You And The Tech Are Not In Alignment

, , , , , , | Working | November 29, 2017

Me: “I need the oil changed. And also, I think you’d better check the alignment, as I bounced off a curb pretty hard recently.”

(I sit in the waiting room. Within 20 minutes, I’m called to the service desk.)

Service Guy: “Your car’s ready. You owe [low amount].”

Me: “Are you sure? There hasn’t been time to check the alignment, and you haven’t charged me for it.”

Service Guy: “I don’t know about that. You’d have to talk with the technician.”

Me: “Could I talk to the service manager, please?”

Service Guy: “He’s not here.”

Me: “Then I’d like to talk to the technician, please.”

(He looks a bit startled, but gets the tech from the back.)

Me: “I asked to have the alignment checked. Did you do it?”

Tech: “Yeah.”

Me: “I don’t see anything on the paperwork documenting that.”

Tech: “We had it up on the rack to change the oil, and I looked at the alignment. It’s fine.”

Me: “You know, I’m pretty sure checking the alignment is a lot more complicated than that.”

Tech: *condescendingly* “Lady, I looked at it! It’s fine!”

Me: “Would you put that in writing?” *I turn over the paperwork and hand it to him, with a pen*

Tech: “Sure!”

Tech: *writes* “I looked at the alignment and it’s fine.”

Me: “Be sure to sign that, please.”

(He did. I thanked them, paid, and left. The next morning I called and talked to the service manager, explaining what I was told. He asked me to bring the car back in, which I did at my convenience. End of story: free alignment check, and free realignment, because it was way off. And I’m guessing the tech learned not to sign things he wasn’t certain of!)

A Place Where Your Pet Can Stretch Its Leg

, , , , , , | Working | November 29, 2017

(My mother and I are dropping off our cat at a boarding place, and we are asked to fill out a sheet describing her physical well-being, noting things such as her allergies. We are almost finished.)

Me: “Don’t forget the leg.”

(My cat had her back leg amputated at a young age.)

Mom: “Of course.”

(She writes it down on the sheet. Just then, my small cat squeezes out of her carrier and starts limping across the tile floor. We catch her, place her back in her carrier, and hand the sheet to the woman behind the counter. She scans the sheet.)

Woman: “Oh, [Cat] has three legs?”

Mom: “Yes.”

Woman: “You know, I thought she had an odd gait. That would explain it.”

Mom: “…”

Certifiably Bad Service

, , , , , | Working | November 29, 2017

(My car insurance is due for renewal, and I’ve received a letter that tells me that not only will it be £200 more than last year, but they’ve taken the business coverage off, which I need occasionally to drive to meetings, etc, for work. I double-check last year’s documents, then call the renewals helpline. I get through to a customer service representative who confirms my details, then asks how she can help.)

Me: “I need to add business coverage back on, and I’m wondering why the premium has increased so much, particularly as I have an extra year of No Claims Bonus now.”

Representative: “I’m looking at your account now, sir, and you didn’t have business coverage last year; that’s why we haven’t quoted for it this year.”

Me: “Yes, I did. I’ve got last year’s policy documents in front of me. It’s on there.”

Representative: “No, your policy didn’t have that coverage last year.”

Me: “It did. I have the certificate here.”

Representative: “I can see your policy from last year, sir, and it’s not on there.”

Me: “Well, it is, because I have the certificate. Can you see the certificate?”

Representative: “I can see on my system that you didn’t have it.”

Me: “Can you look at the certificate, please? It’s definitely on there.”

Representative: “I don’t know what to tell you, sir; you didn’t have that coverage.”

Me: “So, you can’t see my current certificate on your system? The one that’s still valid until the fifth?”

Representative: “Sir, arguing with me isn’t going to help if it wasn’t on there.”

Me: “This is ridiculous. Do you want me to send you a picture of the certificate I have here?”

Representative: “That won’t be necessary; I can see it on my system.”

Me: “OH, MY GOD!”

Representative: “Oh, yes, I can see that it shows you had business coverage last year.”

Me: “I know.”

Representative: “That’s weird, because it’s not on the system.”

Me: “So, can you add it to my coverage for next year?”

Representative: “No. The underwriter doesn’t offer business insurance any more.”

Me: “OH, MY GOD!”

Representative: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

Me: “No, I guess I’ll go with the quote I got online that was half the price you were quoting, then.”

Representative: “Would it be okay if I put you through to an automated survey where you can rate your satisfaction with my service today, please?”

Me: “I don’t think you want to do that.”

Can’t Vouch(er) For Your Education

, , , , , | Right | November 28, 2017

(I’m waiting in line behind a customer being served. She presents two sale vouchers to the cashier.)

Cashier: “Are you certain you would like to use these? It will cost more if—”

Customer: “I’ve already done the counting and double-checked. I know exactly what it will cost me. You people don’t know how to do maths; you let the machines do it for you.”

(The customer then goes on a tirade about how she is an Oxford graduate and how the cashier is potentially the stupidest person on the planet. She then goes through each item she is buying, applying the discounts the vouchers offer. The cashier, all the while, stands with the straightest face I’ve ever seen. After the customer finishes, she shrugs her shoulders and applies the vouchers.)

Cashier: “£69.40, please.”

Customer: “What? No. You did it wrong. It’s supposed to be £45.90. Here; I’ll go through it again, and keep up this time. You—”

Cashier: “I think it would be kinder to everyone else waiting if I simply draw your attention to the disclaimer at the bottom of the vouchers.”

Customer: “I read the entire thing, front and back.”

Cashier: “Clearly, reading isn’t your strong point, because in order to put these vouchers through, I had to cancel the sale prices and put everything through at full price.”

Customer: “No, you’re wrong. You see, I’m an Oxford graduate, and—”

Cashier: “I graduated with a doctorate from Oxford three years ago, so your credentials mean absolutely nothing, as far as I’m concerned.”

Customer: “You lying b****! If you’re from Oxford, why are you working in a shop?”

Cashier: “That’s certainly none of your business, but if it gets you out of here sooner: my mum owns the store, and I’m helping out while she has surgery.”

(With nothing else to go on, the customer stands there for a few seconds before running out of the building.)

Cashier: “Miss, please don’t forget your vouchers!”

(She didn’t turn back.)

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Too Chicken To Go Vegan

, , , , , | Related | November 28, 2017

(I’ve been going through some stomach issues and the doctor suggests I might be lactose intolerant. She suggests cutting out cheese for a while and seeing how I feel. My sister is becoming fascinated with the idea of becoming vegan, but hasn’t yet made the full commitment. We go to a local Mexican restaurant and order mango chicken burrito salad bowls. Due to my stomach issues, I get mine without beans or cheese. As we are leaving after eating, my sister turns to me all excited.)

Sister: “So, I noticed that you didn’t get cheese with your order. Are you thinking of maybe becoming a vegan, too?”

Me: *looking at her, confused* [Sister], we just ate chicken!”

Sister: “Oh, yeah, I forgot.”

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