This Is Ending ‘Up’ Badly

, , , , , | Right | June 18, 2017

(I’m working in a small thrift store where we sell items for generally pretty cheap when a middle-aged man walks in and starts shopping.)

Customer: *puts a jacket on the counter* “I need you to check the price of this now.”

Me: *after scanning the item* “Okay, sir, this jacket comes up to 19.99.”

Customer: “19.99? The rack says 3.99, though.”

Me: “It’s a 3.99 and up rack so the prices could vary.”

Customer: “It says 3.99, though.”

Me: “It’s a 3.99 and up rack, sir.”

Customer: *walks over and grabs five more identical jackets* “Price check these.”

Me: “These are all of the same jacket they’ll all be the same price.”

Customer: “But it says 3.99.”

Me: “It’s an ‘and-up’ rack; the prices vary.”

Customer: “So it’s now 3.99?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “Hmm, okay…” *dumps everything on the counter and walks out*

That’s One Fabuloso Cup Of Coffee

, , , , , | Friendly | June 18, 2017

(I volunteer at the hospital in the department that my mom works in. Her job involves her mostly talking on the phone and typing on the computer. Her coworker’s desk is not too far from my mom’s and I’m putting together a chart when I overhear this. Note that this is not violating any HIPAA policies, since the woman on the phone is not a patient at that hospital, and it’s more of a personal phone call since she’s best friends with the woman’s daughter.)

Coworker: “Hey, how’s [Best Friend]? *the woman says something on the phone* “Wait, what?” *the woman then repeats herself* “You made coffee out of bleach and Fabuloso?!” *at this point, I’m all ears* “I’m going to put you on hold; I’m calling poison control.”

(She then puts her on hold and starts to call poison control. At this point, my mom is even curious.)

Mom: “Who was that?”

Coworker: “That’s [Best Friend]’s mom. Apparently she found that bucket of bleach and Fabuloso and thought it was water and decided to make coffee with it.”

Mom: “But didn’t you write ‘Do not drink’ on it? And why is she calling you and not [Best Friend]?

Coworker: “I did, but she didn’t read it and she didn’t want [Best Friend] to find out.”

(Turned out, my mom was helping her coworker and the best friend paint her mother’s house and they needed to clean the walls. Even though you’re not supposed to, they mixed bleach and Fabuloso which made it easier to clean the walls with. They placed it under the sink so they could use it again that weekend coming up and apparently the mom thought it was water. After talking to poison control, it took them a while to tell them that it was the mother who made the coffee herself and not them, and that said mother was not suicidal. Luckily it wasn’t fatal and all she had was just a headache, but she did say that was the best coffee she ever had. Yes, my mom’s coworker told her friend what happened after she called poison control and went to go check on her mother. To this day, my mom always jokes that the Fabuloso made the coffee delicioso.)

A Potential Explosion Of Complaint

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2017

(I work in a 24-hour service station and as such I see plenty of people lighting cigarettes at the pumps, talking on the phone while pumping, etc, but this story by far takes the cake as the most incredible lack of common sense I have ever seen in my life. It is about 8:30 in the morning and I am changing the bins in the forecourt when a truck driver approaches me.)

Truck Driver: “They’re not allowed to do that, are they?” *points to one of the pumps*

(I look over to see a man connecting jumper cables to his battery, AT THE PUMP.)

Me: “No, they’re not.” *walks over to them* “Hi, guys. I’m sorry, but you can’t try to jump start it here. You need to move it away from the pump.”

Customer: “We can’t start it to move it.”

Me: “I understand that, mate, but you need to put it in neutral and try to roll it away. If you try to jump start it here, it could make a spark and the whole place could go up.”

(At this point the customer pretty much ignores me and continues connecting the leads. Luckily by this stage the man who is kind enough to offer to use his car to jump start it is within earshot.)

Me: “I’m sorry guys, but you REALLY can’t jump start it here!”

Kind Customer: “Oh, we can’t?”

Me: “Not right next to the pump. You need to try and move it away.”

(The customers manage to roll the car away from the pump and jump start it. I just couldn’t believe the complete lack of disregard for everyone’s safety!)

They’re Not Running On Full Charge

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2017

(A thirty-something woman comes into the camera shop, pushes past some other customers, and slams a camera bag onto the counter, brandishing a receipt.)

Customer: “I bought this camera yesterday! AND IT’S BROKEN!”

(She thrusts the receipt in front of my face, and jabs her finger at the date. It’s worth noting that when we sell a camera, we always open the box and check that it’s working before the customer leaves the store.)

Customer: “I want a replacement, and an upgrade to a better camera!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that, ma’am! May I please have a look at the camera?”

(The customer issues a massive sigh, opens the camera bag and shoves a little point and click camera at me. I turn it over at I notice that the battery door is ajar. I open the battery door.)

Me: “The battery is in upside down.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “The battery is in upside down, and so the battery door won’t close. One second.”

(I used a bit of tape to remove the lithium-ion rechargeable battery, turn the camera on, check it’s working, and then hand it back to her. It has about 50% charge.)

Customer: “So you’re not going to give me an upgrade?!”

Me: “Sorry, madam, but I can’t do that. If it were broken, I would happily give you a replacement, or a refund, but I couldn’t give you an upgrade. As it is, the camera isn’t broken. When you removed the battery, you put it back in upside down.”

(She does a job of looking over the camera, takes bunch of photos, and finally seems happy that the camera is working. I think everything is sorted. It wasn’t. Just before closing time, she comes in again, and makes a beeline for me.)

Customer: “IT’S BROKEN AGAIN!”

Me: “How can I help?”

Customer: “When I turn it on, It gives an error message, and then turns off again! I want you to UPGRADE me to a better camera!”

Me: “Again, sorry, I can’t give you an upgrade, but I can replace or give you a refund. May I please see the camera?”

(She hands me the camera. I turn it on and it says “battery exhausted.”)

Me: “Oh! This message just means that the battery is flat. Once you recharge the battery using the charger, or plugging the camera in, she’ll be right!”

Customer: “What do you mean, I have to charge the battery? Doesn’t it just take photos?”

(I stare at her for a long moment.)

Me: “No, madam. Like your mobile phone, you need to recharge the batteries when they go flat.”

Customer: “You mean I have to plug it into the wall?!”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

Customer: “But it just takes pictures.”

Me: “…and that uses electricity. When the battery goes flat you need to charge it.”

Customer: “I wasn’t told that when I bought it yesterday! I want a camera that doesn’t need batteries or charging. Now are you going to give me an upgrade, or do I need to speak to your manager?!”

Me: *sigh*

This Is Making Them Very (Past) Tense

, , , , , | Right | June 14, 2017

(I work at an airport in New York City. A customer approaches, looking confused after looking over the arriving flights monitor.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “What’s the difference between ‘Landing’ and ‘Landed’?”

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