Bursting American Bubbles

, , , , , | Right | October 24, 2017

(We are a small, UK-based company. An American customer calls one afternoon.)

Customer: “I was on your website and can only find this number. I need to you to give me the number for your American office. And you should tell whoever is in charge that international calls are expensive. I shouldn’t have to call to get an American number; you should put it on your website next to this one.”

Me: “We don’t have an American office; just this one. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “What do you mean, you don’t have an American office? Your website says you ship worldwide.”

Me: “We are a very small company. We send everything from the UK and—”

Customer: “Why are you all in the UK?”

Me: “Because we live here?”

Customer: “All of you?”

Me: “Um, yes.”

Customer: “If you don’t have an American office, then how can you ship things to us in the United States?”

Me: “We give Royal Mail money and they put it onto a plane for us.”

Customer: “I only deal with Americans.” *click*

Only Has An Outline For Online

, , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(I work in a library.)

Patron: “Which website do I go to for [topic]?”

(I suggest some sites.)

Patron: “I can’t find the website.”

Me: “Well, you have to type it in.”

Patron: “Where?”

Me: “In the address bar.”

Patron: “Where’s that?”

(I walk over to help him.)

Me: “Okay, first, you have to get online.”

You’ve Eclipsed Their Knowledge Of The Subject

, , , , | Working | October 23, 2017

(I’m working on dishes with a coworker as we wait for our orders to be ready to go out on delivery. This takes place about two weeks before the big solar eclipse in 2017.)

Me: “My wife and I are driving to Tennessee that day, to be in the line of the total eclipse.”

Coworker: “What time is the eclipse?”

Me: “It’s supposed to be around 2:30.”

Coworker: “Is that am or pm?”

(He never figured out why I was laughing so hard.)

Pray For Those Students…

, , , | Right | October 23, 2017

Customer: “The medium drink is bigger than the large, right?”

Me: “No. The medium drink is smaller than the large.”

Customer: “Oh, so the small is bigger than a large. I’ll take that, please. I’m a teacher, so I know things like this.”

Peter Rabbit And The Prisoner Of Azkaban

, , , , , , , | Working | October 23, 2017

(Our company adds a busser, who is just 16 years old, to our team. The following conversation happens in a quiet moment as two coworkers and I am discussing the Beatrix Potter 50-pence pieces available in the UK.)

Colleague #1: “I only need one more and I’ll have the whole set.”

Me: “I managed to get two whole sets recently; the last one took ages to find, though. Which one do you need?”

Colleague #1: “The Beatrix Potter one, y’know, with the dates and that.”

Colleague #2: “Oh, I need that one, too.”

Busser: “Beatrix Potter! I liked the third film best.”

(We all stare at her.)

Busser: “What?”

Me: “Third film?”

Busser: “Yeah, Harry Potter. I’ve not read the books yet, but I like the films.”

Me: “We’re talking about Beatrix Potter, the author!”

Busser: “Who?”

(I describe to her the books she may know. She just looks blank.)

Busser: “Well, Beatrix Potter… Harry Potter… They’re pretty much the same, anyway!”

Page 417/491First...415416417418419...Last