This Will Be Tire-ing

, , , | Right | March 18, 2019

(I work for a company that supplies and fits massive tyres on mining equipment, earthmovers, dumpers, backhoes, etc. Some of these things can be nearly six feet across.)

Customer: “I need a new tyre for [big earthmover].”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me what size you need?”

Customer: “It’s big. But not as big as the other ones.”

Me: “…”

Swing Low

, , , , , | Learning | March 17, 2019

(I am a third-grade teacher on recess duty monitoring the students when I notice one of my “behavior problem” students walk in front of a little girl swinging on the swings and almost get hit. I go to stand directly in front of him for the following interaction.)

Me: “[Student], please come here.”

Student: *walks up to me but stops a few feet away*

Me: “I need you to be careful and watch where you are going. You almost–”

(During this, he begins to wander off, and he wanders in front of the little girl swinging and gets creamed. She laid him out flat on the ground.)

Little Girl: *continues swinging*

Me: *watching student lay on the ground, rolling a bit* “Well, I told you to watch where you are going. I don’t really feel sorry for you. Shake it off; you’re okay.”

Student: *gets up and limps for a few minutes before going back to play*

(I think the little girl might have knocked some sense into him because after that incident he hasn’t disrupted my class once.)

Speaking At Volume About Selling Volume But Actually Saying Nothing

, , , , | Working | March 16, 2019

(I work in a thrift store, and we just got a new manager who has decided that she will help our store do “better” by rearranging the store and “fixing some problems.” One of these fixes involves taking away two of my shelves and two of my purse racks, claiming they were flimsy and about to fall over. She doesn’t give me any new shelves to replace them. With a reduced display, I am forced to take product off the floor and stash it in our limited space.)

Me: “[Manager], I need those shelves to display my product.”

Manager: “No, you can sell just fine with the ones you have left. I was hired to improve your numbers from month to month, and by rearranging your space, your area looks more open and like a boutique.”

Me: “But I can’t put out product as well as I could before. I’m literally selling less volume, because some things simply cannot be put out on the floor.”

Manager: “You’ll do fine. And I need you to stop being so negative about my ideas. I will improve the store’s image as well as their numbers if you’ll just stop arguing with me and go along with my plans. We will make more money!”


Manager: “You’ll see…”

(I am not looking forward to next month’s numbers after trying to sell product with only two-thirds of the space to display it.)

I’ll Have The Coffee But In Tea Size

, , | Right | March 15, 2019

(I work at a pretty popular coffee shop in my country. There is one day in particular where customers are not the brightest.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell coffee?”

Me: “Uh… yes. What size would you like?”

Customer: “Coffee.”

Me: “Uh, okay… We have small, medium, or large. Medium is our most popular size.”

Customer: “Coffee.”

Deactivated Brain

, , , | Right | March 15, 2019

(Our furniture company has a card that we use to finance customers’ cash for their payment; they then get a certain amount of months to pay it off. This customer has just received his. I’m trying to take a payment and the card keeps getting declined.)

Customer: “So strange, I just got this card!”

Me: “Sir, you need to call the number on the card and activate it.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

(The customer calls. It is a very long automated system full of menus and submenus. It takes the customer five to ten minutes to talk to an actual person.)

Customer: “So, you’ll activate my card?”

Woman On Phone: “Yes, I’ll transfer you to the automated system; you just put in a PIN and it will be done.”

Customer: “Thanks!” *hangs up without activating the card*

(It took us TWO more tries and fifteen more minutes. He eventually got his furniture.)

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