We Expect Better From Hairdressers

, , , , , | Working | June 14, 2017

(I am a gay trans man, but due to being camp and my face structure, people still sometimes read me as female. I’m currently having my hair cut.)

Hairdresser #1: “I was surprised when that customer’s wife came to meet him! With those tight trousers, I was sure he was gay!”

Hairdresser #2: “I know! It’s so hard to tell who’s gay and who’s normal these days!”

Pay It No Mind-Reading

, , , , | Right | June 14, 2017

(I used to manage a high-end fashion store. There are many branches across the UK. A customer approaches me, one who I have had no previous communication with.)

Customer: *holds up non-descript ladies top* “Is this the one my friend saw and liked at [Other Store in Nearby City]?”

Me: *attempting to use psychic ability* “I couldn’t possibly know. What did she say it looked like?”

Customer: “She didn’t. Just that she saw a top she liked in your store.”

Me: “I really can’t help you. You will have to ask your friend.”

Customer: *walks away deflated*

(I wondered if all retail workers are meant to have supernatural abilities, or whether she thought it was just me?)

They’re Not Horsing Around With Those Toppings

, , , , , , | Working | June 12, 2017

(We are sitting down for pizza in an area of London that is notorious for its hipsters. This usually means some weird options in restaurants, such as cauliflower cheese pizza. We are ready to order.)

Waiter: “This is one of our most popular pizzas, made with our best horse cheese.”

Friend: “I’m… sorry?”

Waiter: “It comes with premium toppings, including horse cheese.”

(We look at each other before looking back at the waiter.)

Friend: “Could we order it with regular cheese?”

Waiter: “I’m not sure; let me check…”

(He walks into the kitchen and calls out loudly for the chef, and pretty much the whole restaurant heard what came next.)

Waiter: “Hey, can we do the pizzas without horse cheese?”

Chef: “What the f*** is horse cheese?!”

(The restaurant LOST it! Apparently the staff had been playing a prank on the waiter, but no customers had thought to ask about the ‘horse cheese’ up until then! I wonder if it’s really a thing, or if some people will just eat anything without question!)

Massive Conversational Fail

, , , , | Learning | June 12, 2017

(I’m a mature science student in my first year of university. When it comes to choosing optional modules for the second year:)

Me: “…so, I’d like to take the optional history module, assuming I don’t massively fail the exam coming up for this semester’s optional history module.”

Adviser: “Don’t worry. When have you massively failed at anything?”

Me: “Well, when I was fifteen, doing GCSEs. That’s why I’m ten years older than everyone else here.”

Trained To Take Trains From High-Vis Staff

, , , , , | Right | June 10, 2017

(I am a contract truck driver doing short haul. This means I catch a train to where the truck is, drive it and then catch a train to the next job or home. I have a large bag of essentials and a small folding bike with me, but above all I am wearing a hi-vis jacket. I catch a LOT of trains. I have just dropped off a truck at Gatwick Airport and am standing perusing the departure board for the trains when someone comes and taps me on the shoulder.)

American Lady: “Excuse me, can you tell me where the train to Victoria goes from?”

Me: “Erm… From Platform 4 or 5, they alternate. Take the lift over there and listen to the announcements.”

(I turned back and work out my own train was going in 20 minutes from Platform 7. As I was about to head there another couple approached me with the same question. I directed them, too… and the next… and the next. At one point I had a small queue. At no point did anyone question that I had a bike and bag with me. They just saw the hi-vis and made the assumption. After 15 minutes I made my escape and caught my own train.)

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