Can That Excuse!

, , , | Right | December 3, 2019

(I work from home, taking calls from customers for a major retailer. I just explained to a customer that she would get an email with a link for her return label. She said she would look for it; I’m just waiting for her to confirm she got it. After a few minutes…)

Customer: “I still haven’t seen the email.”

Me: “Hmm… I’m showing here that it was sent. Have you checked your spam folder?”

(Silence, then… I hear a can being opened.)

Customer: “I don’t know what spam has to do with returning my blouse, but I don’t see anything here.”

(I realize right at that moment, that the can I heard was a can of Spam.)

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Has No Reservation About Cancelling Happy Hour

, , , , | Working | December 3, 2019

(Every year, my family and I go to the same beach-front timeshare. It has an inside expensive restaurant, a casual bar/lounge, and an outside casual restaurant, all within a two-minute walk of our room, so it’s very convenient. Last year, the inside restaurant was the only part that took reservations. Last year, the food wasn’t great, but in previous years it had been very good. This time I’m with my parents and my two young kids. On Friday night before my kids and I arrive, my parents eat at the bar/lounge. They’re seated pretty quickly and have their meal, which is pretty good. On Saturday night, we go to the outside restaurant, but the live music is too loud for the kids, so we decide to go to the bar/lounge to eat. At the hostess stand there are two people: the manager and another hostess.)

Me: “Hi. We have five for dinner and need a highchair.”

Hostess: “Do you have a reservation?”

Me: “No?”

Hostess: “I’m sorry; we’re only taking reservations tonight.”

Mom: “Since when do you take reservations? Last night we just walked up and were seated right away.”

Manager: “We’ve always required reservations for the lounge. Last night we weren’t very busy, but tonight we want to be sure all guests have the finest service, so we’re only taking reservations.”

(I can see my mom getting really mad, and the service is always slow here so I tell her not to bother; we’ll order takeout from elsewhere and I’ll go pick it up. We do, and it’s fine. Sunday late afternoon, my mom calls the restaurant to make reservations for the bar, since the outside restaurant will have live music again.)

Mom: “This is [Mom]; I’m calling to make a reservation for three adults and two kids at 6:00 pm.”

Restaurant Staff: “Oh, I’m sorry, but we don’t take reservations for the lounge.”

Mom: “You don’t? Oh. All right, then. We’ll just come by at six.”

(We go at six, get seated, and have our dinner. The food is mediocre; I’m a little disappointed. 

The next day, Monday, I go home with my youngest kid, leaving my oldest with my parents, so the rest of this is based on what my mom tells me after. The lounge is having a lobster special and also trivia night, so they decide to eat there yet again. Mom calls a couple of hours in advance to make a reservation just in case.)

Restaurant Staff: “You don’t need to make a reservation.”

Mom: “Are you sure?”

Restaurant Staff: “Yes.”

Mom: “Because that’s not what I was told on Saturday when we tried to eat there.”

Restaurant Staff: “We’ve never taken reservations at the lounge. Who told you that you needed a reservation?”

Mom: “[Manager], the manager.”

Restaurant Staff: “Oh. Well, she was wrong. You don’t need a reservation.”

Mom: “All right. Then we’ll be by in a little while with no reservation.”

(A little after 5:30 pm, they go up to the hostess stand. Only about half the tables are filled, so they expect to be seated pretty quickly.)

Mom: “We have three for dinner.”

Hostess: “Do you have a reservation?”

Mom: “No.”

Hostess: “I’m sorry, but if you don’t have a reservation, it’ll be about half an hour.”

Mom: “I was told you weren’t taking reservations.”

Hostess: “No, we always take reservations.”

Mom: “Listen. We came on Friday and didn’t need reservations. We came on Saturday and were told we needed reservations. We came on Sunday and were told you don’t take reservations. I called this afternoon and was told you don’t take reservations. Now you’re taking reservations. Which is it?!”

Hostess: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but if you didn’t make a reservation, you’ll have to wait.”

Mom: “I tried! You wouldn’t take my reservation!”

Dad: “Fine. It’s fine. We’ll get a drink while we wait. Just put our name in.”

(They put their name in and go to the bar to order a drink. There is a happy hour special, half-price drinks before 6:00 pm. It’s around 5:50 by this time. My parents order drinks for themselves and a juice for my son. They get their drinks. The bartender takes a few minutes to bring them their bill, and my parents notice a problem.)

Mom: “Excuse me, these aren’t half-price for the happy hour special.”

Bartender: “Ma’am, that special is only until 6:00 pm.”

Mom: “It’s before 6:00 pm.”

Bartender: “No, it’s after 6:00. You can see on your receipt it’s time-stamped at 6:02pm.”

Mom: “But we ordered and got our drinks before six.”

Bartender: “I’m sorry, but the computer will only allow the special before 6:00 pm. I can’t override it.”

Dad: “It’s not our fault you didn’t ring this up until after 6:00 pm! We ordered in plenty of time and even got our drinks before 6:00 pm. We should get the happy hour prices.”

Bartender: “I’m sorry, I can’t override the computer.”

Dad: “I want to speak to your manager.”

(The manager comes, and the bartender explains that the customers want the happy hour prices but the bill was rung up at 6:02 pm.)

Manager: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we can’t override the computer. The happy hour prices are only for before 6:00 pm, and you weren’t here before 6:00 pm.”

Dad: “We ordered before 6:00 pm! We got our drinks before 6:00 pm! The only thing that happened after 6:00 pm was when he rung us up!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m sorry, but the special is only before 6:00 pm, and now it’s after 6:00 pm.”

(The night didn’t really get better after that. They waited almost an hour and a half for their table, and then, only after they complained about the wait and the fact that there were still several empty tables, were seated in another section that’s technically part of the expensive restaurant so they couldn’t be served the lobster special. Fortunately, their server was more willing to help and set up an empty table in the lounge so that they could get the lobster special and also participate in trivia night. The lobster special was good. They did not go back to the lounge after that; it was just too confusing. Next year, I vote for takeout every night; I don’t care if it’s longer than a two-minute walk to get it!)

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Gets My Oat Vote

, , | Right | December 3, 2019

(I’m the crazy customer in this one. I’m visiting a much larger city which has a lot more choice on offer than in my hometown. I also don’t drink cow’s milk, only plant-based milks.)

Barista: “What can I get you?”

Me: “Ooh. Ooh! You do oat milk! Can I get a soy latte with oat milk, please?”

Barista: *puzzled look* “Umm… Do you want a soy latte?”

Me: “No, a soy latte with oat milk!” *understanding then dawns* “Oh. I’m so sorry. I’m so used to saying ‘soy latte’ to mean non-dairy. I’m not from the big city, you know. Can I have a latte made with oat milk, please?”

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Cycling The Recycling Signs

, , , , , , | Right | December 2, 2019

I was at a food court in a mall, sitting fairly close to the trash cans. Next to the trash cans, there were a couple of recycling bins, one for bottles and one for cans. As I was watching, a woman walked up and dropped her bottle into the bin marked for cans. There was a clinking as the bottle hit metal, and I could see her realize that she’d just dropped the bottle into the wrong bin.

After pausing for a moment, she then reached down and pulled the lids off both bins. I thought maybe she was planning to pull out her bottle and put it in the right container, but instead, she swapped the two lids, placing the lid marked for bottles on the container for cans, and vice versa. She then turned around and spotted me watching. She quickly looked away and hurried off.

I ended up walking over and switching the lids back, but I really have to wonder how you can get so stubborn that you feel the need to swap the lids on recycling bins to pretend that you are “retroactively right” in which bin you dropped your trash into.

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We Knew The Pacific Coast Highway Was A Scam!

, , , , , | Legal | December 2, 2019

(A work friend of mine is hacked on a social networking site, leading me to get a text from someone claiming to be him. I know immediately it isn’t him and I decide to have some fun. This is the exchange verbatim, grammatical errors and all:)

Faux Friend: “Hello How are you doing?”

Me: “I’m good, thanks. How about you?”

Faux Friend: “Good, Well Life Is Treating Me Good And God Has Blessed Me Through (PCH) , I Don’t Know If You Have Heard About Them?”

Me: “Pacific Coast Highway? I used to drive it all the time, back in the day.”

Faux Friend: “I Meant The Cash Donated To Randomly Selected People By The Publishers Clearing House(PCH) to Help and Support People Financially…You’ve Not Gotten Yours?”

Me: “You’re talking about the Illuminati, aren’t you?”

Faux Friend: “OMG. I Got $300,000 Cash From Them! But I Saw Your Name Entitled To The Cash Bonus When Mine Was Delivered To My Doorstep…And I Thought You Would Have Gotten Yours. Am Serious About This And It’s a Life Time Opportunity. Do You Know How To Contact The Claiming Agent To Find More About What Am Actually Talking About?”

Me: “I’ve told you before, I want nothing to do with them! They ruined my math teacher’s life! You should stay away from them! You don’t know what they’ll expect you to do for that money!”

Faux Friend: “This is real and legitimate I was only asked to pay for certificate fee which is $300 And I was delivered in 2 hours.”

Me: “It’s not about some measly $3,000 fee. It’s about what comes next. Have you sworn the oath already?”

Faux Friend: “And also there are a lot of scams am sure that’s why your teacher was scammed But PCH program is real and legitimate, more so I got my money delivered to my Doorstep”

Me: “You think the Illuminati is nothing but a scam? They’re the ones who murdered Vince Vaughn, not Hillary Clinton!”

Faux Friend: “I dont know about the illuminati program but, I will share you the direct PCH manager link so you can claim your winning money asap.. Thank me later you will never regret because asap you got your money you can also tell you Teacher about it…”

Me: “You need to give back that money before it’s too late.”

Faux Friend: “The money is mine [My Name] and not fake I can never pull your leg trust Me apply for it and thank God through me.”


Faux Friend: “So you should not doubt me, I will share you now And also the federal government is aware of this and you will see the PCH is 100% real and is not a gimmick.”

Me: “Look, you probably have some time, a grace period. Come over; I’ll call Henry. He can get you someplace safe. Leave the money!”

Faux Friend: “[LINK TO “PCH”]”

Me: Why couldn’t you just have joined the Scientologists, if you needed money so bad?”

Faux Friend: “Text them now that you are ready to claim your winning money.”

Me: “I’ll text saying you want out. Leave the money on the doorstep. And stay away from the windows!”

Faux Friend: “Just text them now and let me know how it goes… I want to hear the good news from you.”

Me: “I can’t. I’m calling your mother.”

(I never heard from him again. BTW, I deliberately changed his $300 to $3,000 because I wanted to keep him around. The thing about Hillary Clinton murdering Vince Vaughn came from I guy I met on a bus in 2009, who assured me he knew many things about her. I was disappointed not to be able to throw him off his game.)

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