Smoking Might Kill You, But It Will Definitely Kill Your Computer

, , , , , | Right | December 19, 2017

(I am in line behind another man who is holding a computer tower. He approaches the sales desk.)

Man: “My computer made a bang noise, stopped working, and then there was a bad burning smell. Is that a bad thing?”

Something Else On Their Mind

, , , , | Learning | December 19, 2017

(I am wandering around the school with some friends after lunch.)

Friend #1: “I’m so not ready for my math test.”

Friend #2: “What period do you have math?”

Friend #1: “My math class is next period.”

Friend #3: “Uh-oh, we’d better quiz you.”

Friend #2: “What’s 7+63?”

Friend #1: “69.”

Me: “Are you serious?”

([Friend #1] realized what she said and immediately face-palmed.)

It’s Barely Cute When A Child Does It…

, , , , , | Romantic | December 19, 2017

(I’m standing in line when I notice the bottle of tea I’m holding has leaked all over my shoes and the floor. I let out a little cry of shock and head back to the cooler to replace it. When I get back up front, the guy who was standing behind me in line is checking out.)

Guy: *turns around* “Haha, I beat you!”

(I just stare at him incredulously.)

Guy: “So, how you doin’?”

(My eyebrows couldn’t possibly go higher.)

Guy: “Just not going to say anything, huh?”

Me: “‘Haha, I beat you.’? Are you five years old?”

Guy: *goes a little red* “No! Just, I know you were up here… but then I… I got to the counter first.”

Me: “Yup. Congratulations.”

Guy:  “And, uh… You’re pretty. So, I’m hoping I could get your number.”

Me: “Wow, seriously? No. If you want a woman’s number, try acting like a man instead of a child.”

(He left in a hurry.)

Last Flight To Mordor Now Departing From Gate Bree

, , , , , | Friendly | December 18, 2017

(The other day I was driving in my car, listening to an interview on the radio. The interviewer was talking to a singer who was coming to perform in New Zealand. I can’t remember who she was, but I will never forget the interview:)

Singer: “Now, who am I talking to here? Is this Australia or New Zealand?”

Radio Host: “You’re talking to New Zealand, and we’re looking forward to you coming out here!”

Singer: “New Zealand! Oh, my. I can’t wait to visit. I have never been before, and I won’t have much time, but I’m determined to see an orc.”

Radio Host: “A… I’m sorry, an orc?”

Singer: “Obviously it would have to be in captivity. I wouldn’t want to run across one in the wild!”

Radio Host: *playing along* “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but orcs are extinct.”

Singer: “Awww, really? That’s so disappointing! You don’t have any, not even in captivity?”

Radio Host: “No, we wiped them out. They weren’t very nice. Sorry.”

Singer: “Well, that’s a shame. Can you still visit parts of Middle Earth?”

Radio Host: “That you can do. Make sure you include Hobbiton on your tour!”

(After that, the host changed the subject to the singer’s latest album. But she was so sincere about the orcs, and sounded so truly disappointed to find out she would not be able to see one, that I’m not sure to this day whether she was kidding or not!)

In For A Penny, In For A Pound

, , , , | Right | December 18, 2017

(I work in a shop where everything is 99p or less, and while I often get customers asking me how much something is, this guy takes it to a whole new level. I am by our fridges, putting out the delivery, when a customer walks up and picks something out of the fridge.)

Customer: “Hey, is this really 99p?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is.”

(The customer picks up another item.)

Customer: “And this as well?”

Me: “Yes, sir, that, too.”

(This continues for a few more items until the customer just leaves, not buying anything. My coworker who has been at the tills the whole time, listening, walks over:)

Coworker: “I can’t believe you just kept answering him.”

Me: “Neither can I.”