This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Turning It Up To Eleven

, , , | Right | April 24, 2019

(I work in a bank. This story happens on two separate days, Saturday and Wednesday, and with two different coworkers. We have a customer upset that her account is overdrawn by $500, and she has previously spoken to our manager about refunding her $100 in overdraft fees. He agrees that if she brings in enough to bring her account positive, he will refund the fees and reactivate her debit card. She comes in Saturday morning, while our systems are offline due to an update, and speaks to my coworker.)

Coworker #1: “Hi. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, my name is [Customer], and I spoke with your manager yesterday about refunding my overdraft fees and reactivating my card.”

Coworker #1: “Yes, I remember seeing that email. Unfortunately, our systems are going through an update, and the program we need to reactivate is currently unavailable. I can definitely put the money into your account for you.”

Customer: “Well, that won’t work! I need my card so that I can buy gas and groceries. Your systems shouldn’t be down when I was promised to have my card today.”

Coworker #1: “I do apologize, ma’am, but even if our systems were up, your card wouldn’t be activated until Monday because Saturday transactions don’t process until then.”

Customer: “No, that’s not what I was told! I’m not giving you any money until you make sure I can use my card. I need to be able to get gas for my car and groceries! So, if I can’t use my card to do those things, then I can’t give you money.”

Coworker #1: “Okay, just so you understand. Once we refund your fees and you deposit the money, you’ll only have a positive balance of $5. If you spend more than that, you’ll be overdrawn again.”

Customer: “You’re not getting money until I can use my card! I’ll just come back next week!”

(As the customer leaves, I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “Um… did she really just tell you she was basically planning to immediately overdraw her account again once she left?”

Coworker #1: “Pretty much.”

(Our bank charges extra fees for each day you leave your account overdrawn. Had the woman come back Monday, we could have still given her what she needed. But she didn’t come back until Wednesday, and gave the same spiel to [Coworker #2].)

Coworker #2: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t refund you all these fees.”

Customer: “No! I was in here on Saturday and your systems were down. I dealt with [Coworker #1]! And your manager said he would refund these fees!”

Coworker #2: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but because you waited until today to come in, even if I refunded the $100 fees, your account would still be negative due to the fees for Monday and Tuesday. If you would have come in on Monday, it would have been no problem.”

Customer: “The agreement with your manager was that he would refund all of my overdraft fees! This is ridiculous! I wasn’t going to give money unless I was able to use my card, and your systems were down, so I couldn’t do anything on Saturday. I shouldn’t be punished for your system error!”

Coworker #2: “I do apologize, ma’am, but even if the systems weren’t down, your card wouldn’t have been able to be activated until Monday because Saturday is Monday’s business day. You would have had no issues had you come in on Monday. But I already spoke with my manager and read the email he sent out, and it specifically said that he would only refund $100 worth of fees and nothing more. If you’d like to speak with him once he is off the phone, you can, but until he approves it, that’s all I can do.”

Customer: “I can’t wait for him! I have to be at work in five minutes! This is ridiculous. I’m just taking my cash!” *walks out the door*

Me: “Why would you come to a bank less than ten minutes before you’re supposed to be at work? She just wanted to cause trouble.”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part “It’s Over 9000!”
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part We Don’t Even Know Anymore
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 83

It Does If You Fast-Forward At 88 Miles An Hour

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2019

I was at an office of my cable company, picking up my first DVR. The person helping me briefly went over how it all worked, like how far back I could rewind, recording, etc.

Then, with a resigned look, she adds, “You know you can’t fast-forward live television, right?”

I can only imagine how many complaining customers she’d dealt with who didn’t understand that the DVR was not, in fact, a time-travel machine into the future. I’ve never had so much sympathy for a cable company employee in my life.

Real Life Random Key Generator

, , , , | Working | April 24, 2019

(On my way into the office one morning, when I stop to get the mail, I see a key has been left inside for one of the package mailboxes. I go to open it and realize the key doesn’t even remotely fit for the box it indicates it’s for. I try the other one to be sure, but of course, it doesn’t work. There’s nothing to be done for it at the moment, so I take it with me to my office and explain to my boss. He says he’ll call the post office to figure it out. Later, he tells me what the mail person said.)

Boss: “They said they couldn’t find the right key, so they just left that one and hoped it worked.”

Me: “So… they don’t have the key to their own box, so they gave us a key on the one-in-a-trillion chance it’d somehow work?”

Boss: “Apparently.”

(I asked for more information, like maybe it was an old key or went to neighboring boxes and they hoped it was the same key, but my boss was under the strong impression that the mail person literally just grabbed a random key and slapped the box number on it. I’m still baffled months later.)

A Walking Joke Becomes A Running Joke

, , , , , , | Working | April 24, 2019

I was laptop shopping with my Dad, looking for a small laptop to take on my travels. This was ten years ago or so before iPads were really a thing, so I needed a small laptop to keep in touch with home.

We were browsing the different laptops when a member of staff came up to ask if we needed any help.

Dad had already noticed that there were higher-spec laptops for less money, but they were too big for my use, so he queried with the member of staff why they were cheaper.

The reply was that bigger laptops are heavier; therefore you can’t walk as fast with them, so people won’t pay as much for them.

I had to walk away to stop myself from laughing in this poor guy’s face. It’s still a running joke; when I added an extra SSD to my laptop today we said it has lost its value now as I won’t be able to walk as fast with it.

Should Have Seen That Date Coming

, , , | Romantic | April 24, 2019

(My roommates convince me to go to my first college party with them. Inevitably, I meet a guy. While we’re making out on the couch:)

Guy: “What’s your major?”

Me: “Psychology.”

Guy: “Woah, you’re psychic?! Are you gonna read my mind?”

(I haven’t been to another party since.)

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