One Of The Hallmarks Of Not Paying Attention

, , , | Right | August 7, 2017

(A customer comes into the fabric store where I am working the cash register. She is in an obviously upset state.)

Customer: “Do you carry sign-in registers for guests at funerals?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry those.”

Customer: “Oh, my gosh; I don’t know what I will do. I have tried everywhere and can’t find one.”

Me: “Well, have you tried the Hallmark store next door? They have all kinds of paper goods.”

Customer: “I thought I was at Hallmark’s.”

Me: *looking around at our 5000 bolts of fabrics and shelves of scissors and other sewing related items* “No, ma’am, this is [Store].”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you say so? That’s just rude.”

You Can Bet Cold Hard Cash On It

, , , | Right | August 7, 2017

(I’ve just started a shift running the self-checkouts. One of our six machines is having problems dispensing money, so we have a huge sign in bright clear letters that reads “Debit/Credit Only — No Cashback” covering the bill and coin acceptors. At this point, only two machines are being used by customers. Another customer arrives.)

Customer: *walks up to the broken machine, stares at the sign, and then after a long moment turns to me* “So, does this machine take cash?”

Me: *blinks* “No?”

Customer: *as if they expected a different answer* “Oh.” *looks around in confusion before settling on using one of the other free machines*

Me: *in a whisper to my coworker* “Should I expect a lot of this today?”

Coworker: *nods*

This Is A Bad Sign(ature)

, , , | Right | August 6, 2017

(I’m taking the payment for a reservation a customer just made.)

Me: “Okay, I just need to get that three-digit code on the back of your credit card.”

Customer: “Where is that?”

Me: “There should be two sets of numbers after your signature. I need the second set of digits.”

Customer: “I didn’t sign my card. Where would it be, then?”

The Wicked Witch Of The West Is Ectothermic

, , | Learning | August 4, 2017

(Our biology teacher has just finished explaining the difference between endotherms and ectotherms.)

Teacher: “So, endothermic organisms maintain their body temperature at a constant level whereas ectothermic organisms react to the environmental temperature. Now what about humans? How do they react to heat?”

Classmate: “They melt?”

You’d Have To Literally Turn Those Numbers Around

, , , , | Friendly | July 28, 2017

Friend: “Wouldn’t it be crazy if Halloween fell on a Friday the 13th?!”

Me: “Yep… that would be crazy!”

(I don’t think she ever figured out her error. What’s funny is that many years later I was sharing this anecdote with another friend and he remarked “I think it did, one time, like, years ago”.)

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