Unfiltered Story #159115

, , , | | Unfiltered | July 26, 2019

Customer: Cut that old, disused lead pipe running up the wall. It’s definitely disconnected from the plumbing system.

Coworker: Are you certain?

Customer: Yes, I’m positive.

(It wasn’t disconnected. It was the mains feed for the house. Water sprayed across the room, out the door, and down the stairs.)

Totally Estúpido! Part 7

, , , , , | | Right | July 25, 2019

(I handle the phone and the till at a sushi takeaway. All our menu items are numbered, so I can enter them in the till from that. Shortly before closing, two girls and a guy come in, all speaking Spanish.)

Me: “The menus are there. Please let me know if you have any questions or are ready to order.”

Guy: “Sure…”

(He switches back to Spanish and his tone is belligerent for a moment before the two girls snicker. They discuss the menu a little longer before the man turns back to me.)

Guy: “Okay, we want a 74, a 75, 83, 62…”

Me: “Whoa, hey, sorry, the till doesn’t go that fast. Can you say that again, please?”

Guy: “Sure. Idiota lenta…” *slow idiot…*

Me: “Ah, tómate tu tiempo. No hay prisa.” *Ah, take your time. There’s no rush.*

(The man’s jaw hit the floor, and the two girls started dying of laughter. I finished their order and they opted to wait outside while the kitchen made it. I was working the next day, too, and lo and behold, he was back with one of the girls. He looked sheepish the whole time and they both made sure to only speak English.)

Related:
Totally Estupido, Part 6
Totally Estupido, Part 5
Totally Estupido, Part 4

Not The Getaway Driver Today

, , , , , | | Related | July 25, 2019

(My mum and I are in the car. Further down the road is a parked police car.)

Mum: “Oh, there could be police about. Better watch myself!”

(I look over, confused. She’s doing the speed limit, we both have our seatbelts on, and she’s obeying every road law that I know.)

Mum: *suddenly realising* “Hang on. I’m obeying the law already!”

Me: “I was gonna say…”

(To add, my mum has never been in trouble with the police, and she has never disobeyed driving laws, so why she thought she might be I don’t know.)

Quadruple The Effort  

, , , , , , , | | Right | July 25, 2019

(A local shop has a rewards program so I sign up for it, and I am assigned the number 633331. One day, my wife and I go shopping and we’re at the register.)

Cashier: “Number, please.”

Me: “6, quadruple 3, 1.”

Cashier: “Uh?”

Me: “6, quadruple 3, 1.”

Cashier: “Uh?”

Me: “Okay, 6, four threes, 1.”

Cashier: “6431.”

Me: “No, 6,3,3,3,3,1.”

Cashier: “631 and?” 

Me: “6, double 3, double 3, 1.”

Cashier: “6, double 3, 1 and?”

Me: *getting annoyed* “6 double 3, double 3, 1.”

Cashier: “I already have 6, double 3, 1! Next?”

Me: “Please write what I tell you, EXACTLY!”

Wife: “[My Name], calm down.”

Me: “But she’s not writing what I tell her.”

Cashier: “Yes, I am!”

Me: “NO, you’re not! Write what I tell you to write, NOT what you think I want you to write! Now, start again. 6.”

Cashier: “6.”

Me: “Double 3.”

Cashier: “Double 3.”

Me: “Double 3.”

Cashier: “I’ve done that.”

Me: “Double 3!”

Cashier: “I’ve done that!”

Me: “DO IT AGAIN!”

Cashier: “Double 3.”

Me: “1.”

Cashier: “1… Oh!”

Unfiltered Story #159097

, , , | | Unfiltered | July 25, 2019

(The customer in question asks to look at a pack of sandpaper. After fetching it I note that it explicitly says ‘hand sandpaper’)
Customer: No, no, the machine would pull this stuff apart.
Me: Sir, might I suggest finding the correct sanding sheets for your machine? We have a lot of different ones.
Customer: No, No, I need a good strong one that I can cut down to size.
Me: Sir, the box says ‘hand sandpaper’ that means that it’s not designed to take the stress that would be forced on it by a sanding machine. It’s designed to be used by hand.
(The customer completely ignores me, repeats himself, and then talks about trying to find ‘better sandpaper’ I had to fight not the facepalm before finishing the order, but fortunately, I was able to get away from the tills and plant my head on the manager’s desk, out of sight of the tills.)
Manager: Is everything all right?
Me: I thought that it was difficult to be dumb in the building trade, someone proved me wrong.