Some Customers Never Let You Down

, , , , | Right | February 10, 2010

Customer: “Where are the escalators and lifts?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. The lift is reserved for people who are unable to use the stairs, and there are no escalators. There is a staircase just over there if that’s what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “But those are ‘down’ stairs. I need to go back up.”

Me: “Ma’am, stairs go both up and down. That is why we have stairs instead of escalators.”

Customer: “But I need to go upstairs, and you don’t have any ‘up’ stairs. Are you trying to trap people here?”

Me: “You know what? Let me show you the lift.”


This story is part of our Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!

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Mmm, Hemoglobin

, , , , | Right | February 10, 2010

(I am cleaning down the kitchen and I manage to cut my hand rather badly. There are no bandages in the kitchen so I wrap it in a cloth and go to find my manager out front.)

Customer: “Excuse me, we’re ready to order our dessert.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to find a bandage at the moment. Could it wait a minute?”

Customer: “Well, I only wanted some ice cream.”

Me: *shows hand* “You want blood with that?”

Customer: “Chocolate sauce, maybe?”


This story is part of the Sarcastic Responses roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

15 Times Employees Were Pushed So Far They Had To Quit!

 

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(Please Go) Back To The Future

, , , , , , , | Right | February 10, 2010

(I work in a small store in Oxford when a busload of tourists comes in to buy large quantities of sweets.)

Tourist: “We’re stocking up. We’re going to Stratford-on-Avon to see Shakespeare’s house.”

Me: “Okay, but why don’t you just buy it when you get there?”

(Several tourists stop what they are doing.)

Tourist: “They sell candy in the 16th century?”


This story is included in our Candy roundup!

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Reading Empty Minds

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2010

(Our library helps a lot of people finish off the crossword puzzles from their newspapers. I’d helped one man find the answer to a very difficult one earlier in the day. I overhear a lady asking her about the same crossword to my colleague.

Me: “Excuse me, the answer is ‘Salome.’”

Colleague: “Thanks, that fits perfectly.”

Customer: “But… no, how can she know? She wasn’t even here!”

Me “I overheard you from-”

Customer: “No! You read my mind didn’t you! That’s wonderful! Do it again! What am I thinking about now?”

(She looks around the library. I notice her eyes linger on a Superman poster.)

Me: “Um… Superman?”

Customer: “F***!”

Colleague: “Ma’am, please don’t curse in the library.”

Customer:: “Oh, sorry.” *to me* “Did you hear me swear in my thoughts? Is that how you knew?”

Me: “No, you just shouted it.”

Customer: “Oh. That’s a shame.”


This story is part of the Customers Expecting Mind-Readers roundup!

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Because They’re All Like Julie Andrews

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2010

(I have a more pronounced British accent due to my upbringing.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”

American Customer: *gasps* “Omigod! You’re British! You’re all ‘British-y’! Like on TV! Oh, my God! Will you talk to my wife? She would love your voice!”

Me: “Uh… thank you. Sure. Where is she?”

(He takes out a phone, dialing.)

American Customer: “Honey, I found an English girl! She sounds really British and everything!” *hands me the phone*

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m really confused and I have no idea what to say. Do you have a customer service related query?”

Wife: *on phone, gasping* “Oh, wow! Honey, your voice is beautiful!”

Me: “Thank you?”

American Customer: “Do you sing, too?”

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