Your Excuses Fell Flat Four Times

, , , | Right | August 15, 2018

Me: “Thank you for calling [Rental Car Agency] Roadside. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I assist?”

Customer: “I have four flat tires and need a tow.”

Me: “Oh, my. Everyone okay?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(We verify the customer is who he says he is, and go over his coverage. I then contact the location where the car was rented from. After that…)

Customer: *very angry* “What do you mean, I’ll have to pay for the service and tires?”

Me: “I’ve contacted the manager at the location, and they stated you drove out of the location out of the entrance and ran over the spikes.”

Customer: “That’s not my fault!”

Bald Eagle Meets Blind Human

, , , , , , | Right | August 15, 2018

(I am part of a campground’s janitorial staff, meaning my duties include cleaning the bathroom facilities, picking up litter, etc. This occurs as I am walking with several coworkers from one of the eight bathroom facilities to the next. As we’re passing a campsite, a camper flags us down from his truck.)

Camper: “Do you guys know anything about the wildlife around here?”

(As janitorial staff, the only wildlife knowledge we have to have is what’s endangered, what’s invasive, and what’s dangerous, but while he could very well be asking for something along those lines, I have a passing knowledge beyond that, as well, so I step up.)

Me: “I’m not an expert, but I might still be able to help, and if not I’m sure I can get a hold of someone who can.”

Camper: “Do you think you can identify a bird for me?”

Me: “I could give it a try.”

Camper: “Well, it was about seven feet tall, and it had these pink and purple stripes up and down it.”

(I take a moment to think, mostly about whether or not he’s being serious.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I have no idea what that could be.”

Camper: “Well, here. Maybe a picture would help.”

(He gets out his phone, brings up a photograph, and shows it to me. It’s a very clear photo of a bald eagle standing on a dune. To this day, I have no idea where he got “seven feet tall,” or “pink and purple stripes” from.)

Me: “Oh, that’s a bald eagle.”

Camper: *looks at picture* “Are you sure?”

Embryo-Woah

, , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(I am working in a grocery store when I overhear a woman and her two young kids. They’re currently looking at the eggs.)

Customer: “Why are there no organic eggs?”

Customer’s Son: “Mom, can’t we take these?” *holds up a box of regular eggs*

Customer: *looks at the “best before” date* “No, we can’t take these! Just look at how long these stay good. There must be tons of preservatives! “

(I left to go to the back room before laughing. Apparently the customer has never looked at the date on the organic eggs that’s just as long. It’s still a mystery to just how she imagined the preservatives are put on eggs.)

When The Internet Is Internot, Part 2

, , , , , , | Working | August 13, 2018

In my mid-twenties I left my hometown — a medium-sized city — to do a four-year university program in a small town an hour and a half away. As is now the norm, my program required high-speed Internet, so I investigated what was available. There weren’t many options for a reasonable price, and I ended up opting for [Unknown Company], which contracted out installation to [Slightly Better Known — but more expensive — Company].

The afternoon before the full day I had to set aside for installation, I had cell phone trouble and wasn’t able to use my phone for a few hours. When I got back the ability to check my messages, I had one from [Unknown Company] “reminding” me — they’d never told me — that I needed to pick up a modem from their office prior to installation. They had already closed for the day when I got the message, so the next morning I was at their office five minutes before they opened, at the exact start of the potential installation window. Unfortunately, the only person working there didn’t show up until twenty minutes after they opened, and by the time I got back to my apartment, the tech had already come and gone. Apparently, they installed my Internet, just without attaching the modem. I tried the modem. It failed. I called the company. They couldn’t find my system. They told me to book off the next day to have a tech come by. I waited around for ten hours and no one showed. I called them. They booked off the next day. I again waited around for ten hours and no one showed.

I showed up at their office again and told the employee there that I was sitting in that d*** waiting room until I got Internet service. I was near tears, frustrated, home sick, and lacking the only connection I had with family and friends — my cell was crap. The employee made calls, but because [Slightly Better Known Company] was the one doing the installation, [Unknown Company] “couldn’t do anything.” Finally she told me that I had been booked for another service day and I gave up. My building superintendent agreed to let the tech in if they showed because I needed to actually go to classes. He mentioned then that he had looked at the splitter that the tech had installed and thought that it looked like it was backwards, but, “What do I know? I know nothing about technology.”

The next day a tech actually called me saying he was on his way, and actually showed up at the door. He took one look at the splitter, turned it around, and the problem was fixed. They did end up giving me a month of free Internet… but I still switched companies as soon as I could afford it.

Related:
When The Internet Is Internot

His Sense Of Bewilderment Is Ballooning

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(The place where I work does balloons as well as flowers. A guy comes up to me.)

Customer: “How much are balloons?”

Me: “They’re [price] each.”

Customer: “All right, can I get some of those?”

Me: “Sure! What colors would you like, and how many?”

Customer: “Uh, can I get… uh… red ones and blue ones?”

Me: “How many?”

Customer: “Yeah, red and blue.”

Me: “So… two red and two blue, or…”

Customer: “Yeah, something like that.”

(I inflate four balloons for Mr. Vague.)

Me: “And do you want a balloon weight for those?”

Customer: “Yeah. I’m gonna put them on the ground, so they need to be—” *gestures vaguely*

Me: “I can make the strings pretty long. That’s no problem.”

Customer: “Well, I’m getting ’em to mark a sign, see, so I guess I’m going to tie them to the sign or something.”

Me: “Oh, right, sure! So you don’t need a balloon weight, then?”

Customer: “Oh. I guess I don’t.”

Me: “Should I put these in a bag for you?”

Customer: “Um… Maybe.”

(It took a lot of willpower not to bang my head on the counter.)

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