Literally A Flammable Situation

, , , , , | Right | August 18, 2017

(Back in 1996, working an afternoon at the popular local convenience store with gas pumps. Gas is about $1.25 a gallon. Multiple cars at the pumps, a line of customers waiting inside at the register to pay. A little old lady comes up…)

Old Lady: “What do I owe on pump four?”

Me: *checking the pump total* “$13.96.”

Old Lady: “That doesn’t sounds right. Please make sure you’re looking at the right pump. Number four.”

Me: *checking again* “Huh, that’s weird. It’s $14.67, now.”

(My manager is organizing the shelves nearby and gives me a weird look.)

Old Lady: “That can’t be right; my tank has a hole in it and can only hold about $8 dollars of gas.”

(My manager, a 4’11” woman, LEAPS over the service counter, palming the emergency pump shutoff, races to the aisle with cat food, shoots out the front door with a bag of kitty litter, shouting “Call the fire department!” at me and “GET AWAY FROM THE PUMPS” to everyone outside.)

Old Lady: “So, will $8 be enough?”

Take Your Internet Fame And Shove It

, , , | Friendly | August 18, 2017

Friend: “Here.” *hands me a shovel*

Me: “Okay?”

Friend: “And stand here.” *moves me to behind a door*

Me: “What’s going on?”

Friend: “My sister gets home in a couple of minutes. I want to hit her over the head and flee.”

Me: “WHAT? I’m not doing that!”

Friend: “I thought you were my friend?”

Me: “Not enough of a friend to knock your sister out!”

Friend’s Mum: *in the Kitchen* “OH, PLEASE, HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH IT! MAYBE IT’LL KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO HIM!”

Friend: “SHUT UP!”

Me: “What the h*** is going on?”

Friend: “I want to get famous on YouTube, and I thought I would make a viral video like that Shovel Girl.”

Me: “…”

(I didn’t do it.)

The Laws Of Thermodynamics Has Run Cold

, , , | Right | August 17, 2017

(A customer came in an hour ago with a friend. She ordered a coffee and has let it sit the entire time without drinking it. She comes to the counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but the coffee you made me is cold!”

Me: “I did make it an hour ago. It’s had time to cool.”

Customer: “That’s stupid. Hot drinks don’t get cold!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure they do.”

Customer: “No, they don’t. That breaks physics! Make it again, please. To go!”

(I made it again while she berated and educated me on “Newton’s Second Law of Special Relativity.” I want to believe she was joking, but I honestly don’t know.)

I’ll Take The Whole Store For A Dollar

, , , , , | Right | August 17, 2017

(I work in a dollar store. Literally every single item in the store costs one dollar. It is generally a pretty easy concept, at least in the US, as dollar stores are everywhere. A woman comes in to the store and starts filling her cart with everything in sight. In less than five minutes she has a full cart, and she leaves it up front and grabs a second one to fill up. When the second cart is full she gets a third and fills it, and then she approaches me at the register with all the carts. I start to try and scan the items and she stops me.)

Customer: “You don’t need to bag these. I can just take these out in the carts. Here.” *hands me a single dollar bill*

Me: “Ma’am, I have to scan the items so I can charge you the correct amount. It looks like you have several hundred items here so that’s going to cost a lot more than one dollar.”

Customer: “Wait, what? I thought this was a dollar store. Everything I get is one dollar!”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am. Each single item costs one dollar. It’s not ‘take as much as you want’ for one dollar. If it was, the store wouldn’t make any money.”

Customer: “What the h***?! Your sign says ‘everything for one dollar,’ DOES IT NOT?”

Me: “Yes. Every item costs one dollar. That’s what the sign is referring to.”

Customer: “Well, thanks for wasting my time! I’m gonna report you for false advertising!”

(She then ran out of the store leaving her three full carts behind. It took me and my coworker a full two hours to put everything back on the correct places on the shelves. She had 337 items. I could maybe understand her confusion if she wasn’t from the US or had never heard of a dollar store, but she had a local accent so I have no idea.)

“Winter Is Coming” Could Not Prepare You For This

, , , , , | Right | August 16, 2017

Customer: “I would like to sit outside.”

Me: “I’m afraid our outdoor dining area is closed for the winter.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s too cold and snowy.”

Customer: “Well, last time I was here I sat outside and had the most fun feeding the ducks. Can you bring them in?”

Me: “Those are wild ducks from the park.”

Customer: “Yes, bring them inside.”

Me: “I can’t bring wild animals inside. Besides, they aren’t around in the winter.”

Customer: “Well, fix it or I’ll have you fired! Give me someone to complain to!”

Manager: “I can give you the number of the biology department of the local high school. Maybe they can explain winter and the migratory patterns of wild ducks.”

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