No Vocation For Location, Part 20

, , , , , , , | Friendly | April 5, 2018

(My housemates and I have invited one of our mutual friends over, and he asks if he can bring a girl he’s been really keen to ask out the last couple of weeks. We agree, and he invites her along, too. When she arrives, she seems like a perfectly nice person; however, she isn’t the sharpest tool in the box. At one point, we get around to talking about my dad.)

Friend: “How’s your dad doing?”

Me: “Oh, he’s okay, thanks. He’s in Geneva right now.”

Girl: “Er… What’s he doing there?”

Me: “There’s an academic conference there, and he’s giving a speech.”

Girl: “But why does he have to go out all the way to Africa?”

Me: “What?”

Girl: “Geneva. That’s in Africa, ain’t it?”

Me: “No, it’s in Switzerland.”

Girl: “But I thought that guy in The Last King of Scotland was the ruler of Geneva.”

Friend: “That was Uganda!”

Girl: “Oh.”

(Unfortunately, that is not a one-off, and throughout the evening she continues to her put her foot in it. At one point in the evening, we are watching the highlights from an AC Milan game.)

Housemate #1: “That’s an amazing strike.”

Girl: “Those Spaniards are really good at football, aren’t they?”

Housemate #2: “Spaniards? You mean Italians?”

Girl: “No, Spain. Milan is in Spain; I went there!”

Me: “That’s impossible. It’s in Italy.”

Girl: “No, it isn’t. It’s that place by the sea that all the British people like!”

Friend: “You went to Majorca, not Milan.”

Girl: “Oh, right. Well, it was with my family, so I guess I didn’t pay attention.” *laughs nervously*

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 19
No Vocation For Location, Part 18
No Vocation For Location, Part 17

Loyalties Remain Unclear

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2018

(The store is full and the line long. Whilst I’m waiting for my drinks to be made, I overhear this:)

Cashier: “Do you have a points card?”

Old Man: “No, I don’t.”

Cashier: “Would you like one? You get points for every hot drink you buy and earn points for free drinks.”

Old Man: “No, don’t bother. I had one, but no one else took it.”

(I turn around, guessing at what he is implying, and try to tell if he is joking. His stern look tells me otherwise.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir. No one else took it? You mean other [Store] locations?”

Old Man: “No! Other coffee shops. I tried it in the one down the road. They told me that they wouldn’t take it. It’s a scam.”

Cashier: “Sorry, sir, do you mean [completely different Coffee Shop]?”

Old Man: “Yes, I went in there, and I spoke to the manager.”

Cashier: “Sir, our ‘loyalty’ card is for customers shopping at our store. That store has nothing to do with us.”

Old Man: “Well, that is just stupid.”

(I could see the cashier’s face as they struggled and gave up trying to explain the concept of a loyalty card that doesn’t reward you for being loyal!)

Time To Hops Into The Shower

, , , , , | Right | April 5, 2018

(I work at a campground. I’m on the phone with my supervisor because I need to place a maintenance request to fix a toilet that isn’t wanting to flush. It’s also Fourth of July weekend, our busiest weekend.)

Me: “Yeah, the first toilet will not flush. It’s going to get clogged, but I don’t think it is yet.”

Supervisor: “All right, I’ll send maintenance down there in a minute.”

Me: “Other than that, it doesn’t seem that bad.”

Supervisor: “That’s good.”

Me: “Well, that’s interesting!”

Supervisor: “What did you find?”

Me: “Someone had fun in the shower last night.”

Supervisor: “How do you know?”

Me: “I found two beer bottles in the shower.”

Locked Into Their Chain Of Thought

, , , | Right | April 4, 2018

(I work alone in a small cafe. We have two bathrooms, one for one man and one for one woman. There is a lock on the inside to insure privacy. A customer comes to the counter.)

Customer: “The bathroom door won’t open!”

Me: “Is it locked?”

Customer: “Locked? I’m never coming back to a place that has to lock the bathrooms!”

Me: “We don’t lock them. They lock from the inside.”

Customer: “Can you unlock it?”

Me: “No! Maybe someone is in there?”

Customer: “That is stupid. Why would someone lock the door? I’m never coming back!”

(Before I can respond, she goes out the door, saying:)

Customer: “They lock the bathrooms up!”

Has The Gall To Believe That

, , , , , , | Related | April 4, 2018

(I just had my gallbladder out and am staying with my parents for a few days while I recover. Note, I have many extreme allergies, all to common foods.)

Mom: “Let’s order pizza tonight. We can find something at [Local Pizzeria] for everyone.”

Dad: “Why not just do two large cheese pizzas from [Cheap Chain]?”

Me: “Because I can’t eat any of that. Allergies, remember? Only dealt with them for 15 years, at this point.”

Dad: “But you should be over them. Your gallbladder is gone, so you aren’t allergic.”

Mom & Me: “That isn’t how this works.”

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