Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

(Please Go) Back To The Future

, , , , , , , | Right | February 10, 2010

(I work in a small store in Oxford when a busload of tourists comes in to buy large quantities of sweets.)

Tourist: “We’re stocking up. We’re going to Stratford-on-Avon to see Shakespeare’s house.”

Me: “Okay, but why don’t you just buy it when you get there?”

(Several tourists stop what they are doing.)

Tourist: “They sell candy in the 16th century?”


This story is included in our Candy roundup!

Click here to read the first story!

Click here to read the Candy roundup!

Reading Empty Minds

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2010

(Our library helps a lot of people finish off the crossword puzzles from their newspapers. I’d helped one man find the answer to a very difficult one earlier in the day. I overhear a lady asking her about the same crossword to my colleague.

Me: “Excuse me, the answer is ‘Salome.’”

Colleague: “Thanks, that fits perfectly.”

Customer: “But… no, how can she know? She wasn’t even here!”

Me “I overheard you from-”

Customer: “No! You read my mind didn’t you! That’s wonderful! Do it again! What am I thinking about now?”

(She looks around the library. I notice her eyes linger on a Superman poster.)

Me: “Um… Superman?”

Customer: “F***!”

Colleague: “Ma’am, please don’t curse in the library.”

Customer:: “Oh, sorry.” *to me* “Did you hear me swear in my thoughts? Is that how you knew?”

Me: “No, you just shouted it.”

Customer: “Oh. That’s a shame.”


This story is part of the Customers Expecting Mind-Readers roundup!

Read the next Customers Expecting Mind-Readers roundup story!

Read the Customers Expecting Mind-Readers roundup!


This story is part of the Superman roundup.

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to go to the roundup!

Because They’re All Like Julie Andrews

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2010

(I have a more pronounced British accent due to my upbringing.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”

American Customer: *gasps* “Omigod! You’re British! You’re all ‘British-y’! Like on TV! Oh, my God! Will you talk to my wife? She would love your voice!”

Me: “Uh… thank you. Sure. Where is she?”

(He takes out a phone, dialing.)

American Customer: “Honey, I found an English girl! She sounds really British and everything!” *hands me the phone*

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m really confused and I have no idea what to say. Do you have a customer service related query?”

Wife: *on phone, gasping* “Oh, wow! Honey, your voice is beautiful!”

Me: “Thank you?”

American Customer: “Do you sing, too?”

Yes To Dismember, No To His Member

, , , , , | Right | January 29, 2010

(A customer comes to the counter with his son with a Grand Theft Auto game.)

Me: “Sir, you are aware this is an 18-rated game?”

Customer: “Yes, I am aware of that.”

Me: “It contains sex.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Violence.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Bad Language.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Drug Usage.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Full frontal male nudity.”

Customer: “He’s bloody well not having this!”

(The customer handed the game over to me and walked out.)


This story is part of our “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

Read the next story in the roundup!

Read the “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

The Imperial Left Or The Metric Left

, , , , , | Right | October 19, 2009

Guest: “How do you get to a cash machine??”

Me: “You exit the hotel, turn left, and then–”

Guest: “Turn left?”

Me: “Yes, left.”

Guest: “Left?”

Me: “Yes, left.” *pointing with my hand*

Guest: *confused* “Left… right…”

Me: “Left in England is the same as left in America.”

Guest: “Oh, okay! I get it!”


This story is part of our Metric System roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!