Less Than A Fifty-Fifty Chance That Would Have Worked

, , , , | Right | March 23, 2018

(I’m alone in the small shop where I work when a customer comes in. Right away I get a bad feeling from him; he’s avoiding eye contact and acting nervous. After a few minutes he comes up to the counter with a couple of random items. I ring up his purchases, keeping an eye on him. I give him his total and he gives me a twenty-dollar bill. With my left hand, I reach into the cash drawer, take out his change, and hand it to him.)

Customer: “Hey! I gave you a fift…”

(He trails off when he notices that I’m still holding up the twenty in my right hand.)

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “Yeah.”

(I have never seen anyone leave a store so quickly in all my life.)

Making A House Call

, , , | Working | March 22, 2018

(I have a minor cold, so I can go to work. While I make sure I stay away from colleagues and keep hygiene in mind, I’m still quite foggy in my head.)

Customer: “I need to know what kind of color you used for those houses.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; we don’t keep that data. Most of the time it’s a special batch mixed especially for us.”

Customer: “What should I do?”

Me: “Well, you can look for a chipped-off piece of paint, or something with a similar color, and go to the paint store. They can compare colors for you there.”

Customers: “So, when you need to repaint those houses, that’s what you tell the painters to do?”

Me: “Yes, but they can take their charts along with them.” *I accidentally blurt out* “You can’t take your home to them.”

(There is a short silence, I realise what I just said, prepare for the worst, but the customer bursts out in laughter.)

Customer: “Thank you for this pleasant conversation; I needed this laugh.”

Getting This Down To The Wire

, , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(I work in the electronics department of a large retailer. A customer calls in.)

Me: “[Store], Electronics Department. How may we assist you?”

Customer: “I need a power cable for a [gaming console].”

Me: “Just the cable by itself?”

Customer: “Just the cable by itself.”

Me: “We don’t sell just the cables by themselves.”

Customer: “You don’t sell just the cables by themselves?”

Me: “We don’t sell just the cables by themselves.”

Customer: “So, you’re saying you don’t have just the cables by themselves?”

Me: *speaking slower* “We… don’t… sell… just… the… cables… by… themselves.”

Customer: *yelling to someone in the background* “They don’t sell just the cables by themselves!” *click*

Your Inability To Listen Is At Large

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(I work at a “snoball” stand that’s pretty popular in the south. We have over 100 flavors. Pumpkin spice is one of the flavors, but no one really orders it unless it is fall, even though we have the flavor all year round.)

Customer: “Can I get a pumpkin ‘snoball’ with condensed milk?”

Me: “Sure, what size?”

Customer: “Condensed milk.”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “Pumpkin.”

Manager: *to me* “We’ll just give her a medium.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $2.50.”

Customer: “It’s supposed to be $3.50, because I ordered a large.”

(At least she was honest about the price.)

You Must Construct Additional Pylons!

, , , , | Working | March 22, 2018

(I’m the receptionist. In our building, we’ve recently suffered multiple break-ins and automatic doors have been damaged. One of the broken entrances, with two sets of automatic doors, is therefore locked. Wooden boards block the entrance. People now have to walk about 30 meters extra to get to the other side. And yet, on a daily basis:)

Coworker #1: “Why won’t the door open?”

Coworker #2: “Can’t you open the door? My car is right over there.”

Coworker #3: “Ugh, it’s raining. Why is the door closed? Aren’t you keeping an eye on it?”

Coworker #4: *points at bolted down blocks* “But what if you take them out for me?”

Coworker #5 to #99: “Why/since when is the door closed?”

(And, the cherry on the pie: when mechanics come to fix the door. They place pylons around the area, and an email goes out telling people to not enter through that door. And, you guessed it:)

Coworker #100: *walks around the pylons, first sliding doors open, second sliding doors remain closed due to break-in damage* “Eh?” *is now stuck between doors*

(I freed him right away since I saw him coming on the security camera, but I did ask him if he saw the pylons and read his email. He read the email, but he hadn’t noticed the pylons.)

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