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Masticating Morons

, , , , | Right | May 27, 2009

(A customer walks up to the retail counter with about 70 packs of gum in a canvas shopping bag.)

Me: “Hello, will this be everything for you today?”

Customer: *panicked* “Do you think it will be enough?!”

Me: “Er… enough for what?”

Customer: “For the exam!” *leans forward* “I plan to write my essay one letter at a time on each piece of gum. As I’m taking the exam, I’ll stick them on the desk in front of me, in order. It’s genius!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that will fail on so many different levels.”

Bonus Points If He Manages To Tie His Shoes

, , , , | Right | October 22, 2008

Caller: “Yeah, I wanna come take the test to get into [trade college]. How I get there?”

Me: “Well, sir, where are you coming from?”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “Where are you located?”

Caller: “What?”

Me: “You are going to be coming here FROM somewhere. Where will you be coming FROM?”

Caller: “Oh. Um, [town west of Chicago].”

Me: “Okay, that’s very easy. We are right off the expressway.”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “We are right off the expressway. You take [expressway] west…”

Caller: “Huh? Suspretsway?”

Me: “EXPRESSWAY. You drive your car on it to get places. So you take the expressway west and get off the Wisconsin freeway junction…”

Caller: “Huh? Junction?”

Me: “Yes, the EXPRESSWAY meets up with another EXPRESSWAY at a JUNCTION and then you get on the Wisconsin….”

Caller: “Huh? West Carl Street?”

Me: “WISCONSIN. Like the state that is directly north of us.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “Sir?”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you are too dumb to take the test.” *click*