You Can Bet Cold Hard Cash On It

, , , | Right | August 7, 2017

(I’ve just started a shift running the self-checkouts. One of our six machines is having problems dispensing money, so we have a huge sign in bright clear letters that reads “Debit/Credit Only — No Cashback” covering the bill and coin acceptors. At this point, only two machines are being used by customers. Another customer arrives.)

Customer: *walks up to the broken machine, stares at the sign, and then after a long moment turns to me* “So, does this machine take cash?”

Me: *blinks* “No?”

Customer: *as if they expected a different answer* “Oh.” *looks around in confusion before settling on using one of the other free machines*

Me: *in a whisper to my coworker* “Should I expect a lot of this today?”

Coworker: *nods*

This Is A Bad Sign(ature)

, , , | Right | August 6, 2017

(I’m taking the payment for a reservation a customer just made.)

Me: “Okay, I just need to get that three-digit code on the back of your credit card.”

Customer: “Where is that?”

Me: “There should be two sets of numbers after your signature. I need the second set of digits.”

Customer: “I didn’t sign my card. Where would it be, then?”

The Wicked Witch Of The West Is Ectothermic

, , | Learning | August 4, 2017

(Our biology teacher has just finished explaining the difference between endotherms and ectotherms.)

Teacher: “So, endothermic organisms maintain their body temperature at a constant level whereas ectothermic organisms react to the environmental temperature. Now what about humans? How do they react to heat?”

Classmate: “They melt?”

You’d Have To Literally Turn Those Numbers Around

, , , , | Friendly | July 28, 2017

Friend: “Wouldn’t it be crazy if Halloween fell on a Friday the 13th?!”

Me: “Yep… that would be crazy!”

(I don’t think she ever figured out her error. What’s funny is that many years later I was sharing this anecdote with another friend and he remarked “I think it did, one time, like, years ago.”)

A Lot Of Nuggets Of Stupidity

, , | WI, USA | Right | July 8, 2017

I’m working in the grill area of a well-known fast food restaurant. It’s during the dinner rush and we get hit with two HUGE orders, one after the other. They both will take roughly five minutes to make. One of the orders also includes several pies that will take ten minutes to bake, though the staff up front offer to give him the rest of his food when it’s ready and to bring the pies to him when they come up. The other order calls for sixty nuggets.

I’m new to grill so I’m already annoyed by having to suddenly make so much food since I have only the vaguest idea of what I’m doing. Still, the food is made and sent up within a reasonable amount of time and everything’s fine.

Then one of the managers comes back in disbelief and tells me I need to put down the sixty nuggets AGAIN. I find out later that they prepared the order with the nuggets and called out the number. Somebody responds, takes the tray, and sits down. Five minutes later, he comes up and says he’s missing sandwiches and that the sixty nuggets aren’t his. A manager looks at his receipt and, surprise, he took the wrong huge order, even though the orders were nothing alike. The man then tries to keep the wrong sandwiches he didn’t pay for and only wants to return the nuggets, to the point a manager has to warn him that they won’t give him his food until he returns the ENTIRE ORDER he has taken.

Thankfully, the woman who HAD ordered the sixty nuggets is understanding that it isn’t the staff’s fault and waits patiently for her entire order to be remade. (She ends up waiting a half hour for her food, though she is refunded for the trouble.)

The kicker was that while the grill team was busy remaking the order, the man who started the mess in the first place had the nerve to ask when his pies were coming up.

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