She Has Too Much On Her Plate

, , | Right | February 18, 2018

(I work for a collateral recovery company. We hire guys on behalf of the bank to repossess cars. One day, I get a call from a debtor, wanting to file a claim.)

Me: “Hi, [Customer], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to file a claim against your towing company.”

Me: “What is the nature of the claim?”

Customer: “The people who took my car removed equipment, and now I have to take it to a mechanic to get it put back together. Who is going to pay for this?”

Me: “I can get you to our claims department to get the paperwork you will need. May I ask what the equipment was that the towing company removed?”

Customer: “My license plate.”

Me: *stunned silence*

(By the way, plates are considered your personal property, and are legally required to be removed at time of repossession.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “I don’t understand. Why do you need to take it to a mechanic?”

Customer: “Because I’m a girl! I don’t know how to work on cars!”

(I’m a girl, too. I explained to her how to replace the plates using the two flat-head screws attached to her vehicle. After she started to cry, I informed her that I would call the lot and have them put the plate back on. She just had to turn around and go back there.)

You Want Time Off, Here’s Plenty

, , , , , | Working | February 18, 2018

Worker: “I need a couple of days off. My best friend’s step-cousin’s great aunt died yesterday.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Were you close?”

Worker: “No. I never met her.”

Me: “Why would you need time off, then?”

Worker: “Because I’m really upset.”

Me: “But you never met her.”

Worker: “So? There was a really nice Facebook post about her, and I think I would’ve liked her. I’ve been crying all morning.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there really isn’t much I can do. Bereavement is for close family only. If you need to take sick leave for mental health issues, that’s fine.”

Worker: “I don’t need sick leave. I need bereavement.”

(She then left work without telling anyone, and missed the rest of that week. She had some new tattoos and piercings when she came back, which was a breach of one of our policies, which states that you have to notify us if you are getting body modifications. It’s a stupid policy, but it is what it is. She was dragged into Human Resources and dismissed before the day was over. She tried to appeal the decision, citing discrimination. It didn’t work.)

Phoning In The Personal Information

, , , , , | Right | February 18, 2018

(I’m ringing up an older gentleman who is buying one bottle of wine.)

Me: “Do you have your [Store Rewards] card?”

Customer: “Not on me. My phone number is [number].”

Me: “Thanks. May I have your birthdate for the alcohol?”

Customer: “No. I don’t give out personal information.”

Even The Gangs Can’t Deal With This Kind Of Crazy

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2018

(My friend is mute and often uses sign language to communicate. Most customers know this, so they don’t expect much sound from him. I’m visiting him at work this day.)

Me: “Bet you get a bunch of crazies here.”

Friend: *nods and signs* “You do not know the start.”

(Just then, a customer gasps loudly and runs up to the counter, pointing her finger at my friend.)

Customer: “I’M TELLING YOUR MANAGER!”

Friend: *signs* “For what?”

Customer: “YOU’RE DOING IT AGAIN! STOP THOSE GANG SIGNS!”

Me: “Uh… Ma’am, he’s mute. That means he can’t speak, so he has to use sign language.”

Customer: “LIAR! ONLY DEAF PEOPLE USE THAT. HE’S A MEMBER OF A GANG, AND YOU ARE, TOO! I’M TELLING THE MANAGER! YOU BOTH ARE GOING TO COME TO MY HOUSE AND SHOOT ME!” *runs away*

Me: “…so, is that the start?”

Friend: *looks at me with unamusement*

Pray That’s Just Dry Humor

, , , , , , | Working | February 16, 2018

(I work in a bar with a coworker who is absolutely lovely, but can be quite feather-brained. Still, I wouldn’t have believed this if I hadn’t witnessed it myself! I’m sat off to the side on my break while [Coworker] is behind the bar. A customer approaches and asks for a dry white wine. I watch my coworker walk back and forth along the row of wine fridges, looking increasingly confused. Eventually she turns back to the customer.)

Coworker: “I’m so sorry; I think we’ve only got wet ones!”

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