This One Sure Doesn’t Measure Up

, , , , , | Working | August 4, 2020

As a contractor, I need some day labor to assist in a project, basically manning a shovel. I am talking to some of the prospects because if I find someone with good qualifications and experience I might consider hiring them after their contract with the day labor business is complete.

I am talking to one young fellow who looks to be just out of high school.

Me: “And how are your math skills?”

Laborer: “Math skills? I don’t need no freaking math skills; I’m gonna be a carpenter!”

Me: “…”

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This Is Enough To Make Anyone A Germaphobe

, , , , , , , | Working | August 4, 2020

During the recent health crisis, the bakery I work at has actually gotten a lot more orders and we end up hiring two new guys. One of them is turning into a problem case, seemingly having no common sense about working with food.

I’m working with him one day, showing him how to bag/pack some of the more delicate pies and pastries we make. I leave to take a phone order for a few minutes. I come back and notice he’s licking his fingers every time before grabbing a fresh bag.

Me: “Hey, go wash your hands and stop licking your fingers.”

New Hire: “Well, I can’t open the bags right.”

Me: “Then prep them before you start. Don’t lick your fingers while you’re bagging again; it’s not sanitary.”

I toss the few bags he did while I took the order and go back to my work. Ten minutes later, I go back around to check on him and now he’s blowing hard into every bag to get it open before starting.

Me: “Are you kidding me? Don’t blow into the f****** bags!”

New Hire: *Looking genuinely confused* “Why? I’m not licking the bag.”

I tossed out another dozen bags and called over my boss. Even after a solid five- or ten-minute conversation trying to explain contamination and basic hygienic practices, nothing seemed to stick. My boss decided, in the end, to stick him on delivery duty for the next few weeks while we needed the help.

The strangest thing is that he wasn’t some conspiracy theorist who didn’t believe the outbreak was real; he just genuinely didn’t seem to get that blowing into a bag you’re going to pack with food or licking your fingers every minute while handling food was a bad idea.

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A Complete Num-Dum

, , , | Right | August 3, 2020

I work for a small IT service provider. A lot of our customers are rather inept with computers, but at least they know what they need to do their jobs. Every now and then, however, there’s one that takes the cake. The phone rings.

Me: “[My Company], [My Name] speaking; how can I help?”

Customer: “This is [Customer] from [Company #2]. My keyboard is broken.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, the number buttons don’t work anymore.”

At this point, I have to admit I don’t make the connection. I figure, since he can’t type numbers, remote support won’t, either, as our remote support software works in such a way that we give the customer an ID comprising eight numbers he has to punch in. However, since the customer’s office is only a five-minute walk, I grab a spare keyboard — we always have those laying around — and go there. I arrive and try to reproduce the problem.

I type the numbers via the number keys above the keyboard.

Me: “I can’t seem to reproduce the problem. The number keys work just fine.”

Customer: “Not those, the others.”

He types on the num pad, and indeed, no numbers.

Me: “…”

I press the Num key. The customer types and numbers appear!

Customer: “Oh. Oooh… That’s what that button does? I never used it.”

Me: “Yes. Sometimes it turns off when you restart the computer. Just make sure the LED is on. If it isn’t, press the key.”

The customer thanks me and I leave. At this point, I am slightly annoyed, mostly at myself for not making the connection. But being a professional, even in support, it’s hard sometimes to consider that people don’t know even the simplest stuff. Then again, there are lights on my car’s dashboard of which I don’t know the meaning, either.

The following day, the phone rings.

Me: “[My Company], [My Name] speaking; how can I help?”

Customer: “[Customer] from [Company #2] here. I think my keyboard is really broken this time. It won’t type numbers again.”

Me: “Did you check the light?”

Customer: “Of course I did! It was off and I pushed the button. It’s on now, but it’s still not working.”

At this point, I considered trying remote support, as I now knew he could still type numbers, he just insisted on using the num pad. So, again, I grabbed a spare keyboard, just in case, and walked over.

The customer remembered he had to push “a button on the right side of the keyboard which turns on a light”. However, he couldn’t remember which one. He also couldn’t remember which light was supposed to turn on. He actually found a button that turned on an LED, but it wasn’t Num; it was Roll. The customer now has a post-it on his screen stating, “In case numbers don’t work, press NUM” with a drawing of where the key is located and which light is supposed to be on.

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Voicemail Fail, Part 3

, , , | Right | August 3, 2020

I answer the phone for the umpteenth time today and a younger-sounding female voice is on the other end. There is no greeting or anything.

Caller: “Can I speak to [Boss]?”

Me: “May I ask who’s calling, please?”

Caller: “It’s [Caller].”

Me: “And may I ask what the call is regarding?”

Caller: “No.”

Oookay, then.

Me: “Hold for a moment, please, and let me see if she’s in.”

I call [Boss]’s office and she tells me she’s “in a meeting.” I go back to the call.

Me: “I’m sorry, but it looks like she’s in a meeting right now. May I transfer you to her voicemail and have her call you back after her meeting?”

Caller: “Can you just give her a message for me?”

Me: *Head-desk* “She’ll get your message if you leave a voicemail.”

Caller: *Giggles* “Oh, yeah! Okay. Give me that.”

Me: “Just a moment, please.”

I transferred her over and went right to Not Always Right.

Voicemail Fail, Part 2
Voicemail Fail

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One Nugget Short Of A Combo

, , , , | Working | August 3, 2020

I go to pick up some food on my way to work. I have a coupon for a free order of nuggets and I show the cashier. She puts in two orders of nuggets.

Me: “Excuse me, I only ordered one.”

Cashier: “Yeah, but you have to get two to use the coupon.”

Me: “No, it’s a free nugget with any purchase. I’m also getting [item].”

Cashier: “The system won’t let it work, otherwise. Your total is [amount].”

I don’t want to cause a scene, so I pay. When I get to work, I write a complaint online. I include screenshots of the coupon, where it states nothing about having to buy two orders of nuggets. I get a call later on.

Caller: “Hi, this is [Manager] at [Fast Food Restaurant]. I read that you had an issue with a visit earlier?”

Me: “Yeah, your cashier said I had to buy two orders of nuggets to get one free when the coupon is for one free with any purchase. I checked after I left, and there is no mention of the purchase having to have another order of nuggets. I paid for the second, only because she didn’t seem like she’d want to back down.”

Manager: “Let me look… Okay, is it the coupon on the [Company] app?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manager: “Okay, it does clearly say, ‘Any purchase.’ I don’t know why she’d think it had to be another order of nuggets. If you still have your receipt, I can refund you for your order. I could also offer a couple of coupons for free meals.”

Me: “I’ll take the coupons. I can pick them up after work today.”

I’ve only seen that cashier making food now, not at the register.

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