Wish You Could Dis-Member Them

, , | Right | August 13, 2017

Me: “Thank you for calling. Can I please start by getting your member ID number?”

Caller: “Is that the one that says ‘group ID number,’ or the one that says ‘customer service number,’ or…”

Me: “Well, that one’s the phone number you just dialed. It should say ‘member ID number.’”

Caller: “Okay, but I have two of them. One says ‘group ID’ and another that says ‘member ID.’ Which one is it?”

Me: “…”

Holding Up A Mirror To Technology Dependence

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2017

(I am the phone operator for the service department of an auto dealership. I take incoming calls, schedule appointments, and also notify people of scheduled maintenance and recalls.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Auto Dealership]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “The back-up camera on my car went out.”

Me: “Okay, let’s schedule an appointment for you to bring the car in and get that looked at.”

Caller: ”I also need a loaner car.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but our policy is only to provide a loaner car if the customer’s car is broken down or unsafe to drive. Is there something else wrong with your car?”

Caller: “No, but how am I supposed to see behind me?”

Me: *without even thinking about it* “Use your mirrors?”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 68

, , , , , | Right | August 9, 2017

(I work for a bank where the majority of our accounts are with college-age students. Many of them have never before had a bank account or had any financial education. A lot of our calls deal with upset account holders with negative or overdrawn accounts, and they can’t understand how it got that way. This call lasts about an hour total, an hour that I will never get back.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. I am [My Name]. May I please have your account number?”

Customer: *provides account number and verifies herself*

Me: “Thank you for that information; how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, um, I should have more money in my account. Why don’t I have any more money?”

Me: *pulls up statements and reviews them quickly* “I’m sorry, ma’am, it looks like you spent your funds in the last week or so. I’m seeing a lot of transactions on your statements. Have you looked at them yourself?”

Customer: “Yeah, I looked at them, and I know I bought all that stuff, but I should have more money. Where’s the rest of it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It appears you’ve spent all the money currently in your account. The balance you see displayed is how much you have left.”

Customer: “NO! I know I should have more money. I did NOT spend that much. WHERE IS THE REST OF MY MONEY?!”

(As a way to calm the customer, I offer to go over their transactions with them one by one and explain how the money got spent. I proceed to spend the next half hour going line by line in their statement, explaining the debits of each purchase and the remaining balance after the purchase starting from when they received their deposit earlier in the week.)

Me: “So you see, ma’am, this is why your account is at this balance. The purchases we just went over brought your total to what you see now. Do you think any of the items should be disputed as an unauthorized transaction?”

Customer: “Hmm, uh-huh, yes, I do recall all of those purchases. I just don’t understand where all my money went.”

Me: “Ma’am, as we discussed, you spent the money. There is nothing left from your deposit. What you see is what you have.”

Customer: “So then why don’t I see the rest of my money? Did your company take it? Are you stealing from me?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure what money you are referring you. You received a deposit of [amount] on [Date] and since then you’ve spent all but the $5.14 you see now on your balance page. We just went over each transaction you made since the deposit and you confirmed them with me. You have spent all your funds; there is no more money left.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I KNOW I have more money. You took it! I know you did! Your company is a sham! I’m telling everyone to stay away from you.”

(This tirade goes on for over five minutes, with her screaming obscenities, calling me a liar, demanding I put the money back into her account, etc.)

Customer: You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!” *slams phone*

Me: *stunned silence*

Hopefully They’re Not Taking Physics

, , , | Right | August 8, 2017

Customer: “Hello, I’m going back to college as a mature student and I need a bag that’s easy on my back and light.”

Me: “Okay, the best bag for your back carrying college books would be a backpack. It spreads the weight evenly.”

Customer: “Oh, no, no. I’m a mature student and I just couldn’t wear one of those. I’m too old. I need something over the shoulder, but light, very light. I’ll have lots of books.”

Me: “I wouldn’t say you’re too old but whatever you prefer. If you have a lot of books then I’d recommend this black nylon satchel with metal clips. It should last you and it’s a very light material.”

(She takes the satchel and off she pops. Next weekend however she’s back.)

Customer: “Hello, I bought this here last week and it was very light but when I took it home and put books in it, it was heavy. Can I exchange it?”

Me: “Yeah, sure, why not?”

Not Enough Energy In The World To Answer That Question

, , , , | Learning | August 8, 2017

(We are doing town-hall-esque presentations in environmental science about different types of energy. One duo just finished presentations on hydro-electric energy (which they called “Ocean Energy”) and is taking questions. There’s a particular student who’s always asking stupid questions, which makes the teacher laugh.)

Student #1: “Any questions?”

Student #2: “Are we gonna move the ocean to us to make it work?”

Me: “…”

Teacher: “Think about what was just asked; this student asked if we’re gonna move the ocean to us, to make it work.”

Me: *laughing so hard tears comes out*

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