Some People Bet Hard Cash That People Can’t Be That Stupid

, , , , , | Right | March 18, 2019

(I do sales support for several brands of small appliances. We can take credit cards over the phone but not cash, for obvious reasons. For some reason, I occasionally get some clown trying to pay cash over the phone. I have developed a way to deal with this, but this particular instance is a whole new level of stupid. I’m on a call with a customer. I’m just reaching the payment part of the transaction:)

Me: “…and how would you like to pay for this today? We can take credit card over the phone or you can pay in-store when you pick up the item.”

Customer: “I’d like to pay cash.”

Me: “Certainly, you can pay cash on pick-up at the store.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “No. I want to pay cash now!”

(It’s going to be one of those calls. Sigh. Time to break out the secret weapon.)

Me: “Certainly, ma’am, if you could just hand me the cash.”

Customer: *silence*

(This usually forces them to figure it out on their own while seeming to be helpful. Most customers take about thirty seconds for it to click and then give up and pay by credit card or in-store. But…)

Customer: *satisfied* “Okay, there you go.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Do you have the money yet?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m afraid I cannot take cash over the phone.”

Customer: *irate* “What?! But you just said you could. I gave you my money! Give it back.”

(The customer started screaming and swearing that I’d taken her money. She demanded to talk to my supervisor, and I was only too happy to hand it off to him. My supervisor couldn’t make sense of it, either, but he eventually managed to calm the woman down enough to get her to come into a store location. A few days later, my supervisor relayed to me what the manager of the store had told him. Apparently, this middle-aged woman had come in shouting about us taking her money through the phone. When they asked her what she had done with the money, she opened up the case of her cell phone and, lo and behold, there was the money shoved into the case. How she thought her cell phone was going to transmit the money, I don’t know.)

This Will Be Tire-ing

, , , | Right | March 18, 2019

(I work for a company that supplies and fits massive tyres on mining equipment, earthmovers, dumpers, backhoes, etc. Some of these things can be nearly six feet across.)

Customer: “I need a new tyre for [big earthmover].”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me what size you need?”

Customer: “It’s big. But not as big as the other ones.”

Me: “…”

Swing Low

, , , , , | Learning | March 17, 2019

(I am a third-grade teacher on recess duty monitoring the students when I notice one of my “behavior problem” students walk in front of a little girl swinging on the swings and almost get hit. I go to stand directly in front of him for the following interaction.)

Me: “[Student], please come here.”

Student: *walks up to me but stops a few feet away*

Me: “I need you to be careful and watch where you are going. You almost–”

(During this, he begins to wander off, and he wanders in front of the little girl swinging and gets creamed. She laid him out flat on the ground.)

Little Girl: *continues swinging*

Me: *watching student lay on the ground, rolling a bit* “Well, I told you to watch where you are going. I don’t really feel sorry for you. Shake it off; you’re okay.”

Student: *gets up and limps for a few minutes before going back to play*

(I think the little girl might have knocked some sense into him because after that incident he hasn’t disrupted my class once.)

Speaking At Volume About Selling Volume But Actually Saying Nothing

, , , , | Working | March 16, 2019

(I work in a thrift store, and we just got a new manager who has decided that she will help our store do “better” by rearranging the store and “fixing some problems.” One of these fixes involves taking away two of my shelves and two of my purse racks, claiming they were flimsy and about to fall over. She doesn’t give me any new shelves to replace them. With a reduced display, I am forced to take product off the floor and stash it in our limited space.)

Me: “[Manager], I need those shelves to display my product.”

Manager: “No, you can sell just fine with the ones you have left. I was hired to improve your numbers from month to month, and by rearranging your space, your area looks more open and like a boutique.”

Me: “But I can’t put out product as well as I could before. I’m literally selling less volume, because some things simply cannot be put out on the floor.”

Manager: “You’ll do fine. And I need you to stop being so negative about my ideas. I will improve the store’s image as well as their numbers if you’ll just stop arguing with me and go along with my plans. We will make more money!”

Me:How?!

Manager: “You’ll see…”

(I am not looking forward to next month’s numbers after trying to sell product with only two-thirds of the space to display it.)

I’ll Have The Coffee But In Tea Size

, , | Right | March 15, 2019

(I work at a pretty popular coffee shop in my country. There is one day in particular where customers are not the brightest.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell coffee?”

Me: “Uh… yes. What size would you like?”

Customer: “Coffee.”

Me: “Uh, okay… We have small, medium, or large. Medium is our most popular size.”

Customer: “Coffee.”

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