Mousing Around The Office

, , , | Working | April 13, 2018

(Our office sometimes allows third parties to rent one of our spare offices. In that office there’s a computer, a big screen, a mouse, a keyboard — pretty much all you need to “plug and play.” I’m the receptionist today.)

Client: “Excuse me, but I can’t find the keyboard and mouse to control the computer.”

Me: “That is odd. There should be a set there.”

Client: “I looked into the cabinets, but I couldn’t find it.”

Me: “Let’s see what I can do. *walks along* “If I can’t find anything, you can use this cable to hook things up with your own laptop.” *turns around* “Or… do you mean that keyboard, in the middle of the table? With the mouse next to it?”

Client: *falls silent for a moment* “I even put my things right next to it.”

(I wished the client good luck with his presentation and let him know where our coffee machine was, in case he couldn’t use a cup… or a mug.)

Maybe Some People Shouldn’t Breed

, , , , | Romantic | April 13, 2018

(My husband and I have decided to try for a baby. Due to a medical issue, I have never been able to take hormonal birth control, so we’ve always used other methods. This takes place when we are getting intimate, and I am very sleep-deprived after a long week at work.)

Me: “Wait, wait, babe. Slow down.”

Husband: *pulls away from me, confused* “What’s up?”

Me: “We almost forgot.” *begins rummaging in the bedside cabinet*

Husband: “What are you looking for?”

Me: “A condom. Are we out?”

Husband: *pauses* “Think about that for a minute.”

Take Me To Church(es)

, , , , | Right | April 13, 2018

(Italy is famous for its churches. You can find a church in every square, in old towns there’s almost one in every street, and all of them are famous for something — paintings, statues, tombs, etc. Two girls come into my office and ask me:)

Girls: “Where is the church?”

Me: “Um… Which one are you looking for?”

Girls: “The famous one.”

Me: “We have one in front of us, one next to us, and one at the end of the street; choose one!”

Girls: “Okay, thank you!”

It Isn’t The Wild West Anymore

, , , , | Right | April 12, 2018

(I work as a cab driver in Las Vegas. While I have a fair share of stupid customers, this one really takes the cake. I accept the radio call telling me to pick up a passenger at the public bus depot downtown. As I am on my way there, I call the customer to verify where I am picking them up. It is near sunset.)

Passenger: “I’m standing at [Street] and [Wrong Street Name].”

Me: “Do you mean [Correct Street Name]? That puts you on the east side of the building. I can only pick you up on [Street], on the west side of the building.”

Passenger: “Well, I just moved here and don’t know where that is.”

Me: “It’s on the west side of the building.”

Passenger: “I don’t know which direction that is.”

Me: *proceeds to pull over and slam forehead onto steering wheel*

This Is Not A Drill

, , , | Right | April 12, 2018

(I work as a head cashier. Basically, it’s my job to help if any one of my cashiers starts to have problems with a customer. I get called over to returns to help.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]. This customer would like a refund on this drill set, but it seems to be missing pieces. Can we still do the refund?”

Me: “Depends on what pieces are missing.”

(We can still do the refund if small pieces are missing, but not big ones.)

Customer: “Oh, nothing too important, just some small parts.”

Me: “Okay, did you check to see what’s missing?”

Customer: “Why do they have to check? Don’t you trust me?”

Me: *pause* “Yeah, I trust you. We still have to check the box, though.”

Customer: “Fine.” *puts box on counter*

([Coworker] opens the box that’s supposed to contain two drills, two batteries, and some small parts. This box contains… nothing.)

Coworker: “Um, did you bring in the right box? This one has nothing in it.”

Customer: “No, that’s the right box.”

Coworker: “But there’s nothing in it.”

Customer: “Well, yeah. I told you it was missing parts; that’s why I wanted a refund.”

Me: “Oh, do you mean you bought it, got home, and nothing was in it?”

Customer: “No… There was a pair of drills and batteries. I have them at home.”

Me: “So… If you want to refund the set… you need to bring the drills and batteries back.”

Customer: “But the box said I can get a refund if there’s parts missing from it.”

Me: “Yes, but that’s only if there were originally missing parts from the box.”

Customer: “Well, there are parts missing.”

Me: “Do you know what parts?”

Customer: “Yeah! Two drills and two batteries. Now I want my refund, g**d*** it.”

(This went on for another ten minutes. He ended up asking for the manager and being asked to leave.)

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