Massive Conversational Fail

, , , , | Learning | June 12, 2017

(I’m a mature science student in my first year of university. When it comes to choosing optional modules for the second year:)

Me: “…so, I’d like to take the optional history module, assuming I don’t massively fail the exam coming up for this semester’s optional history module.”

Adviser: “Don’t worry. When have you massively failed at anything?”

Me: “Well, when I was fifteen, doing GCSEs. That’s why I’m ten years older than everyone else here.”

Trained To Take Trains From High-Vis Staff

, , , , , | Right | June 10, 2017

(I am a contract truck driver doing short haul. This means I catch a train to where the truck is, drive it and then catch a train to the next job or home. I have a large bag of essentials and a small folding bike with me, but above all I am wearing a hi-vis jacket. I catch a LOT of trains. I have just dropped off a truck at Gatwick Airport and am standing perusing the departure board for the trains when someone comes and taps me on the shoulder.)

American Lady: “Excuse me, can you tell me where the train to Victoria goes from?”

Me: “Erm… From Platform 4 or 5, they alternate. Take the lift over there and listen to the announcements.”

(I turned back and work out my own train was going in 20 minutes from Platform 7. As I was about to head there another couple approached me with the same question. I directed them, too… and the next… and the next. At one point I had a small queue. At no point did anyone question that I had a bike and bag with me. They just saw the hi-vis and made the assumption. After 15 minutes I made my escape and caught my own train.)

A Sinful Place To Live

, , , | Related | June 9, 2017

(The family is gathered around the dinner table for the evening meal. Dad is telling us about a couple who came to his business that afternoon.)

Dad: “He was a lot older than she is. They are living in s…” *he stutters and pauses*

Mum: “Sin?”

Dad: “Southgate Crescent.”

Mature Content Results In Immaturity

, , , , , | Right | June 9, 2017

(I’m working on the till at a small supermarket when a woman walks up with her basket of shopping. I notice that she’s with a young boy, who can’t be older than about 11 and he’s browsing some shelves nearby. I’m ringing up her shopping, when I come to a gaming magazine which is currently running a feature on a popular war game. As I scan it, a warning pops up on my till, asking me to verify the customer’s age.)

Customer: “How much is that? If it’s too expensive, I won’t get it for him.” *she gestures to the young boy*

Me: “Well, it’s [price] but this magazine is only suitable for people over the age of 18 and as you’ve just told me you’re buying it for him, I can’t sell it to you.”

Customer: “What?! Well, it’s not for him.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry; you’ve just said that it’s for him. I really cannot sell you this.” *I put the magazine to one side*

Customer: “Well, that’s ridiculous. It’s for his older brother; he’s at home and he’s 18!”

Me: “You’ve told me that you’re buying this for a child, so our store will not sell this to you.”

(The customer huffs and argues a bit more, as I ring up the rest of her shopping. I read her the total.)

Customer: “So, you’re really not going to sell that to me?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Customer: “Well, I’m just going to have a terrible night with him now! He’s going to be a nightmare!”

(The boy comes over to the till and asks the woman if he can have his magazine.)

Customer: *to the boy* “No! This lady says that you can’t have it!”

Me: *to the customer* “Well, the reason that it’s not suitable for children is that the content of the magazine, just like [Game featured in the magazine] is extremely violent. That’s actually why they’ve put it in a plastic cover; because the images in the magazine are too graphic for children.”

(The customer blushes profusely and looks ashamed. She stays silent as she pays for her shopping.)

Customer: *as she’s picking up her bags* “Just… so… you know, I don’t let him play those horrible games. I’m not a bad mother!”

(She scurried out of the store with the child!)

Unable To Ship To Their Fantasyland

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2017

(We are an online-only store, and only have one option available for shipping, which is added automatically at the checkout. A repeat customer who has caused us problems before emailed in stating:)

Customer: “I do not believe in paying for shipping any more. I have been trying to delete it from my basket but there is no option for it. Remove it for me!”

Me: “Nope.”

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