Not A Cold Joke

, , , | Right | November 8, 2019

(At our store, when the power goes out, the generator does not cover the perishable departments. So, we have to cover them with plastic and then warn customers as they are walking in that they are unable to buy perishable items at the moment. This happens with one of our regulars.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, due to the power outage you are not able to buy any perishable items right now.”

Customer: “Okay, that’s fine.”

(Not even five minutes later:)

Customer: “YOU WEREN’T KIDDING! YOU REALLY CAN’T BUY ANY COLD STUFF!”

(We stood there with our mouths open as she left. Did she really think we were kidding?)

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Their Brain Is Offline

, , , , , | Working | November 8, 2019

My home Internet connection went offline earlier, so I went through the steps that the cable company instructs when we call for disruption: unplug the router and cable modem, wait thirty seconds, plug in the cable modem, let it re-sync, plug in the router, let it re-sync, try to connect. It connected, but then it went down again less than twenty minutes later, so I called the support line.

The tech did a reset from their end, and after the service came back up, she told me that if it went down again to call them again or contact them on their website. She couldn’t explain to me how to contact their website when the Internet connection is down.

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Going Around This Store Gets You Bagged Down

, , , , | Right | November 8, 2019

(I spot a confused-looking customer walking back and forth across the store with a bunch of bananas in her hand.)

Me: “Excuse me. Do you need a hand with anything? You look a little lost.”

Customer: “Oh, yes, please. Could you tell me where I’d find the little plastic bags you put fruit and veggies in? I want to put my bananas in one, but I can’t figure out where they’d be.”

Me: “The plastic bags you put fruit and veggies in?”

Customer: “Yes, where are they.”

Me: “They’re in the fruit and veggie section.”

Customer: “Oh! Is that where they are? Thank you so much.”

(I watched, speechless, as she walked over to said section, right up to the banana stall that she’d clearly already visited, and took a bag from the very obvious roll of bags attached to it. It’s not the fact that she didn’t spot the bags the first time that gets me — although that is odd because they are really obvious — but the fact that she’d wandered all the way over to the other end of the store to see if we kept the fruit and veggie bags there.)

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We Need A New Charity For The Extra Stupid  

, , , , , | Right | November 7, 2019

(I am volunteering with a group that is collecting food donations for the troops. We are standing outside a popular grocery store handing out the list of foods we are looking for as shoppers go in. The idea is that they can purchase the items while shopping and bring them to us on the way out.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, we are collecting food donations today if you want to donate?”

Customer: *takes the list and looks over it* “Oh, I’d love to! I just go get these items and bring them to you?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you just check out these items with your groceries and then bring them to us!”

Customer: “Oh, I pay for them? Never mind, then!” *throws the list on the ground and walks away*

(Apparently, she thought she could just shoplift whatever items she wanted to donate!)

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Understanding The Mobile Part Of Mobile Phone

, , | Right | November 7, 2019

(I specialize in cell phones at my current place of work. One of my coworkers informs me of a customer asking about phones at the help desk. The operator relays this to me over the walkie.)

Operator: “Hey, I have a customer here asking about a phone that was placed on hold?” 

Me: “Well, I didn’t open today so it’s possible he placed one on hold before I arrived. Did he mention which phone it is?” 

Operator: “He says it’s a cell phone for [Cell Phone Provider]

Me: “Okay, but did he mention a brand? If it’s [Popular Brand #1], any of them can be used with any provider, but if it’s [Popular Brand #2], we have a specific amount in stock for that provider.” 

Operator: “Hang on; I’ll check.” 

(A few seconds pass:)

Operator: “He says it’s a portable one.” 

Me: “…” 

(The customer eventually came in. He was looking for a landline.)

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