(When I’m growing up, my dad is very strict about the grades I receive in school. He always wants to see what I get on my tests and homework, and frequently belittles me if they aren’t to his standards. During high school, I receive the highest score out of the entire class on an exam that is worth a decent portion of our grade. I get 100% on the exam, plus 5 extra credit points. My teacher even praises me on how well I did because the average of the rest of the class is a C. Elated, I can’t wait to show my dad how well I did. This is what happens when he gets home from work.)

Dad: “Did you get your exam back yet?”

Me: *beaming* “Yes!” *hands him my exam* “I got the highest score in the whole class!”

Dad: *barely glances at it* “Anything you could have done better?”

Me: “I… I got 100 %. Plus all of the extra credit, so actually 105%. There was nothing more I could have done. Most of the class only got Cs. A few got Bs. I’m the only one who got everything correct.”

Dad: “Well, I’m sure there was something you could have done better.”

Me: “But I got the highest grade! I thought you’d be proud of me.”

(He just walked away from me and I was crushed. He completely broke my spirit and unfortunately, I pretty much gave up on trying so hard in my classes anymore because I figured that if I was going to get the same response from him no matter what grade I got, it wasn’t worth it anymore.)

(I work at a language testing center for people wishing to immigrate to the United States for either academics or work. On this particular testing day, my class is filled with candidates testing for workplace language fluency. The test consists of a reading booklet and a separate sheet — like a scantron — for recording answers.)

Me: “You have five minutes left. Please remember to transfer your answers to the answer sheet if you haven’t already done so.”

(Five minutes pass.)

Me: “That is the end of this test segment. Please put down your pencils and wait for your exams to be collected.”

(I walk around the room.)

Random Lady: “EXCUSE ME!” *waves at me frantically*

(Rushing to her before she blurts out answers, I respond in a hushed whisper.)

Me: “Yes?”

Random Lady: “I JUST NEED TO FINISH. I HAVE THE ANSWERS BUT I DID NOT HAVE TIME TO WRITE THEM DOWN!”

Me: “Um… Well, the test is over now, so we aren’t allowed to let you continue writing.”

Random Lady: “WHAT?! BUT MY ANSWERS ARE UP HERE IN MY HEAD!” *violently stabs her forehead with the eraser side of her pencil* “AND NOT ON THE PAPER! Do you think the examiner will know what I meant even though I didn’t write it?!”

Me: “Umm… No, ma’am, I’m sorry. If you left it blank, the examiners won’t know your answers.”

Random Lady: “Why not?!”

Me: *pause* “Because they cannot read your mind…?” 

Random Lady: “THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE TO LET ME WRITE THEM!”

Me: “I did let you write them. You’ve had the past hour to write them down. I’m sorry…”

Random Lady: “But I was thinking. Have you never thought a thought before?!”

Me: “…”

Random Lady: “UGH! YOU PEOPLE ARE GOING TO LET ME FAIL! YOU’D BETTER HOPE GOD TELLS THE EXAMINER MY HEAD ANSWERS!” *storms off*

(I’ve gotten the results back from a quiz in my geography class. I notice an answer marked wrong, and I am convinced I answered correctly. In my righteous indignation, I grab two different encyclopedia volumes and do research to back me up before confronting the teacher. As I’m winding up for my big conclusion with him…)

Me: “I went and looked this up — twice! — and both sources said the same thing: at 4.2 light-years away, Proxima Centauri is the closest star to the Earth, except for the–”

(I’ve added the last part by simple rote, but I realize that it’s entirely correct and has completely undermined my argument; the question asked for the closest star to Earth. The teacher simply gives me a calm, patient smile, nodding.)

Me: “…I’ll just go sit down now.”

(I am dropping off some paperwork at my son’s new school so he can begin first grade in the fall. The staff member helping me is shocked I don’t have any report cards from his time in a hybrid classroom/homeschool kindergarten. I’ve just finished explaining that the public charter school overseeing his schooling had an educational specialist meet with him monthly to evaluate his progress.)

Staff Member: “No report cards? But do you mean he didn’t get any grades?”

Me: “No report cards and no grades. But he did have monthly in-person evaluations with the charter school specialist.”

Staff Member: “But, but, but… What about tests? I’m sure he took tests. You know, where he wrote stuff down.”

Me: “Not that I know of. We didn’t do formal tests. But he had a monthly evaluation by the public charter school specialist.”

Staff Member: “But how do you know he was learning anything?”

Me: “His charter school evaluated him monthly to be sure he was keeping up to state standards, and I’ve been tracking his progress against state standards, too.”

Staff Member: “But, but, but… Who taught him?”

Me: “Two days a week he was in a classroom with other kids and a teacher, his dad taught him most subjects on other days, and I taught him reading.”

Staff Member: “Okay, but, but, but… Tests. He had to have taken some tests. How did you know how he was doing in school?”

Me: “His charter school regularly evaluated him against the state standards, and so did I.”

Staff Member: “But what about reading? How do you know he can read?”

Me: “Because I can put a book in front of him and he reads it to me.”

Staff Member: “But, but, but… How do you know he understands what he’s reading?”

Me: “Because he interacts with what he’s reading in an understanding way.”

Staff Member: “But, but, but… What about tests?”

(Should I be worried about this fixation on tests?!)

Chemistry Teacher: “I believe that if all my students fail an exam, it is my fault. I have obviously not taught the course well enough, and I won’t punish you for my mistakes. Thus, I grade on a curve. For example, say the highest score was 80/100. I will add 20 points to everyone’s scores. If the highest score is 99/100, I will add 1 point to everyone’s score. Does everyone understand this?”

Students: *all nodding*

Chemistry Teacher: “For our first exam of the year, I thought I had made a mistake. So many of you had failed! But I now see that you weren’t paying attention. [My Name] was able to get a perfect score on the exam. There’s no excuse for the rest of you. I’m so disappointed. This is one of eight exams for this semester. In other words, about 10% of your overall grade. Do better next time. [My Name], congratulations.”

(She handed me the test as I shrunk into my seat. The whole class was glaring at me. That was not a fun course.)