Hot-Headed About The Cold

, , , | Right | January 22, 2018

(I am the guest services manager at a hotel. One morning I’m asked to come speak with an irate guest.)

Me: “Good morning. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “The problem is I nearly froze to death in that room last night! Do you guys not know how to maintain your heating systems?”

Me: “I’m so sorry. Was the heat just not kicking on?”

Customer: “No! I kept setting it warmer, and the air kept getting colder. Every time I tried turning it down, the air got colder. This is ridiculous. You need to give me my money back or something.”

Me: “I’m sorry. You say you turned it down? As in, the number on the display screen was getting lower?”

Customer: “Yes! I set it to warm, and turned down the temperature, and it just got colder!”

Me: “Well, sir, lower temperatures are colder. You have to raise the temperature for heat. Did you try calling the front desk to ask for assistance with the heating system?”

Customer: “No, of course not. I just wanted to sleep. But I turned the heat up. I put it to warm, and put the heat up. Your air conditioner is not working. I demand compensation!”

(I give in and give the guy a 10% discount, and a further 20% off his next visit, promising to have maintenance “repair” the faulty A/C. Before leaving, however, he insists that I come to the room so he can show me the problem. We walk into the room, which is freezing cold. I take one look at the display screen and see the problem: the A/C is on and cranked to full blast with the temperature at its lowest setting. I press the button marked “heat” and raise the temperature, and hot air immediately starts blowing out of the unit.)

Me: “Well, it looks like the heat was never turned on. Glad to know we could resolve this problem before the next guest checks in here. Anything else I can—”

(With that, the guest turned red and ran from the room. He hasn’t been back yet.)

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Time To Go Write A Ground-Breaking Essay About Burning Bridges

, , , , , , | Learning | January 22, 2018

(I am a teaching assistant for a freshman core American History course that everyone has to take, regardless of major. For the most part, the teaching assistants actually teach the courses with professors overseeing us. A freshman in my course thinks that he is smarter than everyone else, in general, but especially within the course, and has been a snot all semester. On the last essay, he affixes a fantastically entertaining letter about how I am stupid. He tells me, in short, that he hates my guts, and that he knows I am going to give him a bad grade on the essay because I am not intelligent enough to grasp the complexities of his thesis. Knowing that no matter how I grade it, it is not going to be an unbiased score, I give it to the professor. The professor demands the student apologize or he will fail him in the course. He gives the essay a fair score of a B-minus, because it isn’t actually that groundbreaking. Fast-forward a few years. I’m working with a professor in the life sciences department in their research lab. This same student comes through the lab one day with my professor. Apparently, he is interviewing to work with the professor in the research lab also, and is being shown the lab. The student has a complete deer-in-the-headlights look as he recognizes me.)

Me: “Hello, [Student].”

Student:You work with Dr. [Professor]?”

Professor: “Oh, this is [My Name]. She’s quite indispensable around here. Her scientific work is superb, and she’s a very organized lab manager. She does all the ordering, purchasing, and administrative work for me. Do you know each other?”

Me: “Oh, briefly. He was a student of mine in [Course].”

(After the student leaves, I tell my professor all the details. This is the email that he then sends to the student:)

Email: Dear Mr. [Student],

After careful consideration, and a candid conversation with my current research assistant, [My Name], I will not be extending an invitation for you to join my lab team at this time, or at any time in the future. I do not welcome toxicity in my lab.  

Let this be a lesson to you. Never burn bridges. You don’t know when you might need them again.

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Sandwiches Are Extra Crunchy This Morning

, , , , | Working | January 22, 2018

(I have just gotten into work.)

Coworker: “I dropped a glass before, and I keep seeing glass everywhere.”

Me: “Did you vacuum it up?”

Coworker: “Yes, but there’s still some about.”

Me: “Here: this is a trick my mum taught me.”

(I take a few slices of bread and press them against the floor.)

Me: “See, it picks it up.”

Coworker: “That’s amazing, and so economical. I’ll use them for the sandwiches later.”

Me: “Well, no. I have to throw them out after.”

Coworker: “Why?”

Me: “Because there’s glass on them, and they’ve been on the floor.”

Coworker: *huffs* “Well, that’s not very vegan!”

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Email Fail, Part 16

, , , | Working | January 22, 2018

(I work as an associate for a company, and am entitled to an email address as per their policy. While I receive information through it, I have it connected to my work email for my actual employer. The company has had an upgrade in their email software, and everyone has been allocated new roles and job titles and placed into a hierarchy. The IT lead for our office is taking us through the new system. A lot of questions come up, but he dodges every single one.)

Coworker: “Why does it say my line manager is [CEO]? I’ve literally never met her, and having nothing to do with her.”

IT: “That’s the new hierarchy; it’s much better than before!”

Coworker: “It says I’m a cleaner when it should say I’m an HSE Manager. I didn’t even think cleaners got email addresses.”

IT: “Everyone gets an email address with the new system!”

Me: “I’m not even part of your company, and it says I’m listed as your finance director.”

IT: “Like I said! Everyone!”

Me: “Yes, but listing me as your company’s sole finance director sounds like a pretty dangerous blunder, since I’m not in any way involved with your company’s finances, and [Company] and [My Employer] are considered competitors.”

IT: “Don’t worry about it. This new system is better!”

(So, we all tried to get on with the new system, but in a little over an hour I was inundated with emails regarding potentially the most commercially sensitive information concerning the company. I tried to get in touch with IT, but our lead had vanished, and the department had closed its lines due to “increased calls.” I was at a loss as to what to do, so I tried to get in touch with the actual finance director, who I found out had only been receiving menus, with instructions to laminate them, from an extremely irate receptionist in Cardiff. He was listed as an intern. He requested that I forward on the emails. I did, and within five minutes everyone got an email telling us that the system would be undergoing maintenance and instructing us to use the old system. The new system has been completely forgotten about now, and nearly half the IT department was fired after the blunder, including our lead. I got a personal thank-you and commendation from the CEO for maintaining neutrality during the incident. The manager for my actual employer often jokes that I should have forwarded everything on to him.)

Email Fail, Part 15
Email Fail, Part 14
Email Fail, Part 13

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Skating Around The Answer

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2018

(I work at an ice rink and one of my duties is to pass out ice skates to customers.)

Me: *talking to approaching customer* “Hi, sir! What size skates can I get for you?”

Customer: “I need skates for my son, please.”

Me: “Okay, sure thing. What size is your son?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: *pause* “Neither do I.”

(The customer walked off, frustrated.)

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