At Least The Wi-Fi Is Flowing Smoothly

, , , , , | Right | December 17, 2018

(I work for an ISP company.)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [ISP]. How can I help?”

Customer: “My water heater is not working!”

Me: “Oh, well I am sorry this is happening to you, but I fix Internet. I have no clue how to fix a water heater.”

Customer: “But I have kids and they can’t shower. I can’t take them to school if they are not clean, you know. I also have a bad hip and I just need my water heater fixed.”

Me: “I am sorry this is happening but I can only fix Internet and TV issues. I really have no clue how to fix water heaters.”

Customer: “Are you sure you are not the water heating people?”

Me: “Yup, I am pretty sure. Is there anything else that can help you with?”

Customer: “Well, you never fixed my water heater.”

(She hung up after that.)

Miserable Mondays Spread Into Terrible Tuesdays

, , , , | Right | December 16, 2018

(I work at the deli counter of a grocery store. We have a deal on Sundays and Mondays where deli meat is $2 off.)

Customer: “Today is Tuesday, and the deli meat is on sale on Sunday and Monday.”

Me: “That is correct.”

Customer: “I want the Sunday/Monday price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is only on Sundays and Mondays.”

Customer: “But today is Tuesday.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I want the Monday price.”

(I pause as I try to process what was not clear, but the customer continues.)

Customer: “Why did they pick Sunday and Monday for the sale?”

Me: “I’m not sure why those days were picked.”

Customer: *in an outraged tone* “But today is Tuesday; that would mean I would have to wait until Sunday for the sale price!”

Me: “Yes.”

(I am confused about their confusion since they have just given me the definition of a Sunday/Monday sale.)

Customer: *still outraged* “Well, that is ridiculous!” *leaves*

(The best part is that I later learn from a coworker that the same customer returned once I left for break.)

Customer: “Now that the mean deli lady is gone, I will take the Monday price.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”

Customer: “Well, I won’t be here on Sunday!” *leaves in a huff*

These Are Some Pie In The Sky Questions

, , , , | Right | December 16, 2018

(I work at a popular bakery that only makes pies. These are some of our regular complaints and questions.)

Customer #1: “Do you sell cakes, cookies, or anything besides pie?”

Customer #2: “Does the banana pie have bananas?” *or* “Why does the banana pie have bananas in it?”

Customer #3: “Why is the apple pie sweet?”

Customer #4: “Can I get a strawberry pie with no seeds?”

Customer #5: “What is the difference between a whole pie and a slice?”

Customer #6: “Do you make a pecan pie with no pecans?”

Customer #7: “Do you make a cherry pie with no cherries?”

Customer #8: “Why do I have to buy a whole slice of pie? You should just give me a free sample, the same size as a slice.”

There’s Something Wrong With You And I Can Put My Finger(print) On It

, , , | Right | December 16, 2018

(We are a government facility that provides fingerprinting to the public. We also man the phone lines for tech support, questions about printing, etc. I answer the phone, and a man asks some general questions about printing. Then it gets weird.)

Customer: “Can I come down and get my wife’s fingerprints for her?”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “Can I pick up my wife’s fingerprints there for her?”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t retain fingerprints.”

Customer: “Well, can I get printed for her?”

Me: “Um… sir. Think about what you just asked me.”

Customer: *long pause*“So… can I get her prints or not?”

Me: “Sir, unless you are her, or have her hands in some magical way, there’s no way I can give out fingerprints for her.”

Customer: “Oh, well. It was worth a shot.”

Don’t County On Them To Know

, , , | Right | December 16, 2018

(I work as an administrative assistant in a government office. Whenever our operator needs to take a break or has an appointment, I run the phone line until she returns. Because of how things work in our state, the counties actually handle the day-to-day processes for most programs, and our office serves more as a policy, planning, and basic information facility. However, we get a lot of calls from people thinking they can apply for programs through our office, even if we’re on the other end of the state from them. Nearly every time I fill in for the operator, I get this kind of call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Government Office]. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Yeah, I need to apply for [program]. How do I do that?”

Me: “All right, have you already contacted your county [Office] location?”

Caller: “Uh… No.”

Me: “No problem! If you tell me which county you’re in, I can look the correct number up for you.”

Caller: “I live in [City].”

Me: “Actually, I need your [County].”

Caller: “Uh… I don’t know. I said I live in [City].”

Me: “Yes, I understand, but I still need to know which county you’re in to look up your local office number.”

Caller: “Look. I don’t know! I live in [City]! Don’t you know where [City] is?”

Me: “Sir, our state has over 100 individual counties, each with multiple cities, towns, and smaller communities. If I knew the name of every city in every county in [State], that would be pretty impressive.”

Caller: “…”

Me: *internal sigh* “Would you like me to Google [City] for you, to see which county you’re in?”

Caller: “You can do that?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Yeah, do that.”

Me: “Okay.” *takes ten seconds to search and find the county* “Looks like you’re in [County]. The number for that location is [number]. Can I help you with anything else?”

Caller: “No, that’s it… Thanks.” *click*

Me: *when the operator comes back* “How do you not know what county you live in? It’s on every [State] form you ever have to fill out!”

Operator: “You’d be surprised.”

Page 1/39712345...Last