Around the end of 2017, my boss’s wife went through a midlife crisis and decided to have an affair and move out of their house. Divorce proceedings were initiated shortly after.

In the following March, there was an incident between the two of them that necessitated court intervention, and that resulted in some requirements they needed to meet. One of those requirements was [Ex-Wife] being required to walk around the house and make a list of all the items that were hers.

Cue pettiness on her part. [Boss]’s lawyer stated, “In my twenty years of law practice, I have never seen a list this petty.” Among the items were:

• Half of the dish towels.
• Half of the paper plate holders.
• Half of the pots.
• The curtains in the lounge.

You get the idea. She made sure she got half of everything.

HOWEVER, [Boss] did not allow [Ex-Wife] to come into the house herself to pack, as she had spent the previous five months stealing out of the house at every opportunity, and he didn’t trust her to pack only her belongings.

So, he made me do it. I’m my boss’s personal assistant, and it’s my job to read his emails. We were a small company, and there was nothing else really for me to be doing, so I dutifully started collating “her” belongings.

This is where even more pettiness comes in.

• [Ex-Wife] requested one saucepan. I shook both, and one had a loose handle. She got that one.
• She asked for the curtains in the lounge. She didn’t ask for the curtain hooks, so I took all of those out.
• Half of the dish towels? She got all the grotty, mismatched ones, not the nice red set.
• Half of the containers in the storage room? She never specified that she wanted the contents, so she got empty containers.

I did this for the entire list, making sure I was as petty as possible when packing up the house.

The result:

Part #1: Once [Ex-Wife] took all of her stuff, she sent a very long letter via her lawyer stating that what she had received was not what was listed in her belongings. We painstakingly went through the entire list, explaining that she had received exactly what was written on her list, and we couldn’t possibly be at fault, since she “wasn’t specific enough”.

Part 2: Their divorce was finalized at the end of 2019. Occasionally, we will still get the stray email saying we need to return items to her that weren’t provided back in 2018.

It makes my petty heart burn bright, knowing that she tried to be a b*** about taking things, and I turned it back on her and ruined it by being extra petty.

I want to add a few things. I did not behave like this in a vacuum. I did not screw over a kindly woman that I didn’t know. No, I’m not dating or married to my boss. Not every woman in a divorce is the good party, and women can be evil, narcissistic people, just like men. Divorce brings out the worst in people.

I work as a tax preparer. A client calls in on our phone line.

Client: “Hello. I’ve got a problem. My ex-girlfriend’s got my emerald card, she’s got my email address, she’s got my [Tax Prep Company] account, and she’s got my phone, so I can’t access anything. How can I tell when I get my refund?”

An emerald card is a substitute for a bank account that allows underbanked individuals to get their refund by direct deposit.

Me: “If you’ve got your ID, we can issue you a fresh emerald card, and the refund will go there.”

Client: “She’s got that, too.”

Me: “May I ask what happened? Did she steal them from you, or…?”

Client: “She kicked me out of the apartment, and they got left behind. I’m kinda homeless right now.”

Me: “You might want to contact the police. They can help you recover your belongings.”

Client: “Oh, no, I can’t do that.”

Me: “Um… why not?”

Client: “There’s a warrant out for my arrest.”

Me: “Ah.”

Client: “So, is there anything you can do to help me?”

Me: “Do you have any documents to verify your identity?”

Client: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Like… ID cards, passports, birth certificates, social security cards, that sort of thing.”

Client: “No, they’re all in the apartment.”

Me: “Unfortunately, then, there’s very little I can do for you. I’m sorry.”

Client: “Nah, I kinda figured, but it didn’t hurt to ask. You’re not gonna tell the cops I called, are you?”

Me: “No, I won’t.”

Client: “Thanks. You have a nice day!”

Me: “You, too.”

And he hung up.

I was married to my ex-husband for nine years. He had a brother who I only met once or twice. He was always in and out of jail and was considered the black sheep of the family. I know very little about him. My ex and I divorced; he became abusive in the end, and his mom egged it along. 

About four years after the divorce, this happened. I was expecting a call, and the phone rang, so I answered it. 

Debt Collector: “Is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Debt Collector: “My name is [Debt Collector], and I am trying to reach [Ex’s Brother].”

Me: “Sorry, you have the wrong number.”

Debt Collector: “Wait, I was told to contact you to get his number.”

Me: “I’m not sure why you were told that. That’s my ex-husband’s brother and I only saw the guy once or twice. You may want to call his mom.”

Debt Collector: “I did call her, and she gave me your number and said you can help me. I need to get his number.”

Me: “I don’t have his number, and I find it a little hard to believe she would give you my number as she and I haven’t spoken in years.”

Debt Collector: “This is a serious personal matter. [Ex’s Brother] is in serious trouble; he owes a lot of money. We need his number.”

Me: “I don’t have it. I have never had a number for him, and I don’t know where he lives or anything. I am the wrong person to try to get this information from.”

Debt Collector: “You can still help him. We just need his number. You must have it.”

Me: “As I said before, I don’t have his number or any information about him. Call his mom or my ex-husband. They can help you.”

Debt Collector: “I already called his mom. She said to call you.”

Me: “I am ending this call as you don’t understand that I don’t have his number. Never have, never will. I can’t help you. Goodbye now.”

Debt Collector: “Well, don’t you want to help him?”

Me: *Laughing* “Nope.” *Click*

Since the divorce, I haven’t spoken to my ex but only a few times, same with his mother. 

I did reach out to my ex about the call, and he said that no one had tried to call his mom, and his mom doesn’t have my phone number anymore and hasn’t had it in years. 

He also said the last time he heard anything about his brother, he was serving time in prison for some crime. 

These debt collectors are crazy.

My ex-husband had a 1980s model Ford Bronco. One day, it started to act up when he tried to put it in reverse. I asked him to let me try it so I could feel what it was doing. He looked at me like I was crazy, but he let me do it.

Once I was finished, I told him there was a problem with the linkage. He insisted that I didn’t know anything. He said he needed a new transmission, and he was going to take it to the shop and have it replaced.

He took it to the shop the next day but was home with the truck and his dad (who’d followed him to the shop) about two hours later. When I asked him what happened, he didn’t want to tell me.

I kept asking and he finally answered me. They found a wingnut caught in his linkage.

For the rest of our marriage, whenever he was acting like a jerk toward me, I’d just ask him if he needed a wingnut.

CONTENT WARNING: Spousal Abuse (Physical)

Many years ago, I was hired as a receptionist for an attorney’s office. I was still young then — in my early twenties — and this was my first office job. 

The attorney I worked for was a very nice man, and the law office was his father’s. His father had started the firm several years earlier, and [Attorney] had joined the firm about ten years earlier. His father ended up retiring due to health issues, so [Attorney] had taken over. 

I was made aware that emotions run high and I may have a few angry clients calling in. If any got abusive, cursed, or threatened me, I could transfer them to [Attorney] and he would deal with them, but I was told I had to get their name first. 

I had been at the firm for a little less than two weeks, and so far, the majority of the clients who called or came in were fairly nice to me. Some were rude or distraught but never abusive. 

Then, I got a call from a hysterical woman. She demanded to speak to the attorney.

Me: “I can see if [Attorney] is available. May I tell him who is calling?”

Woman: “No. You may not. Just put him on the d*** phone.”

Me: “Hold for just a moment and I will check.”

Woman: “Stop talking, you idiot, and get him on the phone!”

I told [Attorney] about the caller on the line and what she had said. He rolled his eyes and said to put her through, which I did. 

Toward the end of the day, [Attorney] approached me and said he needed to talk to me about the call from the hysterical woman.

At first, I thought I had done something wrong. I went back to his office, and he sat me down to talk.

Attorney: “For the lack of a better word, the insane woman you took the call from was not one of my clients. She is actually the ex-wife of a client whose divorce my father handled.”

He continued while I listened. 

Attorney: “About ten years ago my father handled this divorce case for a man he knew. It was a very bad divorce, and I am aware of it because he told me about it. The man filed for a divorce from his wife because she was abusive. She kicked him, punched him, and even bit him. He had proof of all of this, and the wife had been arrested a few times, but when she went to court, she got a suspended sentence and was ordered to attend anger management classes. And it gets better. Do you want to hear the rest of it?”

I nodded.

Attorney: “The wife fought the divorce as she didn’t want it. She tried and tried, but the husband was not budging. Her family encouraged her and told her she needed to go through with it. Well, you would think that would have been the end of it. The husband was filing for sole custody of the two children, and she agreed to sign away her rights; she didn’t want the children. When she came in to sign the divorce papers, as she was reading them, something in them caught her eye, and she was livid. What do you think it was?”

Me: “She was going to have to pay child support anyway, or maybe she changed her mind?”

Attorney: “Neither. There was language in the divorce papers that said both parties would have the right to remarry, and she was furious. She said, ‘H*** no, he can’t remarry,’ and she threw the papers on the floor.”

Me: “Wow! So, what happened?”

Attorney: “We went to court, and she told the judge she wanted the language changed so that the husband would have no right to remarry.”

Me: “That’s crazy.”

Attorney: “Indeed, it is. She had a couple of outbursts in court and was threatened with contempt of court if she didn’t settle down. She told the judge her soon-to-be ex shouldn’t get to remarry ever because he still belonged to her.”

Me: “What did the judge say?”

Attorney: “He laughed at her and told her that both parties had the right, she couldn’t dictate that he couldn’t remarry, and it would stay in the agreement. So, she had another outburst and was in contempt of court. Anyway, her parents convinced her that there was nothing she could do and she needed to let it go. So, the husband got the divorce, and the language was left in there that both parties had the right to remarry.”

Me: “Is that what she was calling about? Was she trying to have it changed?”

Attorney: “There’s a little more I want to tell you first, so you can see how crazy this woman is. About five years ago, she contacted our firm saying she wanted to sue her ex-husband for dating again. My father got that call, and when she told him who she was, he realized it was part of that case. He told her she couldn’t do that, and he couldn’t help her or refer her to anyone else who could. He said it would be a conflict of interest. She got mad and accused my father of being in a conspiracy with her ex-husband to make her life miserable.”

Me: “Wow, that’s messed up. What was she calling about today?”

Attorney: *Sigh* “Well. When I asked her for her name, she gave her first name and maiden name, probably hoping to throw me off. She said that I had handled her divorce, and she wanted to sue her ex-husband for getting married again! I couldn’t find her in the files, so I asked if it was under a different name, and she gave me her ex-husband’s name. I remembered the case then. She said her ex had no right to remarry and he needed her permission. She just kept repeating that over and over.

“I told her I couldn’t help her and that, per her divorce decree, her ex had every right to remarry, and he didn’t need her permission. She said he should have at least asked her for permission, and she would’ve told him no. She asked, ‘What about me?’ So I told her to move on with her life.

“She asked, ‘What about me?’ again, insisted that he was still ‘hers’, and said she needed me to sue him. I told her that was not going to happen. I told her to answer her ‘What about me?’ question, she needed professional mental help, not a lawyer, and the conversation was over. 

“She accused me and her ex of being in some conspiracy to make her life miserable. I told her she was doing that all on her own. Then, I told her not to call here again and hung up on her.”

Me: “That is completely the craziest thing I have ever heard.”

Attorney: “Well, this might do it: the ex-wife worked as a nurse at the hospital before getting fired after she abused her ex.”

Me: “That’s terrible. I wouldn’t want someone like that as my nurse.”

Attorney: “I agree. She is insane. Anyway, if you get any more calls from anyone else being abusive, send them to me right away. I don’t care if I am on a call. If I’m not here, you have my permission to hang up on them. I will not allow my staff to be mistreated.”

I stayed at the firm for about a year and then got another job. Luckily, while I was there, the crazy ex-wife didn’t call back, and I only had a handful of abusive callers whom [Attorney] had to deal with. I did have maybe two whom I had to hang up on. 

Wow, those poor children. I’m glad the ex-husband got custody, and hopefully, the ex-wife got mental help. If not, she could be working at another hospital, which is scary to think about.