Some People Have The Nerve

, , , , , , | Learning | November 6, 2017

(One of my friends at college has a hidden disability. Her nerve endings send pain signals so she is in constant pain; however, walking is doable. On top of that, she needs a hip replacement at the age of 18, which makes stairs impossible. This means she takes the lift just going up a single flight of stairs. I’ve started going with her because she’s told me people often make comments. We get the lift with a group of guys who are on the sports degree. I press the button for floor one.)

Guy #1: *condescendingly* “That’s lazy, don’t you think?”

Me: *smiles* “My friend’s nerve endings don’t work properly, which means she’s in constant agony. Plus, she needs a double hip replacement due to a birth defect.”

(There’s silence.)

Guy #2: *to [Guy #1] in a light jovial tone* “Bet you feel like a right d*** now.”

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A Chip Of Politeness

, , , , , , , | Working | November 5, 2017

(Our gas has been temporarily disconnected, as we’re getting a new boiler installed, so I pop to the fish and chip shop to get dinner for our family. I’ve not been in there before.)

Me: “Hi, can I have a standard cod and chips, please, a battered sausage and chips, and two fishcakes?”

Employee: “Of course, love. Any sauces?”

Me: “Oh, yes. Curry sauce, please.”

Employee: “Okay, coming right up.”

(She then scoops out the two standard portions of chips.)

Employee: “Salt and vinegar on these ones, love?”

Me: “Oh, yes, please, both on that one. Thanks.”

(I notice at this point that she puts another scoop of chips in the bag.)

Employee: “And the cod wrapped together?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

(She adds another scoop of chips, and wraps them up.)

Employee: “And on the second chips, salt and vinegar?”

Me: “Just salt please.”

(She adds another scoop of chips to this lot, as well. I think I can see what’s happening here.)

Employee: “And the battered sausage wrapped with these, fishcakes separate?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

(Another scoop of chips. She repeats my order back to me while wrapping the fishcakes and curry sauce cup.)

Employee: “Anything else for you tonight, love?”

Me: “No, thanks; that looks great. Thank you.”

(Another massive scoop of chips. She confirms what I suspected.)

Employee: “Just in case you’re wondering, every time someone says ‘please’ or ‘thank you,’ I give them another scoop of chips. The clever people like you work that out. Although I think you were brought up right; you say your ‘pleases’ and ‘thank-yous’ to everyone, I bet.”

Me: “What a great idea! It’s a shame that you have to reward people for what should be a common courtesy, but I’m glad it works for you. Goodnight, and thanks for all the chips!”

(Of course, I now had more chips than a family of four could possibly eat, but they did us until we got our gas turned back on the next day!)

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Bait And Switching Stores

, , , , | Working | November 5, 2017

Me: “I need a new, cheap desktop.”

Floorwalker: “This one’s a good one. £320—” *goes on about the technical specs*

Me: “Yes, that will suit me fine.”

Floorwalker: “Oh, dear! We’re out of stock. You’ll have to have this one instead; it’s £340, and nearly as good as that one.”

Me: “The classic bait-and-switch, eh?”

Floorwalker: “No, it’s not like that! Seriously, we’ve run out of the other one.”

Me: “Well, I suppose I might as well… Okay, let’s go for it.”

Floorwalker: “Ah, er, we’re out of that one, too.”

Me: “Um, you do actually have some computers, don’t you?”

Floorwalker: “Er… No. Not many. Our deliveries come in tomorrow. If you come in tomorrow, you can have one then.”

Me: “Nope, I need one now. Suppose I’ll have to go to [Rival Store].”

(I did, and got one for £230, of a higher spec than the one I was offered at the first place.)

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They Slipped On The Gauges

, , , , | Working | November 1, 2017

(I work in quality control. Part of my role is to manage the calibrated equipment we need to measure the parts we make. Some of it can be shockingly expensive due to how accurate it is; add to this the cost of having it calibrated every year by a laboratory and the cost can really stack up. When someone from maintenance maintenance needs to borrow a set of slip gauges, small metal blocks, I am reluctant, but my boss overrides me and makes me give them to him. I am still worried, so I chase him up at the end of the day.)

Me: “Hey, have you finished with those slip gauges?”

Maintenance: “What? No, we’re still using them.”

Me: “Well, when will you finish with them? I need to make sure they get returned.”

Maintenance: “I don’t know, a week or two.”

Me: “What? We need them in inspection. Why do you need them for so long?”

Maintenance: “They’re keeping the machine level!”

(I made him show me; he had wedged several of the slips under a tonne of machinery. These little blocks cost between £30 and £120 each and are only ever supposed to be handled with gloves. He and my boss both got reprimanded, and the site had to buy them all again, and then pay again for calibration.)

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Always Looking For That Perfect Date

, , , , | Right | November 1, 2017

(Due to a shortage of staff, someone from another department is helping out with produce. I only started a few months ago. My coworker’s refilling shelves while I mark down products. It’s about 10:00 am.)

Coworker: “So, do you like working here?”

Me: “It’s okay. Some customers standards are too high, though.”

Coworker: “What do you mean?”

(With perfect timing, a customer approaches the shelf my coworker is refilling, looking at the dates.)

Customer: “Do you have any fresher? Better dates?”

(My coworker desperately looks to me. I look and see these are the trays we received this morning. The date is four days away.)

Me: “That’s the freshest we have, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about in the back?”

Me: “My colleague here is putting out the stock from the back. These came in this morning, at 8:00 am.”

Customer: “Well, when is your next delivery?”

Me: “I think around 4:00 pm? I’m not sure; I only work mornings. They’ll have the same date on them, though.”

(The customer leaves without taking any of the fruit, talking loudly about how she wanted to make fruit salad “for tonight.” My coworker looks at me, gob-smacked.)

Me: “That’s what I mean.”

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