(I am a supervisor at a car contract hire leasing company. The fire alarm goes off, so I call to my colleagues to apologise, hang up their calls, and leave NOW. One colleague is left as everyone files out. She is trying to talk over the very loud sound of the fire alarm.)

Colleague: *to customer on phone* “I’m sorry, the fire alarm is ringing and we have to evacuate. If you give me your number, I’ll call you back after.”

(I can hear the sound of irate shouting from the customer on the phone.)

Colleague: “Yes, but the fire alarm is ringing and we’re evacuating. If you won’t give me your number, can you call back later?”

(Sounds of more irate shouting.)

Colleague: “No, that’s the fire alarm. I can’t turn it down.”

(Sounds of yet more shouting.)

Colleague: *to me* “I don’t know what to do.”

Me: “Leave by the fire exit now.” *I take the phone*

Me: “Hello, I’m [My Name] and I’m the supervisor. The fire alarm is ringing. It’s not a drill and I’m going to have to terminate this call.”

Customer: “Where’s the f***ing b**** I was just talking to? I want her f***ing name. I will not be f***ing treated like this! It’s only a quick f***ing query, why won’t you f***ing answer it, you bunch of f***ing c****?!”

Me: “This building is on fire as far as we can tell. Call back later.”

Customer: “All I f***ing want is for someone to work out my early termination fee. That’ll only take five or ten minutes. What’s f***ing wrong with you people?”

Me: “The fire brigade is here.” *sound of sirens outside* “Frankly, sir, and I mean no disrespect, but people like you are not worth dying for. Call back later.”

Customer: “How dare you! I’m f***ing paying your f***ing—”

(I hang up and run down the fire escape. A few hours later, once the fire on the roof was put out the customer called back. He was very apologetic; he’d told his wife about the outrage he’d suffered. She pointed out how much of a dick he had been. He decided she was right.) 

(I spend about twenty minutes dealing with a middle-aged woman and her elderly mother, sorting out a rather complicated order. Despite my reassurances, they are continuously apologising for taking so long to decide.)

Me: “Okay then, is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Nope, that’s brilliant; thank you! Have a lovely New Year!”

(The customers leave. About an hour later, the young woman returns and heads straight for my register, looking rather flustered.)

Customer: “Hi again! I was in here about an hour ago if you remember me?”

Me: “Oh, yes! Did you enjoy your meal?”

Customer: “Yeah, but did you happen to come across a black leather handbag in your dining area? My mother left hers here!”

Me: “Yup! I have it safe under my register for you. I found it just after you left!”

Customer: “Oh, thank you so so much! You’re a lifesaver!”

Me: “Not a problem; just doing my job after all. Have a good day!”

(She walks off and I begin to serve the next customer. I can see her conversing with her mother out of the corner of my eye. She comes over again.)

Customer: “This is for everything you’ve done for us today, young lady!”

(She hands me what I thought was a scrap of paper, but is in fact a £20 note.)

Me: “Thank you ever so much for the gesture, but I cannot accept this!”

Customer: “No, no, you keep it! That’s for putting up with us today!”

Me: “I can’t accept this, though! It was a pleasure to serve you, and thank you bu—”

Customer: “Okay then, call it a New Year present or something! Bye now!”

Me: “But I ca—”

(She all but ran out of the store before I could protest further.)

(It is the final few hours of my twelve-hour shift. We have a scheduled system outage, which customers have been warned about for some time. There is a message whenever a customer dials, long before they have to select all of their options to reach us, informing them of the outage and the fact that apart from giving information, no one on the company can perform any action as there are NO computers. As a result, we get maybe one call every hour.)

Me: “Hello, you’re through to the billing department. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I would like to pay my son’s bill, please. He’s been cut off.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but there is nothing I can do for you this evening due to the scheduled outage. If you would like to call back tomorrow—”

Customer: “Isn’t there someone else who can do it?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. The whole company is out at this time.”

Customer: “What about in India?”

Me: “I’m sorry. As I’ve said, the whole company is out until about midday tomorrow, as per the message—”

Customer: “What about a manager? I need to pay this! My son’s phone has been cut off!”

Me: “I understand your frustration, but there are no computer systems at all in the whole company. That means Plymouth, the call centres in North Tyneside, the fraud department in Bristol, and our colleagues in Mumbai.”

Customer: “This is completely unacceptable! How am I meant to know about this? What is my son supposed to do? He is cut off! You are deliberately not helping me! I demand to speak to your manager! I—”

Me: “You know what? I am a very good CSR. I do my job well. I am tired of having this conversation with someone who is being willfully ignorant. You have been warned about this outage for the last month, and to get to me you had to bypass at least two messages informing you of the problem. I have explained several times that the entire company is out. And you are completely right, I don’t care that your son was cut off, because you have had over a month to make this payment and it is extremely late. If you wish to avoid this situation in future I suggest you pay on time. Good night.”

(I work on a concession in a department store, and can’t handle any of the host store’s furniture or advise people on it. To help people realise the difference, I dress differently. I’m talking to a couple about my concessions bedroom furniture. The sir turns to a piece that isn’t mine.)

Sir: “Tell me about that one.”

Me: “I can’t advise you on that; it’s [Host Store]’s product.”

Lady: “What?”

Me: “I’m not employed or trained to handle any of [Host Store]’s furniture, just my own company.”

Sir: “Stop all this talking and tell me about it.”

Me: “I can lend you a tape measure if you want to get the measurements.”

Sir: “Why can’t you measure it?”

Me: “As I said, I’m not [Host Store], so I can’t do anything with their furniture.”

Lady: “You’re wasting our time.”

(The couple walk off, loudly complaining about my lack of service. Ten minutes later they come back to me.)

Sir: “We’re going to be buying these things.” *points to the Host Store’s pieces*

Me: “That’s lovely.” *I point out a host store employee* “She will be able to do it for you.”

Sir: “Why aren’t you?”

(I explain again why I can’t, but they won’t accept my explanation.)

Lady: “I’ve had enough of your bloody attitude! You’re lazy and I can’t believe you’re being paid to be rude.”

Sir: “That’s it, you’ve lost a sale!”

(Both dramatically storm away and continue raging about how terrible I am. On the way out, they manage to wrangle the store manager and bring her over.)

Store Manager: “Of course, she can’t sell you it; that’d be stealing. She’s from another company.”

Sir: “…So she’s not being lazy?”

Store Manager: “No, she’s doing her job sending you to one of my employees.” *turns to me* “Thank you for your help.”

(The couple go on to buy the pieces, but never did apologize for their behavior.)

(I work on the reception of a large hotel chain. We do a deal where you can get cheap nights at a hotel under three circumstances: 1) you book and pay in advance, 2) you don’t alter the booking in ANY way, and 3) you book online. As there’s minimal person-to-person interaction, there are plenty of people who tick the ‘terms and conditions’ without reading them. The biggest catch is that if you cancel, as you’ve paid in advance, the hotel still charges you the stay.)

Me: “Hello, this is [hotel and chain] and I’m [name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hello, I’ve made a booking for the 21st until the 23rd but I’ve changed my mind, and I’d like to come the following weekend instead. Could you change this for me?”

Me: “One moment, sir. I’ll just bring up your booking…”

(I take his details and quickly notice he’s on this deal, and therefore I cannot make any changes.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s not possible for me to change it. You’ve booked through our [offer system] and therefore we can’t make any alterations to the booking.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I just want you to change the dates. What’s so difficult?”

Me: “I understand, sir, but you’ve made this booking under the deal, and part of the contract of that is that there cannot be any changes to the booking.”

Customer: “What?! What contract? I signed no contract!”

Me: “The details of the offer are in the Terms and Conditions when you made the booking. We do advise you read those.”

Customer: “Fine! I don’t want to come to your hotel now at all. Just cancel the booking.”

Me: “Of course, sir, but you must know that we’ll still charge you for the stay. That’s also in the terms and conditions. If you cancel for whatever reason, [chain] will still charge the money.”

(The customer explodes down the phone at me, and I have to hold the phone away from my ear because of the noise level. He begins threatening to go to the media, ruining the chain’s reputation and generally being abrasive. At this point, two women walk into the reception and I ask them politely to wait as I’m currently dealing with the customer on the phone. They both lean on the counter and can clearly hear the man on the other end shouting at me. Finally, he calms somewhat.)

Me: “I completely understand your predicament, sir. I have been wondering if my system would allow me to change the dates of the stay in such an event but haven’t been able to do so for obvious reasons. The only thing I can offer you is that I, out of curiosity, change the dates on your booking. I warn you, I have no idea if this will be successful, as I’ve not attempted it before. If I change it you may still be charged. This is the best I can offer you. Do you understand?”

Customer: “Yes, I understand. You’re going to try to change it, but your system might not allow it?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “And if the system doesn’t allow it, I may be charged.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Let’s do it, then!”

(I change the dates and luckily, it allows it. He is still on the offer, but on different days. I explain this to him.)

Me: “So, you’re booked in for [dates] which will cost you [price] and I do suggest that, next time, you don’t use this offer. It’s quite tempting, but if you aren’t absolutely certain on the dates of your stay, it’ll cost you extra.”

Customer: “Thank you so much! I’ve written down your name, I’ll enjoy meeting you. You’ve been such a help and I’ll bring you a bottle of bourbon for you when I get there.”

(I end the call, and make a note of his attitude on his booking, as warning for other receptionists that might encounter him. I look up sheepishly at the two women still waiting to be checked in.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Woman #1: “Get your manager down here right now.”

(I call down the manager, knowing what they’ve heard me do is against company policy, and that I could be in a lot of trouble for doing it.)

Manager: “What can I do for you, ladies?”

Woman #2: “This girl has just shown the best customer service we’ve ever seen.”

Woman #1: “Yes, we stay in these hotels all the time, and I’ve never seen anyone handle a bad customer like that.”

Woman #2: “It was amazing! You should’ve seen it! She deserves a medal for keeping her cool. Definite customer satisfaction, and she hasn’t even checked us in yet!”

Manager: “Thank you, ladies, I’ll make a note of it. If that’s all, I’ll leave her to check you in?”

(I got a commendation from head office for my conduct, although they weren’t entirely clear on the details of why I should get it. It’s not monetary reward, but having ‘outstanding customer service award’ from one of the leading hotel chains in the UK does look rather good on my CV… and all for breaking company policy!)

(P.S. The man didn’t bring me the bourbon after all!)