A Significant Degree Of Stupidity

, , , , , | Working | November 17, 2018

I work in a coffee shop in a very student-heavy town. We are known globally for the standard of our students. The coffee shop is attached to a bar, so when the cafe closes, the bar opens, and we often clear the bar area in the mornings.

I get assigned a new coworker who is a student at the local university. On his first day, he has his safety talk and induction. On the second day, I have to remind him that taking a tray out of the 200-degree oven with your bare hands is not a good idea, as it will hurt. This lesson has to be repeated every day until it is decided he isn’t safe near the oven.

On the next week, he and I are on opening duties, so we have to clear the bar area. I take all the dregs and put them in a jug; as I am clearing I put the jug on the side. This brain box decides to try and drink the dregs, is promptly sick, and is sent home.

After this and similar instances of brainlessness, he is let go from the company. Can’t say I miss the walking disaster.

Do As I Say, Not As You [Do]

, , | Right | November 17, 2018

Me: “Then, I just need you to press the green button. After that, select [option].”

Customer: “It just says [not option].”

Me: “Did you press the green button?”

Customer: “No, I pressed [not the green button].”

Me: “Yeah, that’s the problem with pressing [not the green button]; it doesn’t take you to [option].”

Different Places, Different Paces

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(A customer calls from London because he needs some help checking in for his flight back to Athens.)

Customer: “Hello. I’m trying to check in online but the site is not working right.”

Me: “I’m afraid the online check-in service will be available four hours from now.”

Customer: “Is it four hours in Greek time or English time?”

Me: “You know, time doesn’t work like that.”

Gives New Meaning To “Thick As Thieves”

, , , , , , | Legal | November 16, 2018

My stepdad currently works for a national pizza chain as a delivery driver. It is no secret that people intent on stealing from pizza delivery drivers will call in fake orders, and when the driver shows up, they take money and sometimes even the car the person is driving.

My stepdad got one those orders one night. He showed up at the house and was held at gunpoint, and thieves took the car and what little cash he had on him.

After two weeks of my mom thinking they would not get their car back, my stepdad called from work and told my mom he was on his way to pick her up. Come to find out the two idiots who stole the car two weeks prior had attempted to sell it.

While they were trying to sell the car, they told the person that they were trying to sell it to that they had stolen it from a pizza delivery driver for the company my stepdad worked for. The guy got the idiots to let him take it for a test drive, and when he was far enough away he found the registration to the car and called all the [Pizza Chains] in the area until he tracked down my stepdad and returned the car to him and my mom.

Let this be a lesson to all criminals: if you are going to try and sell a stolen car — or anything for that matter — do not mention it is stolen and from whom you stole it.

What Kind Of Goats Has She Been Seeing?

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I work in a vegan store, so of course we don’t sell any dairy products.)

Customer: “In which shelf do you have goat milk?”

Me: “We don’t sell any milk from animals, because we’re a vegan store.”

Customer: *thinks for some seconds* “But goat milk is not from cows; it must be vegan!”

Me: *looks at her* “But goats are also animals. And as I said, we don’t have products from any animal.”

Customer: “Ah, you are right. I never thought about that goats that way.”

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