Needs Some Stupidity Insurance

, , , | Right | September 16, 2018

(I work in a call centre where we handle calls for several different insurance companies — primarily travel insurance — as well as our own in-house policies.)

Me: “Good morning. You’re through to [Company]. My name is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, hey. I’m going backpacking next month and my mum says I need insurance.”

Me: “Okay. We do insurance policies especially for backpacking trips. I just need a few details and I can get you a price.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “First, where are you going on this trip?”

(The customer rattles off lots of different countries, including Europe, America, and even Asia and Africa. It turns out he is travelling for almost a year.)

Me: “Okay, so, you’ll need worldwide coverage, but it covers you for—” *I tell the customer all the things it covers him for* “In order to determine a price, I just need a few more details. Let’s start with your date of birth.”

Customer: “Uh…” *long pause* “MUM! WHEN WAS I BORN?”

(I hear his mother in the background shouting his date of birth, which he then gives to me.)

Me: “Thank you. Now, do you have any pre-existing medical conditions, such as asthma?”

Customer: “Uh…” *another long pause* “MUM! DO I HAVE ANY MEDICAL CONDITIONS?”

(I hear his mother shouting in the background.)

Customer: *talking to his mother* “What? I have diabetes and asthma?”

Mother: *in background* “Why do you think you have an inhaler and an epi-pen?”

Customer: “OH! That’s what those are for!”

(At this point my jaw just drops.)

Customer: “Yeah, so, I have diabetes and asthma. Who knew?”

(I finalise the quote, add in extra medical coverage for his conditions, and he pays. When I hang up, my colleague, who must have overheard the conversation, turns to me and laughs.)

Coworker: “That kid is going to wake up in a bathtub of ice with missing kidneys before the end of his first week abroad.”

Not On Fine Form Today

, , , | Healthy | September 16, 2018

(Our clinic gives out a Privacy Consent form to new patients, making them aware that the information given will be forwarded to their doctor when results are ready, and to medicare to claim their Bulk Billing. Our clipboards usually have about fifty forms on them, all the same. A patient comes to the desk with one and hands it to me.)

Patient: *cheerily* “Finally. Here you go.”

Me: “Thank you! Have a seat.”

(I take the top one off and get ready to scan it into his file when I notice the second is filled out, as well.)

Me: “How many did you…”

Coworker #1: *whispers* “Just let it go.”

(I flip through the forms. They are all filled out. Luckily there were only nine left on the clipboard. I’d hate to see what would have happened if there had been fifty like all the other clipboards. Not long after, [Coworker #2] is going through the draws beside me.)

Coworker #2: “I can feel your blood boiling.”

Me: “I just… I can’t. It’s… a shame. He was good-looking, as well. He’s just…. an idiot.”

The Bad State Of Your ID

, , , , , , | Working | September 15, 2018

(I am originally from Connecticut, but I’m attending college in New York State. Since I have no plans to live there after graduation and return home every summer, I have no New York documentation; my drivers’ license and plates are all Connecticut. I’m on a date with a guy who is a NY native, and we stop at a gas station to fill up his bike and buy smokes.)

Me: “A pack of [Brand], please.”

Cashier: “I’ll need to see your ID.”

(Obviously, this is expected, and I am well over the legal age to purchase cigarettes, so I happily hand it over)

Cashier: *handing it back* “No, I need your New York ID.”

Me: “What? I’m not from New York ,though. This is the only ID I have.”

Cashier: “We can’t take out-of-state IDs. It’s the law.”

Me: *by now completely baffled* “Um… I’m pretty sure it’s not. I’ve bought cigarettes in plenty of New York locations before; my ID being out of state doesn’t stop it being valid. Are you seriously telling me that someone, say, on a road-trip through the area, couldn’t buy cigarettes until they returned home?”

Cashier: *snottily* “I’m not getting arrested over this, ma’am. If you can’t show me a valid license, then I can’t sell you cigarettes.”

(By now I’m very annoyed, but my date cuts in.)

Date: “It’s okay, babe. Just go back out to the bike.”

(I resign myself to nicotine cravings and do as he says. When he joins me a minute later, he hands me the very pack I’ve just been attempting to purchase, while pocketing his own, different brand.)

Me: “Seriously?!”

Date: “Yeah. Idiot didn’t even blink when I asked for your brand.”

(So, to sum it up: accepting a perfectly valid license is illegal, but letting someone else buy cigarettes for someone you believe is legally unable to purchase them is okay!)

Two Heads Are Better Than One

, , , , , , | Romantic | September 15, 2018

(I love my husband to pieces, but when he’s sleep-deprived, the absolute dumbest crap comes out of his mouth. Example: After working multiple night shifts as a police officer on an incredibly busy holiday weekend, he insists on coming with me to my first sonogram appointment instead of getting some much-needed rack time.)

Technician: “Okay, there’s your baby’s head! And… oh, my.”

Me: “What? What’s wrong?”

Technician: “Oh, there’s another one in there!”

Husband: *horrified* “Our baby has two heads?!”

Me: *forcing down the laughter* “No, honey, we’re having twins. I think I’m driving us home.”

Husband: *face firmly in palm* “Okay, yeah, that’s fair.”

Folded Into A Humorous Situation

, , , , | Right | September 15, 2018

(I work in retail and get this often enough that I am tired of hearing it. One afternoon a coworker and I are folding clothes on a table that guests have messed up while shopping.)

Guest: “Miss, do you work here?”

Me: *looks down at my obvious work uniform* “No, sir, my friend and I here just like folding clothes at various retail stores for kicks.”

Guest: “Oh, okay.” *walks off*

(Between my laughter and my coworker’s, I went to the man and apologized, explaining I did work here, and helped him. He laughed, too, so all was good, but he was the first guest that had taken me seriously.)

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