Thigh Fighter

, , , , | | Right | August 12, 2019

(Sitting down with my friends after ordering some food, I see the following exchange from a young man who ordered just before us.)

Customer: “Man… what the f*** is this?!” *gets up and goes to the counter*

Cashier: “Can I help you with something, sir?”

Customer: “Why did you give me dark meat?! I specifically asked for a white-meat thigh!”

Cashier: *appearing thoroughly confused* “Sir, thighs are a dark meat. I cannot get you a white-meat thigh.”

Customer: “I can’t eat dark meat! You should know that!”

Cashier: “Sir? How am I supposed to know that? You ordered thigh meat.”

Customer: “Give me white meat!”

Cashier: “If you would like, we can replace your meal.”

Customer: “I don’t care what you can do! I can only eat white meat! Give me white meat!”

(The cashier quickly runs to the back and gets a fresh meal and hands it to him, free of charge.)

Customer: “That’s what I’m f****** talking about! Don’t ever let this s*** happen again!”

(The customer proceeded to sit down and eat both meals.)

Could You Please Turn Down The Thermodynamics?

, , , , | | Right | August 12, 2019

(A woman enters the shop and proceeds to browse whilst talking nonstop, and at great length, about whatever enters her head for about forty minutes.)

Woman: “Gosh, it’s so hot in here!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that. We don’t actually have the heating on, or I would turn it down.”

Woman: “It’s all these lights! Look at all these light bulbs. It’s ridiculous! Why don’t they just make light bulbs that don’t give off any heat?”

Me: “Physics?”

I’ll Have A Slice Of Cancellation

, , , , , , | | Working | August 11, 2019

(I have just recently moved across the country for a job and am settling into a new place. One night I decide I want pizza, and decide to place an order with one of the local stores of a national franchise. I order online, and get an estimate of about an hour. I wait an hour… and then longer. Eventually, I get back to check their tracker, but it’s not working for some reason. I decide to place a call.)

Employee: “[Chain] on [Location], this is [Employee]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I placed an online order about two hours ago, and I haven’t received it yet. I was trying to see if it had come out but I am having trouble with the tracker.”

Employee: “Let me check… Oh, I see. We cancelled your order.”

Me: “You cancelled my order?!”

Employee: “Sorry.”

Me: “Are you freaking kidding me? You cancelled my order and you didn’t even tell me?

(Click. He hangs up. I’m pissed, and still hungry, so I order from a local chain, which gets me my delivery in less than twenty minutes. Normally, this would be where it ends, but this crossed a line for me, so the next day during the day I call back to talk to a manager. What I’m hoping is that I’ll find out this was a fluke and I won’t have this issue again.)

Manager: “What can I do for you?”

Me: “I placed an order last night, and when I called in two hours later, they said they had cancelled it. And they didn’t even call me to tell me.”

Manager: “Yeah, the night manager told me about that. Sometimes it gets busy and wait times are long, and we don’t have the staff to deal with it, so we cancel them.”

Me: “That’s not acceptable! You can’t just cancel people’s orders without telling them!”

Manager: “We don’t have time to call up everyone whose order we cancel. That would just put us further behind.”

(The more we talk, the more clear it is that not only was this NOT a fluke, the manager talks about it like it’s the most normal thing in the world, and even has the nerve to get annoyed with me for calling it bad customer service. All this smells of crap to me, especially when the manager claims they can’t hire more people but that they do more business than any other member of that franchise in the area. Then, he drops a real doozy of a line.)

Manager: “This is just how it is, sir. We just don’t have time to call everyone when we cancel their orders.”

Me: “And you think that’s acceptable? To just leave them not knowing that they’re not getting their pizza?”

Manager: “Well, we don’t charge them.”

(That had never been the thing I was complaining about. It was clear he didn’t get it, so I turned down his offer of a credit — what good is a credit when you probably won’t even make the food? — and told him I’d never be ordering from him again. I contacted corporate to inform them of this and to see if I could arrange for delivery from a different store. They tried to placate me with ANOTHER credit and told me that they don’t allow that. I then told them that I would not be ordering from them again unless I moved to a different location. It’s a shame; I like their pizza, but it’s a moot point if I can’t get it, anyway. I’ll give my business to the locations that actually want my money.)

Free Market Means You’re Free To Leave  

, , , , , | | Right | August 11, 2019

Customer: “Is that the best price you can do?”

Me: “Sure is!”

Customer: “But what if I find it cheaper in another shop?”

Me: “Well, that’s the beauty of a free market, isn’t it?”

A Paperback With A Violent Ending

, , , , , | | Legal | August 10, 2019

Late one foggy night, I was driving to my parents’ house on a rural road which, at that hour, had little traffic. I came across a car ahead of me going the same direction, well under the speed limit, that was slowly drifting from the left lane toward the right. I slowed down and the car eventually went off the road onto the shoulder and then, with a jerk, back up onto the road. Then, the car slowly began drifting from the right off to the left. Repeat. Crap, a drunk driver, I thought. Oddly, I could see the dome light was on in the car.

This was pre-cellphone, or I would have called 911. I waited until they were almost off the road on the right, then sped past in the left lane. I glanced over and the forking idiot had a paperback book open up on the steering wheel and was reading it. While driving. At night. IN THE FOG! I don’t think the guy even noticed me as I went past.

As I got ahead of him and just before he disappeared in the fog I could see him still drifting across the lanes…