(I am half Polish, and fluent in the language, but have lived in England all my life so speak without an accent. Between my degree and my masters, I get a job in a pound shop—everything costs £1—to earn some money. I am on tills and call two young women forward.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

(The customer dumps her items on the counter without acknowledging me, and then turns to her friend and speaks in Polish.)

Customer #1: “Look at this dumb b****! How bad must your life get to work here?!”

Customer #2: *in Polish* “I know! And she judges us for being Polish! All English people are so racist!”

Me: *in Polish* “That will be £7, please.”

Customers #1 & #2: *both turn red and hurry out of the shop*

(I am waitressing at a wedding party being held above a bar in an art gallery. I have popped down to the bar to use their dishwasher. There are lots of contemporary art displays around the bar.)

Customer: “Hi, could I get a pint of Carling?”

Me: “Oh sorry, I don’t actually work here. You’ll have to ask someone else.”

Customer: “But you’re wearing a uniform?”

(My uniform is not even slightly similar to the bar staff’s.)

Me: “Oh, that’s because I’m a waitress; I’m from upstairs.”

Customer: “Oh right, I thought you might be another art display. Okay, bye…”

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(I’ve been trying to buy car insurance online for about an hour, but the website has a broken link which keeps sending me in circles. I decide to call the sales team instead.)

Me: “Hi, I’ve been trying for about an hour on your website to take out car insurance but it doesn’t seem to be working, so I’d like to make the purchase over the phone, please.”

Rep: “Okay, that’s fine.  Have you tried our website? It’s much quicker if you do it online”

Me:  “Yes, as I said I have tried, but I’m not happy with your website so I’d like to do it over the phone.”

Rep:  “No problem, sir. It’s just that if you go online you’ll save yourself some time.”

Me:  “Your website has already wasted an hour of my time. Please just take my details and start processing this purchase. I was also on hold for half an hour before you answered, so I really would like to hurry this up now.”

Rep: “If you’d taken out the policy through our website, you wouldn’t have had to hold on the phone.”

Me:  “I’ve already told you three times that I couldn’t complete the purchase online and that I wish to do this over the phone now. I don’t mean to be rude, but if you mention your website one more time I will hang up and call a different company.”

Rep:  “Alright, sir, let me take your name and address…”

Me:  *gives name and address*

Rep:  “You know, it really is so much easier to do this on our website.”

Me: “Goodbye!” *click*

(I phoned another company who gave me as good a deal as the first one was offering, and it only took ten minutes on the phone.)

(I’m visiting my long-distance boyfriend in London. We decide to stop for lunch during our walk through the streets of London. I’m from Canada.)

Worker: “So, your total is [total].”

(I hand him a little more than he asked for.)

Me: “Keep the change.”

(He looks confused for a moment and tries to give me back the money.)

Me: “No, no, keep the change. It’s money for you.”

Worker: “What…?”

My Boyfriend: *to me* “In London, no one ever uses the term, ‘keep the change.’ It’s unheard of for people working behind the counters to get tips.”

Me: “Oh, geez… I had no idea.” *to the worker* “I’m actually from Canada. Over there, we use the term ‘keep the change’ when we don’t really need the change back. It’s considered giving a tip. I honestly had no idea that you guys here didn’t do that. Still, it’s just a little bit of money and I don’t need it that badly. Go ahead and pocket it. It’s for you!”

Worker: *huge smile* “Thank you for explaining!”

(He kept the change. It seemed like such a minor cultural difference, but I think we both learned something that day!)

(I’m withdrawing a specific amount of money from my account to pay my child-minding bill.)

Me: “I’d like to withdraw £506.60, please.”

Teller: “Sure, £506.06; no problem.”

Me: “No, that’s £506.60. Sixty pence, not six. And can you put it in this envelope for me please?”

Teller: “That’s fine.”

(He counts out the money. All is fine until we get to the loose change.)

Teller: “…and six pence!”

Me: “No, sorry, that’s not right, it should be sixty pence. Don’t worry about it; I have change. Just don’t seal the envelope please, so that I can put the correct change in.”

Teller: “Oh, sorry, yeah… no problem.”

(The teller puts the money in the envelope and begins to fold over the flap to seal it.)

Me: “Don’t seal the envelope, please. I need the correct amount in there.”

Teller: *continues to fold and brings the envelope to his lips*

Me: “Please, DON’T seal the envelope!”

Teller: *licks and seals the envelope*

Teller: “There you go!”

Me: “Thanks…”

(There’s an awkward silence while I wait for him to complete the transaction.)

Teller: “Have a good day?”

Me: “Can, I have my card back please?”

Teller: “Oh.”

(I unseal the envelope and put 54 pence back in. Funnily enough, the same teller berated a new colleague for making mistakes the last time I was in there.)