Strange Customers In Your Salad Days

, , , , , | Right | January 18, 2019

(I work at a relatively well-known chain restaurant. My friend — who is Hispanic but speaks fluent English — is the hostess for the night. At this job, the hostesses also take the to-go orders, fix the side stuff for the to-go orders, make sure the orders come out correctly, and check the customers out. Basically, they take care of any to-go order transactions from start to finish. The phone rings and my friend answers it, and I can tell she is taking a to go-order. I hear her repeat herself several times until she gives me a befuddled look, and I go up front to try to see if I can help. I then take the phone from her to see if I can have more luck.)

Me: “Yes, sir, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was trying to order a salad, but I couldn’t understand that little Mexican girl.”

(I’m a bit confounded, as she hardly has an accent at all, and it’s pretty offensive to refer to her as “little” or “Mexican.”)

Me: *still trying to be polite* “I’m sorry about that, sir. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I would like your large house salad, with fried chicken added, with [dressing].”

Me: “Okay, one fried chicken salad with dressing. Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “No! That’s not what I said! I want your large house salad, with fried chicken added!”

Me: “Yes, sir, that is a fried chicken salad.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want that. What is so hard to understand?! I want a salad with lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, croutons, and onions, and I want fried chicken added to it.”

Me: “Yes, sir, that’s what the fried chicken salad is.”

Customer: “But I don’t want a fried chicken salad! I want the large house salad with fried chicken added!”

Me: “Okay, sir. So, that’s one large house salad with fried chicken added with [dressing]. Will that be all for you?”

Customer: *being very rude* “Yes! FINALLY. Thank you!”

(I then ring the order into the computer as a fried chicken salad, as that’s what it is. My friend and I are laughing for a minute at the insanity of it when the phone rings again. I am closer so I go to answer it.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I called a large salad in, with fried chicken added, about five minutes ago.”

Me: “Yes, sir, and what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Cancel my order. I’ve just been in a wreck.” *click*

(My coworker and I sat baffled the rest of the night by the fact that immediately after a collision, his biggest concern was to call and cancel his salad.)

Just Kill Two Livers With One Drink And Make It An Espresso Martini

, , , , , , | Healthy Right | January 18, 2019

(I’m assisting our cardiologist today, rooming patients and doing EKGs and such. One patient comes in with a complaint of palpitations. I do an EKG on him which comes out normal, but there’s something off about this guy — he’s practically bouncing off the walls with nervous energy. The cardiologist goes in to see him and I move on to other patients. About half an hour later, they both come out and the patient leaves. The doctor comes over to me with a look of disbelief.)

Doctor: “That guy drinks eighty ounces of coffee a day. Eighty. Eight-zero.”

Me: “Holy cow. No wonder he was jitterier than a junebug.”

Doctor:And he says he drinks three liters of vodka a week!”

Me: “Oh, my gosh. His poor liver.”

Doctor: “So, obviously, I told him he needs to stop doing that. And you know what he said? He doesn’t want to stop, and he’d rather just take medication for the palpitations!”

Tooth And Brain Decay

, , , , , | Romantic | January 18, 2019

(My husband has just had some dental work done. He wants to brush his teeth, but we use electric toothbrushes, and he thinks those will be too harsh on his tender gums.)

Husband: “Babe, do we have any non-electric toothbrushes?”

Me: “Yes, I think so, behind the bathroom door in the cubbyholes.”

Husband: “Oh, darn. None there.”

Me: “Well… you could use your electric one and not turn it on?”

Husband: “Oh, jeeze. I should have thought of that! I think the dentist injected Novocain into my brain.”

What To Do With The Problem Patients

, , | Healthy Right | January 17, 2019

(I am a receptionist for a medical clinic primarily dealing with elderly patients, meaning that they usually need to have everything explained to them slowly and multiple times to fully understand. We have very few patients under 65, and they normally have no problem understanding anything the first time. Or so I thought. This patient calls in after seeing a doctor the previous day.)

Patient: “Hi, I just saw [Doctor] yesterday, and she ordered some labs for me, which I got done, but no one told me what to do next.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Normally after you have blood work done, the doctor will call you if there are any abnormal results, or we can book another appointment for you to go over those results.”

Patient: “Okay, but no one told me what to do. I’m in pain now.”

Me: “I understand, but those are the options for following up with lab results. Would you like to book another appointment?”

Patient: “Look, no one told me what to do!”

Me: *thinking doctor noted followup instructions in visit notes that I can relay to patient* “Can I get your full name and date of birth?”

(The patient gives info and I pull up their chart. The patient is definitely not elderly.)

Me: “I apologize, I’m just looking at the doctor’s notes really quick.”

Patient: “This is so confusing; nobody told me what to do next! What do I do?”

Me: “I don’t see any followup notes in here. Would you like me to book you another appointment with the doctor to discuss your labs when the results are in?”

Patient: “Fine.”

(I check the schedule, but due to a shortage of doctors, we can’t get him in for two weeks.)

Patient: “This is so frustrating; I’m in pain now!”

Me: “I apologize. Would you like me to just have the doctor call you when the results are in?”

Patient: “This is so ridiculous. No one told me what to do and I’m in pain. What do I do?!”

Me: “We can book you an appointment or I’ll just have to doctor call you; which would you prefer?”

Patient: “I don’t know what to do; nobody told me anything! What do I do?!”

Me: “Sir, I’ve told you your options on what we can do. We can book you an appointment or I can have the doctor call you. What would you like to do?”

Patient: “The doctor didn’t tell me; WHAT DO I DO?!”

Me: “Sir, I’ve told you what your options are, so I guess I’m not understanding what you’re asking me. I can book you a followup appointment or just have the doctor call you.”

(After going back and forth like this for a few more minutes, the patient grudgingly decides to book an appointment. After struggling to find a time that works for him, we finally get it scheduled.)

Patient: “So, what do I do if I don’t understand something the doctor said?”

Me: *at this point frustrated to the point of shaking* “You should probably ask for clarification on something that isn’t clear.”

Patient: “So, if I don’t get something, I should ask the doctor or nurse?”

Me: “Yes, you should ask questions if you don’t understand something.”

Patient: “WELL, NOW YOU’RE JUST INSULTING MY INTELLIGENCE!”

Me: *head-desk*

Printing Data

, , , , | Right | January 17, 2019

(I pick up the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Is [Coworker] in yet?”

Me: “No, he’ll be in at 9:30.”

Customer: “So, he’s not there until 9:30; is what you’re telling me?!”

Me: *pause* “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous, because he said he’d call me when he got back from doing in-homes yesterday, but he must have just gone home when he was done with work, because he never called me! And I’m so mad because he was supposed to install my printer and it still doesn’t work; he did it wrong! It worked at the store, but then I brought it home and it’s not working, and he needs to come here to my house to do it! I don’t care! He needs to come here and fix it!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll get him to call you when he comes in for his shift.”

(She continues to yell at me about how he didn’t make her printer work, and I just continue to agree with her until we finally hang up. My coworker comes in at 9:30 and I give him the customer’s number.)

Coworker: “Oh, my God, I told her I’d call her in the morning. I didn’t say I would call her last night. I don’t understand what she’s doing wrong, because it’s not a wireless printer, so there’s no reason for it not to work. I installed it, and all she has to do is plug it back into her laptop.”

(He reluctantly takes his in-home service stuff and goes to her house to make her happy. The best part is when he gets back.)

Coworker: “Yeah, she was plugging her printer into her router.”

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