I’m covering the shop for my brother; they have recently had a baby and need to take time for appointments. Unfortunately, being such a busy time of year, and with a new child, they can’t afford to close the store; even with my limited experience in retail, it is better than nothing, and I’m happy to help.

One thing my brother warns me is that there is a family who will try every trick in the book to get free or discounted stock; they will lie, cheat, and “forget to pay” for everything if they feel that they can get away with it. The only reason he hasn’t banned them is that their family is huge and they send different family members in, even using their children.

I will know them when I see them, and I have full carte-blanch to deal with them.

A familiar-looking family comes in. It’s a small store but there are seven of them. They come in together but quickly split into two groups.

One comes to the till.

Customer #1: “I bought these the other day and they were all broken when I got home. Can I get my money back?”

It’s a figurine; these ones don’t come boxed, so we didn’t sell it broken like this. I restocked the shelves earlier and they don’t look like the ones we sell at the moment. I’m suspicious.

Me: “Do you have a receipt? Or any proof of purchase?”

Customer #1: “No, but I’m in here all the time. I know that the owner wouldn’t want to lose a good customer like me. And the item was broken when I brought it.”

Customer #2: *Walks over* “Sorry to interrupt, miss.” *To me* “Just so you know, this was sitting on the shelf broken; it looks defective.”

She puts down a similar figurine, now snapped in half.

Me: “Okay, I will need a special code to override the till for any return. Please bear with me.”

They smile at each other as I step into the cupboard and check the cameras to see the second woman clearly breaking the figurine. I manage to call the police without the women realising.

Me: “Sorry about that, I’m new.”

I kept them busy, pretending I didn’t know what I was doing until the police turned up. They removed the customer from the shop and took the camera footage. Apparently, it’s a known scam; they buy cheap knock-offs and return them to the store to swap for the real ones or get more money back.

They intimidate workers, threaten them, or just come back and steal something else out of spite. It was a one-family crime wave.

We are talking about what we are going to spend our bonuses on. I have ongoing back pain, so I will be spending it on a new bed and mattress.

Me: “Just got to decide what brand. There are so many and they all seem to have good reviews. But they are quite expensive.”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m buying one from a guy on [Social Media]. He is really cheap and I think he has some of the brands that you wanted.”

Me: “Oh, does he have a store?”

Coworker: “No, better. He works out of a van, so he can bring the mattress to you!”

Me: “Okay. You might want to be careful. I’ve heard some of them have been putting fake fire safety labels on them. “

Coworker: “What? Like I’m going to catch fire in bed! It’s a great deal.”

Me: “Wow, okay. Clearly, I’ve hit a nerve. I’m sure you know what you’re doing.”

Coworker: “I do, and I don’t need your approval!”

A couple of weeks later, I’m still not going out of my way to talk to [Coworker] after she blew up at me in front of everyone. I do overhear…

Coworker: “I can’t believe it! We took the cover off and it was a completely different mattress. It didn’t even look new!”

Coworker #2: “What did they say when you called them?”

Coworker: “They already blocked me.”

So, [Coworker] bought a second-hand mattress someone had put inside a fake cover and sold as new, completely ignoring how miraculously cheap it was. Sometimes things really are too good to be true.

I’m interviewing for a vacancy. This candidate isn’t lighting the world on fire with his answers, but he does have some relevant experience. We finish up the interview and I ask if he has any questions.

Candidate: “Do you drug test?”

Me: “Yes.”

This was stated on the vacancy and job description we emailed out.

Candidate: “But it doesn’t matter if you fail, though? I mean, it’s like a formality?”

Me: “We don’t do drug tests for fun. If you are concerned about any prescriptions, that’s another matter.”

Candidate: “Oh, yeah, that’s what I meant. I have medicine.”

Me: “Okay, great. Well, just let the team know when they give you the form and I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”

I hope he drops it. I don’t want or need to know what he’s taken or anything about his medical history — only if he gets hired, and then, only if it’s an impact on his job. He, however, wants to keep talking.

Candidate: “I mean, if it’s weed…”

Me: “Look, if you get an offer, it won’t be for another week, and the test won’t be until you start. We do random tests after that, especially if have any concerns. If you fail the first test after all that notice, chances are you won’t last here.”

Candidate: “Hmm… Okay.”

We wrapped things up, and he seemed to have a lot to think about.

I didn’t offer him a job, but another department did. A month later, he came in for his first day, did a test, failed it with a massive reading, and was fired that same week. He didn’t opt for a retest.

I run a small outside exercise lesson twice a week. It started with me and a few friends and got bigger until I started accepting anyone. I ask a single pound per lesson; it covers my fuel and the time I spend making up new lesson plans and emailing/networking

One woman has been coming for a few months and is constantly a problem with payments; she is the reason I have to keep notes on who has paid. She is the only one that seems to “forget” or pretends that she paid up front. I’m sick of her.

Woman: “I have some friends who I told about your lessons. Is it okay if I bring them?”

Me: “Sure, the more the merrier.”

Woman: “Do they have to pay, too, or does my pound cover them?”

Me: “It’s one pound per person per lesson.”

Woman: “But why? It doesn’t cost you any more.”

Me: “The more people, the more time I spend, either on Facebook or emails. If a pound a week is too much, there are plenty of free online videos.”

Woman: “No, no, they can pay. I just thought because I introduced them…”

Me: “It’s a pound. Per person. Per week.”

The next week comes round, and a few new faces appear in the group. I start everyone warming up and approach them.

Me: “Hi! My name is [My Name] and I’m really excited for you to join us. Feel free to follow along and take plenty of breaks. It’s a pound per person, but we can settle up at the end when we catch up.”

The session goes well. Then, I have to chase the new starters down to stop them leaving.

Me: “How did it go?”

New Guy: “Good, thanks. I really enjoyed it.”

Me: “Great, glad to hear.”

I give them details in dates and times and my online group.

Me: “Do you have the money for the first session?”

New Guy: “Oh, well, we thought you could just let us in for free for a bit. See if we like it.”

Me: “No, sorry, if you don’t pay, you don’t join in.”

New Guy: *Laughs* “I don’t see how you can stop us. You’re on public land.”

The first thing I did was kick [Woman] out of the group. Then, we explained everything to the rest of the guys. They supported me 100%. The next week, we started thirty minutes early. The woman and her friends turned up and miss half of the session. The following week, we started thirty minutes late. They arrived early and didn’t want to wait. The following week, we went back to normal; the woman and her friends clearly got the message and didn’t show up at all.

[Employee] doesn’t show up for work one morning. I check my voicemail, my texts, my email. Nothing. I call his home and mobile a few times before I finally get an answer

Me: “[Employee]?”

Employee: “What?”

Me: “It’s [My Name] from [Company]. I was concerned because you didn’t turn up this morning.”

Employee: *Swearing* “I’ve got the day off!”

Me: “I checked and you haven’t; you booked to be in.”

Employee: *More swearing* “I am!”

Me: “I have the system open and I don’t see any requests at all.”

Employee: “I’m telling you, I booked it off.”

Me: “Look, you don’t have any holiday left. I will mark you down as AWOL for now. Come in tomorrow and we can correct it if you can prove you booked it off.”

AWOL would mean no pay and a black mark on his file, but if he proved otherwise, it would disappear. I know [Employee] doesn’t follow process and often bullies other managers into bending rules for him, so I’m prepared for this and will be dealing with him properly in person.

But I wasn’t prepared for [Employee] to show up at my desk and slam his laptop down on it.

Employee: “I’ll show you. I got an email.”

Me: “Fine, let’s do this now, then.”

Employee: “See, see! Idiot!”

Me: “That’s for next month.”

He lets out a long, long list of expletives aimed at me, the system, and the company.

Me: “[Employee], I suggest you go home and calm down before you get yourself into more trouble.”

Employee: “No, I’m here now.”

Me: “[Employee], you’re in no fit state to be here. Go home. We will talk when you have calmed down.”

Employee: “I can’t! I crashed the car getting here, didn’t I?”

Sure enough, [Employee] had driven his car through one of the car park posts. We called the police as we suspected he was drunk, which he was. He ended up losing his licence, car, and job.

Even in the exit interview, none of this was his fault; it was all us planning to get him. Even the holiday he booked and confirmed was us booking it wrong on purpose. 

I won’t miss [Employee].