Time Zoned Out

, , , , | Working | October 2, 2017

(I work for a video game publishing company, and some of us work remotely from home. One of our developers is foreign, and we have weekly catch-up meetings via video chat with him to check in with the status of his project, see if there’s anything he or his team needs, and so forth. One of our new employees has just been brought into this process, and I wake up the morning of the weekly call to a slew of increasingly frantic messages from him.)

Coworker: “Where were you guys?! I’ve been waiting for you for eight hours!”

Me: “What? Why? That’s like… 1:00 AM.”

Coworker: “Uh, the meeting?! I mean, I guess [Developer] didn’t show up for it either, but this could have been a disaster. I didn’t have any of the information for him! That’s your and [Other Coworker]’s job! What if I’d screwed up?”

Me: “Well, the meeting is at 9:30 AM, EST.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but he’s in [Overseas Country]! Adjusting for time difference, that’s—”

Me: “Dude, he’s from there. He’s been living in [US City] for, like, 20 years, hence the EST meeting time.”

Coworker: “But… I thought… God, I’m so tired.”

(At least we know he’s a dedicated worker, if not detail-oriented!)

What The “F”?

, , , , | Learning | October 2, 2017

(I teach seventh grade social studies. To start the year, each student is drawing a map of the school.)

Student #1: “Miss! I can’t do this! I don’t know what the school looks like!”

Me: “It’s shaped like a backwards capital ‘F.'”

Student #1: “I forgot what an ‘F’ looks like!”

Student #2: “Dude, she’s about to show you what an ‘F’ looks like.”

Some Stupidity Is Just Organic

, , , , | Right | October 1, 2017

(I’m a front-end supervisor for a high-end, organic grocery store. We have a very open return policy and will refund pretty much anything, for any reason. This one takes the cake… err, pie.)

Customer: “I’d like a refund on some apples I purchased here last week.” *waves her receipt in my face*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that you had a bad experience with our apples! What was wrong with them?”

Customer: “It was terrible! I made a pie and my guests were all spitting out stickers! Stickers! I was so embarrassed.”

Me: “Stickers, ma’am? Did you wash the apples before you made your pie?”

Customer: “Of course not! They were organic!” *gestures at receipt*Organic! That means you don’t have to wash them!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m happy to refund your purchase, but please be aware that organic doesn’t mean you shouldn’t wash your produce; it just means that it wasn’t raised with pesticides. You should always wash your fruits and veggies!”

Customer: *snatches her money out of my hand* “That’s ridiculous! Of course it means you don’t have to wash them! Why would anyone pay so much otherwise?”

Me: “…”

Making A Mocha-ry Of Mochas

, , , , , | Working | October 1, 2017

(It’s early morning and I pull into a fast food restaurant for a mocha. I usually buy it there, and have since as well.)

Me: “Can I have a mocha, please?”

Worker: “We don’t do that here”

Me: “You don’t make mocha anymore?”

Worker: “No, we only do coffee or hot chocolate. If you want anything fancy like mocha you will need to try elsewhere.”

Me: “Okay. Then can I have a coffee with a spoonful of chocolate powder mixed in, please?”

Worker: “Sure thing.” *makes my mocha*

Unable To Identify The Obvious

, , , , | Right | September 30, 2017

(I work at a location that is a combo BBQ restaurant and convenience store. It is because of this that we have two separate liquor licenses for the restaurant and the convenience store, and we are very strict about keeping them separate. Due to the fact that many choose to get their alcohol in the convenience store side, I have to be the bearer of bad news a lot. A guest comes up to the counter with three other men, with his arms literally full of beer.)

Me: “Are you going to be drinking these on the premises?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but if you are going to be drinking these on the premises, I have to limit all alcoholic drinks to two per person.”

Guest: “Oh, but there’s a big group of us on the patio.”

Me: “I understand, sir, but I will need to see everyone up here, and I will need to see everyone’s ID to confirm they are of legal drinking age.”

Guest: *starts telling one of the other guys with him to collect everyone’s IDs*

Me: “Oh, I will need to see everyone with their own ID.”

Guest: “Wait. Why?”

Me: “Because I need to see if it is theirs?”

Guest: “But why do they need to be up here?”

Me: “So I can see if they match up with their picture on the ID? That’s how an ID generally works.”

Guest: “Oh.”

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