There’s No Such Thing As A Free Lunch… Oh, Wait

, , , , , | Friendly | October 14, 2017

Many years ago, I had a weekday off from work. I was out running some errands, and I swung by an ATM to get $10 to pay for lunch at a cash-only pizza place with a great lunch buffet. I had a great lunch; I even saw an old acquaintance from high school waiting tables and it was nice to say hi. I finished my errands, went home, and had a relaxing afternoon and evening.

The next day I was at work, and I decided to go out to lunch again. I checked my wallet to see how much of my $10 I had left over, which would determine where to go and what to get for lunch. I had the whole Hamilton in there, and nothing else. It took me a minute to put together what I had done. I’ve never been back to that pizza place.

Don’t Do Coke, Kids!

, , , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

Customer #1: “What kind of soda products do you have?”

Me: “Coke.”

Customer #1: “I’ll have a Pepsi.”

Customer #2: “Dude, she just said they have Coke products.”

Customer #1: “Isn’t Coke a Pepsi product?”

Me: “Coke is Coke.”

Customer #1: “Okay. Cherry Pepsi, please.”

Customer #2: “Me, too.”

You Could Write A Copied Book About It

, , , , | Working | October 13, 2017

(I work in a copy shop next door to a bookstore. I see a woman copying a book obviously just purchased from next door. We are strict about copyright violations, so I ask her to stop. She demands to speak to a manager, and we are waiting a long time for him to come over.)

Woman: “I’m just trying to save money. They want $15, and I just won’t pay that much! So, if I copy this whole book—”

Me: “—wait, you want to copy the entire book?”

Woman: “Of course! Then I’ll return it right away and save $15!”

Me: “You realize our copies are seven cents each, right?”

Woman: “Yes, only seven cents each!”

Me: “That book is at least 250 pages; this will cost you more than $15.”

Woman: “No! What? That’s impossible!”

(This is about when the manager comes over and asks what the problem is.)

Woman: “Well, to start with, I don’t think your employee here knows how math works!”

(She was told she couldn’t copy the copyrighted book, and left grumbling about math.)

A Sizeable Problem

, , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

(I work at a fast food restaurant. For some reason, people don’t seem to understand sizes. I am often on the drive-thru, and you would not believe the frequency with which these exact exchanges occur, with multiple customers.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’ll just have a #1.”

Me: “What size would you like that combo?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: “Okay, and what size?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: “Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: *over-enunciating* “Do you want the fries and drink small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “Actually, make that a [Other Soda].”

Me: *picks random size for them* “Thank you. Please pull forward.”

(Another incident: a customer goes through the process of ordering whatever food, and then…)

Me: “Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “What size do you want [Item] in?”

Customer: “What does it come in?”

Me: “It comes in either small, medium, or large.”

Customer: “I’ll take a regular.”

Me: “So, you want that in a medium?”

Customer: “No, just give me the regular size.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll make that a small.”

Customer: “Just give me whatever size it comes in!”

Me: *picks size for them* “Thank you. Please pull forward.”

(Plot twist: sometimes the customer really wants “extra large,” which is not an actual size here, and pulls all the way back through the line to have us get their order “right.”)

Plenty Of Door-ama

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(I work at a sandwich shop. It shares a building with a coffee shop. There is an entrance from the street, and another entrance on the other side that is shared with the coffee shop. The coffee shop’s door is about four feet across from the sandwich shop’s door.)

Customer: “How do I get to [Coffee Shop]?

Me: “Just go through that exit over there, and the door is straight ahead.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you!”

(The customer walks out the shared door and I return to work. Ten minutes later I see her come in through our street door looking a little huffed and confused.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I couldn’t find [Coffee Shop]. Did you give me the right directions?”

Me: “Yes, the shop is right through that door.”

(I am pointing to the shared door like before.)

Customer: “I went through that door and didn’t find it. Show me.”

(Since it isn’t busy, I walk from the counter directly in front of the door with her next to me.)

Me: *pointing to the other door behind the glass* “See that other door behind this one? That is [Coffee Shop].”

Customer: *red-faced and flustered* “Oh, of course. I didn’t see it; I’m not stupid! Don’t act like I’m stupid.”

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