Some Children’s Manners Are In A Vegetative State

, , , , , | Right | November 10, 2018

(I’m out grabbing some lunch on my break at work. A girl of about 12 notices me in the aisle and starts staring at me. I have quite a striking appearance: bright orange dreadlocks down to my bum, lots of facial piercings, heavy makeup, and very visible tattoos on my head and neck. I’m also wearing a floor-length afghan coat.)

Girl: *taps me on the shoulder* “Err… You know you look really horrible, right?”

Me: “This is what you’ll look like if you don’t eat your veggies or do as you’re told in school.”

(She shot me a bug-eyed, worried look and sped off down the aisle. I tried looking for a parent to tell them what had just happened, and maybe to teach their child some manners, but I couldn’t see anyone. Rude children irritate me.)

Customers Are Watching The Watchers

, , , | Right | November 9, 2018

(Being a charity shop, our store is pretty casual about where we sort and price stock. Quite often we’ll put the prices on at the front counter, where we also serve customers. On this occasion, my coworker is pricing some books, standing on the “customer” side of the counter so it’s easier for her to go back and forth between the counter and the bookshelves. For the record, my coworker is a slightly grumpy woman in her 60s, and I’m a woman in my mid-twenties. A customer comes up and waits, as she thinks my coworker is a customer being served.)

Coworker: “Oh, sorry. You can go; I work here.” *walks away to shelve some books*

(The customer comes up and I ring up her purchases.)

Customer: *in a hushed whisper* “Does she work here?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: *points to my coworker* “Her. Does she really work here?”

(I look to where my coworker is putting books away, obviously working.)

Me: “Um… yes?”

Customer: “Oh, I thought she was lying so she could watch you.”

Me: “No, she definitely works here.”

(She kept shooting suspicious glances at my coworker until she left. I still have no idea what she was worried about; if someone wants to come in the shop and do work for us, they can “watch me” all they like!)

Photography World In Shock, As Image Conjures One More “Wow” Than Expected

, , , , , , | Related | November 8, 2018

(I like photography, and I show my sister a pretty good photo I took and edited.)

Sister: “Wow.”

Sister: *slightly more amazed* “Wow.”

Sister: *very amazed* “Wow!”

Me: *pouting* “One more wow?”

Sister: *monotone* “Wow.”

Need For Barcode Scanners In Question, As Simply Saying “Bleep” Gets The Same Job Done

, , , , , , | Learning | November 8, 2018

(A friend of mine who works as a school librarian told me this one. The school gives out textbooks to students, which they need to return to the school when they finish a grade. A teacher comes to the school librarian.)

Teacher: “Can you keep track of the textbooks we give out to students? Like, could we line them up and get them to walk past you, and you scan their books?”

Librarian: “Yes. You’ll have to give me the textbooks, and I’ll have to put them on the catalogue and put barcodes on them.”

Teacher: *with a sigh of annoyance* “Ugh. I thought it was going to be really straightforward.”

(I told my friend she should have just stood there with a barcode scanner, let the students walk past with their books, and play a “bleep” noise every time one walked past. This teacher would have been none the wiser.)

Depression And Anxiety Are Not The Best Diets

, , , , , | Healthy | November 8, 2018

(My doctor’s surgery does an annual check-up with the practice nurse for all patients with long-term conditions. I go to mine.)

Nurse: “You’ve lost 13 kg since we last saw you!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Yeah, depression and anxiety is an amazing diet.”

Nurse: “Your weight and BMI are well within the guidelines now.”

Me: “Oh, um, great.”

Nurse: “Do you want me to refer you to [Famous Weight Loss Club]?”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “We have to ask everybody.”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “We do have to ask everybody.”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “I’ll take that as a no, shall I?”

Me: “…”

Nurse:Anyway, let’s check something else, shall we?”

Me: “Yes… let’s.”

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