Caught In The Middle Of Their Inability To Find The Middle

, , , , , | Right | November 9, 2018

Customer: “Where are your bags?”

Me: “Middle shelf, next to the boxes.”

(The customer reaches for the top shelf of boxes.)

Me: “MIDDLE shelf, next to the boxes.”

(The customer moves their hand to the middle shelf of boxes.)

Me: “NEXT TO the boxes.”

(The customer moves their hand to the bottom shelf of boxes.)

Me: “MIDDLE shelf, NEXT TO the boxes.”

(The customer moves their hand back to the middle shelf of boxes, then hovers it the opposite direction of the bags.)

Me: “Other direction.”

(The customer turns and walks away from the boxes and bags entirely.)

Me: “Let me just grab one for you.”

(There are days when I have to go through this with multiple customers. And then there’s days where I’ll point at the bags on one shelf and the customer will successfully retrieve one from a different shelf.)

The Only Reaction We’re Having Is Annoyance

, , , , , , | Healthy | November 9, 2018

(I work for a 24-hour emergency vet. It’s about one am; I usually get strange calls at this time of night.)

Client: “Hi. I was putting some flea medication on my dog and I think I’m having a reaction to it.”

Me: *thinking I misheard her* “Oh, he’s having a reaction to it?”

Client: “No, I am! My hands are breaking out, and I think my throat is getting tight.”

Me: “Oh! I’m sorry; you’ve called an animal emergency hospital!”

Client: “I know. You guys know what I need to take to fix it right?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you need to call 911 or go to your local emergency room; we only treat pets here.”

Client: “Well, that’s okay. If you guys treat pets, you know what I can take, right? I really wasn’t planning on going anywhere tonight; just tell me what medication you give to pets and I’ll just take a larger dose of it.”

Me: “Ma’am… I’m sorry, but we can’t give medication advice over the phone for pets, and we definitely can’t for people! You need to call 911 or go to the emergency room!”

Client: “You’re just being no help. Do you have a number I can call a different animal hospital? I don’t have Internet, so I can’t look up anything.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give you another number for an animal hospital that’s open right now, but I would gladly give you directions to the emergency room closest to you! You definitely need to go to a hospital for people if you’re having a reaction, not animal hospitals.”

Client: “Fine, y’all are just no help! You know, you really should give better advice to people when they call; you are a hospital, you know! I guess I’ll just have to go to the hospital down the road and see if they can help me. I’m never calling you again!” *click*

(I was so mind-blown I had to sit and collect myself for a few minutes. She sounded like a normal, middle-aged woman, so I hope it was a prank call, but unfortunately I don’t think it was.)

Wall-To-Wall Stubbornness

, , , , , | Right | November 8, 2018

(I work in a bakery that shares a wall with a restaurant. There are no doors, windows, or openings of any kind on this wall. One day, a man comes through the sales part of the bakery and right into the kitchen.)

Me: *startled* “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t be back here.”

Man: *patronizingly* “Oh, it’s okay.”

Me: “Actually, it’s not. I can take you up to the front if you’d like to order something.”

Man: “I don’t want anything from here! I’m going to [Restaurant].”

Me: “Oh, you can’t get there from here. You’ll have to go in their front door.”

Man: “No, I don’t; I’m going in their side door.”

Me: “Um… Okay. If you can find the side door, you are welcome to go through it.”

Man: “Hmph! That’s more like it!” *sees the solid wall and storms off*

HDMI 5 Is Not Alive

, , , | Working | November 8, 2018

(There is a big thunderstorm that knocks out my cable. I try resetting my box and it gets nothing. I notice when I unplug and plug in the HDMI cable, the TV registers that there is a signal, but it doesn’t reappear. On a whim, I swap HDMI cords with my DVD player and both HDMI cables work perfectly! This is important for the story, because I have already tried it prior to calling and have told her that. At this point, we have already reset the box again and have been through checking the chords, twice. I have told her I only have HDMI 1 and 3 working about four times before this,)

Employee: “Can you go to HDMI 1.”

Me: “I am there, and I see no signal.”

Employee: “Go to HDMI 3.”

Me: “Still no signal.”

Employee: “Now HDMI 2.”

Me: *humoring her* “Nope. Nada.”

Employee: “Go to HDMI 5.”

Me: “I don’t have HDMI 5. I only have 1 and 3.”

Employee: “So, no HDMI 4?”

Me: “No. Just 1 and 3.”

Employee: “Well, check your HDMI cables again. It looks perfect on my end.”

Me: *thinking* “Yeah. The issue is your HDMI port…” *instead* “Okay. Everything looks fine.”

Employee: “And it still doesn’t work? Have you checked HDMI 1?”

(I realize this lady is not listening to me, and I predict her next steps. When she puts me on hold to “consult” with someone, I swap my HDMI cords and turn the DVD player on. I then wait for her to ask me to check.)

Employee: *returning* “Well, everything is giving a signal on my end. It must be your HDMI. Can you try making sure it is connected on both ends?”

Me: “Yeah.” *pause* “Still no signal.”

Employee: “Are you sure? Have you tried changing the inputs on your TV?”

Me: *pretends to* “Still not getting anything.”

Employee: “Have you checked all of them? Even HDMI 5?”

Me: *convinced she is punking me* “Yes. Nothing is giving a signal. But if I plug and unplug it, it is telling me that the TV senses the HDMI.”

Employee: “Hmm… It must be the HDMI cord. Are you sure you have the right HDMI?”

Me: “Yes. I only have two, ma’am. One is hooked up to the box and one to the DVD player.”

Employee: “Well, make sure you have the correct HDMI. Have you checked HDMI 5?”

Me: *fed up* “Look, it is not the HDMI cord. I have a DVD that is hooked up to HDMI 3. When I switch it to HDMI 1, the DVD player works. It is an issue with your cable box, not my HDMI cord.”

Employee: “Oh? You have a DVD player. Have you tried switching HDMI chords for the devices?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, I have.” *thinking* “Like I told you less than three seconds ago.”

Employee: “Well, that is strange… so strange… I think it is your HDMI.”

Me: “I promise you it is not. It is your box.”

Employee: *unconvinced* “Well… we can ship you a new box and have someone install it, but it could cost up to $75. Or you can pick up a new one.”

(Translation: “It is probably your fault and you can’t plug in a d*** HDMI cable.”)

Me: “I pick it up and install it myself, thanks. Can you please put the order in?”

Employee: *still unconvinced* “All right, but you have to tell them that it got damaged by the storm, you hear me? Tell them the storm is what damaged it.”

(And that is how it took me 30 minutes to order a new cable box, because the tech was so fixated on “HDMI 5” being the answer to all my problems. For the record, yes, it was NOT my HDMI cord that was the problem. The storm had fried the box.)

Fraudster, Call Thyself

, , , , , | Legal | November 8, 2018

(I work in a bank and am on the phone with a customer.)

Customer: “Here’s the phone number to the guy who wrote those four checks to me. Call him and he’ll verify he wrote them.” *gives number*

Me: “So, this number is to the person who wrote these checks to you, right?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Sir, this is your phone number.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. Call it; you’ll see!”

Me: “Sir, I have a system that allows me to verify phone records. This is yours.”

(Line disconnected.)

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