A Grade-A A**hole

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2019

(Someone I went to school with comes into my shop.)

Customer: “What size is this?” *holds up cup*

Me: “Large.”

Customer: “How can you know? You barely looked at it.”

Me: “It has, ‘large,’ written on it.”

Customer: “Well, you don’t have to be so f****** rude!” *leaves shouting that I’m stupid because I got a C in English while he got an A*

First Came The Wet, Now Here’s The Wild

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2019

(I’m working at my store when a guest service employee and two wet guests walk in. The guest service employee asks to speak to my manager, so I call her over and I see them talk in the corner, leaving me all alone with the guests.)

Me: *trying to be funny* “Was there a rainstorm I missed?”

Guest #1: “We went on [Water Ride] but didn’t know we’d get wet!”

Me: “Oh… I’m sorry?”

Guest #1: “Guest service said we could get free shirts. She’s just talking to your manager.”

Me: *my managers are all about upselling* “We also have towels available.”

Guest #2: “Oh, good idea! We’ll also ask for a free towel!”

(My manager comes back and tells them they can pick any shirt in the store. The guests ask about towels, and my manager lets them take a $24 towel, also for free. What we use to do for lost or stolen shirts that were comped is we gave them the cheapest shirt we had, which was like $14, because the merchandise budget loses money. We don’t do that anymore, though, so we can give guests the most magical experience. So, these guests come back with $40-60 shirts! My manager takes the tags off and sends the guests on their way.)

Me: “I don’t think it was fair they got free shirts for their mistake.”

Manager: “I agree, but whatever; it’s coming out of rides’ budget, anyway!”

Samir And Amil Are Still Good Scottish Names

, , , | Right | March 18, 2019

(I am assisting a customer in purchasing a new phone contract with us. She has agreed to an upfront payment of £100 to reduce the monthly costs.)

Me: “Will you be using debit or credit card?”

Customer: “Credit.”

Me: “Okay, then I must warn you that there will be an additional charge of £2.50. Are you happy to continue?

Customer: “What compensation will you give me?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “For overcharging me?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t clear enough. The additional charge is issued by the bank for the transfer of money. It is out of our control.”

Customer: “So, how much are you going to give me in compensation?”

Me: “Well, nothing. The charge isn’t issued by us; you are still only paying us £100. The £2.50 is for the bank transfer.”

Customer: “Let me get this straight. You are overcharging me for something you are selling me, and I am getting nothing back?”

Me: “We are not overcharging you. This additional cost has absolutely nothing to do with us, and is because you having chosen to use a credit card. You are free to use a debit card, however, at no additional cost.”

Customer: “So, I’ll get something back for using my debit card?”

Me: “No, you would still need to pay the £100. You just won’t incur an additional charge.”

Customer: “So, I’ll get that £2.50 back?”

Me: *realising she will never understand* “Yes, you will.”

(She happily chose debit, but it was declined. She got extremely irate, screamed at me in German, and hung up. She called back and tried to make a complaint. She claimed I was Samir from Honduras — I’m Daniel from Scotland — and said that I had stolen all the money out of her bank account. She was moved on to Fraud/Loss Prevention, where she then claimed I was Amil and had tried to sell her a knockoff phone. The story got increasingly more convoluted until she got so flustered she just hung up.)

Online On The 24th Of July Only

, , , , | Working | March 18, 2019

(I want to “chat” with someone at my major cell phone carrier, so I go to their “contact” page. There is no live link for chat; it is grayed out. Quoting the page:)

Message: “Chat — We are online 24/7. If we aren’t available, please check back later.”

(Okay, so… when am supposed to check back? Maybe the 25th hour of the 8th day of the week?)

No One Is That Stupid By Accident

, , , | Right | March 18, 2019

Customer: “I’d like [meal] with two portions of fries, please.”

Me: “And portion size?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, which is it?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I decide she isn’t actually a customer and just someone playing a joke, so I call for the next customer.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME! I’m ordering.”

Me: “Madam, I asked you three times and you didn’t answer me. What else am I supposed to do?”

Woman: “What did you even ask me?”

Me: “Portion size. Small, medium or large?”

Woman: “Large.”

Me: “For both?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “And which drink would you like?”

Woman: “Yes.”

(I’ve now decided that she really is playing a joke, and is just trying to drag it out for as long as possible. I call on the next customer again.)

Woman: “AGAIN! WHY ARE YOU SO F****** RUDE?!”

Me: “Madam, again, I asked you a question and you didn’t answer it. I have now decided you are just doing this for entertainment and I am refusing you service.”

Woman: “HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER IF I WANT A DRINK?! IT’S PART OF THE D*** MEAL DEAL!”

Me: “I asked you what drink would you like. Not whether you want one. Asking that would be redundant.”

Woman: *seeing a manager just off the side* “Are you hearing this? This b**** is being disrespectful and raising her voice at me. I demand a free meal immediately, or I’ll phone everyone I know and tell them you employ w****s to work for you.”

Manager: “I might have been sympathetic, but the second you start swearing and calling my staff b****es and w****s is the second you get thrown out.”

(She screamed just about every swear word you could think of before running out. The victory was bittersweet, though, as I was also written up for bad-mouthing a customer, and that manager had zero tolerance with me after. I was stuck in traffic a month later, and he told me not to bother turning up again. Then, when I got my dismissal letter through, it said the reason was failing to turn for multiple shifts. Suffice it to say, I don’t list them as a reference.)

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