(I have gone out for a few drinks with some friends after work. The bar we are in is less than half-full, so we find some couches at the back. After my two lemonades, I decide it is time to head home, but realize that I have misplaced my over-ear headphones. I look all over the bar — on the floor, behind seats etc. — then go to talk to the bar staff.)

Me: “Hi. I lost some pink headphones. Can you please check whether they have been handed in?”

Bartender #1: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Nothing has been handed in? Can you please check?”

Bartender #1: “I don’t know.”

(I go to another bartender.)

Me: “Hi. have any headphones been handed into you? I think I dropped some.”

Bartender #2: “No.”

Me: “Can you please check?”

Bartender #2: “No. Nothing has been handed in.”

(The same conversation occurs with three other bartenders. None even look around in the bar area to see if there is anything there. I find a manager.)

Me: “Hi. I lost some headphones. Can I leave my number with you so you can call me if they are found?”

Manager: “People don’t hand things into staff. Look around the bar.”

Me: “I have. Can you please just call me in case something gets handed in?”

Manager: “People don’t hand things to staff.”

Me: “Here is my number. Please just call me.”

(I went home. My friends called me an hour later to let me know that they had asked the bartenders again, and miraculously, my headphones had appeared! The bartender told them they had been on the floor for two hours and had only just been found. I looked around that whole bar, so I know that isn’t true! Lucky, my friends pushed the bartenders to not steal my headphones!)

I have an Eastern European first name, for no other reason than that my parents liked the sound of it.

I’m working for a temp agency and I get a call to come down to the centre for a day-long job out in the surrounding countryside. A couple of other temps have volunteered their cars to take the rest of us out to where we meet the client and follow him out to the field we were working in. We do the work, get paid for a full eight hours after working for six, and everyone piles back into the cars and goes home happy.

On the way back, the driver catches my eye in the rearview mirror and tells me that she wasn’t initially sure about having me in her car. When I ask her why not, she replies that when she saw my name on the list she thought I was Polish and that, “you wouldn’t talk to any of us.” All I could think of to say was that I had been born in [Midlands Town] and had lived in England all my life.

It made me so angry, partly because this was the first time someone had discriminated against me in a direct way, although by mistake, partly because I find any kind of racism or discrimination baffling — I’ve realised that it isn’t so much that I love everyone equally but that I’m indifferent to everyone equally — and partly because by admitting to it she seemed to expect that I would agree with her sentiments or find her expressing them like that to be acceptable.

I kind of wish I’d made a fuss but we were still several miles out with no other way for me to get back, and I didn’t fancy getting kicked out of the car for having a go at someone I wasn’t likely to ever see again.

(A boy of about four is looking at football stickers with his granny.)

Boy: “Can I have three?”

Granny: “I’ll let you have four.”

Boy: “Aww! But I wanted three!”

Me: “I’ve got to say, I’ve never seen someone talk themselves out of an extra pack of stickers!”

(I work at a supermarket. One morning, I’m putting through an older man’s basket that has a few bottles of wine in it and he decides to say this:)

Customer: “I have enough alcohol here for a drunken orgy!”

Me: *stares*

Customer: “I’m only joking! I’ve never had one.”

(He’s a regular customer. I’ve been unable to look at him in the same way since.)

(I am working in the collections department for an energy supplier when I get a call from a woman regarding a letter she says she received. She says she has a question about it. She gives me a reference number and I pull up the account.)

Me: “I’ve got the account up. May I ask your name?

(The customer gives me her name and it is the same as on the account. I then ask her to confirm address and DOB, both of which match what is on the account.)

Me: “Thank you for confirming those details. What was your query?”

Customer: “Yes, what is this letter all about?”

Me: “There is a balance on the account. It needs to be paid. You owe [amount].”

Customer: “No, I don’t.”

Me: “I’m not seeing any payments since [date].”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. This isn’t my account.”

Me: “Your name is on the account and you confirmed the address.”

Customer: “No, no. This letter isn’t for me. This is my friend’s account. My name is [Different Name].”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, I can no longer discuss the account with you without the customer’s permission. Is the customer there?”

Customer: “You just broke the data protection law. You disclosed my friend’s details.”

Me: “Actually, madam, you committed fraud.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t. I never said I was the customer. You broke the law; now you’re going to lose your job. I’m going to report you.”

Me: “Actually, madam, when I asked what your name was, you told me it was [Customer’s Name], when I asked what your address was, you said it was [Customer’s address], and when I asked you to confirm your date of birth, you told me it was [Customer’s DOB]. You pretended to be your friend, which is fraud.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t. If you heard that, that’s your fault. I’m going to report you!”

Me: “You are welcome to report this to the data commissioner. I’ll get you the details if you like. We are obligated to report this incident, as well, and will send the recording of this call to prove what was said.”

Customer: “How dare you say that to me?! Get me your manager!”

(I got my manager, who took over the call. My manager promised to listen to the call and arranged to call the woman back once she had done so. Later that day, my manager came and spoke to me. She listened to the call and confirmed that the customer definitely committed fraud – she clearly said her name, address, and DOB were the customer’s. My manager gave me an anti-fraud form to fill in so it could be passed on to the police. During the call, the woman gave me her full name, and she gave my manager several phone numbers when they arranged the callback, one of which was a work number. My manager also got the woman’s address because she wanted me to write her a formal apology for accusing her of committing fraud. All these details went on the form we sent to the police.)