I Would Do Anything For Beef, But I Won’t Do That

, , , , | Right | October 18, 2018

(Two of my coworkers are running a third coworker’s table when this exchange occurs.)

Coworker #1: *puts roast beef down in front of the customer*

Customer: “No, I ordered the roast beef.” *looks at [Coworker #2]* “Is this not the roast beef?”

Coworker #2: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “I ordered roast beef, though.”

Coworker #2: *getting increasingly confused* “That… is the roast beef?”

Customer:No, I ordered the roast beef. Oh. I mean meatloaf. I want meatloaf.”

(Of course, he acted as if it was his server’s fault for not reading his mind and knowing that “roast beef” actually means meatloaf.)

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U Gotta Be Kidding

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2018

(I am the customer in this one. I go up to a garden center employee looking for garden staples, but can’t remember what they are called.)

Me: “Excuse me. Could you help me real quick? I am looking for an L-shaped thing—” *makes a U shape with my hand* “—to hold something down in my garden.”

Employee: *looks at me strangely* “You mean like a stake? We have some with a head on them to make them kind of L shaped.” *hands me a flat-headed stake*

Me: “No, that’s not what I am looking for. I know I got them here before. They’re L-shaped…” *makes U shape with hands again* “…and are used to hold things down like soft fences and things.”

Employee: “This is the only L-shaped thing we have for that purpose. What did you need it for again?”

Me: *getting frustrated that I can’t think what they’re called* “It’s an L-shaped piece of metal.” *makes U shape with hands* “That you can push into the ground to hold something down, like a garden lining. I need it to secure a piece of fencing!”

Employee: *gives me a long look, then picks something else out from the shelves* “Is this what you’re looking for?” *holds out garden staples that are a full U-shape*

Me: “YES! That is exactly what I am looking for! I just could not think of staples! Thank you!”

Employee: “Oh, good. You really threw me off with the L-shaped thing.”

Me: “What? These are L-shape… OH!”

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It’s Going To Take A Winding Route(r) To Get There

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2018

(A customer has just asked me to answer some questions. In Australia, it is still the norm to have data-limited plans for home Internet, although many ISPs sell higher-tier unlimited plans.)

Customer: “So, will this ADSL modem and router give me unlimited Internet?”

Me: “Yes, if you pay your ISP for such a service; the router is not what stops you from getting unlimited data.”

Customer: “So, the router will give me unlimited Internet?”

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Should Have Said You’re From Middle Earth

, , , , , , | Working | October 17, 2018

My friend and I were in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. We are both New Zealanders. We met up with my American cousin and we were having a few drinks. We went to a different bar, and my friend and cousin went to order.

Shortly afterwards, my cousin came back to me saying I needed to go help at the bar. I went up and saw that the bartender had my friend’s passport and was arguing with her. Turns out the bartender thought it was fake, and was yelling at my friend about how our country isn’t real. I stepped in, showed her my passport, and got the same response. We Googled New Zealand on our phones and showed her, but she still refused to believe that our passports were legit or that New Zealand exists.

We decided to go elsewhere and the bartender wouldn’t give the passport back, still going on about how it was fake. I leaned over and wrenched it off her and ran out before she could call any security. Who knows? The security might never have seen a world map, either!

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Might Be The Most Untrustworthy People In The History Of Retail

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2018

Customer #1: “What is cotton made out of?”

Customer #2: “Oh, you know, the stuff that slaves pick.”

Customer #1: “I’ve got another question for you. I want to bring this roll of twenty-five yards of fabric home, cut it into curtains, hang it up, and if I like them, I’ll come back and pay for it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t allow product to leave the store without it being purchased.”

Customer #2: “What’s wrong with you?! You can trust her! You must live a pathetic life not being able to trust people!”

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