Mmm, Viral Sandwich

, , , , , , , | Right | May 20, 2020

It’s lockdown time. My wife and I run out to our local market for some needed hunker-down supplies. This store sells pre-made deli sandwiches, and I decide to grab one for lunch as a morale-boosting treat, figuring the store’s normal sanitary procedures are good.

As I approach, I see two elderly women bent over the cooler where the sandwiches are sold. Stopping six feet away, I wait for them to move so that I can make my selection. Then I realize that they are squeezing every sandwich, discussing with each other which one is the freshest! They finally decided that one “will do” and move away.

Luckily, I have a sanitizing wipe with me. I eyeball the sandwich I want and wipe it down before taking it.

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Sadly, This Conversation Is As Common As An Old Shoe

, , , | Right | May 20, 2020

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I’m looking for shoes for my child. He’s nine years old.”

Me: “Do you know what size he is?”

Customer: “No. What size should I get?”

Me: “There is no average, since children all grow at different rates. Have you brought your child with you? We could measure his feet.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “So, what size shoes should I get?”

This conversation happens almost every day.

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To Them, Anything North Of Jacksonville Is Arctic

, , , , , | Right | May 19, 2020

I work at the entrance gate of a beach in New York where you can actually see Canada across the river. It’s mid-July and it’s about 90 degrees out. A car pulls up with Florida plates and two elderly women inside.

Passenger: “Excuse me, miss? What are those funny-looking birds?”

Me: *Looking around* “Which birds, ma’am?”

Passenger: “The funny-looking birds! The ones over there!”

Me: “I… I’m not sure what you mean, ma’am.”

Passenger: *Getting frustrated* “The funny-looking birds with the brown spots! Are those arctic puffins?”

I finally realize which “funny-looking birds” she’s talking about and try not to laugh.

Me: “Ma’am? Um. Those are seagulls.”

I have never had a car drive away so quickly!

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Drunk, Malevolent, Or Vapid?

, , , , , | Working | May 19, 2020

I recently moved to New Hampshire so I go to the DMV to apply for a new driver’s license. After filling out all the proper paperwork, making sure I have proof of residency and blood type and mother’s dog’s maiden name, and waiting in line for the typical ninety minutes, I finally get to the counter.

The woman behind the desk looks through all my papers, and everything seems to be in order, until:

Clerk: “Okay, can you just review all the info on that screen and confirm that everything is correct?”

I look at the first line.

Me: “Uh… actually, there’s a problem. My address isn’t correct.”

The clerk seems slightly offended that I’m accusing her of entering in my info wrong.

Clerk: “What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “The street number is supposed to be 25. It says 75 here.”

The clerk looks at the forms I filled out.

Clerk: “Oh. That looks like a 7 to me.”

She says this despite the fact that the other documents I had given her, including a lease agreement and an electric bill, all confirmed it should be 25.

Clerk: “Okay, so, everything else is correct?”

I look at the second line.

Me: “Uh… nope. My birthday is [date], and this says [different date].”

Clerk: “Seriously?”

The clerk sighs and then goes to correct all of the info on the computer.

Clerk: “Oh, I guess I need manager authorization to change the birth date. Hold on one second.”

A manager comes over and authorizes the birth date change and gets my temporary license printed.

Manager: “Okay, you’re all set! We just need to take your old [Other State] license away. You can’t have both at the same time.”

I have never heard of this before, but it seems to make sense, so I comply.

Manager: “Your new license will arrive within sixty days. Have a nice day!”

About a week later, I go to a local specialty store and attempt to buy alcohol. As I have not yet received my permanent license, I hand the cashier my temp license.

Cashier: “Oh, I’m so sorry, but we can’t accept temp IDs here. Can I just see your old license to confirm your age?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t have it anymore. The DMV took it away when I applied for my new one.”

Cashier: “What? That’s odd; they usually just punch a hole in it so it’s not valid on its own, but so you can still use it to confirm everything on your temp one. I’ve never heard of them taking it away!”

Me: “Yeah. Me, neither.”

I don’t get any wine that day.

After that, about a month and half goes by and I still have not received my new license. I am getting very concerned as it has never taken me this long to receive a new ID in the past, and my temp one is almost set to expire. I am worried it got sent to the wrong address, so I even try going to number 75 on my street to see if they received it by mistake, but they are never home when I go.

Finally, I give in and call the DMV.

Me: “Hi. I still haven’t received my new driver’s license, and my temporary one is going to expire in about a week and a half. I’m worried it might have been sent to the wrong address, because my address was entered incorrectly the first time.”

Support #1: “Okay, can I have your name and address?”

I give them to her.

Support #1: “All right, I see your application right here, and it looks like all your info is correct but the license just hasn’t been printed or sent yet. If it doesn’t come by [date next week], call us again and we will expedite it to you.”

Sure enough, a week goes by and still no license. I call the DMV again.

Me: “Hi. I called last week to say that my license hadn’t come in yet and was told to call back today if that was still the case and you would expedite it to me.”

Support #2: “Okay, can I have your name, please?”

I give it to her.

Support #2: “Okay… Huh, I can’t seem to find you. Is it [Different First Name]?”

Me: “Nope, [My Name].”

Support #2: “Okay, let’s try your social.”

I give her that.

Support #2: “Nope… Birth date?”

I give her that.

Support #2: “Huh. All right, what is the number on your temp license?”

I give her that.

Support #2: “Wait, your license number is [number] but your birth date is [date]? That doesn’t make sense. The number is based on your last name and birth date.”

Me: “Well, the woman who took my info at the DMV office entered my birthday incorrectly the first time…”

Support #2: “Ohh… Okay, I think I know what happened, then. Let me just look into this further.”

She puts me on hold for about fifteen minutes.

Support #2: “I just confirmed with my supervisor. There cannot be a license account with more than one birthdate. If the date is changed, our system completely erases the old application. The clerk should have reentered all of your info in a new application and retaken your picture. She basically deleted your application when she made the change.

“Here’s what I can do for you: if you can get back to the DMV this afternoon, I will tell them to let you go straight to the front of the line. Make sure you bring in all the paperwork you had last time, and we will expedite a new license to you within two business days. I am sorry for all of the inconvenience this has caused!”

This last support person was very helpful and, true to her word, I was let up to the front of the line when I got to the DMV office. However, I don’t know what bothers me more: the fact that the original clerk AND her manager made so many fumbles with handling my application and didn’t know that the mistake would completely erase all my info, or the fact that it seems the first phone support person blatantly LIED to me saying she saw that my application was in process. 

Bonus: my new license finally arrived, no less than a month later.

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One Greasy Mistake After Another

, , , , | Working | May 19, 2020

I work at a popular international burger restaurant. I am working nights, and there are only two of us for the shift: me on the till and another guy on the grill. One of the guys I work with is great, always on the ball. The other guy… not so much.

One of our duties as night shift is to filter and refill the fryer oil. This involves flipping a few switches to make the oil drain into the filter area, waiting for it to go through the filter area, flipping more switches for it to be sent back into the fryer, and topping it up with fresh oil. There are five different fryers that have to be done separately.

I have done it many times and know the process quite well, but tonight it is my coworker’s responsibility. I am walking around cleaning while he works on the fryers. He drains one, and a while later I see him flip the switch to drain the next one… but the first one is still empty.

Me: “WAIT! NO!”

I flip the switch back up.

Coworker: “It’s fine, it’s fine. I know what I’m doing!”

He flipped the switch back down. Seconds later, the filter area overflowed and flooded half the kitchen with oil, which we spent the entire rest of the shift cleaning up.

A few weeks later, we had run out of the wrapper for [Burger #1] — two patties and one piece of cheese — so we were using the wrapper for [Burger #2] — two patties and two pieces of cheese. I looked over, and since he was using the wrapper for [Burger #2], I think he went autopilot and put two pieces of cheese on it.

I thought about correcting him but realized that I would most likely have to correct him for every single one he made. I decided this was one battle I did not want to pick, and everyone who ordered [Burger #1] that night got a free bonus piece of cheese.

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