Even The Gangs Can’t Deal With This Kind Of Crazy

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2018

(My friend is mute and often uses sign language to communicate. Most customers know this, so they don’t expect much sound from him. I’m visiting him at work this day.)

Me: “Bet you get a bunch of crazies here.”

Friend: *nods and signs* “You do not know the start.”

(Just then, a customer gasps loudly and runs up to the counter, pointing her finger at my friend.)

Customer: “I’M TELLING YOUR MANAGER!”

Friend: *signs* “For what?”

Customer: “YOU’RE DOING IT AGAIN! STOP THOSE GANG SIGNS!”

Me: “Uh… Ma’am, he’s mute. That means he can’t speak, so he has to use sign language.”

Customer: “LIAR! ONLY DEAF PEOPLE USE THAT. HE’S A MEMBER OF A GANG, AND YOU ARE, TOO! I’M TELLING THE MANAGER! YOU BOTH ARE GOING TO COME TO MY HOUSE AND SHOOT ME!” *runs away*

Me: “…so, is that the start?”

Friend: *looks at me with unamusement*

Pray That’s Just Dry Humor

, , , , , , | Working | February 16, 2018

(I work in a bar with a coworker who is absolutely lovely, but can be quite feather-brained. Still, I wouldn’t have believed this if I hadn’t witnessed it myself! I’m sat off to the side on my break while [Coworker] is behind the bar. A customer approaches and asks for a dry white wine. I watch my coworker walk back and forth along the row of wine fridges, looking increasingly confused. Eventually she turns back to the customer.)

Coworker: “I’m so sorry; I think we’ve only got wet ones!”

The Cup Runneth Over With Complaint

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2018

Customer: “I’d like a 12-ounce, non-fat, iced, decaf latte, but I want you to put it in a larger cup.”

Me: “Why would you like it in a larger cup, ma’am?”

Customer: “When you add the ice, it takes the place of some of the milk. I want the 12-ounce, but in a bigger cup, so I don’t lose the milk.”

Me: “I can’t do that, ma’am. I’d be giving you a larger size for the same price as the smaller size if I did that.”

Customer: “No, you wouldn’t. It would be the same size, but in a larger cup, so I get the extra milk.”

Me: “That would be the same as me just giving you the larger size for less.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you can’t just give the small latte in a larger cup!”

Me: “Because—”

Customer: “Whatever. Just do what you have to do!”

(I made and charged her for a 16-ounce iced drink.)

A Poultry Knowledge Of Food

, , , , , | Right | February 16, 2018

Caller: “I need one large cheese pizza, please!”

Caller’s Friend: “No, no! Get half pepperoni!”

Caller: “NO! My son is vegan, and he would want a whole separate pizza, then!”

Caller’s Daughter: “Mom, he does eat meat! He eats ham!”

Caller: “No, ham is not a meat; it’s a poultry!”

The Lies Will Set You Free… From Employment

, , , , , , | Working | February 16, 2018

A coworker who works evenings called in sick. We managed to get someone to cover his shift and everything seemed fine.

Management and employees are all pretty friendly with each other, so it’s a very relaxed atmosphere; apparently, so relaxed that the coworker felt very comfortable coming in to buy alcohol during the time he was supposedly “sick” and bragging about how he just wanted the night off for a party. He bragged to the supervisor on hand.

He denied doing it later when my manager brought him in to talk about it, even with multiple witnesses. Despite this, my manager gave him a chance and told him that as long as he admitted to what he’d done and was sincere in his apology, there wouldn’t be any disciplinary action.

He swore up and down he didn’t do it and was fired on the spot since multiple witnesses were present in the shop and another co-worker — who actually had the night off — saw him at the party.

My manager just couldn’t trust him after that.

Later I heard him threatening the other coworker for “grassing him up” about it.

Honesty is sometimes better than a bold-faced lie.

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