No Longer A Family-Friendly Store

, , , , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(It’s 9:00 pm, which is our closing time. Our store has two entrances: one main one in the front, and one on the side that leads easily back to the main pathway of the mall. When we close, we close the front entrance so customers can finish up and exit on our side entrance. I just finished ringing up a customer.)

Me: “Have a good night, ma’am. Just to let you know, our front entrance is closed, but you can exit through our side doors.”

(The customer gives me a terrified look as if I just told her I have taken her family hostage.)

Customer: *puts her hand on her heart* “You mean I can’t go out and be with my family?!” *shakes her head looking very worried* “Oh, that’s not good… That’s not good at all.”

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am. That entrance leads right back to the mall; just go left and you will see where you first came in.”

Customer: *cheery* “Oh! Okay!”

Notified Defied

, , , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(I work for a very large banking company in their call center. My job includes calling customers who are past due on their retail store credit cards to attempt to collect payment.)

Me: “Hello, may I please speak to [Card Member]?”

Client: “This is he.”

Me: “This is [My Name] calling from [Bank] on behalf of [Store]. It seems your payment is a little past due, so we just wanted to see if you could make a payment today for [amount].”

Client: “I made a payment. It shouldn’t be past due. I have my bank’s bill pay set up to send you a payment every month.”

Me: “I do see we received a payment from you. However, the payment you sent was less than the minimum due. The unpaid amount is unfortunately past due.”

Client: “But [amount paid] has always been the amount due each month!”

Me: “I apologize for the confusion. Your minimum payment amount is a percentage of your total account balance. I see you had a lower balance in the past, but you recently made additional purchases, which increased your card balance, which increased your minimum payment. Would you be able to take care of that payment today?”

Client: “But why didn’t anyone tell me the minimum payment increased?!”

Me: “I see we did send you out a statement to the address on file, so I apologize if you did not see the statement. Has your address changed?”

Client: “No, I received the statement. But no one reads paper statements anymore! Why didn’t you call or text me to notify me of the increase?”

Me: “I apologize, sir. We do have a very large number of cardholders and don’t have the ability to call or text every one of them every time their minimum payment changes. I certainly apologize. Would you be able to make a payment today?”

Client: “But no one reads paper statements anymore!”

Me: “You do have the option to sign up for e-billing so you’ll receive your statements via email. But by law, we are required to send out a paper statement each month to the mailing address on file, unless and until the card holder personally requests to change their statement method to paperless.”

Client: “But no one reads paper statements anymore!”

Me: “Again, I apologize sir. Would you be able to take care of a payment today, or do you know when you’d be able to?”

Client: “But this isn’t fair! No one reads paper statements anymore! How was I supposed to know?! Why didn’t anyone call or text me?!”

Me: “Again, I apologize, sir. Unfortunately, that’s not something we’re set up for. Would I be able to take care of that payment today?”

(This back-and-forth went on for quite awhile, with the customer just unable to comprehend why we “didn’t notify him” of the amount he owed. I never was able to collect any payment from him.)

A Whirlwind Of Stupidity

, , , | | Healthy | May 24, 2018

(I work at a small emergency department, not far from an amusement park. We get a steady stream of minor injuries from the park most days, but this one is unique. A teenage boy who is definitely old enough to know better is brought in by ambulance after he calls 911.)

Doctor: “So, what made you call 911 today? Must have been pretty serious.”

Boy: “Well, I started getting really dizzy. And I felt like I was going to throw up.”

Doctor: “Hmm, well, that could be any number of things. Did you do anything new or unusual today that might have triggered these symptoms?”

Boy: “I felt fine until I went on the Tilt-a-Whirl…”

Doctor: “I… you… I think you’re going to be okay.”

(Yes, he literally called 911 without asking his parents because he got motion sick. No, he didn’t have a developmental disability that would have explained his decision. His older sister showed up shortly after, heard what he’d done, slapped him upside the head, and dragged him out of the department. His parents are not going to be happy with the bill.)

A Testing Set Of Interviews

, , , , | | Working | May 24, 2018

(I’m applying for a job at a temp agency, and I overhear this conversation between the clerk and one of their employees. The employee just finished a temp job and is looking for more work.)

Clerk: “We just need you to take a drug test before we can send you on another job.”

Employee: “I’m not taking a drug test.”

Clerk: “Refusal to take a test qualifies as a failed test.”

Employee: “Okay, so, when am I going on my next job?”

Clerk: “You’re not. You failed a drug test. You can come in in 30 days to take another one.”

Employee: “I didn’t fail a drug test!”

Clerk: “You refused the test.”

Employee: “So?! I didn’t fail.”

Clerk: “So you think that people can just refuse a test, and that’s the same as passing it?”

Employee: “Yes! I didn’t fail any test.”

Clerk: “It doesn’t work that way. You will not be sent out for any more work until you pass a drug test.”

Employee: “Okay, fine! I’ll take the test.”

Clerk: “Okay, but have you taken any drugs?”

Employee: “I smoke marijuana, but if you’re going to say that I failed, I might as well take the test!”

(He goes to the back to take his test. I walk up to the counter a few minutes later with my application, still laughing a little bit about what I just witnessed.)

Clerk: “Okay, now we just need you to take a drug test.”

Me: “I’m not taking a drug test! When do I start?”

(She gives me a death glare.)

Me: “I’m joking.”

Not Even Close, No Cigar

, , , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(My town has recently enacted a carding regulation that requires everyone purchasing alcohol or tobacco products to have a valid picture ID. There is one customer in front of me and one behind me. The man behind me is dressed in his police uniform and his radio is occasionally crackling, making his presence very obvious.)

Customer #1: “I’d like to buy these cigars.”

Cashier: “Okay, I just need to see some ID.”

Customer #1: “They’re cigars; why do I need ID?”

Cashier: “We must card everyone who purchases tobacco products.”

Customer #1: “But I look over 18.”

Cashier: “Yes, but we must card everyone attempting to purchase alcohol or tobacco products.”

Customer #1: “That’s stupid. Cigars aren’t tobacco products.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but they are. Cigars contain tobacco, making them a tobacco product, and I must see a valid ID before I can sell them to you.”

Customer #1: “But they’re cigars. The tobacco doesn’t stay in them; you take it out and fill it with weed.”

Cashier: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer #1: “Not without my cigars.”

(This goes on for several minutes.)

Customer #2: “Sir, I suggest you leave before I decide you have given me probable cause to search your person.”

Customer #1: “Not until she sells me the cigars. I’m over 18, and I don’t want to smoke the tobacco, anyway.”

Me: “You realize it is still illegal in the state of Missouri to smoke marijuana, right?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, but that’s why you put them in cigars. The cops can’t figure it out.”

Me: “You’re kidding, right?” *I hook my thumb at the man behind me* “You just told everyone in the store you were going to empty them out and fill them with pot. That includes him.”

Customer #1: “Oh, here’s my ID.”

(He bought his cigars and walked out of the store. [Customer #2] put his purchases on the counter and followed him out. As I left, [Customer #1] was arguing with the police officer about the morality of marijuana being illegal.)

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