All Eyes On Me

, , , , | Working | December 15, 2017

(I am trying to get into a bar and the bouncer has stopped me to check my ID.)

Bouncer: “Is this you? It doesn’t look like you”

Me: “It’s really me.”

Bouncer: “What is your name?”

(I tell him.)

Bouncer: “What is your address?”

(I tell him.)

Bouncer: “What is your birthdate?”

(I tell him.)

Bouncer: “What colour are your eyes?”

(I start to answer but he interrupts.)

Bouncer: “Wait, no cheating!” *he covers my eyes with his hand*

Me: “Wait, did you just cover my eyes so I can’t see what colour they are?”

Bouncer: “Yes.”

Blowing Nothing But Hot Air

, , , , , , | Right | December 15, 2017

(I am an apprentice glassblower, learning under a master artisan who has been in the business for over 30 years. One day, I’m working on a piece while my boss works with tourists, answering questions and explaining what I am doing.)

Tourist: *to me* “Excuse me, I have a question.”

Boss: “I’ll be happy to answer any questions you have! He’s working on a time-sensitive piece.”

Tourist: “Uh, no. Excuse me! Excuse me!”

Boss: “Really, please don’t interrupt him. I’m more than happy to answer any questions.”

(The tourist is quiet for a minute, and then starts climbing over the railing to get to me. My boss grabs him back, and I abandon the piece I’m working on to get on the phone to security.)

Tourist: “I just wanted to ask a question, and I knew that old guy wouldn’t know! Is that so hard?”

Me: “What the h*** could you have to ask?”

Tourist: *pointing* “Is that fire hot?”

They’re Living In A Fairytale

, , , , | Learning | December 15, 2017

(While looking for an elective course, I am very excited to find one on fairy tales. While going to sign up for said course, I pass a girl explaining it to her friend:)

Girl: “I’m going to be doing Fairy Tales, so that’s, like, Santa Claus.”

(I chose a film course instead.)

Ignorance To Make You Say “Oh, Baby”

, , , , , | Romantic | December 15, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are laying in bed one day after spending the day together and I am having fairly bad cramps, as my period has just started. I reach over and put his hand on my stomach where I’m cramping to somewhat comfort me.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, that’s where a baby would be!”

Me: “Yeah, well, that’s where it hurts…”

Boyfriend: *with look of confusion on his face* “Oh! Hmm… I guess that makes sense.”

Baht Nothing

, , , , , , , | Right | December 15, 2017

(I am at a cafe at the departure lounge of the airport, queueing up behind some tourists heading home. Note: All the notes and coins are clearly marked.)

Tourist: “How much is this bottled water?”

Cashier: “It’s [amount], ma’am.”

Tourist: *shoving some change at the cashier* “Here.”

Cashier: “So sorry, but you are short by [amount].”

Tourist: *gives a note* “Fine. Here. I don’t understand your currency. I want my change in [Home Country’s currency].”

Cashier: “I’m sorry; I can only give you change in Thai Baht.”

Tourist: “This is outrageous! What kind of place is this that you can’t give me change in [Home Country’s currency]?!”

Page 1/11112345...Last
Next »