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No Need To Ex-Plain

, , , | Right | October 29, 2021

This guy is trying to get insurance information from his ex-wife over the phone. I am new to the pharmacy and don’t realize I can get it off of her profile. Not realizing she’s on speakerphone, the ex-wife says:

Customer’s Ex-Wife: “What kind of f****** idiots do they have working there?”

Everybody in the store hears her say it. The guy sees how embarrassed I am.

Customer: “That’s why she’s my ex-wife.”

A Girlfriend By Any Other Initial… Would Complicate Matters

, , , , , | Romantic | October 15, 2021

My new boyfriend has been married before, as have I. He has a beautiful tattoo on his shoulder of a scrollwork cross with his former wife’s first initial in flowing script. One day, we are just sitting and talking, and the tattoo comes up, since I want to get one eventually.

He looks down and speaks quietly.

Boyfriend: “I guess I should get that removed, right?”

Me: “Of course not! It’s a beautiful work of art and represents an important part of your life.”

Boyfriend: “But every time you see it, you’ll be reminded of her.”

Me: *Gently but grinning* “Honey… what’s my first initial?”

He thinks for a moment and then remembers it’s the same and laughs.

Boyfriend: “So, instead of [Ex-Wife] it can stand for [My Name]!”

We had a good laugh, but the weird part came later. I was talking with a friend who knows about [Boyfriend]’s tattoo. Even after I explained the coincidence, she actually argued with me that I should make him remove it to “prove his love” to me. I suddenly had somewhere very important to be and we’ve barely spoken since.

Hop On Your Bike And Race Far Away From This Guy

, , , , | Legal | July 22, 2021

I’m a woman who races motocross as a semi-professional. Most of my free time and money go into racing, building, and repairing bikes and traveling to races.

At work one day, a new coworker starts up. He’s an attractive man and we get along well. We talk at work whenever we’re on break or lunch together, and soon, we start texting outside of work. After a few months, he gets a job offer at another business and leaves our employer, and now that we’re not coworkers, we start casually dating. Our relationship starts during the motocross off-season, so although I’ve told him everything about my hobby, it doesn’t take too much time away from our relationship.

Then, race season starts. I’m back to working on my bikes every night, traveling for races every weekend, and generally living the life of my dreams. My boyfriend, however, is not so thrilled with the amount of time apart, even though I invite him to travel with me every weekend. Eventually, he gives me an ultimatum: him or motocross. I choose motocross and we split up. I know he’s not happy, but his reaction goes way farther than I ever would have imagined.

I get home from a race weekend and the door to my race shop is hanging off the hinges. I open the door as quietly as possible, turn on the overhead floodlights, and fall to pieces when I see that everything in my shop has been destroyed.

Unfortunately for the guilty party, I have quite a few security cameras in and around my shop because, with that much valuable equipment, I didn’t want to take any chances. The video shows my ex-boyfriend and two of his friends smashing in the shop door with a sledgehammer and then going nuts in my shop with the hammer and two axes.

I take the footage to the police and file a lawsuit against the three culprits. I win my case easily, and while the money isn’t enough to replace everything in my shop, it is a nice addition to the insurance payout. My ex and his friends are also charged with breaking and entering and vandalism and are eventually found guilty by a jury and sentenced to a few months in prison.

On the bad side, I end up having to take the rest of the race season off to focus on rebuilding my shop, and I end up losing a few sponsors because I’m not racing.

Thank God She Said, “Ex”

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Swamp_Donkey_796 | July 17, 2021

A few nights ago, a guy came into our hotel to check in under his wife’s name.

Me: “Since your name is not attached to the reservation, you cannot check in.”

He freaked out.

Guest: “This is ridiculous! We’ve never experienced such disgusting customer service in our lives. I’m going to get in contact with corporate and have you fired!”

We’re a franchise, so I’m sure you can all see how well that would go.

Me: “You’ll either have to wait until your wife gets here or have her call me and verify her information so I can check you in.”

Guest: “I’ll go call her.” *Huffs off*

About an hour later the police come in asking about a domestic disturbance.

Me: “I have no idea what that’s about. It’s been a very quiet night; not much has happened here.”

Police Officer: “We got a call from [Guest] saying that you were smoking marijuana and that you were violent when he tried to check in.”

Me: “He tried to check into a reservation that he was not a part of, and I wouldn’t let him without his wife’s permission.”

They take my statement and leave.

The wife shows up before I run audit, around 1:30, and I tell her what happened. She cuts me off.

Wife: “[Guest] is my ex. He’s been stalking me across the country. He has a history of violence against me and I am in the process of getting a restraining order against him. If you see him again, immediately have him charged with trespassing and get him thrown out.”

Me: “I understand. No one will know that you’re even here, and I’d like to offer you a free upgrade for your trouble.”

I didn’t see the husband again, but I did warn the manager about him and the whole situation. We have him on our do-not-rent list for all the properties in the area.

Or, The One That Made Her Own Choice

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2021

I overhear the following conversation between a sullen-looking man and a bartender at a rather large wedding.

Bartender: “You doing all right? You seem pretty down. Anything I can get you?”

Man: “I’ll take a [scotch]. Just saw the ‘one that got away’ and it hit me like a punch to the gut.”

Bartender: “That’s rough. What does she look like? I’ll keep an eye out and give you a heads up if she heads this way.”

Man: “She’s the one in white.”

At that point, the bartender just turned his single into a double and didn’t say a word.