Yukon Not Believe This Juan, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | December 20, 2010

(Canadian Army Reservists go to Fort Pickett in Virginia to train with the National Guard. I am in the last flight out of the U.S. and back to Nova Scotia. I am in my uniform, waiting for to be processed through security when a fellow traveler approaches me.)

Traveler: “Thank you so much for protecting us! We are so proud of the bravery of soldiers defending the United States!”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am, but I’m not an American. I’m from the Canadian Army.”

(She looks confused, so I point to the small Canadian flag on my shoulder.)

Me: “You know, your friendly neighbours to the north?”

Traveler: “Oh! Mexico!”

 

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When Two Wrongs Make It Right

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2010

(The night previous we had a customer shoplift about $300 worth of merchandise while I was on shift. Thankfully, while she did get away with quite a bit, she escaped with only one boot of a pair, as I had removed the second boot, with ink tag intact, pending acceptance of her check.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. What can we help you find today?”

Caller: “Hi! I was at your store last night and the lady that helped me shorted us a shoe!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What style was it?”

Caller: “A [Brand]. It was the right shoe. She was going to take the tag off and never did! I live far away, so do you think you could transfer it to the [Different Location] store?”

Me: “I don’t believe that would be feasible as we don’t have a way to get it to that store, but we might be able to mail it to you! Can I get your name, phone number, and address?”

Caller: “Sure. It is [Name, number, and address].”

(I got off the phone looking like the Cheshire Cat. The thief had just given her full name, phone number, and address.)

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5

, | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Right | November 17, 2010

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I deposited a cheque in your ATM and wanted cash back, but it won’t let me. I need that money!”

Me: “All right, let me just pull up your file.”

(I find her in the system and see the deposit’s held as she’s overdue on her credit card payments by several months, which caused her accounts to freeze.)

Me: “Your deposit was definitely completed and is in your account, but unfortunately I cannot give you any cash as your accounts are frozen.”

Customer:”What?! No! They can’t do that! That’s my money!”

Me: “Well, yes, they can, because you haven’t made a single credit card payment in months.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So, you need to pay it back.”

Customer: “I have to pay? Why?”

Me: *blinks* “You didn’t know you had to pay it back?”

Customer: “No one told me!”

Me: “Miss, it’s a credit product, meaning you’re borrowing money from us. We don’t give money away. After you borrow the money, you’re expected to pay it back. All of it’s explained in your Card Agreement.”

Customer: *stares blankly at me*

Me: “The agreement you would’ve received in the mail along with your card.”

Customer: “That sheet full of ‘garbledygook’ that no one ever reads?”

Me: “Just because you didn’t read it doesn’t mean you’re exempt. By using the card, that means you agree to the terms associated with the card.”

Customer: “But I need my money! They can’t do that; it’s my money! I got no job! I have no money!”

Me: “Don’t worry, I’ll call them and speak with someone for you. We’ll figure out a solution together based on your current situation, okay?”

(I call them and discuss with the rep, then they ask to speak to the customer. I hand the phone over, and within seconds she starts yelling.)

Customer: “GIVE ME MY MONEY! You can’t do this! No one told me I have to pay!”

(She slammed down the phone, storming off while shouting “They won’t give me my money!” to random people on the way out.)

 

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When The Only Typing Available Is Stereotyping

, , , , , | Right | August 31, 2010

Me: “Sir, can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a cable.”

Me: “Ok. I’ll take you to our cables. What kind of cable do you need?”

Customer: “Uhm…. a cable. USB? I need to hook up a computer.”

Me: “Here are our USB cables, but could you be a little more specific?”

Customer: *getting angry* “These are not what I need at all! I need a cable! Are you deaf? I need a  C-A-B-L-E. I need one for my computer.”

Me: “Sir, there are a lot of cables. If you could tell me what kind of thing you are trying to hook up?”

Customer: “Is there anyone else on the floor that can help me? Maybe one of the computer guys? You’re obviously too stupid to understand.”

Me: “Sir, I am the only one on the floor at the moment and I am trying my best to help you find your cable.”

Customer: “Miss, why don’t you go back to the registers where you belong and bring me a computer guy?”

Me: “Sir, I am the tech person and would be happy to help you find your cable. Could you show me an example of what you mean?”

(The customer, extremely agitated, goes to a display computer.)

Customer: This is what I want! A cable!”

Me: “You mean a keyboard?”

Customer: “Um…yes.” *sheepishly leaves the store*

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Cooking In High Definition

, | Adelaide, Australia | Right | May 16, 2010

Customer: “I will take one of these.” *points to a small white microwave oven*

Me: “Certainly, sir. Come right this way.”

(The customer goes to the checkout counter and pays for goods.)

Customer: “So, will I need an antenna for this?”

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