Your Inability To Listen Is At Large

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(I work at a “snoball” stand that’s pretty popular in the south. We have over 100 flavors. Pumpkin spice is one of the flavors, but no one really orders it unless it is fall, even though we have the flavor all year round.)

Customer: “Can I get a pumpkin ‘snoball’ with condensed milk?”

Me: “Sure, what size?”

Customer: “Condensed milk.”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “Pumpkin.”

Manager: *to me* “We’ll just give her a medium.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $2.50.”

Customer: “It’s supposed to be $3.50, because I ordered a large.”

(At least she was honest about the price.)

You Must Construct Additional Pylons!

, , , , | Working | March 22, 2018

(I’m the receptionist. In our building, we’ve recently suffered multiple break-ins and automatic doors have been damaged. One of the broken entrances, with two sets of automatic doors, is therefore locked. Wooden boards block the entrance. People now have to walk about 30 meters extra to get to the other side. And yet, on a daily basis:)

Coworker #1: “Why won’t the door open?”

Coworker #2: “Can’t you open the door? My car is right over there.”

Coworker #3: “Ugh, it’s raining. Why is the door closed? Aren’t you keeping an eye on it?”

Coworker #4: *points at bolted down blocks* “But what if you take them out for me?”

Coworker #5 to #99: “Why/since when is the door closed?”

(And, the cherry on the pie: when mechanics come to fix the door. They place pylons around the area, and an email goes out telling people to not enter through that door. And, you guessed it:)

Coworker #100: *walks around the pylons, first sliding doors open, second sliding doors remain closed due to break-in damage* “Eh?” *is now stuck between doors*

(I freed him right away since I saw him coming on the security camera, but I did ask him if he saw the pylons and read his email. He read the email, but he hadn’t noticed the pylons.)

Phoned The Wrong Address

, , , | Right | March 22, 2018

(I work in an office supply store.)

Me: “Hi. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I need to return this phone.” *holds up a box and a receipt*

Me: “As far as I know, we don’t sell phones here. Are you sure you didn’t mean to take this to [Phone Store in the same shopping center as us]?”

Customer: “No! Isn’t this [address]?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but all of the stores in this center have the same address, just different suite numbers—”

Customer: “See?! This is the address on the receipt; this is where the phone came from!”

Me: *looks at the receipt* “Yes. It says [Phone Store] at the top here, and you can see the shop from here; look.” *points out the window; you can see the sign from where we’re standing*

Customer: *stares out the window* “But it says this is the address!”

Me: “I know, ma’am, but it came from [Phone Store]. You can return it there.”

Customer: “But this is the address!”

(She wandered out the door after that.)

Double-Cheque Your Knowledge

, , , , , , | Working | March 22, 2018

(I am ringing up a woman’s purchases. She tries to pay with a cheque, but we’ve not accepted cheques for years.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t accept cheques.”

Customer: *immediately on the defensive* “I rang you up earlier to ask if you accepted cheques and was told you did.”

Me: “You didn’t speak to me, because I would have told you that we didn’t. We haven’t accepted them for years.”

Customer: “I spoke to someone; it must be one of them.”

(I ask the staff if they’ve spoken to someone today regarding accepting cheques and am told no. The woman is still ranting and raving.)

Me: “I’ll see what I can do. I’ll make a call.”

(I call our regional manager and explain the situation.)

Manager: “I can’t okay this, but try calling [Security Manager]. We used to take cheques. I know we had to get authorisation from the bank and the customer needed to supply proper ID. The customer also can’t take the purchases until the cheque is cleared.”

(Just then, I hear the customer saying something.)

Customer: *still ranting* “Now I have to tell my son his cheque is wasted.”

(I mention that to the manager.)

Manager: “No, no, no! We have never taken cheques unless they are presented by the account holder with proper ID. Don’t bother wasting [Security Manager]’s time.”

(I pass the information on to the customer, who ends up buying the items with her card before leaving, still ranting.)

Me: *to coworker* “I wish I knew who told her that we accept cheques.”

Coworker: “We do take cheques, but they have to have ID.”

Me: “We don’t accept cheques.”

Coworker: *who has worked for us for eight years* “Since when?”

Me: “For well over six years. Was it you who told the customer we did? You said no when I asked.”

Coworker: “You said today; I told someone yesterday.”

Quentin Tarantino’s Muppet Fiction

, , , , , , | Right | March 21, 2018

(After working in a theater for so long, I’ve grown accustomed to parents dragging their kids along to movies that would be considered inappropriate, but unless it’s rated NC-17 or has no rating at all, the most we can do is warn them. Every now and then, I’m thrown for a loop.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I was wondering if you could tell me why The Muppets has a PG rating.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I saw the movie myself, and the only reason I can think of is that there’s some mildly crude humor.”

Customer: “I have some of my friend’s kids with me. Are you sure it’s okay for them to watch?”

Me: *surprised* “Um… Yes?”

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