Intolerant To Ignorance

, , , , , | Working | December 29, 2017

(I’m intolerant to wheat. I step into a bakery and the following ensues. I have told both employees about my condition.)

Me: “Hello, do you have anything made from corn flour?”

Employee #1: “Hmm, perhaps this one. It’s made with cheese.”

Me: “What flour has been used for it?”

Employee #1: “Whole-grain flour.”

Me: “Whole-grain wheat flour or whole-grain corn flour?”

Employee #1: “Ah, I have no idea.” *calls other employee*

Employee #2: “That’s not wheat flour; that’s [brand]. It’s germinated with sprouts… of wheat.”

Me: “Goodbye.”

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Sizing Up To Be An Issue

, , , | Right | December 29, 2017

(I am working in a shoe store in a mall. I get this almost every time a mother and her children walk in.)

Customer: “I like this sandal for my daughter. What other colors do these come in?”

Me: “Well, we only have what is displayed on the tables, so blue, red, and white, as well as the black one you are holding.”

Customer: “All right, I will take this in my daughter’s size.”

Me: “Sure thing. What size does your daughter wear?”

(Note that we do not have a foot measure and the daughter isn’t even in the store with her.)

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Neither do I.” *laughs*

Customer: “You need to know her size?”

Me: “…”

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Drag Race: Civil War

, , , , , , | Learning | December 29, 2017

(It’s the last week of class before the December exam period, and I’m in an American history seminar of final year undergraduates. We’re all at the point of the year where deadlines are hitting and we’re all cracking a little. Our professor is doing his best to keep us on topic.)

Professor: “Okay, so what exactly would have motivated Union soldiers to steal women’s dresses? Remember, it’s okay to give the obvious answers; just keep the discussion going.”

(A long pause.)

Classmate: “Well, how popular were drag shows?”

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Creating Your Own Problems

, , , , , , | Right | December 28, 2017

(It’s very busy at our restaurant due to a one-day deal. I’ve been either the only one or one of two people on till, and we are just finishing up with the post dinner rush.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering what goes on the create-your-own pizza?”

Me: “You get to choose your own toppings.”

Customer: “No, I know, but what goes on it?”

Me: “Well, it has sauce and cheese, and then you get to pick what else you want on it.”

Customer: “Okay. But what—”

Customer’s Daughter: “Mom, never mind; I don’t want the pizza.”

Customer: “No, you do. We’ll get one with chicken, bacon, and olives.”

(They later demanded a refund because they wanted pasta, not a pizza.)

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Needs A Badge Of Instructions

, , , | Right | December 28, 2017

(I have just checked an employee into the facility.)

Me: “Okay, to go to your safety presentation, you will use your badge on the reader by those double doors at the end of the lobby, pull them open, and go to your right, into the auditorium.”

Employee: “So, I have badge access to those doors?”

Me: “Yes. I verified that when I checked you in.”

Employee: “Great! See you later!”

(He walks to the doors, then stops. He looks at them, then back at me as if to say, “What do I do?” For the record, these doors also have signs stating to use your badge to get through.)

Me: “Use your badge on the reader.” *I point to the reader*

Employee: *looks at the doors, then the reader, then tugs the doors*

Me: “Use your badge!”

Employee: *comes back to me* “I don’t think I have access. Could you let me through?”

Me: “Sir, you have access. Just badge the reader before you try to open the door.”

Employee: *goes back to the doors, and tries to pull them open — without using his badge first, and looks back at me*

Me: “Use your badge!”

Employee: *badges door, but doesn’t pull on them, and looks at me*

(I gave up, pressed the button to let him through, and motioned to him to pull the doors. He still took a minute to figure it out.)

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