(I’ve decided to order a pizza for dinner. I’ve gone through the app only to get to the payment part and realise that for some reason, it isn’t going to let me pay by card at all. I try all the various options; cash is the only one that will go through. But I don’t want to pay in cash, so I immediately ring up the store to ask them if they could send the driver out with a card reader. The person on the other end of the phone says my order hasn’t come through yet, but when it does, she’ll add the note.)

Driver: “That’ll be [amount].”

Me: “Uh, where’s the card reader?”

Driver: “You didn’t ask for a card reader?”

Me: “I definitely rang up to ask for the reader.”

Driver: *lifting up the receipt* “No, see, you’re meant to add a note about the card reader when you order. It’s not here. See?”

Me: “You know what? Fine. Here’s the cash. Keep the change.”

(It’s only about 20p, I just don’t feel like waiting for him to find a coin amongst any coin change he is carrying. I get back upstairs and call up the store again. It is the same person answering the phone.)

Me: “Hey, I was on the phone earlier asking about the card reader. You never sent it.”

Worker: “Look, your order still hasn’t come through.”

Me: *mental facepalm* “Seriously? It’s just arrived.”

(The line immediately went silent and at first, I thought she’d hung up on me, but she’d put me on hold, apparently, to go find her manager. I told him what happened, and when he asked for my name and address he found the order immediately. He repeatedly apologised, saying that she can’t have been looking for the right address or the right name and that he was going to insist that everyone have some extra training AND that they pay better attention to the addresses they’re given from then on, but he couldn’t do anything specific about the fact that I was now out the cash amount. And the driver probably still thinks I’m a jerk for a 20p “tip,” but I can’t blame him for that.)

(As I wait for a bus home, I notice a man going up to other people waiting and quickly moving on to the next person. I have only been at the bus stop for a few seconds when he approaches me.)

Man: “Have you got any change? I haven’t eaten in days.”

Me: “No, sorry. I haven’t got any change.”

Man: “So you don’t care. What a horrible person you are.”

(The man starts pacing back and forth, shooting me dirty looks each time he passes me and shouting abuse.)

Man: “Scumbag! Tramp! Evil! Scumbag, scumbag, scumbag!”

(Two minutes pass and, thankfully, my bus pulls up. As I hurriedly get on, the man gets right in my face for one last comment.)

Man: “I hope your bus crashes.”

Lady: “I’d like to return this laptop.”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Lady: “Well, I was on YouTube and somebody was rude to me! It’s obvious this laptop is broken, as everyone likes me!”

Me: “…”

Lady: “EVERYONE LIKES ME! YOU UNDERSTAND!”

(The lady ran around the shop screaming cuss words at me. I don’t like her.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Can I have an apple cider, please?”

Coworker: “Yeah, sure. Is Aspall’s Suffolk cider okay?”

Customer: “Don’t you have any apple cider?”

Coworker: “Yeah, sure. We have Aspall’s on tap or bottles of Bulmers.”

Customer: “Oh, forget it. What white wine do you have?”

Coworker: “Erm, okay. We have Pinot, Sauvignon Blanc…”

Customer: *raising voice* “Just get me the Savignon; I know what I want!”

(My coworker is becoming slightly agitated so I interject before he loses his patience:)

Me: “Hi there. Is that a large Kumi for you, then?”

(I sorted the customer out and continued to work. A few minutes later, she came back up with her friends to order more drinks. One of her friends asked for an apple cider and my coworker offered the same cider, which she accepted. The original lady spoke up, “Well, that’s what I asked for.” My coworker and I both rolled our eyes. We had continued trouble from her all day.)

(I work in a supermarket on the stock side which involves a lot of time using a computer near the checkouts. One day, when I’m stood there I can hear a loud beeping noise but can’t work out where it is coming from. I start moving around listening to the computer, printers, etc., to work it out. Then, a team leader comes over.)

Team Leader: “Hey, [My Name], what are you doing?”

Me: “There’s a beeping and I can’t work out why.”

Team Leader: “Umm, [My Name], did you not think it could be the alarm clock on the desk right in front of you?”

Me: “We have an alarm clock?”