This Conversation Is Going Down The Drain

, , , , , , , | Right | October 20, 2017

(I am working with a customer to find a drain that will fit his custom-made sink. It’s going slowly, but smoothly enough.)

Me: “Okay, I have found one that will work. What finish will you need it in?”

Customer: “One that will match my faucet.”

Me: “Okay, what color is your faucet?”

Customer: “Brown-ish.”

Me: “Um, okay. So… oil-rubbed bronze? A dark brown?”

Customer: “No… Like a light brown.”

Me: “Do you know the brand? That might help narrow this down so that we get a matching drain for you.”

Customer: “Um… I don’t know. I think it starts with a ‘D’ or something.”

(I manage to narrow down the brands and find the color.)

Me: “Well, I will have to order the drain in that color, but I am positive this is the right one. It should be here in the next two to four days. Will that be all right?”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “What does what mean?”

Customer: “Order.”

Me: “Well, sometimes we don’t have the right thing in stock. We have to reach out to the manufacture and have them send one to us.”

Customer: “So, you don’t make these things?”

Me: “No, sir. Each brand is in charge of making their products. We are in charge of selling them.”

Customer: “Well, how lazy! You should make them!”

Me: “We are not a brand. We are a home improvement store. If we made all the brands, they would just be one big brand.”

Customer: “That does not even make sense! All these things are made by some big corporation!”

Me: “I can assure you that is not the case. This brand is made in Indiana, this one in California, several are made overseas in Japan or China, and I have a few that are made in Mexico. And that is just in faucets.”

Customer: “Whatever. Order that part, since you don’t want to make me one.”

Me: “Okay, we can do that! I will need at least a half payment down. That would be $25. A ten dollar handling charge will be added when the part comes in.”

Customer: “You don’t need money down! Just order it!”

Me: “I am afraid I cannot do that. Money is put down to ensure that the ordered part will be fully purchased after it comes in.”

Customer: “What if I decide I don’t want it?”

Me: “Then you pay the handling free, but the rest of the money will be refunded.”

Customer: “You would keep part of my money?”

Me: “The item costs money to be ordered; therefore, the handling fee money stays with the store. It’s like a shipping fee when you order something online.”

Customer: “That is such a lie! Why are you trying to take my money?”

Me: “I can promise no one is trying to take your money. All you have to do is put half down, and then pick up the item when it comes in, with the other half of the money.”

Customer: “And I would get the handling free back?”

Me: “No. That is part of the total price of the item.”

Customer: “I want a manager!”

(My manager comes over after a minute or two of awkward silence.)

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Yes, this lady is trying to swindle me! She refused to make me a drain, lied to me about where this stuff is made, and is now trying to swindle me with fees!”

Manager: “So, what you are really saying is that she found what you needed, but we are out of stock, and you have to order this part with a standard handling fee?”

Customer: “Yes! Just go to the back and make me a drain!”

Manager: “I am sure it’s been explained to you that each brand makes its own parts? Each brand is unique with coloring, style, and manufacturing process.” *customer tightly nods* “I cannot go to the back and magically make one out of a pallet. Now, would you like to order the part you need, or do I have to escort you out for accusing my employee of theft?”

(The customer threw down $25 dollars and stormed out. We ordered the part, but since the customer stormed out, we never got into contact information. Two weeks later:)

Customer: “WHERE IS MY DRAIN?”

Manager: *who saw him come in* “We ordered it, but since you left without giving us any contact information, we had no way of informing you. If you would like to pay the remaining balance, I will happily send my associate to get it from the back.”

Customer: “This is such terrible customer service. You just didn’t want to call me!”

Manager: “I am supposed to know how to call you when you left no name, number, or any sort of identification to get a hold of you?”
Customer: “Yes!”

How To Screen-Capture Idiocy

, , , , | Working | October 20, 2017

(I receive an email from my supervisor:)

Supervisor: “We understand that the computer systems are being laggy and slow. Please send me a screenshot so that I can submit a ticket to IT.”

(I forward the email to my husband, who works in the same company, so that he can see the idiocy.)

Husband: *walks over to [Supervisor]* “Really, [Supervisor]?”

Supervisor: “I know it’s dumb, but IT requested it.”

(And there you have it. The IT department of a monolithic Fortune 500 company requested a static image of a computer program being slow.)

That Snow Mountain…

, , , , , , , | Working | October 20, 2017

(My mother is an x-ray technician at a large hospital in Alabama, and it should be noted that she grew up in the Rocky Mountains of Nevada. One day, everyone starts rushing around frantically, and half the staff are heading home early. When she asks, she is told…)

Coworker #1: “I have to get up the mountain before the storm hits!”

Mom: “Mountain? What mountain? And what do you mean, ‘before the storm hits?’”

Coworker #1: “They just announced a snowstorm is going to hit Huntsville, starting in just a few hours. They’ve already cancelled schools and sent the kids home early. But a lot of us live on the other side of the mountain, so we need to get there before the storm hits, or we’ll never make it!”

Mom: “Again, what mountain? There are no mountains around here.”

(After a few more rounds of useless talk, and hearing the weather report for herself, she finally drags the coworker to a window.)

Mom: “What mountain?!”

Coworker #1: “Over there!”

Mom: *squints* “That’s not a mountain. That’s a hill. Maybe. More like a gentle rise.”

(Just then, another hospital employee comes up with a clipboard, looking rather harried.)

Nurse: “Okay, [Mom]… [Mom]…. Oh! Right. Your ride is [Coworker #2], and he’ll be there to pick you up at 5:30 tomorrow.”

Mom: “My ride? I drive myself, thanks. And my shift doesn’t start until 8:00, anyway.”

Nurse: “Oh, I know. But with all the snow, most people won’t be able to make it in. So, we’ve dropped to the bare essential staff, and everyone with four-wheel-drive is going around to pick up everybody else. You’re on [Coworker #2]’s route, and he’ll be there at 5:30.”

Mom: “You do realize I’m from Nevada, right? Rocky Mountains? Snow? My car has front-wheel drive. I’ll be here for my shift. You can take me off the list.”

Nurse: “But you need four-wheel-drive to drive in snow! What if you don’t make it? What if you crash? The ambulances won’t get to you in time!”

Mom: “We’re expecting ‘up to an inch.’ It’s not exactly a blizzard. I’ll be fine. Take my name off the list, because if someone comes pounding on my door at 5:30, my husband and I will not be pleased.”

(Mom left at her normal time and made it home, on the other side of the “mountain,” just fine. A little slow, due to traffic, but fine. The next morning, she likewise made it into work without incident, and was the only person who was well-rested, having slept her normal eight hours, instead of carpooling in hours early.)

Death Is Foolish

, , , | Learning | October 20, 2017

(I am in an Introduction to English Literature class, and there are varying types of students taking it. There are those that actually enjoy the content and those that are there just to get the English credit. We are discussing Shakespeare’s play, ‘Hamlet,’ and have to answer questions on what happens. If you pay attention in class or even go on Sparknotes, you can figure out what’s going on and the questions are super easy. Despite this, my professor still receives some weird answers, one of which he decides to share with the class.)

Professor: *reading off response* “’…but Hamlet escapes and leaves them looking foolish.’ Well, no, actually, if you recall, he left them looking rather dead.”

There Should Be An App For That

, , , , , | Right | October 20, 2017

Me: “You’ll want to update your app to alleviate the issue.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “Just head to the app store and search for [App].”

Customer: “I’m sorry; I simply don’t have time to drive to the app store today.”

Page 3/6412345...Last
« Previous
Next »