Retail Is Mind Numbing

, , , , , , | | Working | August 10, 2019

(I’m at the bank to make a deposit. While I’m filling out the deposit slip, I overhear a conversation between two tellers. Apparently, [Teller #1] is on the phone with a customer who is filling out a direct deposit form and needs their account number.)

Teller #1: “Am I allowed to give them that over the phone?”

Teller #2: “Technically, yes, you are, if they prove their identity, but they discourage us from doing it because it’s a security issue. If you feel comfortable doing it, you can, but I wouldn’t.”

Teller #1: “So, we can’t do it?”

Teller #2: “No, you can, if you feel comfortable doing it. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it, so I wouldn’t.”

Teller #1: “So… we can’t do it?”

Teller #2: “No, we can, if you feel comfortable doing it. I personally wouldn’t.”

Teller #1: “So, we can’t do it?”

Teller #2: “No, you can, if you feel comfortable doing it…”

(They repeated this exchange over and over again until I took my deposit up to [Teller #2]. By that point, it took all my willpower not to scream, “The answer is NO!” I made no comment, but inside, I was marveling at how businesses insist on having official policies for the convenience of the customer that they then “discourage” employees from following for security. I felt sorry for them both. Having worked in retail years ago, I’m well familiar with the “never give the customer a straight no” rule, but I’ve never seen someone have that drilled into them so badly that they can’t give a coworker a straight answer, either.)

About 24,850 Miles If You Keep Going In The Same Direction

, , , , | | Right | August 9, 2019

Patron: “Can you look up how far it is to go from [City #1] to [City #2] on the computer for me?”

Me: “Sure.” *checks online* “It says here that it’s 54 miles.”

Patron: “Okay… Now, how far is it going back?”

No ID-ea How Much Trouble They’re In  

, , , , , | | Right | August 9, 2019

(I work in a liquor store. A girl enters who I recognise as being part of a group of 16- and 17-year-olds that hangs around the area.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “Can I have a bottle of that vodka?”

Me: “Okay, can I see some proof of age?”

(She hands me a valid UK driving license, but noting that she has a different facial structure and hair colour to the picture, I question her on the details on “her” card.)

Me: “Can I ask your date of birth?”

Customer #1:Mine?

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer #1: “27th of February.”

(The ID I am holding says 2nd of August.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not going to be able to serve you, or give you this ID back.”

Customer #1: “You have to; it’s not your property!”

Me: “It doesn’t appear to be yours, either.”

Customer #1: “I’m calling the police!” *storms out*

Me: “Have a good evening…”

(Fifteen minutes pass and I am aware she is still outside the shop as customers comment on her erratic behavior as they enter. She comes back in a few times to insult me while still on the phone. She re-enters a final time.)

Customer #1: “The police are coming! So, are you going to give me my ID?”

Me: “I cannot return this ID to anyone but its rightful owner, and then they need another form of valid ID. You can tell them they have a week to pick it up here before it is sent to the police.”

Customer #1: “You’re stealing my ID; that’s theft!”

(A second customer introduces himself, stating he has witnessed everything.)

Customer #2: “Hi. I’m a police officer.” *shows his police ID* “And I’m not on duty, but I think you should leave the store now.”

Customer #1: “But he’s stolen my ID. Bouncers don’t take my ID at clubs!”

Customer #2: “Well, they should.”

Customer #1: “Fine! My mom’s a police officer; I’ll get her to come down here.”

Customer #2: “My advice to you is that you don’t do that.”

Customer #1: “She always backs me up and she knows I’ve got this ID!”

(The police officer and I glance at each other, realising the girl has just implicated her mother, a police officer, as an accessory to identity fraud.)

Customer #2: “My advice to you is that if your mother were to come down here, and if she did, in fact, know about this ID, she would certainly lose her job.”

([Customer #1] storms out in a huff.)

Me: “Thanks, man.”

Customer #2: “Oh, no problem. I saw the whole thing. You did well to stay calm.”

Scored A Ten For Stupidity

, , , , , | | Working | August 9, 2019

(I am about to move and ran out of boxes. I head to the nearest hardware store to buy two. It’s Wednesday morning, so the shop is dead; I am the only customer. I get my boxes and head to the checkout. The boxes get scanned by a bored cashier, for 5€ in total. I pay with a 20€.)

Cashier: “Here is your change.”

(She hands me a 5€ note.)

Me: “But I paid with a 20€.”

Cashier: “No, you didn’t. You paid with a 10€ note.”

Me: “I am sure I did pay with a 20€ note!”

Cashier: “Yeah, but to check I would have to count all my change. This would take a while.”

(She is obviously not interested in doing so.)

Me: “Please do. I have time.”

(She sighs heavily and calls for a second cashier. Without even looking at me, both start counting the money, which takes twenty minutes. In the end, it becomes obvious that she has 10€ too much in her till. Without further comment or even an apology she hands me two 5€ notes.)

Me: “Can you please give me a 10€?”

(She looks into her till and shakes her head.)

Cashier: “I don’t have a 10€ note in my till.”

Me: “…”

The Kind Of People Who Think Ketchup Is A Spice

, , , | | Right | August 9, 2019

(There is a list of all our toppings behind the line, in front of the customers. I’m dressing a young man’s sandwich. He appears to be an average person.)

Customer: “I guess I’ll have… mayo… and lettuce… What’s…” *slowly as if it’s a foreign word* “…piiickleee…?”

Me: “Pickles?”

Customer: *to himself, quietly* “Pickle… piiiickle.”

Me: “They’re… pickles.”

Customer: “I guess I’ll try some—” *slowly* “—piiiickle.”

Me: “Okay, then…”

Customer: “No, no, never mind, I won’t. I’m not feeling adventurous.”

Me: “No problem, sir.”