Customer: “Pickup.”

Me: “Can I get a phone number?”

Customer: *gives number and name*

Me: “Okay, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I just need a shrimp fried rice, but I want the noodles instead of the rice.”

Me: *confused* “So, you want the shrimp lo mein?”

Customer: “No! I want the shrimp fried rice, with noodles instead of rice! I get this every time I go there!”

Me: *rings her up for shrimp lo mein* “Okay, is there anything else I can get for you?”

Customer: “No. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

(An hour later the customer comes in, looking furious.)

Customer: “I went to the wrong place. I went to [Location #2] and they said they didn’t have my order. I need to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. One moment while I get her.”

(It takes a few minutes to get my manager since she is packing orders. While I am getting her, my coworker reads what the lady ordered.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your idiot employee sent me to the wrong location and put in the wrong order. I wanted the shrimp fried rice, with noodles instead of rice! I should not have to pay for this food if the service is going to be this bad.”

Manager: “I apologize if she didn’t tell you which location to go to. But the fried rice and lo mein are different meals and different prices.”

Customer: “I know about the price difference. The fried rice is cheaper, so I order that but with noodles.”

Manager: “We can’t do that. You have to order lo mein if you want noodles. Have a nice day.”

(She walks back to the kitchen.)

Customer: *to me* “I want your corporate number. I have never been treated like this before.”

Me: “We are a family-owned business; there is no corporate number.”

Customer: “Well, then, I’ll just call the cops and tell them how you are all crooks!”

(She did call the cops. When they got there, she told them what had happened. They talked with both my manager and the owner. The lady was ticketed for making a false emergency call. We haven’t seen her since.)

An Alarming Lack Of Overstock

, , , | Right | January 15, 2019

(I shop I work at has a ton of artist-made, one-of-a-kind items. It’s is also quite small and built in a historic building.)

Customer: “Do you have this bowl in blue?”

Me: “I’m afraid what you see is all we have.”

Customer: “Could you check the back?”

Me: “All of our product is on display; we don’t have overstock.”

Customer: “Don’t be lazy! Just check the back room.”

Me: “There is no back room to check.”

Customer: “Then what’s that?”

Me: “That’s our back door.”

(The customer rolls their eyes and huffs but continues shopping. A few minutes later, the alarm shrieks out. The customer has opened the back door, setting off the alarm and stepping outside. I rush to disable the alarm, and there’s a minute of silence before I hear a knock at the back door. Outside, there’s a narrow, private alley locked on both sides by a tall gate, and the customer has obviously found himself caged in. I open the door to find him looking sheepish, and he quickly makes his way through the store to leave. I can’t help calling after him:)

Me: “Did you find overstock in the back room?”

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