, , | General | June 2, 2017

While a student I spent two weeks one summer teaching English to rich European teenagers in Southampton, UK. During the week I spent my time in classes, while one weekend day would be spent accompanying the students on an excursion somewhere. Most of the time the teenagers were fine but every now and then you’d find one spoiled rich kid who was clealy angry at being ‘dumped in Britain’ by his or her ridiculously rich Belgian/Swedish/Russian parents. To make sure the students could easily identify staff, we all had to wear blue polo-neck shirts with the language school logo on both the front and the back.

One of those excursions on a really grey rainy day was to a theme park about an hour or two away from where we were based. Coincidentally, staff uniform at this particular theme park was almost the exact same shade of blue polo-neck shirt as teachers did.

This wasn’t much of a problem most of the day; coralling my assigned group of pupils, making sure they weren’t getting up to mischief and generally keeping tabs on everything while every now and then having to explain to a confused park visitor how I wasn’t actually working at the park was all I had to deal with.

Then some of my group wanted to go on some ‘thrilling’ new rollercoaster. It went backwards. In the dark. Woo. So, waiting in line with a group of the teenagers, a couple of whom were particularly belligerent, we notice we’ve been standing still for a bit of a while without moving. It turns out ‘something’ had happened with the rollercoaster – rumors were going around someone had vomited on the ride, but there was no official word on it.

Being the only person in the queue with a blue polo-neck on I suddenly get inundated with my own European teenagers asking me questions. Which prompted the rest of the crowd around me, and people deciding to back through the line because they couldn’t be bothered to wait, to also ask me questions with a couple (no joke) actually asking ‘what are we standing in line for?

Surrounded by non-English speaking students and British families on a rainy cold day out in a theme park I’d never been to in my life, all of whom saw me as a beacon of knowledge, ‘I don’t even work here’ really just didn’t seem to cut it.

Unfiltered Story #87846

, , | Unfiltered | June 2, 2017

(I was in a large stationary/news store some years back, wearing a shirt which happened to be in their corporate color, and I was approached by a random, very well spoken customer, who asked…)

Cust: “Excuse me, could you help me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t actually work h….”

Cust: (interrupting abruptly) “What do you mean?”

Me: “I don’t work here, I’m not a member of sta……”

Cust: (interrupting even more abruptly) “Well why not?”

Me: “…..!!?!….Errrm….??!!!?…….”

Whereupon the customer stomped off complaining about my disgraceful attitude.

With umpteen years hindsight I would have liked to give the answer “Unfortunately they have a stringently enforced ‘No Tosspots’ policy, but the moment may have gone

Unfiltered Story #88992

, | Unfiltered | June 1, 2017

(This took place on a long car journey after work.)

Coworker 1: Oh I see you where speaking with Dave, this morning. How is he?

Coworker 2: Dave?

Coworker 1: yeah Dave, he just got back off sick.

Coworker 2; Who?

Coworker 1: Dave! Everyone knows Dave.

Coworker 2: Do you mean Steve?

Coworker 1: What?! no Dave.

Coworker 2; Short guy, kinda stocky?

Coworker 1; (Exasperated) Yes!

Coworker 2; That’s Brian.

Coworker 1: Who the hell is Brian?

Coworker 2; Short guy, late 50’s.

Coworker 1: What, no that’s Dave.

Coworker 2: oh well yeah ok I guess.

(These are two highly experience engineers, both have been working alongside Dave for years, I went down to see Dave the next day who told me that he never spoke to Coworker 2, all day. I really worry about this place sometimes.)

A Friendly Way To Learn

, , , | Friendly Learning | May 31, 2017

(A childhood friend and I are on the same course at the same university. We are in our first year, and I assume everything is going well. I am in a local café when my friend comes in.)

Friend: “I hate this!”

Me: “We can go somewhere else?”

Friend: “No, uni! I hate uni!”

Me: “It isn’t that bad.”

Friend: “I didn’t even want to come!”

Me: “Then why did you?”

Friend: “Because you did.”

(Great. Landing yourself in debt and forcing yourself into higher education, just so you can be with your friend.)

They’re Acting Bitter About The Sweet

, , , , , | Right | May 31, 2017

(I work for a high quality chocolatier in England. Our products are pricey due to the amount of cocoa we use, which is the most expensive ingredient. The shop is in central London so our clientele don’t tend to notice the prices. I’m at the till when I’m approached by a man who looks like every other client. He has a few reasonably priced items so I scan them through:)

Me: “That will be £35.50, please.”

Customer: “£35! For that!?”

Me: “Yes, sir, is that a problem?”

Customer: “But it’s just chocolate!”

Me: “You’re not wrong, sir, but prices for cocoa are very high and we use more in our products than any other chocolatier.”

Customer: “Surely you have discounts you could give me?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir. I can’t discount perfectly good products. You wouldn’t happen to work for the NHS or the police?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “Great! That entitles you to a 20% discount. Can I see your work pass?”

Customer: “Oh… I don’t have one… I thought you’d just believe me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t include a discount without a reason.”

Customer: “You can’t reject my sale! This store is so quiet. You need my business.”

Me: “Actually, sir—” *I bring up our sales tracker* “—we’re £200 over our budget today. It’s only quiet because it’s night time. And I’m not rejecting your sale; you’re rejecting our prices. Would you like me to help you find some cheaper alternatives?”

(He just grumbles and pays for his items, storming out past another customer who had been waiting patiently behind him.)

Customer #2: “Some people are just miserable, aren’t they?”

(I total their order up.)

Me: *to next guest* “That’ll be £15.”

Customer #2: *confused* “But the price says £30?”

Me: “I know, but you didn’t ask for a discount so I gave you my 50% off. Have a great day!”

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