They Get Zero Refund

, , , , , | Right | December 29, 2018

(I work behind the customer service desk at a chain grocery store.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this chicken. My husband bought it earlier today, but one of the breasts looks a little odd to me.”

Me: “All right, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Right here.”

(She hands me over her packed chicken breasts and her receipt. I examine the chicken; it doesn’t look off to me, and it’s still within the sell-by date, but I shrug and check her receipt. And then I notice something.)

Me: “Uh, you are aware that this chicken was ‘buy one, get one free,’ right?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s correct.”

(I double-check the price on the receipt and on the chicken, she’s returning the package she didn’t have to pay for.)

Me: “So you know that you got this package for free.”

Customer: “But I want my money back.”

Me: “Yes, but this isn’t the package you paid for. You got this one for free as part of the sale.”

Customer: “But I want my money back.”

(We went back and forth for a bit before I called my manager and asked what to do. He said to make a one-time exception and give her the money. I had to return almost ten dollars worth of chicken she initially got for free. I couldn’t believe how spineless my manager was, and the smug little smirk the lady shot me as she walked away soured my mood for the rest of my shift.)

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Harriet Tubman Got Up To A Lot More Than You Realize

, , , , , | Learning | December 29, 2018

(I’m a teacher. My sophomore students are writing cause/effect essays about incidents of civil disobedience. The following are comments I’ve had to make on various rough drafts.)

Me, in response to Student #1: “I’m afraid Susan B. Anthony did not vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016, because Anthony had been dead for over a century.”

Me, in response to Student #2: “Even though President and Mrs. Obama don’t live in the White House anymore, that doesn’t mean they are dead.”

Me, in response to Student #3: “While slaves were abused in horrific ways, they were not sprayed from above with chemicals, because airplanes didn’t exist before or during the Civil War.”

Student #3: “Harriet Tubman ended slavery because she caused global warming, starting back in the ninth century with the fall of the Roman Empire…”

Me: “I don’t even know where to begin… Just… No.”

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Time Travelling Tournament

, , , , | Right | December 29, 2018

Customer: “Your clock over there is ten minutes fast!”

Me: “Yes, I know. They’ve tried to fix it, but it doesn’t work—“

Customer: “So does the tournament start in five minutes or fifteen minutes?”

Me: “Uh, it starts in fifteen minutes.”

Customer: “Oh! Okay! Thanks!”

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If He Has Stayed Stationary You Could Have Helped

, , , | Right | December 28, 2018

Customer: “Can I have the number for your delivery helpline?”

Me: “Of course.” *starts reciting number*

Customer: “Wait. I haven’t got anything to write on.”

(I’m about to offer him a sticky note when he storms off. I start helping other customers and notice him come back. He glares at me as I finish l serving my customer.)

Me: “Sorry, I thought you had left.”

Customer: “Here, bin this.”

Me: *taking the wrapping* “Sir, did you just buy a sticky note pad and pen?”

Customer: “How else was I supposed that write the number down?”

Me: “I was going to—“

Customer: “What’s the number, then?”

Me: “[Number].”

(The man writes it down, takes the top note off the pack and walks off without another word. My coworker, who has observed everything, comes over.)

Coworker: *picking up the pad and pen* “Free stationery!”

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How Many People Can You Fit On A Bike?

, , , , , , | Working | December 28, 2018

(I purchase a bike for my daughter for Christmas and pay the $10 assembly fee. It is a Monday. In the toy department:)

Toy Department Staff Member: “Our bike assembly guy comes in on Fridays. He’s supposed to give you a call after he’s done, but he’s been pretty slack with that lately, so just give us a call on Friday afternoon and we will check that it’s done and tell you when you can come and pick it up. Just take this docket to the registers to pay and fill out your details for the pickup.”

(At the registers:)

Cashier: “Our bike assembly guy comes in on Tuesdays and Saturdays in the lead up to Christmas. He’s pretty on top of things and will give you a call when he’s ready, so expect a call on either Tuesday or Saturday.”

(I get no call on Tuesday, and by the time Friday afternoon rolls around, I decide to give them a call to see.)

Phone Person #1: “Our bike assembly guy comes in on Thursdays, so it should be done. Can I get your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Phone Person #1: “Okay, I’ll just pop you on hold and make sure.”

(Hold music.)

Phone Person #2: “Hello. I’ve taken over your call. It was something about a bike?”

Me: “Yes, I purchased a bike on Monday and I’m checking to see if it’s been assembled yet.”

Phone Person #2: “Can I get your name, please?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Phone Person #2: “Okay, I’ll just put you on hold while I make sure it’s here.”

(Hold music.)

Phone Person #2: “Are you there?”

Me: “Yep.”

Phone Person #2: “What did it look like?”

Me: “It’s a child’s bike, purple with green on the seat and handlebars.”

Phone Person #2: “We have a lot of purple bikes here. Do you know the product number? It would be an eighteen-digit code that was on the box.”

Me: “You have the box.”

Phone Person #2: “Hold, please.”

(Hold music.)

Phone Person #3: “Hi. Can I get your name, please?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Phone Person #3: “Okay, I’ll just put you on hold for a moment and see if I can locate your bike.”

(Hold music.)

Phone Person #3: “I believe I have found it. Would you like to pick that up today?”

Me: “Yes.”

Phone Person #3: “Great, I’ll take it down to our loading dock. Just go there, ring the pickup bell, and have some photo ID ready.”

Me: “Did I need to bring anything else?”

Phone Person #3: “No, just the photo ID you gave when you made the order.”

(Half an hour later, I am attempting to collect the bike at the loading dock.)

Loading Dock Staff: “Receipt.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Loading Dock Staff: “The receipt for the bike; I need it to sign off.”

Me: “I was only told to bring my ID.”

Loading Dock Staff: “We don’t accept ID. We cannot release the product to you until you provide your proof of purchase.”

(I drive home, find the receipt, and drive back to the store.)

Loading Dock Staff: “Got the receipt this time?”

Me: “Here.”

Loading Dock Staff: “I’m not signing off that you’ve taken it until you can prove to me that you can fit it in your car.”

Me: “It will fit.”

Loading Dock Staff: “I’ll be amazed if it does.”

(I have a small car, but the bike fits easily into the back seat; it is a children’s sized bike, after all.)

Loading Dock Staff: “That’s not what I meant, but cool. Have a Merry Christmas.”

(I have never encountered a store that needs a team meeting anywhere near as badly as this store appears to.)

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