Mountainous Gaps Of Knowledge

, , , , | Right | June 22, 2010

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello. I want to go on holiday this summer. I’d like to visit somewhere a bit different.”

Me: “Would you be interested in visiting mountains or skiing at all?”

Customer: “That could be fun. Except I don’t like the cold.”

Me: “Well, places like the Pyrenees are in Spain, so it’s very hot at ground level and there’s lots to see.”

Customer: “What? No, mountains are cold. They have snow on.”

Me: “Yes, the peaks are colder because they are at a higher altitude.”

Customer: “The bottom bit is hot?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “…but I thought mountains only grew in cold places?”


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Putting The Mental In Sentimental

, , , | Right | June 18, 2010

Me: “Hello and thank you for calling.”

Caller: “I’m looking for a hoodie.”

Me: “Okay, which one would you like?”

Caller: “A dark one, with a hood.”

Me: “Have you looked at our website?”

Caller: “No. You can pick one for me, and every time I wear it I’ll think of you…”

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Off-Handed Comment

, , , , | Right | June 11, 2010

Caller: “Hi, I’ve placed an order some weeks back and I’m just chasing up when it might be delivered.”

Me: “Certainly, just bear with me a moment. I’ll just need to track it on the computer.”

(I proceed to log on to the order system, having a bit of difficulty as I’m only able to type with one hand while the other holds the phone.)

Me: “Sorry, bear with me a moment; it’s quite difficult to type with one hand.”

Caller: *in a sincere tone* “Why have you only got one hand?”

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Accountants And Their Blue Tape

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2010

(A client calls us requesting we email him a scan of a document. We promptly send this over to him and he calls back almost immediately.)

Client: “This scan you have sent me only has one page of the document and the rest of it is pornography!”

Me: “I’m sorry? There is certainly no chance that this contains any pornography. It looks perfectly fine from our end.

Client: “But there is. I am looking at it right now!”

Me: “Which button are you clicking?  The one that says ‘Next Page’ or ‘Next Document’?”

Client: “Why does that matter?”

Me: “Well, if you are clicking Next Document, you are currently looking at all of the pornography that you have recently been viewing on your computer.”

Client: “F***!” *hangs up*

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They’ll Never Survive Welsh

, , , , , | Right | May 27, 2010

(A tourist is in line to get a ticket.)

Tourist: “Can I have a ticket to Loogahgbaroogah?”

Me: “Sorry, where?”

Tourist: “Loogahbaroogah.”

Me: Sir, there is no rail station in the UK called Loogahbaroogah.”

Tourist: “But…”

Me: “Did you mean Loughbrough?” (It’s pronounced ‘Luffbruh’)

(The tourist gets his ticket and walks off, followed by the next customer in line.)

Next Customer: “It’s a good job he didn’t want my ticket. Return to Llanelli, please.”


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