Rabbiting On About Sizes

, , , , , | Right | October 27, 2017

Customer: “Excuse me, young man, what is the difference between the large and small fish and chips?”

Me: “Erm, they are different sizes.”

Customer: “Yes, but what is the actual difference?”

Me: “Erm, well, there are fewer chips, and the fish is a bit smaller.”

Customer: “Thank you, young man. I will have the rabbit pie, please.”

Giving You A Mall-ing

, , | Right | October 27, 2017

(I work in a mall and am on my break. I am looking around in another store when a lady approaches me.)

Lady: “Hi, I’d like some help over here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I actually don’t work here.”

Lady: “But you’re wearing a uniform!”

Me: “I actually work in [Store elsewhere in the mall].”

Lady: “But if you work in the mall, that means you work everywhere in the mall!”

Me: “…”

Air Heads

, , , , , , | Friendly | October 26, 2017

(I am at the grocery store when two “stereotypical” teenage girls walk by. I catch this snippet of their conversation.)

Teenage Girl #1: “Oh, my God, like, have you ever wondered what air tastes like?”

Teenage Girl #2: “Like, I never have even thought of that. You’re, like, a total genius.”

Teenage Girl #1: “I’m, like, going to ask our science teacher this question. I bet he doesn’t know the answer, either!”

Teenage Girl #2: “Yeah, he’s going to have to totally admit you’re smart now! LOL!”

(I, too, was “laughing out loud,” but not for the same reason that they were.)

Their Understanding Is Not In The Top One Per Cent

, , , , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

(A customer calls to inquire about changing his deductible to a percentage deductible.)

Customer: “I heard a thing on a commercial about getting a deductible that’s just 1%. I want that. It’s less than I have now.”  

Me: “It looks like right now you’ve got a $500 deductible. Changing to a 1% deductible would actually increase the deductible quite a bit.”

Customer: “You don’t seem to understand; 1% sounds like less than $500.”

Me: “A 1% deductible is 1% of your entire dwelling coverage. So, in your case, your dwelling coverage is $350,000. A 1% deducible on that would be $3500. It’s only $500 right now.”  

Customer: “No, but see, it sounds like less.”

Me: “But it’s not less.”

Customer: “But it sounds like it is.”

Me: “The only way it would be less than $500 is if your house was insured for less than $50,000.”

Customer: “But it really sounds like it’s a lot less.”

(This went on for about ten minutes. I even walked him through using a calculator to figure 1% of 350,000. I finally told the customer I would be happy to change him to a 1% deductible as long as he was willing to come into the office and sign a letter I typed out stating that he understood that just because 1% SOUNDS like less than $500, it was not, in fact, less. It was quite a bit more.  He ended up coming in and signing it, all the while looking like he just pulled one over on us. He saved less than $20 per year changing his deductible to be 1%.)

Punch It In Before I Punch You

, , , , | Working | October 26, 2017

(I’m a regular customer waiting in line at a fast food place known for its poutine. The customer ahead of me is a young man who appears to be of South Asian descent, but has no accent and is clearly a student at a nearby university.)

Employee #1: *speaking very slowly* “How… can… we… help you?”

Customer: *slightly bemused* “Um, I’ll have [menu item containing bacon], please.”

Employee #1: *blinks* Oh, are you sure?

Customer: *pauses*“Yes?”

([Employee #2] comes over and tries to take over the transaction at this point, but [Employee #1] waves her off. [Employee #2] looks visibly uncomfortable at this point.)

Employee #1: “You know there is bacon in that, right?”

Customer: “Um… Yeah. It’s right there in the name.”

Employee #1: “You’re sure?”

Employee #2: *cringes* “Okay, he’s sure. Ring it through please.”

Employee #1: “I thought you people didn’t eat pork? I’m not serving that to him; I don’t want to be responsible.” *walks into the back*

Customer: “I’ll get that to go, please.”

Employee #2: *now incredibly mortified* “Oh, my God, I am so sorry. For what it’s worth, I don’t think she means to be offensive; she’s just a dip-s***. I can throw in a free drink for not punching her in the f****** mouth, though.”

(Fortunately the customer laughed it off and didn’t seem to be upset. [Employee #1] still works there a year or two later, and without fail, whoever is working with her looks thoroughly miserable.)

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