(I work in a movie theater. My colleague is a short woman who is in her last trimester of her first pregnancy. Due to this combination, she cannot reach the row of ice cream tubs further away from her without crushing her baby. She is serving an elderly woman who asks for ice cream that she cannot reach.)

Colleague: “I’m sorry, I cannot reach that one because I’m pregnant.” *to me* “[My Name], could you finish this lady’s ice cream for me?”

Me: “No problem.”

(I take over and my colleague takes the payment. Not long after, the customer comes to me.)

Customer: “I just wanted to say that your colleague did not need to tell me she was pregnant. That’s disgusting!”

(I was too stunned to answer, but she seemed content with having said her piece and walked off.)

(I’m at the park with my young son and my best friend. As we are sitting down having lunch, a couple of attractive girls walk past. It’s summer, so they’re in skirts. Just as they are nearly out of earshot, my friend mutters to me.)

Friend: “Where’s a gust of wind when you want one?”

Son: *quite loudly* Daddy, why does Uncle Jay want the wind to blow those ladies dresses up?

(The ladies turned to look at us and then walked away with a look of both amusement and disgust whilst my friend and I laughed and I tried to hush my son.)

(I work in a store that sells various kitchenware items, including electrical products. A perfectly pleasant lady whom I have just served at the till approaches me at the door on her way out.)

Customer: “Dear, can I ask you a quick question?”

Me: “Sure! How can I help?”

Customer: “Well, you probably can’t do anything about this, but I have a [Brand Name] food mixer that I purchased, but never have used. It was over a year ago, but it’s just too powerful! I switched it on once, but it scared me! Am I able to return it to you? Can you do something with it?”

(Our policy includes a several-year guarantee on electricals, so returning it with a proof of purchase would be totally fine in this case.)

Me: “Oh, no! Okay, do you have a receipt for it?”

Customer: “I expect so!”

Me: “Then that’s fine. Just bring it in to us and we can issue a refund to you with your store receipt.”

Customer: “That’s wonderful! It’s from [Different Store], and I’ll bring it in next time!”

Me: *blink* “Wait, I’m sorry; did you purchase the mixer here?”

Customer: “Oh, no, dear, from [Different Store]. Is that a problem?”

Me: “Ah. I’m afraid so. We can’t accept returns or issue refunds for products purchased from other companies, I’m sorry.”

Customer: *visibly disappointed* “Oh. Right… Even with a receipt?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Oh. Well… What would you suggest I do with it?”

Me: “Hmm. Have you considered eBay?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s a good idea! I’ll get my daughter to help me with that!”

Me: “All right, then; good luck!”

Customer: “Thank you, dear!”

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 13
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 12
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 11

(In the UK, before you are allowed to ride a motorcycle or moped (scooter) on the road as a learner you have to complete a one-day training course called Compulsory Basic Training (CBT) )

Me: “Good morning, *********, ***** speaking”

16 year-old: “Hi there can I book a CBT for Saturday please?”

Me: Yep, no problem, what’s your name?

16 year old: gives name

Me: (goes through whole spiel of how to find us, what to wear, how he can pay, what time to turn up, approximate time we would finish) “Don’t forget to bring both parts of your driving licence with you”

16 year old: “I need a driving licence??”

Me: “-”

(This has happened on more than one occasion!)

So this really dopy old guy comes in (must have been 50 or 60) and he’s speaking really slowly and carefully like he’s really stupid and has to concentrate really hard just so as to be able to talk at all.

Old man: Can I have sliced cheddar cheese, on a brown baguette, with salad, with onion on it, please?

Me: Cheese and onion?

Old man: Cheese, that’s sliced cheddar cheese, not grated, and onion, and salad. I have to ask for the onion separately as well as the salad because I have been told that the salad does not include the onion unless I ask for it.

I made him his baguette on white because we didn’t have brown, and I wrapped it up and gave it to him. A couple of minutes later he came back in, and he queued up again and when the queue was finished he spoke to me again.)

Old man: Sorry, I didn’t know the rules had changed. Can I have some tomato and cucumber on this? Sorry, I thought it automatically came with the salad, it always has done in the past. It’s an extra 20p per filling, isn’t it?

Me: I gave you what you asked for: cheese, salad and onion.

Old man: Sorry, but I thought salad meant lettuce, tomato and cucumber, not just lettuce. Can I have tomato and cucumber on this as well? That’s what I usually have. I come in here a lot. I didn’t know the rules had changed. (And he put 50p and his baguette, which he had taken a bite out of, on the counter.)

(I knew he was lying because I had never seen him before and I’d been working there nearly the whole week. I could tell he was working a scam but I couldn’t work out what sort of scam it was.)

Me: I can’t change your baguette now, you’ve already taken a bite out of it. I gave you what you asked for, it’s not my fault you didn’t ask for the right thing.

Old man: But I did ask for the right thing. I thought salad meant lettuce and tomato and cucumber, not just lettuce.

Me: You’re not scamming us out of a new sandwich. You can either leave now or I’m calling the police.

(Thank goodness the stupid old man left. The bad news is that he left his sandwich on the counter and I had to throw it away and disinfect the counter. The good news is that he left his 50p on the counter as well, so the tills were up that day! Every cloud has its silver lining. With any luck we won’t see him again.)