The Cold Hard Truth

, , , , , | | Learning | May 21, 2019

(This happens in late August in China. I’ve noticed a girl from Peru is wearing winter clothes in the scorching heat of northern China’s summer.)

Me: “[Girl]? Sorry to ask, but why are you always wearing such thick clothes? It’s almost 40°C every day, even at night.”

Girl: “I know… but this is all I have. My teachers said winter is really cold here, so I brought the warmest winter clothes I could find in Peru. If winter is 40°C, I don’t even want to imagine how summer will be.”

Me: “I also heard that winter is really cold here, but autumn hasn’t even begun yet, let alone winter.”

Girl: “Don’t be silly. Winter begins in late June and…”

Me: *interrupting her* “Yes, in the southern hemisphere. China is in the northern hemisphere, and winter begins in December.”

Girl: “Wait… What?”

Me: “You said you went to Europe last December. Didn’t you notice it was cold instead of warm? Wasn’t it snowing?”

Girl: “Yeah… but I thought the weather is like that in Europe. Cold all year round.”

(A girl in her 20s who has been to different countries around Europe and North and South America didn’t know and hadn’t noticed that seasons are different in the southern and northern hemispheres. Unfortunately for her, all she had brought to China were winter clothes, and she had planned to ask home for money in December to buy summer clothes. Her first two weeks in China were very miserable for her.)

Those Door Unfortunate Souls

, , | | Right | May 21, 2019

(Our department store is connected to a mall on one side; the other three sides have doors to the parking lot. The mall requires us to lock our mall doors, which are heavy sliding panels, right when the mall closes at nine, and we are not supposed to let people through after hours. This is hardly an inconvenience; late customers can be let out of any of our outside doors, and the mall’s own entrances are kept unlocked for another half-hour, so it’s easy to reach whichever parking lot you need, and the mall is small enough you can walk around the outside of it in ten minutes. Despite all this, people still tend to lose their d*** minds over these doors. I’m counting my register a few minutes after closing when a woman starts knocking on the glass of the mall door.)

Me: *to a coworker* “Um, someone’s over there.”

Coworker #1: “Just ignore her. We’re closed, and we’re not reopening those doors, whatever it is.”

(I keep counting, and the woman keeps knocking.)

Me: *to another coworker* “That woman’s trying to get our attention. Could you see what she wants?”

Coworker #2: “I need to deposit my cash.”

(The woman has been knocking for several minutes now. I finally finish closing my drawer, lock up the cash, and go to check on her. I’m worried she forgot something important inside the store, like her cell phone or car keys.)

Me: *through the glass* “Hello?”

Woman: “Can I get through to my car?”

Me: “No.”

(There was a mall entrance fifty feet away from her. She could have been on her way home in the time it took her to ask me that question.)

I Got 25,000 Problems And You’re All Of Them

, , , | | Right | May 21, 2019

(I work at a busy fast food restaurant which uses the receipt number to hand out the food. The numbers are long, so we only call out the last two digits. This happens quite often.)

Me: “Number 42!”

(Nobody comes forward.)

Me: “Number 42!”

Customer: “Is this my order? My receipt says 39042.”

Me: “Yes, it’s yours; we only call the last two digits.”

(One busy day a customer is rude and impatient while I take his order. After cashing him out I go to hand out the food. When his order is ready I call it.)

Me: “Number 74!”

(I can see the rude customer standing nearby; he does not come to the counter.)

Me: “Number 74!”

(The rude customer still does not react. Since I know it is his order, I call out to him.)

Me: “Sir, this is your food, number 74.”

Rude Customer: “My number is 25074!”

Me: “Were you going to wait until twenty-five thousand people went by?”

Vaccinations Against Nazis

, , , , , | | Friendly | May 20, 2019

(I am shopping at a department store with my sister and her daughter. My sister bumps into an old friend from school and I stand awkwardly to the side of them while they catch up. The topic turns to my niece and my sister mentions getting her vaccinations last week, so we’re treating her for being brave about it. This causes my sister’s friend to start a long rant about how dangerous vaccinations are, how she would never inject “poison” into her children, and that autism is, and I quote, “worse than Hitler.” My sister, who is a pediatric doctor, just smiles and lets the friend rant herself raw. A couple of seconds after she finishes, my niece pipes up for the first time.)

Niece: “Mummy, is this what stupid looks like?”

(My sister and I burst out laughing while the friend blushed and stormed off, screaming that she hoped my niece “dies of autism.”)

Gonna Ana-Log This One Down As A Non-Issue

, , , , | | Right | May 20, 2019

Customer: “Can you tell me if this clock is really loud? I hate clocks that tick really loudly.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a digital clock.”

Customer: “Yes. So? Is it a loud one?”

Me: “Digital clocks don’t make any noise at all, ma’am. You should be fine.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I’ll get it, but if it ticks too loudly, I’m going to bring it back and find you and tell you that you were wrong.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s digital. Like your cell phone. Do you ever hear your cell phone ticking?”

(She still didn’t get it. I heard her asking the cashier about our return policy, just in case the “ticking” was too loud for her.)

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