Should Have Paid More Attention In Regular School

, , , , | Learning | February 24, 2018

(I work at a motorcycle training school. A boy rings for training for him and his dad. We have motorcycle training for learners which is done every two years; this is cheaper on renewal than the first time you do it. The boy is asking for two slots, one for him and one for his dad.)

Me: “Okay, as a deal, we’ll do that for £200 for the both of you.”

(It turns out his is a renewal and it’s a first-time course for his dad.)

Me: “Oh, in that case, it’s £80 for you and £110 for your dad.”

Caller: “But you said £200 for both!”

Me: “Well, okay, then. As I promised, we’ll do it for £200 between you.”

Caller: “Great, thanks! See you next weekend!”

Trying To Pad Out The Sale

, , , , , , | Right | February 23, 2018

(We run a business that supplies weapons, clothing, and armour for Live Action Role Play [LARP] and re-enactment. We often set up and sell directly to customers at games, as well as participating in the combat ourselves.)

Me: “So, you want the full set of plate armour? That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Great. I can’t wait!”

Me: “Do you have a gambeson?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a type of padded jacket you need to wear underneath most armours. It’s great for protecting your real-world squishy meat sack from the physical force of the blows, and—”

Customer: “Nah, it’s fine. They’re just toy swords. How much damage can they do?”

Me: “Again, it’s full, steel-plate armour, and without a gambeson to pad it, a lot of the force on it is transferred straight to your body. I suppose if you have, like, a puffy winter jacket—”

Customer: “Listen. Stop trying to upsell me, all right?! I’ve been doing this stuff for years! Just… the d***… armour.”

Me: “All right. It’s your call, mate.”

(I processed the sale, and then assisted him into the armour, as it’s very difficult to achieve alone, and the customer had no friends to help. An hour after that, full combat started, and I could see this guy running down the field at full tilt. A minute later, a Code Red was called for a serious injury that required the medical officer. The customer had fallen over and cracked a rib inside his own armour, because there was no padding.)

Impossible To Bring Them Up-To-Date

, , , | Healthy | February 23, 2018

(I work at a disability law office and part of my job is to send out requests for medical records for our clients. We routinely get calls from the records departments of the doctors and hospitals we deal with, saying they don’t have the records requested. My favorite, though, is one from a clinic down the road whose record keeper has worked there for over five years. This conversation leaves me stunned to this day.)

Employee: “Hi, this is [Employee] from [Clinic], calling about the medical request you guys sent us. It says here you’re needing records from May 6th, 2016 to present date. What is present date?”

Me: “Um, present date would be now. Today.”

Employee: “Oh. Well, we don’t have any records for May 6th.”

Me: “Okay. What about after that? The client said she had been there three times since we last requested records. Was she there June 4th?”

Employee: “Let me check. Yeah, she was here.”

Me: “Okay, what about August 12th and September 17th?”

Employee: “Yeah, we have records for those days, but we don’t have any for May 6th.”

Me: “That’s fine. We just need any records that are there between May 6th and now.”

Employee: “But there aren’t any records for May 6th. She wasn’t here that day. There’s no records I can give you.”

Me: “No. Look: she was there on May 5th, okay? That’s the last date of service we got here in our records. So, we are sending for records from the day after May 5th, which is May 6th, all the way up to now. We need any records the doctor put in there within that time frame. It doesn’t have to be on May 6th, just anything after that time that’s there, okay?”

Records: “Okay… She wasn’t here after May 6th, though.”

Me: “You just told me that she was there in June, August, and September!”

Records: “Yeah, she was here on those days.”

Me: “Then, clearly, I need those records, since they are all after May 6th!”

Records: “Oh. Oh! You need all the records between the dates of May 6th and today?”

Me: “Yes, that is what I need!”

Records: “Okay, I’ll have them done today and brought over to you.”

(It took her another month to get us the records, and the clinic is right down the road.)

Being A Total Cone-Head

, , , , , | Right | February 23, 2018

(I’m working at [Burger Joint] when this customer in his late teens comes in with a bunch of his friends. Note that we sell burgers, fries, sandwiches, and other stuff like that.)

Me: “Welcome to [Burger Joint]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hey, uh… Do you have, uh, like, the tacos?”

Me: “No, sir. Unfortunately, we don’t have tacos.”

Customer’s Friend: “Are you f****** serious dude?”

Customer: *pointing to the menu* “Look! They do have tacos!”

Me: “Sir, that’s an ice cream cone.”

It’s A (S)No Day

, , , , | Learning | February 23, 2018

(School was cancelled due to a snow day, so I have been called into work by my boss to open. My first customer of the day walks in and we are having polite conversation about the weather and snow day.)

Customer: “Yeah, they cancelled [Local School] today.”

Me: “Yeah, they cancelled [My School] as well.”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “I’m 17.”

Customer: *looking 100 percent baffled* “You’re only 17, and you have kids in high school?”

Me: *long pause* “No.”

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