It Was A Woman, She Was Blue

, , , , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

Me: “[Company], how may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Someone just called me, but I don’t know who it was.”

Me: “Unfortunately, all of our calls come up as our switchboard number, so I’m not able to tell who it was, either.”

Caller: “She just called me, but I couldn’t understand anything she was saying.”

Me: “Unfortunately, unless you know the person’s name or what the call was about, I don’t know who to get you to.”

Caller: *as if this will clear everything up* “It was a woman.”

It’s Gonna Be One Of Those Years

, , , , | Learning | November 21, 2017

(I am on the phone with the local elementary school to find out what the cut off date is for kindergarten, so I can send my twins to school.)

Receptionist: “I am sorry, but [Twin B] can’t be enrolled until next year; his birthday is after the cut off. [Twin A] is able to start though.”

Me: “How is that possible?”

Receptionist: “Because January comes after December.”

Me: “Not in the same year. December 2006 comes after January 2006. Besides, if [Twin A] is old enough, then [Twin B] has to be old enough because they are twins and share the same birthday.”

Receptionist: “I don’t know what to tell you. [Twin B] can be enrolled next year because January comes after December.”

(This goes back and forth for about 15-20 min.)

Me: “Look, this is how a calendar works. January 2006, February 2006… November 2006, December 2006, January 2007. My kids were both born in 2006.”

Receptionist: *quiet as if thinking about this* “Oh, they are TWINS! Why didn’t you say so?!”

Me: “Seriously?”

At Least He Knows Africa Is A Continent

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 21, 2017

(At the end of my younger brother’s first semester away at college, he sends word that he has extended an invitation to an acquaintance at school to spend the holidays with our family because they cannot travel home for winter break. The person in question is a young man from Uganda. [Guest] has a couple things to wrap up after finals, so my brother is already home, but he drives back to his university to pick [Guest] up, and I go with him. I think my brother and [Guest] know each other already, but I sit in the back of my brother’s car listening to him getting to know this Ugandan international student for what seems like the first time. I make no qualms over my brother’s lack of social skills or etiquette. He’s no bigot, just a sad combination of clueless and uncouth. Thankfully, [Guest] is one of the most patient, gracious, and funny people I’ve ever met.)

Brother: “So, what country in Africa are you from?”

Guest: “Uganda. It is right on the equator.”

Brother: “Wow. So, it’s hot, huh?”

Guest: “Yes. So hot. This weather here is unbearable!”

Brother: “Like, hot enough to cook an egg on a rock or something?”

Guest: “No, man, meat. Just whole steaks, right there on the rock. Well-done in seconds.”

Brother: “Wow, really?”

Guest: “Oh, yeah. That hot.”

Brother: “So, did you grow up in a hut?”

Guest: “No, I sleep under the stars with a log pillow, next to the lions.”

Brother: “Oh, wow! Next to lions?!”

([Guest] cut him loose at that point and explained that his home city, Kampala, is a very normal, western-looking city with tall buildings and traffic. The rest of his stay with our family was awesome because the guy was laugh-out-loud hysterical in nearly everything he talked about, and I’ve always regretted not staying in touch with him all these years later.)

Doesn’t Listen Before Breakfast, Or After

, , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(I am second in line at a chain fast food restaurant. I hear the following conversation.)

Cashier: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I want a [burger meal].”

Cashier: “Right now we are serving breakfast. If you wait six minutes, I can serve you.”

Customer: “Why won’t you serve me?”

Cashier: “The computer wont let me enter lunch items until after 11:00.”

Customer: “Then I will have [chicken sandwich meal].”

Cashier: “That is a lunch item; I can’t sell that for five minutes now.”

Customer: “How about a [fish sandwich meal]?”

Cashier: “Look at the menu screens.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Cashier: “When they change over to lunch items, you can order one.”

Customer: “I understand now. I will have a [burger meal].”

Cashier: “Not for five minutes.”

Customer: “You are lying; they just took French fries out.” *points to fryer*

Cashier: “We are starting to cook the food, but we can’t sell it for four minutes now.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Cashier: “The computer wont let me.”

Customer: “Okay, I will have a [burger meal].”

(This goes on until 11:00 rolls over.)

Cashier: “Now you can order a lunch item.”

Customer: “I will have a [burger meal].”

Cashier: “Anything else?”

Customer: “And a [breakfast item].”

Cashier: “We can’t sell those after 11:00.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Cashier: “I’ll make you a deal: if they have any [breakfast item]s left, I will have them throw whatever we have left in your order for free, because I can’t sell them to you.”

Customer: “Why is it free?”

Not So Smart-Phone, Part 10

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(We work for an office supply store which also sells technology items for phones. My coworker is helping an older woman who has questions about micro-SD cards for phones.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I need a micro-SD card for my phone; can you help me?”

Coworker: “Sure! What kind of phone do you have?”

Customer: *thinking long and hard about it* “Um… It’s one of the cheapest plans.”

Coworker: “Okay, but what kind of phone is it?”

Customer: *really straining to think about this one, then a light seems to go off* “Oh! It’s a cell phone!” *big grin on her face*

Coworker: *struggling not to laugh* “Er… Do you have the phone with you?”

Customer: *opens purse* “OH, MY GOD! WHERE’S MY PHONE?!” *leaves the store in a hurry*