(A customer comes to the counter with his son with a Grand Theft Auto game.)

Me: “Sir, you are aware this is an 18-rated game?”

Customer: “Yes, I am aware of that.”

Me: “It contains sex.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Violence.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Bad Language.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Drug Usage.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Full frontal male nudity.”

Customer: “He’s bloody well not having this!”

(The customer handed the game over to me and walked out.)

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Guest: “How do you get to a cash machine??”

Me: “You exit the hotel, turn left, and then–”

Guest: “Turn left?”

Me: “Yes, left.”

Guest: “Left?”

Me: “Yes, left.” *pointing with my hand*

Guest: *confused* “Left… right…”

Me: “Left in England is the same as left in America.”

Guest: “Oh, okay! I get it!”

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(I’m on the phone with a customer who had returned an empty box with no tape to our video rental store.)

Customer: “…I f***ing DID return that tape this morning!”

Me: “Sorry, but you actually only returned an empty box.”

(The customer continues yelling at me and calling me names. I patiently wait until he stops.)

Me: “Could you do me a small favour? Go over to your VCR and press the eject button.”

(The customer curses me out again, but I hear him rest the phone down and then hear a VCR ejecting a tape. There is a silence, then the phone is picked up.)

Customer: “Um… I’ll be round in ten minutes.”

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