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Keeping Your Shirt On

, | Learning | November 15, 2016

My math class this year had a contest early in the first semester where everyone could design a shirt and we’d vote on one to become our class shirt.

Fast forward to second semester finals and I decide to commemorate our last day in class by wearing the winning shirt. My teacher is known to be a bit of a joker, so when he silently walks to my desk and scribbles something on my scantron I assume he’s messing with me and I look up at him, confused.

He just said “you picked the right shirt” and walked away. I looked down and he had scribbled “+1” on my test to give me an extra credit point.

Dry Humor

, | Related | April 3, 2013

(I am four years old. I am taking an IQ test to see if I can start kindergarten a year early. My dad is watching the test from behind a one-way mirror.)

Tester: “What’s a liquid that comes in a bottle?”

Me: “Beer!”

Tester: “…Okay. Why don’t you tell me another one?”

Me: “Wine!”

Dad: “Is this where child protective services show up?”


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Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

, , , , | Learning Right | October 27, 2011

(I work in the testing center for a community college. We administer placement exams and make-up exams, among other things. This particular student is taking his placement exam.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I have you set up on that computer over there.” *points to computer* “Just finish filling in your personal information and the test will begin.”

Student: “Okay, thanks.”

(About forty-five minutes go by as the student goes through the exam. I then see him raise his hand, so I stand up and walk over to his computer.)

Me: “Is there something wrong?”

Student: “Yeah, it’s telling me that I’m about to start the arithmetic test.”

Me: “Yes, that is part of the placement exam.”

Student: “But I’m supposed to be taking a math test, not an arithmetic test!”

Finals At Hogwarts

, , | Learning | October 18, 2010

(One of my students was absent the day of a test and she has had just handed it in.)

Me: “Okay, class. Now that [Student] has done the test, I can give you them back.”

(I hand out the test papers.)

Student: “Where’s mine?”

Me: “You just did yours today. I’ll have it back to you tomorrow.”

Student: “But you just said!”

Me: “How was I supposed to mark it in five minutes?”

Student: *completely serious* “Doesn’t it just automatically mark itself?”

A Small Fish In An Even Smaller Pond

, , , , | Right | October 20, 2009

(At the pool where I work, we usually give swim tests to young children who want to go swimming in the deep section without a parent.)

Mother: “Can my son take the swim test?”

Me: “Sure, how old is he?”

Mother: “He’s three, but he’s a very good swimmer! He doesn’t even use water-wings in our pool!”

Me: “All right, let’s see you jump in! Swim to the other side and come back.”

(The boy jumps in and starts swimming, badly.)

Mother: “You’re doing great, sweetie!”

(The boy, still struggling, turns around, swims back to the ladder, and climbs up.)

Mother: “So, he passed, right?!”

Me: “No.”

Mother: “What?! Why? I can’t believe you won’t let my son swim out there!”

Me: “Well, your son clearly is not a strong swimmer and I feel it’s not safe to let him go.”

Mother: “No, my son is a great swimmer! He spends every summer swimming!”

Me: “What kind of pool do you guys have?”

Mother: “A kiddie pool.”