Credit Them For Getting There Eventually

, , , , , | Working | January 27, 2018

(I’m returning something at a store whose return policy is that within 30 days you can have a refund in the form of original payment — i.e. money put back on your credit card — if you have the original receipt. It’s the 25th. I bring the item I’m returning and its receipt, which clearly states it was purchased on the 28th of the previous month.)

Cashier: “Since this is over 30 days, you’ll get store credit.”

Me: “But it’s less than 30 days.”

Cashier: “No, it was purchased on the 28th last month, so it’s more than 30 days.”

Me: “But it’s the 25th today.”

Cashier: “Yes, but this was purchased last month.”

Me: “Yeah, less than 30 days ago. It was like 27 or 28 days ago.”

Cashier: “It says here it was on the 28th.” *she points to the date on the receipt* “See? So, it was more than 30 days ago.”

Me: “But 30 days from the 28th last month would be the 28th this month, which is next week.”

Cashier: “No, but… Oh. Hold on.”

(The cashier checks with a coworker.)

Cashier: “Okay, so, do you have the credit card you paid with?”

You’ll Pay For Asking Too Many Questions

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2018

Me: “Welcome to [Company].”

Customer: “Hi, I got my bill in the post, and I just want to change my details and pay it.”

(I get all customers new details.)

Me: “So, did you want to pay that over the phone?”

Customer: “Yes, thanks.”

Me: “Great! Visa or Mastercard?”

Customer: “Wait! How do I know you work for [Company] and you’re not just trying to steal my money?”

Me: “Uh, sir, you called [Company] and I brought up all your details on the [Company] system and changed them.”

Customer: “But how do I know?”

Me: “Uh, what number did you call?”

Customer: “[Company]’s, obviously.”

Me: “Yes, and I answered, because I work here.”

Customer: “Liar! You could have hacked my phone. I’m not giving you any details.”

Me: “That’s fine, sir. You’re more than welcome to come into a centre or pay online.”

Customer: “No, that’s too much trouble.”

Me: “Then I can take payment over the phone.”

Customer: “Yeah, okay. Sounds good.”

(We continued the payment fine.)

I Need You To Make The Internet Work Better!

, , , | Right | January 26, 2018

Me: “Hello, and thank you for calling [Business]. This is [My Name], in [City]. With whom am I speaking today?”

Customer: “I am trying to log in to my account with you people and it will not let me. I just need to read my emails.”

Me: “Okay, are you already at [Company].ca?”

Customer: “Yes, and I have been trying for hours. This is just so frustrating! This needs to be more user-friendly for people.”

Me: “I apologize, sir, but I will walk you through this. Now, do you see up along the top where is says, ‘support,’ ‘sales,’ ‘customer,’ ‘community,’ and ‘webmail’? It’s along the very top in the white bar.”

Customer: “No, I don’t see any of this.”

Me: “Okay, what do you see?”

Customer: “Well, I see the Google symbol up in the left hand corner, the search bar, and a bunch of blue writing below.”

Me: “Sir, you are on the Google search page, not our website.”

Customer: *raises voice* “Well, I typed your company name in the top white bar, so this has to be your website! You know, if you’re going to provide the Internet to someone, you should make sure it works properly so we can search easier! I think I am just going to cancel your services and switch to [Competitor]!” *hangs up*

Switching It Up And Going Down

, , , , , , | Working | January 26, 2018

(After employees count down the tills at the end of day, money goes into plastic bags with strong adhesive strips closing them. They have to be cut open by accounting. Because counting down the tills is important, but difficult for people who struggle with math, I’ve had my store split between employees asked to count down tills and those in charge of floor resets at end of day. The district manager visits, and he takes issue with this.)

District Manager: “Why do you only let some employees count down tills? It would make more sense for every employee to take a turn.”

Me: “We only let employees who are able to demonstrate they can close tills quickly and correctly actually do so. There’s more than enough work for everyone else to recover merchandise.”

District Manager: “Hmmm… Humor me. Tomorrow, let’s switch the two groups, just for tomorrow’s shift.”

(We did. Thankfully, he was there to witness employees struggling with counting out the change and massive cash discrepancies. I expected that; not everyone is good at math. What shocked us was the number of people confused by the adhesive plastic bags. Several people had to be instructed that the bags had to be sealed and how to seal them. One employee somehow managed to get the bag stuck to his hair, money still inside. The adhesive was so strong, we had to cut it out. I let the district manager be the one to actually cut the employee’s hair. It drove the point home, and he bought the accounting team — and me — lunch as an apology.)

This Person Is Such A Headache

, , , , , , , | Healthy | January 26, 2018

(A coworker has been on blood-thinning medication for the past couple of months. She isn’t allowed to have other medication that has the same effect, namely aspirin.)

Coworker: “I have such a headache. Does anyone have anything I can take?”

(We all say no, so she resorts to searching through the desks of people who are on holiday. She finally finds some.)

Coworker: “Perfect!”

Me: “Um, shouldn’t you try something else? You aren’t allowed aspirin, remember?”

Coworker: “It’s only two tablets! What harm will it do?”

(She disappears before I can protest further, and comes back with a glass of water, having taken them on the way back. She surreptitiously takes another two a few hours later, and I protest yet again. She goes to the printer and comes back screaming.)

Coworker: “I’ve got a paper cut and it won’t stop bleeding!”

(I see that she is actually applying a lot of pressure on the cut, causing it to stay open.)

Me: “Maybe if you ease up on it, it’ll stop.”

Coworker: “No, you idiot! You do that to stop the flow. Oh, my God, I’m dying! Why did you make me take those d*** pills?!”

(We called an ambulance for her, and the second the paramedics arrived, they loosened her grip and the wound closed within a couple of minutes. She spent the entire time accusing us of trying to kill her, and demanded the paramedics phone the police for “force-feeding her death-pills.” We had to explain the situation, as the paramedics thought she was under some sort of narcotic, and they decided to take her to the hospital to make sure the medication wasn’t wreaking havoc on her blood. When she came back into work the next day, she went straight to our manager and launched a formal complaint. We all needed to give statements, and it was decided that if we are going to bring medication to work, we need to ensure it is secure. [Coworker] was put on temporary leave after we revealed in our statements that she actually went looking for the medication in someone else’s belongings, something she failed to mention in her complaint.)