Going Against His Personal Prints-iples

, , , , , , | Working | January 2, 2019

Our floor has two small commercial printers that serve all the department offices. One is located near the cubicles where temp workers and contractors are set up. It’s the closest for me, but lately, I had noticed that when I went to print documents, they wouldn’t always be there when I got to the printer. I put in a ticket with IT and found several other people had done so, as well. IT struggled to troubleshoot over the week, trying to figure out why the printer showed that it was printing documents, but hadn’t done so. The problem was inconsistent and seemed to come and go at random, and IT struggled to replicate it over the next few weeks. Eventually, they rerouted all documents to the far side of the floor, which was annoying.

One morning, IT asked to use my laptop to send a test document to the printer, trying to replicate the issue. He set up the laptop next to the printer to work. A moment later, I heard raised voices.

Apparently, the moment the document came hot off of the printer, the temp in the adjoining cubicle reached out, grabbed it, and threw it in his trash can! When we all came out of offices to see the issue, the IT guy was yelling at the temp for throwing out the paper, while the temp was angrily yelling at the IT guy for not fixing “his printer” from printing out random documents.

Turns out that whenever the temp was there, if he heard the printer start, he was throwing out the document as he thought it was his personal printer and didn’t want anything else printing from it. He only worked fifteen hours a week, explaining why the problem seemed to come and go. Because he had thrown out documents that needed to be shredded, and because he was so belligerent about it, he was let go from the company. Our printer was fine afterward.

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Email Fail, Part 22

, , , | Right | January 2, 2019

(I have this conversation regularly with customers.)

Me: “Would you like your receipt emailed, printed, or both today?”

Customer: “Emailed.”

Me: “All right, what’s your email address?”

Customer: “You need my email address? Why?”

Me: “To email your receipt to you.”

Customer: “I don’t like to give out my email address.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. Just a printed receipt, then?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Uh, I guess printed is fine…”

(I’m sorry, let me just hit the *magic email* button for you, instead.)

Email Fail, Part 21
Email Fail, Part 20
Email Fail, Part 19

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He Threw Away His Shot… And His Job

, , , , | Legal | January 2, 2019

My brother has been a member of the civil nuclear constabulary — a section of the British police force that exclusively guards the countries nuclear sites — for some time. The job itself is very mundane and quiet most of the time. The force has never fired a shot in anger in the more than 60 years it has been in existence and usually averages under 25 arrests nationwide per year. It does, however, have some stories from the past that are quite alarming. This one, in particular, was told to my brother’s training group by their firearms instructor.

This story happens in 2004, in a post-9/11 world that’s also seen a sharp increase in suicide bombing incidents. There are two types of guards at Britain’s nuclear sites: the true civil nuclear police who are a well-armed and well-trained force who wear full ballistic protection and carry a range of firearms, and the onsite security staff who are employed by private security firms, are not classed as police, and are armed with at most a baton and pepper spray. The security staff serves as gate guards and interior checkpoint monitors, whilst the police do roaming patrols on and around the site.

The security firm decided its employees needed training in how to handle a credible suicide threat, and thus had one of their offsite employees approach the front gate of a nuclear site wearing a fake bomb vest. Unfortunately, it slipped this company’s mind to inform the multitude of highly-armed police onsite that this was going to be happening.

This man approached the gate wearing a large coat, and when confronted by the security staff, he shrugged off his coat to reveal a very convincing bomb vest and started shouting at the guards. As this occurred, one of the police officers arrived behind him in a patrol vehicle and after stopping, quickly exited the vehicle, shouted a warning, and got as far as cocking his rifle to open fire when the guy spun around screaming, “Training exercise!” repeatedly whilst throwing himself on the floor with his arms outstretched.

The police officer held his fire, and after a rather tense period, the actor’s identity was confirmed and he was allowed to get up and remove his outfit. The police officer, incredibly, was reprimanded and dismissed for holding his fire. At the hearing, when he said he could have killed the man, his superior simply responded that he should have.

The instructor finished this story with the warning that the constabulary expected deadly force to be used against persons who were deemed a credible threat to life or the facility, and if anyone present felt they would be unable to pull the trigger they should get up and leave now. Three people of the 25 present got up and left.

So far my brother and every other member of the force has shot nothing but training targets. I hope their presence at Britain’s nuclear sites as a force in being is sufficient to ensure that it stays that way.

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Informative About The Current State Of Humanity

, , , , | Romantic | January 2, 2019

(I am on a bus when I overhear these bits and pieces of a conversation between a man and his girlfriend. Apparently the man has bought a children’s ticket — don’t know what for — for himself and is now angry that he’ll have to pay a fine. Apparently it’s really unclear that a man in his 30s probably doesn’t qualify for a children’s ticket. And then he says this gem:)

Man: “It’s not my fault I don’t inform myself!”

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Even The Famous Five Couldn’t Make Sense Of This

, , , | Right | January 1, 2019

(I work in a library. A community service student from a local high school is shelving in the junior fiction section, when I overhear this encounter.)

Customer: “Excuse me. That catalogue over there says that The Folk of the Faraway Tree is on loan; see, my daughter really wants that book.”

Student: “I can get one of the librarians for you; I’m sure you can reserve it or something.”

Customer: “No, I need it today. This is a library, isn’t it? What kind of library doesn’t have an Enid Blyton book?”

Me: “Hey. Anything I can help with?”

Customer: “I just don’t understand how a library doesn’t have that book.”

Me: “Well, we do have it; it’s just currently on loan. I can organise a reservation for you; you will be the next to get it.”

Customer: “It’s a very popular book. I don’t understand why it’s not on the shelf.”

Me: “Probably because it’s a very popular book.”

Customer: “No, it should be on the shelf.”

Me: “The best I can offer you today is a reservation.”

Customer: *big sigh* “I guess I have to buy it, then. I’m really disappointed, though, that such a popular book is on loan. A classic like that shouldn’t be; it should be available. It’s a classic, a popular classic. There’s no reason for someone else to have it out.” *leaves*

Student: “That made no sense at all.”

Me: “Don’t think about it for too long; it will give you a headache.”

Student: “I’m going to find a career path where I don’t have to deal with the general public.”

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