Gluten In The Brain

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2017

(I am working at the customer service counter. My boss is in the back office, consolidating inventory counts. A lady comes storming up to the counter with a large package of bread in her hand, which she slams down in front of me.)

Customer: “I demand that you give me a refund.”

Me: “All right, do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No, I don’t. I picked this bread up, and I got to the front, and I saw that it wasn’t gluten-free. I need my bread to be gluten-free.”

Me: “Okay. Well, did you pay for it with a credit card? I might be able to run the return through that way.”

Customer: “No. I told you: I got to the front and saw your bread wasn’t gluten-free.”

(It dawns on me that she might not be talking about the front of the store being outside in the parking lot.)

Me: “Ma’am, when you say front of the store, do you mean out in the parking lot or…?”

Customer: “No, I mean right over there.” *she points towards the registers*

(At this point, my manager has wandered out to listen to what is going on. He leans up over the counter.)

Manager: “Hi, I’m the manager of the store. I am understanding you properly, that you want me to pay you for picking up a loaf of bread off a shelf and carrying it up here?”

(The lady stood there for a moment, and it was obvious when her brain turned over. She immediately straightened up and marched out of the store, leaving the half-smashed loaf on our counter.)

Mexican’t Believe This

, , , , , | Working | November 12, 2017

(I grew up in New Mexico, but go to college in Louisiana. This exchange happens during my senior year. Sadly, I have had similar exchanges, but none are as bad as this. This particular chain of local stores sells their hard liquors from behind their customer service counter. The cashier I’m dealing with appears to be in her mid-thirties.)

Me: “Excuse me, do you have any [liquor #1]?”

Cashier: “Yes, and it’s even on sale right now for $2 off!”

Me: “Awesome, I’m glad I found some here! I’ll take one, and one of the small bottles of [liquor #2].”

Cashier: “All right, I just need to see your ID.”

Me: “No problem!” *hands her my New Mexico driver’s license*

Cashier: *looks at license for a minute* “I need to see your passport, too.”

(I am taken aback. I don’t even own a passport, since I haven’t traveled outside of the US.)

Me: “What do you mean?”

Cashier: “Sorry, but I can’t accept this.”

Me: “What? Why not?” *keep in mind, I’m of age*

Cashier: “We only accept passports, Louisiana state IDs, or licenses from the United States.”

Me: “Um, New Mexico is a state.”

Cashier: *in a rather condescending tone* “Uh, no, it’s not.”

Me: “Um, yes, it is.”

Cashier: *sounded irritated*No, it’s not. We had someone in here from there the other day and we needed to see his passport!”

(After spending sometime trying to convince her that New Mexico is, in fact, a part of the United States, and has been since 1912, she starts to get rather nasty with me. I request a manager. She rolls her eyes but eventually pages one, warning me that he is just going to tell me the same thing.)

Manager: “Hello, miss. What seems to be the problem?”

Cashier: *waving my license at the manager* “She’s refusing to show an ID or passport, and she wants to buy alcohol!”

Me: “Uh, no, I showed her my ID, but she doesn’t believe that New Mexico is a state.”

Cashier: “Because it’s not!”

Manager: “Um, [Cashier], it is a state.”

(Amazingly, the cashier starts arguing with him about it, too! After a few more minutes of back and forth, the manager sends the cashier away with the promise of a “talk” later. She leaves with a huff and a death glare at me.)

Manager: “Sorry about that. I’ll get your alcohol.”

(He checks the birthdate on my ID, hands it back, and rings my alcohol through.)

Me: *I’m pretty annoyed, but I also have to laugh at the entire situation* “Well, I’ll definitely have an interesting story to tell at the party tonight!”

I’ll Arrange For The Séance

, , | Working | November 12, 2017

(I handle money for land projects and transfer of money between owners. The current owner has passed away, and the project managers that work for my company don’t understand why we can’t get the current owner to say it’s okay, and why we can’t give the money to the new owner.)

Coworker: “Why would the money be in the [special process]? Was there an attempt to contact the customer?”

Boss: “Yes, we tried, but no one had the area code for Heaven.”

I Am Lawless

, , , , , | Friendly | November 10, 2017

(I started a new job as a receptionist at a local law firm about three months ago. I have had no experience in a law environment prior to this job, and my general understanding of law is that of the average individual. One evening after work, I meet up with a few friends for drinks. One of them starts talking about her ongoing issues with her ex-boyfriend.)

Friend: “[My Name], what do you think I should do?”

Me: “Honestly, I think you should have hired an attorney back when he stopped paying his child support. I imagine it will only get worse from here on out.”

Friend: “Yeah, but I can’t afford to hire an attorney. Isn’t there something I can do?”

Me: “I’m sure there is, but what that is, I cannot tell you.”

Friend: “Can’t or won’t?”

Me: *taken aback* “I mean that I do not know the answer.”

Friend: “But you work at a law firm!”

Me: “That doesn’t mean I instantly know anything more about law than you do.”

Friend: “But you’re smart. You’ve certainly picked something up by now?”

Me: “According to that logic, you should book your son’s next check up with someone who works in the maintenance department or the billing department at [Major Hospital].”

Friend: “That’s stupid, though. Why would you think they’d know anything about medicine?”

Everyone Else At The Table: “EXACTLY!”

Best To Just Keep It All Closed Down

, , , , , | Right | November 10, 2017

(I’m telling on myself here. I am having some trouble with [Video Chat Client] and finally have to resort to tech support of the chat variety, through my browser.)

Tech Guy: “Hello! Welcome to [Video Chat Client] technical support! My name is [Tech Guy]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi! I’ve been having some trouble with my group chats; I can’t send or receive messages.”

Tech Guy: “Okay, we’ll have to do some troubleshooting. Is it all right if I remotely connect to your computer to better help you?”

Me: “If it’ll help, sure.”

Tech Guy: “Great! So, just close any personal things and everything on your desktop, and then click the following link.”

(I promptly quit everything on my desktop, including the browser, through which I had been talking to [Tech Guy]. I realized a second later when the chat window suddenly closed what I had done, but it was far too late. I had to get back in line and start all over again with a new tech agent. Obviously, I don’t know how [Tech Guy] reacted, but I like to think his reaction was something along the lines of, “huh?”)

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