“Pas Toujours Raison” – For Her

, , , , , | Right | May 26, 2020

I am flying back to the USA from Heathrow airport in London. I get to security and there is a woman in front of me with one of those HUGE purses, larger than the backpack I am carrying. There are multiple signs that explain the limitations of what you can bring on board a flight and even a guy going down the line telling us the limits.

We unload our respective bags and shoes into the trays and send them through the x-ray machine. While I am waiting for the lady herself to get scanned, I glance back at the x-ray machine, which has stopped. A cluster of people around the display are all peering intently at it and pointing at the screen.

After I get through the scanner and start getting my stuff, I see that they have pulled the lady aside and had her dump her purse out into a tray. It is loaded with several scores of bottles of perfume, some of which individually look to exceed the total liquid limit, let alone the single bottle limit. As I walk past I can hear the conversation.

Officer: “You cannot bring this much liquid on the plane.”

Lady: “But it’s just perfume.”

Officer: “That doesn’t matter; you still cannot bring it on the plane.”

Lady: “But it’s expensive perfume!”

This Is Why We Have These Meetings

, , , , , , | Working | May 26, 2020

We have an all store meeting on a Sunday morning where they have multiple stations set up to have all employees working their opening and closing pitches to customers. It is some major push with corporate to better understand customers through pitching them products or some such nonsense.

As I work in the service department, it doesn’t apply to my direct coworkers or me, but we have to show up anyway. One of the stations, though, is actually with the customer service workers who are going over ways to avoid fraud. One of the store managers who is directly over customer service is there, too.

All the employees are put into groups. My group is the third group to go to this station, so two others have already gone. 

Representative #1: “We need to make sure that, on checks, the name on the check matches their driver’s ID as well as address. Standard operating procedure is to write the customer’s ID number on the check.”

Manager: “If the customer has stolen a debit card but has the PIN, there really isn’t much we can do since we never look at the debit card if they put in the PIN. With a credit card or a transaction going through as credit, though, we can stop fraud completely because we have to put in the CID number on the back of the card so we can match the card with the customer’s ID.”

Representative #2: “Honestly, it doesn’t matter if the name isn’t right because the whole thing would be between the person who had the card stolen and that person’s bank. So, we could technically stay out of it.”

Me: “So… when it comes to cards we don’t need to stop fraud or have no way of doing it?”

Manager: “With debits, not really, but with credit cards, you match the ID. Weren’t you listening?”

Me: “I was, but [Representative #2] just said that really the whole thing is between the person who lost the card and the bank. So, we can catch the fraud but honestly, there isn’t a point to if we still get paid and the person who lost the card isn’t technically on the hook for the charges applied to the card. Basically talking about cards at all is kind of useless.”

Manager: “Well… I mean, we can stop fraud by looking at the ID.”

Representative #2: *To me* “But it doesn’t matter since it’s between the bank and the person.”

Me: “Yep, we can stop fraud by looking at the ID of the person with the credit card, but if we were to skip that entirely and just take the card, the person who had the card stolen could call their bank and not be on the hook for those charges.”

Representative #1, Representative #2, and Manager: “Yes.”

Me: “We’re the third group through here, right?”

Maybe He’s After The Rubber Kind?

, , , , | Right | May 26, 2020

A customer drives up to the speaker in the drive-thru.

Customer: “Is this the Colonel Restaurant?”

I clearly am not expecting that question.

Me: “Excuse me? 

Customer: “Is this KFC?”

Me: “Um… yeah?!”

Customer: “What kind of chicken do you guys have?”

I cut off the mic for a second.

Me: “This is gonna be a long night.”

They’re Gradually Driving You Insane

, , , , | Right | May 26, 2020

I’m a locksmith located in a good area, and I often work with a coworker. We get calls from up to one hundred miles away all the time, so we occasionally get some real gems.

A lady calls us to let us know that her son has locked himself out of his car, but she doesn’t like our price, so she says she’ll call a friend to see if he can unlock it for free first.  

Lo and behold, the friend does not succeed, so we head on over. It literally takes about thirty seconds for my coworker to open the door while I finish the paperwork and collect payment. Back in the van, my coworker turns to me with a shocked look on his face and says, “The door was unlocked the whole time.”

Another time, my coworker goes to unlock a car at the town square and returns saying, “The back window was open. I just reached through and pulled the button up.”

Another time, a woman calls, needing her 2010s-era car opened. She later calls back to cancel because someone told her to try the key in the door, and it worked.

One time, we go to make keys for a car, and we get there only to discover the customer has given us the wrong year, make, and model. He had zero idea what he drove.

One time, a man insists he needs a key for his car on a day that is freezing cold and snowing. He absolutely does not want us putting it off for a sane day, and since there isn’t much snow at the time, we figure it won’t be a big problem. So, we go.

And we find a car that has clearly been sitting in the middle of a field for somewhere around three years. It is little more than scrap metal. At that time, the snow starts really coming down. Also, the locks are so messed up that we can’t do anything with them, so we can’t make the key.

Finally, a man calls us because he has gotten a new ignition switch and needs the new key programmed to his truck. On the surface, it sounds easy, but when we get there, we discover this genius got his old switch out by clipping all the wires to the antenna ring and more or less ripping it out of the way.

We explain that the antenna ring was absolutely essential to getting his truck to start, and so he grabs it, wires it back in wrong, and then promptly turns the car on. And that’s how he turned his expensive truck into a paperweight.

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Underaged And Over Confident

, , , , , | Right | May 25, 2020

My boyfriend works as a waiter at a local restaurant and bar. At ten o’clock pm on weekends, the kitchen closes and the bar stays open for another four hours. At this time, they post the two guys at the front and back entrance to check ID, as you have to be twenty-one to get in for the night.

I am at home when my boyfriend gets off work around 9:30, and he calls to ask if I want to meet up with him at the bar since he ran into an old friend of ours. Ecstatic, I agree. 

I get there and sit down with them a little after ten, when the door guys were just posted. Beyond [Boyfriend] and [Friend], there are three other girls I don’t recognize, although [Boyfriend] mentions he knows everyone but one from various places. Let’s call her [Customer]. She ends up sitting at the end of the table, not drinking anything, and just texting on her phone, which doesn’t matter to me at the time.

About ten minutes into us catching up, joking around, and having a good time while talking about trying out a new bar a few blocks down, [Door Guy #2] comes up to our table and goes to the girl on her phone.

Door Guy #2: “Hey, are you [Customer]?”

Customer: “Yeah?”

[Door Guy #2] pulls out his phone.

Door Guy #2: “Okay, well, I just got these messages you just sent to my sister about being underage and sneaking in here, so, is this you?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, that’s me, but no, I didn’t send them.”

We’re all watching, confused at this, because he’s showing the messages to us, things like, “lol tell your husband [Door Guy #1] that I’m twenty-one,” and, “got in before the kitchen closed and now I’m in here underage!” She’d sent these to the wife of [Door Guy #1], who happened to be the sister of [Door Guy #2], knowing she was the wife of one of the guys checking ID at the door. We had no idea she was underage, and on top of it, she begins to now argue with him, raising her voice into a shriek. [Door Guy #2] is patient but firm.

Door Guy #2: “Okay, well it’s after kitchen close, and you have to be twenty-one to be in here.”

Customer: “But [Door Guy #1] let me in!”

Door Guy #2: “And I’m asking you to leave. You can’t be in here now if you’re under twenty-one.”

Customer: “But I turn twenty-one in eight days!”

Door Guy #2: “Okay, then come see me in eight days. You need to leave. I don’t care if the rest of you stay.”

All her friends chime in at this point about how they are going to another bar anyway and they can walk her to her car. She wants to argue some more, but they finally convince her to go. I decide I don’t want to deal with any of that, so I stay and hang out with another friend I met and cool down since I’m pretty embarrassed.

My boyfriend offers to walk them to the other bar, so he’s there with them when they go outside. She immediately turns on him since he works there.

Customer: “This is so stupid! They can’t kick me out like this!”

Boyfriend: “Yes, they can. You have to be twenty-one to be there after the restaurant closes, and you aren’t.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I got let in!”

Boyfriend: “Before it closed, when you still could have ordered food. But it’s 10:30 now; he had every right to kick you out.”

Customer: “I wasn’t even drinking!”

Boyfriend: “Yes, but you decided to stupidly text and brag about being in there underage. We could lose our liquor license for that if you had gotten a drink! If you hadn’t said anything, I’m sure they would have let you sit there with your friends for a while, but having text evidence like that is dumb.”

Customer: “I just don’t think it’s right that they kicked me out! I turn twenty-one in eight days! You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m calling the manager.”

She pulls out her phone right there and calls the bar manager to complain about being kicked out of a bar for being underage not once, but three times that night. Every time, the bar manager basically tells her to bugger off. Later in the night, we catch up with the Door Guys, who roll their eyes about the whole thing.

Door Guy #1: “If you actually sneak into a bar underage, why would you be stupid enough to text someone both the doormen are related to and brag about it?”

Door Guy #2: “I dunno, but she did do us a huge favor! [Bar Manager] is going to tell the owner that we had three separate calls tonight congratulating us on doing our jobs!”

Door Guy #1: “After this stunt, she might even get banned.”

Door Guy #2: “What a dumba**.”

I haven’t the slightest idea on if she actually got banned, but she did ruin it for everyone else and now her friends won’t go out with her after the scene she made. She can find another bar. Good riddance.

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