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Sweet Spice

, , , , , , | Right | March 13, 2011

(I work on the pizza counter at a large supermarket chain. We make individual pizzas for the customer.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t put jelly babies on pizzas. What else can I get you?”

Customer: *pause* “Jelly babies, please.”

Me: “Sir, we do not serve jelly babies here.”

(This continues for quite a while.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “We do not sell jelly babies!”

(The customer then angrily points to an ingredient on the counter.)

Me: “Sir, those are jalapeños.”

Dislike As Many As I Like

, , , | Right | March 12, 2011

(We have free demo discs on the counter. We’re trying to get rid of them.)

Customer: “Are these to buy?”

Me: “No, they’re totally free. Take as many as you like!”

Customer: “I don’t think I’d like to take as many as I’d like. I’ll have two.”

Humor Isn’t Just Skin Deep

, , , , | Right | March 3, 2011

Me:” Hi, how are you? Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a protective foreskin for my phone.”

(There is a slight pause and we both burst out laughing.)

Me: “I think I know what you mean. They’re just over here.”

Lack Of Grey Matter, Part 3

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2011

(During an audio/visual experience of the siege of 1216 within a castle, I am approached by a tourist.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, sir. Can you help me with a question?”

Me: “Of course. What would you like to know?”

Tourist: “Is the footage being shown actual live footage of the siege of 1216?”

Me: “You want to know if this video is showing actual footage of the siege of 1216?”

Tourist: “How silly of me. They only had black and white video back then, didn’t they?”


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Massive Fan But Sadly Not A Breeze

, , , , , | Right | February 22, 2011

(Customer calls to order some Justin Bieber-printed merchandise. We get to the checkout phase.)

Me: “Right, that’s [price].”

Caller: “I’m a massive fan. Can I get a fan discount?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “I’m a member of the fan club. I should get a discount for that or something!”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but we aren’t able to give that kind of discount.”

Caller: “This is appalling. You should give his fans money off! We deserve it! His fans shouldn’t have to pay as much for his products!”

Me: “Madam, I doubt anyone who wasn’t a fan would be buying these anyway. So, technically, you are getting the fan price.”

(Silence.)

Caller: “Screw this. I’ll do it online!”


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