Cold Hard Cash Meets The Cold Hard Truth

, , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I work at a bank. A customer calls in asking for several overdraft fees back, and only gets an approval for one fee. These fees are accumulated over a period of two weeks.)

Customer: “You should refund all fees. I have the money.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m confused. I do not see any deposits made before or after the charges. The account is still overdrawn.”

Customer: “I have the money in my hands now. I had it weeks ago; I just did not have the time to deposit it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way for us to use those funds unless you deposit them. The fees are valid.”

Customer: “But I have the money!” *hangs up*

Kept That Stone Rolling All Night

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I work in a wake-up call company. We provide wake-up calls for hotels, and for independent people who schedule wake-up calls to make sure they can catch their planes, etc. We also provide these kinds of calls to old people to remind them to take their pills, or for their varying appointments, etc. I work night shifts, and I am alone in the call center when the phone rings.)

Me: “Wake-up call service. How can I help you?”

Caller: “That was a good show, dude!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “The show was awesome, man! I loved it!”

Me: “Sir, you’re calling a wake-up call company; I think you might have the wrong number.”

Caller: “No, dude, Mick gave us the number to call him!”

(At this point, I’m starting to realize this guy is coming back from a Rolling Stones concert in the same state where I live, and is high as f***. Since I don’t have any calls to make for another 20 minutes, I decide to play along with it.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I’d be happy to help you, but I need to know who you want to speak to.”

Caller: “Is this Mick Jagger? Dude, you’re so cool, man! Hey, where are you? We left the show like five minutes ago.”

Me: “You wish to speak with Mick Jagger? Just hold on for a second; I’ll patch him through.”

(I put him on hold, go on [Video Website] to look at a Mick Jagger interview for two minutes, and come back with my not-so-good Mick Jagger voice.)

Me: “Hello, who is this?”

Caller: “Mick? Holy s***! I’m on the phone with Mick Jagger. Dude, the show was soooo awesome! I’m your biggest fan! Mick, tell me when your next show is; I’ll follow you!”

Me: “Okay, son, what is your name?”

Caller: “I’m [Caller]!”

Me: “Okay, [Caller], leave me a phone number and I’ll make sure to call to tell you when my next show is. Now, I have to go back to sleep; I’m tired.”

Caller: “Yeah, cool, okay! My phone number is [number].”

Me: “Okay, I’ll make sure to call you tomorrow and give you my next show date!”

Caller: “Thanks, man. You’re the f***** best!” *click*

(The guy called about six hours later, completely sober, and told me he saw our number on his phone and was wondering why he called our company. I explained everything, and he laughed his ass off and apologized. I realized he lived about 45 minutes away from me and we decided to meet, and we became friends for about a year before I shipped off to college.)

So Tight You Can Never Take Them Off Again

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I am the customer in this story. I am a sophomore in high school and I’m really into the whole goth scene. I purchase a pair of pants from a gothic clothing store in the mall. I go to the ladies’ room in the food court to put them on, but they are really tight. So, still wearing the pants, I return to the store. I approach the counter.)

Me: “Hey, I just bought these pants and they are a little too tight. Can I exchange them?”

Cashier: *looks me in the face, looks down at the pants that I am wearing, looks back up at my face* “You’re wearing them, dude.”

Me: “…”

(I ran off. I was too embarrassed to even go take them off and put my old ones on and come back. Out of sheer embarrassment, I just kept the too-tight pants I wasn’t able to wear. As a side note though, it was the push I needed, and less than a year later I’d lost enough weight to fit in them!)

They’re Serially Confused

, , , , , | Right | November 19, 2017

(I work in a call center, troubleshooting TVs and tablets for a warranty company. In order to help our customers, we need them to provide us with model numbers and serial numbers for the products they are calling about.)

Me: “Looks like we still need the model and serial number for your TV, if you can please provide this information.”

Customer: “Where can I find them?”

Me: “Usually both pieces of information can be found on the back of the TV. There should be some stickers that will say, ‘Model Number,’ and, ‘Serial Number,’ or, ‘S/N.’”

Customer: “Can you tell me where on my TV?”

Me: “It should be on the back of the TV, but I am unsure of its exact location.”

(There are rustling noises and groaning sounds. In the background I can hear chatting between a mother and daughter:)

Customer: “This is ridiculous that they have us back here looking for this. I have no idea where this stuff is.”

Daughter: “Did she tell you where it is?”

Customer: “She said on the back, but doesn’t know exactly where. If she doesn’t know, how am I supposed to know?”

Daughter: “Yeah, seriously.”

Customer: *shouting through speaker phone* “Okay, look, lady: all I see back here is a cable that plugs the TV into the wall and a sticker with a bunch of TV information on it. Which one of these things has what you’re looking for?”

Me: *pause* “The sticker with the TV information on it.”

Customer: “All I see on this sticker is a model number, a serial number, and a bunch of other random crap, so tell me what you want.”

Me: “The model and serial number.”

Customer: “Don’t you already have all this information?!”

Me: “No, ma’am; that is why I am asking for you to provide it.”

Customer: “Well, you should already have it! Can I speak to a supervisor?!”

Me: “Yes, you can, but this is information that we need to gather, and even if we had this information we would need to verify to make sure it’s correct. If we have the wrong model and serial number, it can delay your repairs.”

Customer: “I still want a supervisor! I think you’re just doing this for your sick amusement!”

Me: “I will get a supervisor for you. One moment, please.”

(My supervisor was just as annoyed as I was when I told her why they wanted to talk to her. My supervisor took the call, which didn’t take very long, and the call ended. The supervisor got up and walked away while stating, “Well, I guess they’re not getting their TV fixed, because they hung up.”)

The Wireless Age Completely Passed Them By

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2017

(I work in a call center helping customers with networking equipment such as routers, range extenders, access points, and more.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] support. What is the product you’re calling about today?”

Customer: “I just want to say, first off, that your products are terrible. I have been trying to set up this stupid extender for six hours now, and I am not a stupid person. I have worked as a technician for 16 years, and I know what I’m doing, but I can’t get this thing to work.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having difficulties, sir. I am more than happy to assist you with your setup. First, may I have the model number for your product?”

Customer: “It’s a RAAAANGE EXTEEEEENDER! I already told you this!”

Me: “Yes, I understand, sir, but we have several different models, and I need a unique model number so I know which product you are working with.”

Customer: *groaning sounds* “Fine. It’s [model number].”

Me: “Okay. How far into the setup have you gotten, and what kind of errors are you running into?”

Customer: “I can’t get to the stupid website I need to get to for the setup.”

Me: “Okay, so, you’re having difficulties getting to the networking dashboard. What type of device are you using for the setup?”

Customer: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Are you using a smartphone, tablet, or computer to access the dashboard?”

Customer: “Computer.”

Me: “Okay, and are you able to see the [device] network and connect to it?”

Customer: “Well, how do I do that?”

Me: *pause* “Pull up your list of available networks on your computer, look for [Network], and then hit, ‘Connect.’ If you can’t see that network just let me know.”

Customer: “How do I pull up a list of networks? This really shouldn’t be such a complicated setup! I have been a technician for 16 years, and I know what I’m doing! I have worked with networking equipment before! Your products are too complicated!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. Does this computer have Wi-Fi capabilities? Or does it only connect by Ethernet?”

Customer: “Wi-Fi? What’s Ethernet? Look, this is getting ridiculous. I should be able to plug this in and it should just work. I am not stupid, so I know what I’m doing.”

Me: “I never said you were stupid, sir. It needs to be configured to your home network in order to work. The dashboard is built into the device’s IP address, and you need to be connected to the network in order to get to the dashboard. How do you normally connect to a network to get your Internet service on this computer?”

Customer: “I click on the ‘E’ at the bottom of my screen.”

Me: *trying to think of the best way to dumb this down for the customer* “Okay, sir, that is your web browser. Sounds like you use [Browser #1] or [Browser #2]. In order for your Internet to work, your computer needs to be connected to a network.” *attempts to walk customer through how to connect*

Customer: “This is the most ridiculous thing ever. I am not stupid! I have never had so much trouble setting up a product in my life, and I’ve been a technician for 16 years! I am not a stupid person, and I know what I’m doing! This is too complicated. I’m about to throw this thing out a window. You know what? Just forget it! I am returning this stupid piece of crap and getting something that isn’t so complicated from one of your competitors!” *click*

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