, , , , , | Right | March 12, 2018

(I work at a retail cosmetics store as an aesthetician, but often walk the floor to assist customers. I am part Mexican, but only one quarter, and the rest is an amalgamation of Caucasian, so I simply look a bit “ethnic,” and no one can ever place my ethnicity. I’m very used to it. I’m helping an elderly woman customer look through different makeups and having some polite conversation while doing so.)

Customer: “Now, what ethnicity are you? Greek? Indian?”

Me: “I’m actually part Mexican—”

Customer: “No, that’s not it.”

(I guess she would know better than I would.)

It’s Either Too Early Or Too Latte

, , , | Right | March 12, 2018

(I’m working a weekend shift at the hospital. It’s early and I need a coffee, but I’m pregnant so I opt for decaf.)

Me: “Can I have a small decaf?”

Barista: “Cappuccino? Latte?”

Me: “Latte.”


Me: “Wait! No! Flat white! Flat white, sorry. Flat white. Sorry.”

Barista: “Are you sure you want decaf?”

Psychic Like The Night King

, , , , , , | Related | March 12, 2018

(The local schools are being dismissed early due to bad weather. As soon as they let out, I call my sister to make sure she’s actually taking the bus home, since she usually walks, no matter what the weather is like outside.)

Sister: “How did you know that we were getting out early?”

(I look outside the window. If the blizzard raging outside were any worse, there’d be White Walkers hanging out in the driveway.)

Me: “I’m psychic.”

Should Have Used The “F” Word

, , , , , | Related | March 10, 2018

(Even though I’m a sophomore in high school, I like to plan ahead and save for anything — in this instance, college. There is a well-known application high school seniors and college students have to fill out to be eligible for student aid. I’m trying to remember the cost of that application — at 10:30 at night.)

Me: “Hey, Dad? How much does the FAFSA cost?”

Dad: “Eh… I don’t know.”

(I go upstairs to my mom.)

Me: “Hey, Mom? Do you know how much the FAFSA costs?”

Mom: “No, honey. Why?”

Me: “I want to figure it ou– Oh, my gosh.”

Mom: “What?”

Me: “I just remembered what the cost is. FAFSA stands for the FREE Application for Federal Student Aid. Oops.”

Mom: *starts laughing at my “moment”*

Me: “Can you tell I’m tired?”

Own Up To Their Mistake

, , , | Working | March 10, 2018

(I work at a library that also has a museum. We are publicly funded and affiliated with a university. Telemarketers still sometimes call, and it can be pretty funny.)

Me: “Hello, [Library and Museum]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “May I speak to the owner, please? I have a great deal for them.”

Me: *thinking she means one of the curators, and wants to donate something* “Can I have the name of who you’d like to speak to?”

Caller: “No. I just need to speak with the owner.”

Me: “Ma’am, we are a public library and museum. There are about four different people you could be referring to. Could I get a name?”

Caller: “No! The owner! I need to speak with the owner!”

Me: *realizing she’s a telemarketer* “Our library is a public institution. We are also affiliated with [Local University]. We don’t have an owner like a traditional business. Is there something else I could help you with?”

Caller: “But… the owner?” *hangs up*

(I felt bad that she was so confused, but our name alone should have been enough for her to know we weren’t buying. I also should have realized she was a telemarketer earlier, but patrons do genuinely say things like that when they want to make a donation.)

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