Know Where You Can Stuff Those Cancer Pipes

, , , , | Right | March 15, 2018

(Due to the sheer volume of stock we have donated to our charity shop, only a small percentage of our bric-a-brac is on display. Customers know to ask us if they want something they can’t see.)

Older Gentleman: “Do you sell pipes?”

Me: “Pipes? Copper pipes? Wind pipes? Glass pipes?”

Older Gentleman: “Yes, pipes.” *mimes a smoking pipe*

Me: “Sir, we are a cancer charity; we will not sell anything to do with smoking.”

Older Gentleman: “Yes, that was a bit of a stupid question, wasn’t it?”

(I must admit it did make me giggle throughout the day.)

When You’re Acting Like A Boss

, , , , | Working | March 15, 2018

(I have been working at this very small, family-owned store for a year now, and it’s time for my review. Because our only manager quit several months ago, I have personally taken on many of her old responsibilities just to keep the store afloat. The owner hasn’t seemed to notice and, in fact, has been treating me fairly poorly. I assume this is due to stress. But he’s refused to promote any of his employees to manager roles or to hire a new manager. He claims he is now the new manager, despite losing his temper any time I attempt to pass him management duties that aren’t actually part of my job description or pay grade. We finally sit down for my interview, and I am hoping for a good review so I can ask for a raise based on my increased responsibilities.)

Owner: “Okay. Well, I like to keep this process very formal, just so you know, for paperwork reasons and clarity. I rate everything on a scale of one to five, one being grounds for termination and five being excellent. Don’t worry about the grade, though, if you don’t get a five. Nobody gets a five. Two to three is pretty average; it means you’re doing okay, but there’s room for improvement.”

Me: “Uh… Okay. This seems a bit formal for our usually informal systems.”

Owner: “Well, this is important, and I like to keep it very orderly so there are no questions later, and for the paper trail.”

Me: *wondering if he’s about to fire me now* “Uh… Sure.”

Owner: “Here is my list of the various areas of the job and your mark. You’ll see you’re a two to three on everything.”

Me: “Oh.”

Owner: “Do you have any questions?”

Me: “Well… I guess I don’t understand why I am not doing well in the store. I did not expect to rate this way.”

Owner: “Well, two to three is actually very good. A four would be management, and nobody who works for me is management. And five, nobody gets.”

Me: “Nobody?”

Owner: “Well, if you get a five, then I might consider making you partner.” *laughs* “It’s the top ranking!”

Me: “Uh, okay. Well, can you give me specifics on what I can do to improve my… rating? The things you’ve listed here seem very minor. I feel as if I’ve taken on most of the managerial responsibilities since [Old Manager] left, and I’m surprised you feel I am not up to the task.”

Owner: “Oh, really? Huh. Like what?”

Me: *lists duties*

Owner: “Really. Well, I’ll do those from now on; don’t worry.”

Me: “You know, I don’t mind doing them, but I was kind of hoping for a raise.”

Owner: “No, no, it’s okay. That’s my responsibility now, as the store’s manager. Anyway, the stores aren’t doing very well, anymore. We’re pretty down from the last month. I have to figure out a way to fix it. I’m sorry; I just can’t give out any raises right now.”

Me: “I see.”

Owner: “Any other questions about these sheets?”

Me: “I guess not.”

Owner: “Great. Thanks for meeting me so late! I wanted to get this done before we head off to Italy tomorrow for a few weeks. I left you a task list. If you could make sure to delegate the duties to everyone else tomorrow when you come in, that’d be great. Have a good night. See you when I get back!”

(Then, he actually left for Italy for three weeks. Guess who ran the store?)

A Combo Of Inattention

, , , , , | Right | March 15, 2018

(I’m in line to order behind three people: [Customer #1], [Customer #2], and [Customer #2]’s wife, [Customer #3]. [Customer #1] and [Customer #2] each step up, make their orders, and step back. They also both order the same combo. [Customer #1] ends up stepping away from the counter, causing [Customer #2] to pull ahead. The employee finishes the order and puts it on the line.)

Employee: “[Combo]!”

(As [Customer #1] steps up, [Customer #2] grabs the order.)

Employee: “No, sir. That’s his order.”

([Customer #2] ignores the employee and tries again to take the combo.)

Customer #1: “No, that one’s mine.”

Employee: “Please, sir, your order is coming.”

([Customer #3] steps in.)

Customer #3: “Honey, that’s the young man’s order. Ours is next.”

Customer #2: “He said [Combo]!”

(The wife grabs [Customer #2] by the arm and drags him back away from the counter.)

Customer #3: *to [Customer #1]* “Sorry about him. At times he’s not very bright. Enjoy your food.”

(When I get my order I still hear the couple arguing:)

Customer #3: “Our order is to go. That young man’s food was on a tray. How the hell were you going to carry it?”

We’ve Upgraded You To Time Travel

, , , , | Working | March 15, 2018

(I am on the phone with customer service about an item I ordered.)

Me: “Hey, I ordered this item this morning [Wednesday] with two-day shipping, but it says it won’t arrive until next Tuesday.”

Customer Service Rep: “Sorry, that item isn’t in stock until Saturday. After it is in stock, it will be normal two-day shipping.”

Me: “The page says nothing about it being out of stock.”

Customer Service Rep: “It does on my screen, sir.”

Me: “It doesn’t anywhere on mine. It says it’s in stock.”

Customer Service Rep: “Sorry about that. I’ll upgrade you to one-day shipping for the inconvenience. Now the item will arrive this Friday.”

Me: “Um… Friday is before Saturday.”

Customer Service Rep: “Yes, that’s correct, sir. I’ve upgraded you.”

Me: “So, the item will be here on Friday?”

Customer Service Rep: “Yes.”

Me: *long pause* “Okay, then.”

(Yes, it arrived on Friday.)

Has No Problem Express-ing Themselves

, , , , | Right | March 14, 2018

(We are a relatively small grocery store; as a result, we only have one express lane that is basically always open unless it’s broken. On this particular day, our express lane has stopped working. I see a customer with only bread and eggs in his hands. He makes his way to our express cash only to realize it’s closed. As I make eye contact, he gives me this sort of deer-in-headlights look.)

Me: “Our express lane is currently broken, but we’d be happy to help you at any other cash.”

(The customer mumbles something while shaking his head and walking towards our lottery and cigarettes counter. You can also pay there, but it’s in its own sector near the exit doors. My coworker calls me to tell me what happens next.)

Coworker: *trying to make small talk* “Oh, are there really long lines at the other registers?”

Customer: “No, but your express lane is closed and I want to pay cash.”

Coworker: “Oh, okay.”

Customer: “You know, it’s so annoying that I can’t pay at any cash unless I’m using debit or credit.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but you can pay cash, debit, or credit at all of our registers.”

Customer: *being very condescending* “Look. I know how it works here; either you pay cash at the express or you can’t pay at all without a plastic card.”

Coworker: “I assure you, all our cashes take cash.”

Customer: “YOU’RE AN IDIOT! I’ll say it more slowly for you.” *speaking very slowly* “Your express lane is broken; therefore, I must pay in here because none of the other cashes take cash.”

Coworker: “All right. I understand, sir. Sorry for the inconvenience. Have a good day.”

Customer: *walks out mumbling about the express cash being broken*

Page 3/18612345...Last
« Previous
Next »