Turn Right On Left Street

, , , , , | Right | June 24, 2017

Customer: “Hello, what street are you located on?”

Me: “[Street], in between [Road #1] and [Road #2], opposite the big toy store.”

Customer: “Are you on the left or right hand side on the road?”

Me: *silence and confusion* “Um…”

Uneven Understanding Of Even Exchange

, , , , , | Right | June 23, 2017

(I explain to a customer I must return her damaged online item in a separate transaction from her buying the new one. It must always must be done separately.)

Customer: “OH, YEAH, THAT’S FINE!” *almost jubilant*

Me: “Okay.” *somehow knowing it won’t be*

(I return the item to her card, explaining the process as I am going. I ring up the replacement item, which is now even cheaper than she originally bought it.)

Customer: “WAIT. I DON’T GET IT. IT’S AN EVEN EXCHANGE. I SHOULD HAVE TO PAY NOTHING!”

Me: *explains it several times until she gives up and pays and goes away*

Sounds Like They Really Needed Both Coffees

, , , | Right | June 23, 2017

(I am waiting for my friend to order a drink. After about 30 seconds he sits down with a large coffee in hand.)

Me: “That was quick!”

Friend: “I know, but it doesn’t taste right.”

(I look in the cup.)

Me: “It looks like regular black coffee.”

Friend: “I know, but I ordered a cappuccino. This doesn’t taste right.”

Me: “It says ‘Rach’ on the cup. It isn’t yours.”

Friend: “I know. It doesn’t taste right though.”

(Eventually his name was called and he picked up the drink he actually ordered. He continued to complain about Rach’s drink until he finished it, saying that, for a cappuccino, it didn’t taste right. I convinced him to leave a large tip in the jar on the front counter as we left, enough to cover the cost of Rach’s coffee. He didn’t understand why.)

A Sudden Surge In Enquiries

, , , , , | Right | June 22, 2017

(I am the technical support supervisor for a game company that was the first to allow multiple players to play games like Diablo. To use the service you have to download the executable, then run it; the server checks the executable to make sure it’s okay (to avoid viruses, etc.) and then you are taken online to match up with someone to play a game. We get a lot of trash talking from people who don’t know we have their home addresses, but this is about a very special customer unfamiliar with weather systems.)

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My download stopped and I don’t know how to restart it.”

Me: “Okay, that’s a very common issue.” *explains how to restart the download*

Customer: “Thanks!”

(The customer hangs up. Two minutes later:)

Me: “Hello—”

Customer: “I’m so glad it’s you! It stopped again.”

Me: “So you need me to tell you how to start it again?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I repeat my earlier instructions. We sign off. Five minutes later:)

Customer: “Hi, its me again!”

Me: “Ma’am, if I might ask, what keeps causing you to stop downloading?”

Customer: “The power keeps going out.”

Me: “You should really talk to your electric company; you could be getting surges on the line that are harmful to your computer or other electronic devices with the power flickering on and off.”

Customer: “Oh, the power company can’t help me. We’re in the middle of a severe tropical storm.”

Me: “You’re trying to download a game client in your house in the middle of a hurricane?”

(At this point my coworkers hear me, and all start laughing. Loudly.)

Customer: “Yes. Are people laughing at me?”

Me: “No, someone just said something funny.” *technically true* “Ma’am, you need to get off the phone and turn off your computer. You could be getting surges from the storm down your phone line or in your electrical system—”

Customer: “I’m fine! I have a surge protector. Oh. There go the lights again. Maybe I should write down how to restart the download?”

Me: “Ma’am. Get. Off. The. Phone. Turn off all your powered electronics. Huddle in the dark with a flashlight and read.”

Customer: “But I have a—”

Me: “Yes, surge protector. I know. Won’t help.”

Customer: “Can you please just give me the directions so when the lights come back on I can try again?”

Me: *trying hard not to sigh heavily* “Yes, ma’am.”

(I gave her the instructions, having to pause briefly because she couldn’t see well in the dark, and then finished and hung up the phone. My coworkers continued to repeat “In a hurricane?!” throughout the rest of the day.)

Their Knowledge Of Steak Is In Need Of Beefing Up

, , , , , | Right | June 21, 2017

(I work at a fairly nice restaurant on the till/ordering counter. Customers have to open a tab and order at the counter. After that they can pay, order drinks and desserts, etc. from their tables.)

Customer: *orders a rib eye steak*

Me: “And how would you like that done sir?”

Customer: *said loudly with explosive breath* “BEEF.”

Me: *thinking he misunderstood what I had asked* “Sorry, I meant how would you like that cooked?”

Customer: *same inflection* “BEEF!”

Me: “Uh… yes, sir, all our steaks are beef. How do you like your steak? Rare, medium, well done?”

Customer: “BEEF!”

(This goes on for a couple of minutes, with me trying to find a way to ask the customer how he wants his steak done that he would comprehend. Our manager has a policy that every customer has to confirm what they want before we cook it and he takes pains to check we are doing it right. The manager comes out to see why no order has been put through on my till for a little while and he sees I’m having an issue. He grumpily sends me to the kitchen while he tries to deal with the customer. Five more minutes pass.)

Manager: “Yeah… he wanted a beef steak. Go have a break.”

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