Doesn’t Give A Fork(lift) What Comes Out Of His Mouth

, , , , , , , | Working | August 14, 2018

I work for a medium-sized haulage company as a driver, and also as an extra hand in the warehouse — I’m qualified to drive fork lift trucks — whenever I need to make some extra cash.

Our warehouse only has two permanent staff: the warehouse manager who is a hard-working, highly capable man in his 30s, and the permanent forklift driver, who is a deeply unhealthy man in his late 50s with serious work ethic issues and almost non-existent people skills, who’s pretty much coasting until retirement at this point.

The forklift driver is almost invariably in a bad mood, always hungover, and generally just an a**e to everyone who sets foot in the yard, often going as far as insulting individuals or their parentage, etc. However, if you confront him about his behaviour — he’s not a large man, and forty years of heavy smoking hasn’t done him any favours — he will back down permanently against you as an individual and be considerably more polite with you from then on.

Truckers aren’t exactly a passive lot, so unsurprisingly, the majority of our own staff have had words with him at one time or another, so with our own staff he’s not too bad anymore. That being said, people from third parties pretty much always get grief off of him for pointless things like parking in the wrong bit of the yard when it’s completely empty, etc.

It was just past seven pm and we were pretty much done for the day when a van appeared to drop off the last pallet of the day, parking slightly off to the side. We do have marked bays for unloading vehicles, but we generally make no effort to enforce this until we get more than one vehicle in the yard. However, the forklift driver shouted, “Can you not see the bay? Did your mum not teach you to read, you stupid, dumb c***?”

In a shocking twist, the van driver had an issue with this comment, and emerged from his van to reveal he was well clear of six-and-a-half feet tall and had a build not all that far from a rhino on steroids. He calmly said, “Do you want to f****** say that again?”

Knowing at this point how deeply screwed he was, the forklift driver frantically tried to backpedal as the van driver walked up to him, calmly applied the forklifts handbrake, and then gripped the forklift driver with both hands and lifted and pinned him to the roof of the forklift. He then hissed something into the guy’s ear, and the forklift driver frantically bleated out a string of apologies. The van driver dropped him back into his seat and turned to the warehouse manager and me, who had gathered nearby to try and intervene if things really kicked off.

The van driver calmly asked, “Bay 1?” My manager confirmed this and we unloaded his pallet. Once he’d left, we asked the forklift driver if he was okay and whether he wanted the police called. He declined the police and just opted to go home.

I didn’t hear what the van driver said to him, and he’s never discussed it since, but it shook him up so much he was nice to everyone for about six weeks afterwards.  

I don’t condone violence as a way of getting your point across, but this guy’s been threatened by so many people at this point that I’m amazed he hasn’t learned to keep his mouth shut yet.

That Story Is Bull

, , , , , , | Working | August 14, 2018

(Our fast food store is in a semi-rural area. We have a pub on one side and a major road on another, and the remaining two sides are grazing fields frequented by a sizable herd of cattle. The fields have a high fence separating us from them; however, the quality of said fence isn’t great. One day when I am working drive-thru at the payment window, I hear a loud bang. I lean out to see, to my surprise, a large and rather agitated bull walking through the drive-thru.)

Me: *shouting* “[Manager], we have a bull in the drive-thru lane!”

Manager: *not at all believing me* “I’m sure we do, [My Name].”

(The bull goes running past me, hitting cars as it passes, and goes past the collection window where my manager is working.)

Bull: “MOO!”

Manager: “…”

(The bull then ran out onto the road, halting traffic for close to two hours whilst the police first tried to corral it back into the field, and finally tranquilised it when it started to get more aggressive.)

Those Who Think Their World Is All The World

, , , , , | Right | August 14, 2018

(I work in social services where we provide care for elderly people who cannot look after themselves. We cover all of London, so it’s a very large area. I receive this call from a member of the public.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help?”

Caller: “I want to report a vulnerable elderly man to you so that he can get care.”

Me: “Okay, can I take his name and address?”

Caller: “I don’t know that.”

Me: “Okay. Can you tell me whereabouts in London he lives?”

Caller: “I don’t know. But he was fat and bald and was in a wheelchair. He said he was struggling to cope at home. I saw him at [Local Supermarket]. You know, the one opposite the chemist?”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know where you’re referring to, and without knowing his name or address, there’s not really anything we can do! If you could find that out, I’d be happy to help.”

Caller: “Well, you’ve been no help at all. If he was dying, would you just let him die?!”

Me: “Sir, if he was dying, I would suggest you call an ambulance. We don’t provide medical assistance.”

Caller: “Well, thank you for nothing!*hangs up*

(I wish I could say that was a rare call. Alas, we get lots of people wanting results from nothing.)

Life… Finds A Way

, , , , , , | Related | August 13, 2018

(I am over at my in-laws with my husband. My sister-in-law and her kids are there. We’ve just had dinner, and to keep the kids occupied, we are watching the latest “Jurassic Park” film. As my father-in-law gets the DVD player sorted, we start talking about how we can’t believe how long ago the original film came out, and how old it makes us feel.)

Me: “I remember going to see it the day it came out, on the first showing of the day.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, yes, we did, too. [Son] pestered me for weeks to take him and dragged me all the way there, he was so excited.”

Me: “It was a bit of a disaster for me, though. The kid in front of us at the concession stand took the last bag of Maltesers, and then we ended up sitting next to him and his mum. The kid would not shut up through the movie, kept asking his mum over and over when they were going to see the T-Rex, and then when it finally came on screen, the kid shrieked and tried to hide under the seat, chucking his drink, sweets, and popcorn all over us. His mum had to take him out as he was bawling his eyes out, so we ended up missing most of the first half of the film and ended up going to see it again the following week.”

(The mother-in-law and her family, including my husband, are suddenly stunned, staring at me. The mother-in-law then smiles.)

Mother-In-Law: “Well, you couldn’t have been that mad at the boy. You ended up marrying him.”

(The mother-in-law then explained that my husband was the boy in the cinema; the story I told is EXACTLY what happened when she took my husband to see the movie. They went on exactly the same day, at the same time, to the same cinema. My husband and I had always known that when we were little we had lived just outside London in towns next door to one another, but we didn’t go to the same schools. It was an amazing coincidence that we joke about to this day. Now, every year on our anniversary my husband buys me the biggest box of Maltesers he can find, and I buy him a toy T-Rex.)

Disabling His Complaint

, , , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(My workplace is accessed by a short and very steep drive. I see a man in a manual wheelchair rolling down our driveway very fast. My coworker and I manage to grab and stop his chair just short of a brick wall.)

Customer #1: “Bloody h***! Thanks, guys. I thought I was going to smash into the wall there!”

Coworker: “What happened?”

Customer #1: “Ah, someone pushed past me too hard, and it set me to rolling down here.”

Me: “Well, I’m just glad that you’re all right.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, thanks to you two!”

(We’re about to ask if he wants us to help him back up the hill, or if he wants to wait here for someone to pick him up or something, when a second man comes over.)

Customer #2: “How dare you?!”

All Three Of Us: “Erm, what?”

Customer #2: “You should be ashamed of yourselves! You can’t manhandle people just because they’re in wheelchairs! My wife is in a wheelchair; would you just grab at her if you saw her? It’s disgusting!” *then, to the first customer* “I saw the whole thing, and will be a witness for you. You should prosecute them for assault!”

Customer #1: “I needed help, man. I would have crashed into the wall. I think I should be thanking them more, not trying to get them in trouble.”

Customer #2: “No! You shouldn’t thank them! These people need to understand that being in a wheelchair doesn’t make you incapable of looking after yourself; they shouldn’t have interfered unless you specifically asked for help.”

Customer #1: *long pause* “Okay. So, anyway…” *turns to us* “Thanks very much, lads. If you could give me a push back up to the road, that would be great.”

Me: “Yes, of course. we’re happy to help.”

Customer #2: “Well, if you won’t do anything, I will. I’m going to speak to the manager and get these people fired. They need to learn they can’t go around grabbing people in wheelchairs.” *walks back into the store*

Customer #1: *to us* “Do you think he’s really going to complain?”

Coworker: “It’s possible. People complain about some really weird things.”

Me: “Oh, well. Our boss is a decent woman; I doubt we’ll have any problems.”

Customer #1: “Well, I’d better go see your boss, too, just in case. I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

(When we got in the store, [Customer #2] was standing in the middle of the cashier area, yelling about how he didn’t want the stores employees grabbing his wife. Of course, we didn’t get in trouble, but [Customer #2] returned his purchases and said he’d never shop with us again.)

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