Have Low Egg-spectations Of Their Staff

, , , , , , | Working | April 17, 2018

(I’m eating breakfast in the café of a well-known supermarket chain, chatting with an extremely friendly elderly couple at the next table over who still seem to be waiting for their meals. One of the staff comes over with two jacket potatoes and I am treated to this exchange:)

Waitress: “I’m sorry, again, about having to change your order; unfortunately, we just can’t provide scrambled eggs.”

Wife: “It’s fine; don’t worry! We were happy with the breakfasts, otherwise, though… My husband just cannot eat fried eggs!”

Waitress: “I know. I’m very sorry. I couldn’t tell you the reasons, but it’s an issue of Health and Safety. We’re not allowed to poach or scramble eggs. We can only fry.”

Me: *leaning over* “But isn’t it easier to safely scramble an egg than fry one?”

Waitress: “I know; it’s just what we have to do.”

(I think [Supermarket] needs to revisit their risk assessments if their catering staff aren’t officially trusted with an egg!)

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 5

, , , , , | Working | April 17, 2018

(It’s my first year at university and I am still getting used to the new buses I have to take. The bus app is malfunctioning, so I have to remember my bus times from memory. I get on one bus and ask the driver a question.)

Me: “Does this bus go to [Intersection]?”

Bus Driver: “I only follow the GPS.”

Me: “I know, but it should be a stop. I just want to make sure I’m on the right bus.”

Bus Driver: “I just follow the GPS. I don’t know.”

Me: “Really?”

Bus Driver: “I just follow the GPS.”

(Since I was 90% sure I was on the right bus, I stayed on, and I was right, but what bus driver doesn’t know intersections?)

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 4
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 3
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2

Your Job And This Interview Have Reached Their Natural End Point

, , , , , | Working | April 17, 2018

(I’ve just finished a contract analyst position for a major phone provider and am now looking for my next job. A recruiter calls me after seeing my CV online.)

Recruiter: “What are you looking for in your next position? We’ve got many opportunities open in your field!”

Me: “Ideally, I’d like something that builds upon my current skill set and what I was doing before.”

(I describe my role in the contract position, mentioning my technical expertise and familiarity with multiple types of software.)

Recruiter: “I see. Sounds like you’d be better off just staying where you are, then.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Recruiter: “Well, from what you said, it sounds like you already have your dream job. I’m not really sure why you’re looking for another position, actually.”

Me: “Uh, because that was a contract position?”

Recruiter: “I don’t understand. What difference does that make?”

Me: “That means it was only for a limited period of time. I’m no longer working that job.”

Recruiter: “Huh?”

Me: “It says right on my CV, and in my cover letter, that my contract is finished and I’m no longer employed at [Major Phone Company].”

(There is a pause.)

Recruiter: “Oh… Is that why you put an end date on your last position?”

Me: “Yes. I am no longer employed and am looking for a new job.”

Recruiter: “Yeah, sorry. I can’t help you, then.” *hangs up*

Me: *confused*

Don’t Need A Scan Gun To Identify This Problem

, , , , , | Working | April 17, 2018

(I am part of a team sourced from other stores to help a store get organised, as they can’t seem to get work completed. The company has had nothing but complaints about the state of the store. I find myself working alongside one of the store’s employees. We both have our own tasks. She is taking stock out of cartons and arranging them onto a shelf.)

Coworker: “What do you think? Does that look okay?”

Me: “Yeah, they look fine there.”

Coworker: *starts taking the items off the shelf and putting them back into the carton*

Me: “What are you doing?”

Coworker: “I have to dust the shelf” *she dusts the shelf, then puts the stock back in place* “Yes, that looks good.” *again she starts taking the stock off the shelf and placing them back into the carton*

Me: “What are you doing now?”

Coworker: “Now I have to price the stock.” *stands back watching me using my scanner*

Me: “Are you waiting to use this?”

Coworker: “No, I have one.”

(My coworker picks up her scanner and starts fiddling around with it finally she makes her first scan and then starts scanning about 24 of the same item separately instead of simply putting a quantity in. I am dumbfounded, and simply don’t want to be working next to this woman.)

Me: “How about I finish up those with my lot and you go to find [Supervisor] for another job?”

Coworker: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

(I had completed about ten shelves in the time it took her to not complete one. I think I know why they had so much trouble keeping the store organised. It didn’t surprise me when the company decided to close that location down.)

Victimizing The Left

, , , | Learning | April 17, 2018

(I work in the main IT department for my university. We handle issues over the phone and in person. In our call center, there is a phone that is a direct line to each classroom. We call it the “Bat Phone.” If a professor has an issue, they simply pick up the phone, and we can troubleshoot or send someone onsite. This happens to my coworker.)

Professor: “Someone needs to come right now! I’ve dropped the mouse behind the desk and I can’t get to it now!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, the mouse is attached to the computer with a wire; you can just pick up the mouse by the wire.”

Professor: “No! Someone needs to come help me! I’m no good with computers. I don’t want to pull on the wrong wire. Plus, I’m left-handed! I can’t deal with this sort of thing!”

Coworker: *completely dumbfounded at the amount of stupidity* “I’ll be right over.”

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