Cracking Up From Their Crackers

, , , , , , | Legal | November 18, 2018

Years ago, I was the receptionist in my hometown’s only brothel. It had been there in the same place, a minute’s drive from the local police station, since the 60s. Everyone knew what it was. The entrance was a set of stairs leading up from a street.

A TV is set up, playing a feed from cameras showing the street and the stairs leading to a door that either the bouncer or myself have to open.

One slow night, I’m doing paperwork while talking to one of the girls, when I see a brand-new car stop outside. The next thing I see is something being lit, and then a firecracker gets thrown out the passenger door and up the stairwell. I instantly hit the emergency button that goes to the police station while the bouncer comes running. I tell the bouncer to just watch.

The passenger lights another firecracker when a cop car pulls up behind them with lights and sirens going, causing the passenger to drop the lit cracker inside the car. We watch on the cameras as the cracker bounces around inside the car, tearing up the interior, before two boys escape the car straight into the arms of two laughing cops.

It turns out the 17-year-old driver had taken his mum’s brand-new, $40,000 car she’d had for two days for a joy ride while she was asleep. The car is a write-off and both boys end up with second-degree burns and criminal records.

It certainly made a boring night more entertaining.

Coverage Outside Of Common Sense

, , , , , | Right | November 18, 2018

(I work in the jewelry department of a well-known retailer.)

Me: “Hello! Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, we’re looking for cheap watches to take with us on a cruise. Our phones won’t work on the cruise.”

Me: “Oh! You may not be able to call out but you’ll be able to still use it for the time and alarms.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Umm, no. The phone will not work at all. It won’t be able to even turn on while on the cruise. It’ll be outside its coverage area. They told me that.”

Me: “Well. Okay.”

Getting Some Eight Hate

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2018

(This occurred when I first started my job and had little experience on the floor. My store’s assistant manager is among the most accommodating individuals on the retail side of the company, and is on the computer next to mine. A customer walks into the store, visibly upset.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *with a scowl* “I have a billing issue I need resolved. I was told my bill would be $108 and it’s at $111! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “I apologize about that, ma’am.”

(I pull up her account and flag my assistant manager down, since I don’t know how to adjust pricing yet at this point in time.)

Me: “My manager will be taking over, since he has more expertise on this sort of issue. We’ll get this resolved for you!”

(My assistant manager greets the customer and does his magic, lowering her monthly rate to $103.)

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for that miscommunication when you first signed up for services. I know how frustrating that is. We have you with a few better discounts on here to adjust the bill down to $103.”

Customer: *indignantly* “I was told it would be $108! I NEED IT AT $108!”

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, we have you here on a better deal than that; we are at $103, where you will be saving $5 a month compared to what you were initially quoted.”

Customer: “You guys are a bunch of liars! Get it to $108 or I’ll find a different cable provider!”

Assistant Manager: “Absolutely.” *he shoots me a confused look* “Ma’am, it’ll be $108 as promised initially.”

(At this point, the customer nods and silently blazes out the door. To this day, over a year later, my assistant manager and I still laugh about the one lady that really wanted to drop an additional $5 per month for no reason!)

Not The Model Customer

, , , , , , | Right | November 17, 2018

I own a hobby shop that sells plastic model kits, etc. One day a male customer came in and purchased a model of the Hindenburg (1930’s zeppelin).

The next day he returned and asked for his money back. I asked why? He stated when he opened the box it looked nothing like the box art!

I had to explain to him it was a model and that you made it!

Rhe-storei-cal Questions

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2018

Me: “All right, so, your total today is [total].”

Customer: “Even with the 40%?”

Me: “Um, well, the only thing that you got on sale today was this shirt and it was an additional 50% off the clearance price. We don’t have any shirts in the store today for 40% off.”

Customer: “And the other shirts?”

Me: “Those are full price today.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Um… because they’re not on sale.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “They… they just aren’t. They’re selling at the full price. I don’t—”

Customer: “Never mind, I don’t want any of it.”

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