Massive Fan But Sadly Not A Breeze

, , , , , | Right | February 22, 2011

(Customer calls to order some Justin Bieber-printed merchandise. We get to the checkout phase.)

Me: “Right, that’s [price].”

Caller: “I’m a massive fan. Can I get a fan discount?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “I’m a member of the fan club. I should get a discount for that or something!”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but we aren’t able to give that kind of discount.”

Caller: “This is appalling. You should give his fans money off! We deserve it! His fans shouldn’t have to pay as much for his products!”

Me: “Madam, I doubt anyone who wasn’t a fan would be buying these anyway. So, technically, you are getting the fan price.”

(Silence.)

Caller: “Screw this. I’ll do it online!”


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On A Steak Out

, , , | Right | February 10, 2011

(I’m a policeman and my colleagues and I go to a sandwich shop for something to eat. I order my sandwich and it’s the turn of my colleague.)

Officer: “What’s in a steak and cheese?”

Assistant: “I’m sorry?

Officer: ” The steak and cheese, what’s in it?

Assistant: “Steak and cheese?”

Me: “Don’t worry, he’ll never make detective.”


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Please, Take A Crap

, , , | Right | January 31, 2011

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a crap, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I’d like a crap with sugar and lemon, please.”

Me: “Oh, I see! A crepe with sugar and lemon.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s what I said. A crap with sugar and lemon!”

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That’s A Very Good Point

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2011

Customer #1: “What size needles do I need to use?”

Customer #2: “Well, it depends on the tension of your knitting.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I’m quite loose.”

Customer #2: *laughs* “I wouldn’t say that in this town. You might get in trouble.”

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Technology To Shout About

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2011

Me: “Hello, sir, I’ve just come to put a microphone on you.”

Client: “I hate those things. Do I need one? I can project.”

Me: “You have an audio conference call on this event, so you need to speak into a microphone. Otherwise, people calling in won’t hear anything.”

Client: “Can’t I just shout?”

Me: “From London to Mumbai?”


This story is included in our Even-More-Impossible requests roundup!

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