They Should Have Czeched Before They Traveled

, , , , | Right | October 21, 2019

(I have a summer job at the reception of a hotel in Prague’s city centre, and our guests are mainly tourists. It is July 3rd. We have two national public holidays coming up, one on July 5th and second on July 6th. Neither is really celebrated unless it’s an anniversary year. The guests are clearly Americans; one of them has an American flag around his suitcase. There are four guys in total, somewhere from thirty to forty years old. They are generally pleasant and cooperate during the check-in.)

Me: “All right, you are all set. Can I help you with anything else? Any places you would like to visit and need directions for?”

Guest: *with the American flag on his suitcase* “Where are the celebrations? What is a good spot to watch the fireworks?”

Me: “Oh, the holidays are on July 5th and July 6th. Unfortunately, there won’t be any festivities. Only some places might be closed, and others might have different opening hours. But definitely nothing major.”

Guest: “What?!”

(He has been really nice up to this moment; however, he starts to raise his voice.)

Another Guest: “The fourth of July.”

Me: “Oh, you mean the American Independence Day?”

Guest: “YES!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but I’m afraid that here in the Czech Republic we do not celebrate the American holiday.”

Guest: “But we came here to celebrate it!”

(After that, the manager came down to the reception and dealt with them. All four guys seemed to be genuinely perplexed that there wouldn’t be any festivities to mark American Independence day in the middle of Europe. However, my manager was quick on his feet and suggested that they look for some Facebook group for expats living in Prague to find some Americans living in Prague that might be celebrating. When I asked my manager about the idea, it turned out they were not the first ones to ask about it.)

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Now We Want Grilled Cheese Hash Browns

, , , , , | Right | October 20, 2019

(I am working as a server at an all-day grill.)

Customer: “Excuse me? What’s a grilled cheese sandwich?”

Me: *trying to remain in server mode* “It’s a sandwich… with cheese… which is grilled.” *unable to keep up the server routine* “Seriously, dude. It’s the most descriptive name a food has ever been given.”

(I later bring out the food.)

Customer: “Are these hashbrowns?”

Me: “Yes…?”

Customer: “They look like potatoes!”

Me: “Um… Sometimes things look like what they’re made out of?”

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This Service Is On Fire

, , , , | Right | October 19, 2019

(I work in a hotel. Our breakfast starts at six am and ends at ten. We have a conveyor-type toaster. Since we are full, I’m working at the front desk while another woman handles the breakfast room. She is normally very soft-spoken, so when I hear her almost yelling I come running.)

Coworker: “[My Name], FIRE!”

(I grab the extinguisher and run in. Out of the toaster pops a paper bowl on fire. Instead of using the extinguisher and shutting down the area, I dump it into a bowl of water. A guest is standing to one side giggling.)

Me: *barely staying polite* “Why would you put a paper bowl through the toaster?! The sign says bread and English muffins only!”

Guest: “I don’t know.” *giggles*

Me: “That is a $400 toaster! If you break it that way, you have to replace it, and we have cameras.”

(The guest stops giggling and runs out of the room.)

Coworker: “Sorry, I didn’t see him put it in.”

Me: “It is not your fault. It’s going to be a long four hours, huh?”

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Their Orders Got A Bit Scrambled

, , , , | Right | October 19, 2019

Customer #1: *peruses menu* “I’ll have the cheese eggs.”

Me: “Sure thing. How do you want those eggs?”

Customer #1: “Scrambled. But no cheese.”

Me: “Uh… Okay.”

(Later I am talking to a coworker.)

Me: “Ugh, I hate it when they specify cheese eggs and ask for no cheese. We literally have an option for that, yet they somehow miss it!”

Coworker: “Yeah, I hate that, too!” 

(Immediately after I complain, a couple walks in.)

Female Customer: “I want the cheese eggs. No cheese, though.”

Me: *pause* “Okay, then.”

(I charge the cheaper price because, hey, she doesn’t want the cheese.)

Male Customer: “I want the regular eggs, but I want cheese in them.”

Me: *eye twitching* “Sure.”

(I’m not going to charge a higher price to add the cheese just because he didn’t specify the cheese eggs. I speak to the coworker, away from the couple.)

Me: “How did he miss that?! She literally pointed out the cheese eggs before he even freaking ordered! Seriously?!”

(The couple comes to pay.)

Male Customer: “Hey, why did you charge us [cheaper price] for her cheese eggs with no cheese than it says on the menu?!”

Me: “Because she didn’t get cheese.”

Male Customer: “Oh. Well, why did you charge me for the cheese eggs when I asked for regular eggs with cheese?!”

Me: “Because you got cheese in your eggs.”

Male Customer: *pays for both meals while complaining*

Me: *to my coworker after they leave* “Seriously?! It would’ve been the exact same freaking price! I literally charged for what they got, not for what they specified!”

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Can’t Digest What You’re Saying

, , , , , | Learning | October 19, 2019

(I’m taking anatomy and physiology in college where we don’t get a choice of who our lab partners are. I question how my partner got into college on a regular basis.)

Partner: “Hello, [My Name]. On Friday, are we really starting to digest the cat?”

Me: “Dissect, and yes.”

Partner: “I don’t want to digest a cat.”

Me: “I’ve got great news, then! We aren’t digesting it, only dissecting it.”

Partner: “Oh, why do they make us digest cats?”

Me: “They don’t make us digest cats; we are taking a class in which we are required to dissect them.”

Partner: “How many cats are we digesting in class?”

Me: “We aren’t digesting any cats; we will be dissecting one at our table.”

Partner: “Have you digested cats before?”

Me: “Nope, but I watched my seventh-grade teacher dissect one in class.”

Partner: “How can you digest cats?”

Me: “I imagine the same way you digest anything?”

Partner: “When do we digest the sheep’s brain?”

Me: “We don’t digest that, either; we will dissect it in December, though.”

Partner: “Is it hard to digest cats and brains?”

Me: “I’ve never digested them, so I wouldn’t know. You’d have to ask someone with experience in that.”

Partner: “Can you just do the digesting and I’ll watch?”

Me: “No, thanks, I won’t be digesting it.”

Partner: “But if you don’t digest it with me, we fail.”

Me: “The instructor will not fail you if you don’t digest the cat; however, if you don’t do the dissection you may fail as it’s a large portion of our grade.”

Partner: “This school is horrible; failing people for not digesting cats.”

Me: “I am pretty positive that it has not failed a single student for not digesting a cat.”

Partner: “I don’t want to digest it.”

Me: “You don’t have to. Just dissect it.”

Partner: “You’re gross. I don’t want to do it.”

Me: “It’s your grade, not mine.”

Partner: “I want to report the school for forcing students to digest cats.”

Me: “Can you do me a favor and look up the definition of digesting first?”

Partner: “I know what digesting is and they’re forcing us to digest cats and sheep brains. I don’t go to school to digest these things.”

Me: “I’m going to sleep. Enjoy your cat digestion reports.”

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