Thank You For Your Buttocks

, , , , , | Friendly | June 11, 2018

(I have been dropping my friend off at her house after school for the past few days. She normally walks, but because of the hot weather, I offered to pick her up since it’s on the way. Today, in school, she comes up to me.)

Friend: “Hey, [My Name]?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Friend: “I just wanted to thank you for dropping me off everyday. Your mom, too. Thank you guys so much!”

Me: “It’s no problem, really! Don’t worry about it.”

(I am from Delhi, in North India, and speak fluent Hindi like the rest of my family. My friend is Korean.)

Friend: “Can you teach me some Hindi?”

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Um, sure. But why?”

Friend: “How do you say, ‘Thank you very much’?”

Me: *gets it* “Oh! It’s, ‘bahut shukriya’.”

Friend: “Bahut shukriya?”

Me: “Yeah!”

(Later during the day:)

Friend: “Wait, [My Name]!”

Me: “Mmhm?”

Friend: “What was it again? Hobo shukriya?”

Me: *laughs* “What? No! It’s, ‘bahut shukriya’.”

Friend: “Oh, right!”

(In the car:)

Friend: *getting out* “Oh, [My Name]’s mom! By the way, buttock shukriya!”

(My mom was extremely confused while my friend beamed proudly at her AMAZING Hindi. I drop off another friend — my neighbor — as well, and she speaks fluent Hindi, too. We both laughed until we wheezed as we explained the situation to my bewildered mother. Soon we were all laughing and my friend apologised. Hey, at least she tried!)

Unfiltered Story #113866

, , | | Unfiltered | June 11, 2018

(I work in a supermarket handling fruit, vegetables and flowers. We have gloves that we usually wear, which allows me to wear a ring on my middle finger. I take off my gloves to do price reductions. A customer approaches me)
Customer #1: …Aren’t you a little young to be married?
Me: What? Oh no, this isn’t a wedding ring.
(I even hold up my hand to illustrate that the ring isn’t on the right finger.)
Customer #1: Oh.
(Not two minutes later, another customer notices my ring.)
Customer #2: So nice to see that young people these days still wear promise rings. Good for you for waiting.
Me: Um, no…this isn’t a promise ring.
(Again I hold up my hand to show it’s not on my ring finger. The customer just walks away. I move to reduce a different area when one of my coworkers approaches.)
Coworker: Oh, nice ring! I didn’t know you were engaged.
Me: That’s because I’m not!

Customer Service Is Collapsing

, , , , , , | Right | June 11, 2018

(I am a teenager, working in a department store. One day I am on the shop floor with my mum, who has come to meet me on my lunch break. Due to a combination of the hot weather and having skipped breakfast, out of nowhere, I faint. My mum puts me in the recovery position and some of my colleagues start to come over to see if I’m okay. Amidst the commotion, a customer comes over, sees my uniform and bends over to where I am LYING ON THE FLOOR.)

Customer: “Excuse me. What time do you close today?”

Me: *too woozy and shocked to think of another response* “4:30.”

(The customer walked off without even a thank-you.)

That’s Not Your Call To Make

, , , , , | Learning | June 10, 2018

(I’m fairly new to my post as a receptionist, but the student in this story sees me every day. He’s leaving at the same time as I am, and is chatting away as we leave. He’s 12.)

Student: “Which way do you go, Miss?”

Me: “I’m going this way to go to [Station].”

Student: “Let me show you a faster way.”

(My train is 20 minutes away, but I’m always up for learning a little more of the area.)

Me: “All right, then.”

(We start off, chatting away, when…)

Student: “I need to call Nan and say I’m on my way.”

Me: “Okay.”

Student: “Do you need to phone your Mum or Dad?”

(I can’t help it; I burst out laughing.)

Student: “Oh, no! I’m usually walking home with another student!”

Me: “I moved out years ago, [Student]. Plus, I’m nearly thirty.”

(The shortcut might not be so — I actually arrived two minutes later than usual — but it was a nice chat.)

They Want Their Bread Buttered On Both Sides

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2018

(This happens every single week with the same woman, without fail. This lady digs through our bread, then approaches the counter.)

Customer: “What’s the date today?”

Me: “It’s [date].”

Customer: “This bread goes off [two days from date]!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It’s freshly baked bread with no additives; it goes stale quickly.”

Customer: “This is unreasonable. Why doesn’t it have a longer date?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there’s nothing we can do. There’s no more bread in the shop and if there was, it would have the same date.”

Customer: *storms out*

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