Not Address-ing The Issue At All

, , , , | Working | March 8, 2018

(I’ve recently moved address and need to get it changed with my bank, so I phone up.)

Bank Worker: “Hello, how can I assist you today?”

Me: “Hi. I need to change my address that’s associated with my account, please.”

Bank Worker: “Okay. Do you have the special four-digit code you need to change the address?”

Me: “No. I didn’t know I needed one. I know all my security questions and everything; will that not work?”

Bank Worker: “No. We can only use the four-digit code to change addresses on the system.”

Me: “Okay. How do I get one?”

Bank Worker: “We send you it in the post.”

Me: “You send it? But I’ve moved house. I’m no longer at the address you have on record.”

Bank Worker: “Okay?”

Me: “So, how do I get a code?”

Bank Worker: “We send it to your address.”

Me: “So, let me get this straight: I need a special code to be able to change my address that will get sent to the address that I’m no longer living at?”

Bank Worker: *pause* “Yes.”


Managed That Gamble

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2018

(I am working at the reception desk of a hotel at 11 pm. We have a walk-in, which is uncommon here as it is a golf resort, out in the middle of nowhere, but does happen. This guy says he is traveling on business and wants a basic room. I make his booking in the system, and give him the price. It’s a pretty low rate for this county, as it is midweek.)

Customer: “Aww, that’s really expensive! Can’t you get me a better rate?”

Me: “I’m sorry. The system decides the price based on day and availability; there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “Come on! I know the manager of this place! He’d give me a low price!”

Me: *my scam senses are tingling so I decide to play his game* “I see. Well. I might be able to get you a regular’s discount… if you can give me the manager’s name.”

(I say this in the full knowledge that this guy won’t know it, and I won’t have to give him the discount. I realise this could be considered a gamble, but call it intuition.)

Customer: “I don’t have to prove anything to you.”

Me: “Well… if you were asking for a member’s discount, I would need your member’s card to prove you were a member. Usually for a regular’s discount, I have to check our system for proof of at least six bookings in the year, so… as a customer, there’s a lot of things you have to prove. Is there a problem?”

(Lucky me, as a night porter, I can get cheeky with the customers, as we are considered security, and I can write almost any questioning off as “checking for suspicious behavior.” I do not suffer people like this gladly. I would never, ever swear or raise my voice to a customer, so through this exchange, I have been smiling, polite, and chirpy.)

Customer: *getting a sort of “rabbit in headlights” look* “Um. Well. It might be the old manager, now.”

Me: “Ah, well, that’s a shame. You could give me his name to be sure?”

Customer: *grumbling* “Never mind. I shall take the rate.”

Me: “Of course, sir.”

(I finish putting his booking through, and take him to his room, wishing him a goodnight. As I walk away from his door, he leans back out and calls quietly to me.)

Customer: “How many times has someone actually tried that on you?”

Me: “Enough that I have an answer for every method they try.”

Got Owned And The Owner Wasn’t Even There, Part 2

, , , , , | Working | March 7, 2018

(I’m working in the office and the phone rings. It’s someone from a call centre. There are only two people who work here: the owner and me.)

Caller: “Hello there. Is [Employee who retired in 2010] available, please?”

Me: “He retired a number of years ago.”

Caller: “Okay, then. Is the owner of the business available, please?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Do you know when he’ll be available?”

Me: “Can I ask who is calling, please?”

Caller: “It’s [Caller] from [Unknown Company].”

Me: “And can I ask why you’re calling?”

Caller: “It’s a confidential business matter regarding the owner.”

Me: “With all due respect, it cannot be that confidential if you don’t even know the owner’s name.”

Caller: “Okay, then. Thank you for your time.” *click*

Got Owned And The Owner Wasn’t Even There

Unfiltered Story #106914

, , | Unfiltered | March 6, 2018

(I’m waiting to get an appointment at my local surgery for some blood tests and am behind a man with an obvious foreign accent. Note I’m not one to mix my words)

Man: i cant believe this! i have been waiting two weeks to get an apointment with *specialist* which you said you would prefer me to! The whole British NHS is bullshit!

Receptionist: I’m sorry but there are many people needing treatment

Man: I don’t care about other people! I want my referral today! crap NHS!

Me: Excuse me but can I just ask where you’re originally from?

Man: Uganda! Not that it’s your business

Me: Well may I suggest that if our healthcare is as shit as you say it is, you go back home and use Ugandan healthcare

Man: ……..

Me: Ok, now shut up, fuck off and wait patiently for your referall. there’s more people in this world besides yourself

Go And Do Other People

, , , , | Working | March 5, 2018

(It is about nine pm, and a few of us are still in the office. A colleague comes into my office to chat to me and my officemate.)

Colleague: *to my officemate* “I have nothing to do, so now I have to look up Belgian law.”

(When he says he has nothing to do, he means on the matter he is working on with my officemate, not that he has absolutely nothing to do, but I don’t realise this.)

Me: “Wait. Why are you here, then?”

Colleague: “Like I said, I wanted to take a break and chat to you guys.”

Me: “No, I mean, if you have nothing to do, why are you still in the building? You could go and do other things. I mean, you have a girlfriend.”

(There is a pause as my colleague and officemate both stare at me. It is at this point that I realise what I just said.)

Me: “Wait, that did not come out the way I meant it!”

Colleague: “No, no, I know what you meant. I should be out shagging my girlfriend just because I have a girlfriend.”

Me: “No, no, I meant, like, you could go have a romantic dinner or something.”

Colleague: “Uh-huh. Thanks for literally telling me to f*** off.”

Me: “Can I start again, please?”

Colleague: “Sure.”

Me: “[Colleague]! How great to see you! Come in, please! Distract us!”

Colleague: “Now, that’s more like it.”

(My officemate and colleague still won’t let me live that down.)

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