Like Comparing Oranges To Applesauce

, , , | | Right | May 17, 2018

(I am working as a waitress taking the order of a middle-aged couple.)

Me: *cheery* “What can I get you for a side?”

Female Customer: “Hmm… What kinds of vegetables do you guys carry?”

Me: “We carry grilled asparagus, steamed broccoli—”

Female Customer: *cutting me off* “Those are not vegetables!”

(I am dumbfounded and cannot think of anything to say.)

Female Customer: “Okay, well, I’ll take the applesauce.”

(I went back to kitchen to bang my head on the wall.)

A Big Mayo No No, Part 5

, , , , , , | | Working | May 17, 2018

(I am running late and don’t have time to make lunch in the morning, so I think I’ll treat myself at a nearby fast food restaurant that has a drive-thru. I pull up to the speaker, and ask for a [chicken sandwich], no mayo.)

Employee: “What mayo was that?”

Me: “No mayo, please.”

Employee: “Hot mayo?”

Me: “No. NO mayonnaise, please. None. No mayo.”

Employee: “So, like, plain?”

Me: “I guess.”

(At the first window, as I pay, I confirm that the sandwich will have all the salad, etc., just no mayo.)

Employee: “Yes, no problem.”

(I’m sceptical. Luckily, there’s nobody immediately behind me when I pull up to the second window to get my food, so I check. Yeah, it’s missing all the salad; it’s literally just a chicken burger in a dry bun. I ask for it to be rectified, and the lady argues with me that I ordered it plain, so it came plain. Eventually a manager comes over,and tells me the same thing. Apparently, it is impossible to order a [chicken sandwich] without mayo but still with the other bits. By now, they’re showing me the ordering system screen, so I can see their predicament. They don’t understand that I don’t care, and all I want is for them to stick their token lettuce, onions, etc., in the thing so I can at least pretend to be vaguely healthy. They go through all the permutations of ordering the [chicken sandwich] until I suggest something.)

Me: “Choose, ‘spicy mayo.’”

(They did it. An option then appeared for “no mayo.” Their system was set up that they had to choose one of the three mayo options — cool, spicy, chilli — to able to remove it. And it took someone who had never seen that system before to work it out.)

A Big Mayo No No, Part 4
A Big Mayo No No, Part 3
A Big Mayo No No, Part 2

His Mind Is Already On The Island

, , , , , | | Working | May 17, 2018

(I am a shift manager and a new employee is starting today. He starts the day by wandering around the store, telling no one that he is here for training, and as such starts his shift 20 minutes late. I begin his orientation, with the basics of the store.)

Me: “So, when you brew a batch of coffee, use either one bag or two depending on—”

New Starter: “Yeah, so, do I get discounts?”

Me: “Uh, yeah, employee discounts. Well, get to them later.”

New Starter: “Oh, okay, cool, because I’m saving for the vacation to Hawaii with my friends.”

(He proceeded to tell me his itinerary, preventing me from both training him and from doing my normal job. Stellar first impression.)

The Back Room Is Also Back In Time

, , , , | | Right | May 17, 2018

(I work in antique shop. A customer approaches and gestures to an Art Deco lamp.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but does this come in any other color?”

Me: “Do you mean when it was originally manufactured?”

Customer: “I mean in stock.”

Me: “That’s a rare manufacturer; it’s actually the first I’ve ever seen one.”

Customer: “So, you don’t have one in blue?”

Me: “Would you like me to research if it was ever created in blue?”

Customer: “No, I want you to go in the back and get me a blue lamp!”

Me: “Sir… that lamp was made almost a hundred years ago, and the manufacturer has been out of business since World War Two. These are antiques.”

Customer: “So what? I don’t get customer service?”

Me: “Not the way you seem to think, no.”

A Not-So-Smooth Transaction

, , , | Right | May 16, 2018

Customer: “What kind of smoothies do you have?”

Me: *lists off smoothies*

Customer: “What’s in the Superfruit smoothie?”

Me: “It has a bunch of lesser-known fruits, so let me take a look at the ingredients real quickly.”

Customer: “Oh, it has fruit in it? I don’t want a smoothie with fruit.”

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