Who Prescribed Some Madness?

, , , | Healthy | January 4, 2018

(We have a new member of staff at the pharmacy and we’ve got a number of regulars who come in to get their weekly medications, often quite a few items. This employee somehow gets it into her head that anyone with a weekly prescription is a drug abuser. One of our regulars is on a lot of different pain medications.)

Regular: “Good morning! I’m here to pick up my prescriptions. My name is [Regular].”

(The new staff member goes out to the back of the store and comes back out a few minutes later.)

New Staff: “No, there isn’t anything.”

Regular: “I pick this up every week, and I know I have at least three months’ worth of repeats for all these from the doctor.”

New Staff: “No. No, we have nothing.”

Regular: *spotting our pharmacist who knows her very well* “Hi, [Pharmacist]! Got my weekly meds?”

Pharmacist: “Oh, yeah. I did them yesterday—”

New Staff: “No! No, you didn’t. We have nothing!” *to Regular* “You need to leave; we have nothing for you!”

Pharmacist: “Don’t be daft. I’ll go fetch them.” *heads to the back and comes out with a large bag* “Can I just check your address and date of birth?”

Regular: *gives details*

Pharmacist: “Yup, here you go. See you next week!”

New Staff: “I told her we had nothing! Why did you make me look like a liar?!”

Pharmacist: “Because you were lying? [Regular] comes in every week and I always have her meds done.”

New Staff: “I saw what she’s on. She’s a f****** druggie. You shouldn’t enable these people.”

Regular: “I beg your pardon?”

Pharmacist: “Okay, we do not treat customers like that. Whatever personal views you have on certain medications, you leave those views at home.”

New Staff: “She’s a druggie. Why would anyone else need [strong pain medication]?”

Regular: “Because half my lower spine was smashed in an accident and I live in constant, agonising pain?”

New Staff: “Shut up, druggie.”

Pharmacist: “Right. That’s it. Go home.”

(She was fired that day, and officially cautioned by the police when for two weeks afterward she kept hanging around the pharmacy entrance waiting for our regular customer so she could yell at them some more. We know this because she told EVERY other customer entering our store. Luckily, our regular has a good sense of humour and just laughed off the whole episode.)

If You’re Screwed You Win

, , , , , , , , | Working | January 3, 2018

(I am walking past the checkouts and see a few workers pointing at random customers. One points at me. I decide to investigate.)

Me: “Sorry, I couldn’t help noticing… What are you talking about?”

Coworker #1: *nervous* “Umm, we were just playing a game.”

Coworker #2: “F***, marry, kill?”

Me: “Oh, I know that.” *walks away* “Wait… Which one was I?”

Coworker #2: “Umm, f***.”

Me: “Oh!”

Coworker #2: “But I would have to get really drunk beforehand… but only because I’m gay. Not because you aren’t attractive, or anything.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Coworker #2: “I think I’ll just go over there and kill myself now.”

Me: “Oh, well. Nice knowing you!”

(As I walked away I heard them grilling him on why he told me. Despite it being highly inappropriate, I found it quite funny. I also was the one who asked, so I didn’t really have a right to be offended, anyway.)

Thinking Outside The Box And The Car

, , , | Right | January 2, 2018

(I work at a DIY store which sells six-piece garden furniture sets all in one box. These boxes are not small, as you could imagine.)

Me: “Hi there, are you okay? Do you need anything?”

Customer: “Well, we like [set in the box], please. Can you help it to my car?”

Me: “Of course, that’s what I’m here for. Is your car a decent size, as the box is quite hefty and large?”

Customer: “Yeah, it will fit; no problem.”

Me: *thinking he has a van or pickup* “Okay, great. Let me get you a trolley.”

(We load the box up and pay through the till and out we go.)

Me: *looking into the car park* “Which is yours?”

Customer: “Oh, the red one over there.”

(I glance up and see a little car.)

Me: “Really? There’s no way this will fit into that. You don’t have any boot space or a back seat to put it on?”

Customer: *looking a bit irate as I’ve doubted him, taking the trolley off me* ” Of course it will; I’ve had these before without a problem. You just don’t know what you’re doing.” *humph*

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure and you don’t want my help. If you need me I will be inside.”

(I got called to the main desk about 30 minutes later by my coworker who was watching them struggle, and she turned to me and asked why didn’t I help. I just rolled my eyes at her and she nodded with a knowing smile. He did manage to fit it in an hour later; however, his girlfriend had to make her own way home from our store as there wasn’t room for both of them in the car.)

No Pizza Is Worth This Much

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | January 2, 2018

(I am a 19-year-old female living with my girlfriend. My girlfriend has anxiety and can’t stand it when a man comes near her. Recently, my girlfriend got sick and was hospitalized. To celebrate her recovery and her arrival home, we order pizza. When the pizza arrives, I am on the phone with my dad asking him to bring something for tomorrow.)

Me: “Babe, can you get the door? I’m on the phone.”

(As she goes to the door, she sees it’s a guy. She whimpers and runs back into the kitchen where I’m standing.)

Girlfriend: “[My Name], it’s a man. I can’t do this.”

Me: “It’s okay, babe. I got it.”

(I hang up and go to answer the door. The delivery guy is short, baby-faced, and looks like he’s just started his first year of university. As soon as he sets his gaze on me, I see the wheels in his head start turning.)

Delivery Guy: “Took you long enough!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. I was on the phone.”

Delivery Guy: “I guess I could let it slide if I could… sit in and eat this with you? You’re my last delivery for the night.”

(He smirks and I roll my eyes.)

Me: “No, thank you. I’m good. How much will it be, then?

Delivery Guy: *holding my pizza away from me* “Aw, come on! You are smoking! It’s free if I can get your number and a kiss.” *winks*

(I am so over this guy. I start digging through my wallet and pull out enough to cover it.)

Me: “I’m really not interested.”

Delivery Guy: “Aww. Well, then, maybe just your number? Come on, sweetie. I can show you a good time!”

(He hands me my pizza. I roll my eyes.)

Me: “Look, I’m just trying to have a nice night in with my girlfriend. Here’s your money.”

(His eyes are as big as saucers as he realizes his mistake.)

Delivery Guy: “Eww! I just hit on a [slur]!”

(He then took off running down the hall… without his money. Hey, horny delivery boy, thanks for the free pizza!)

There’s A Reason “Fan” Comes From Fanatic

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 1, 2018

(I’m filling up at a motorway petrol station. As I enter the kiosk, I recognise an actor who plays a rather notorious character on a popular soap opera making his way to the register.)

Actor: *to cashier* “Pump four, please, mate. And could I also get—”

Customer: “YOU!”

(A belligerent-looking customer storms up to the actor, inches away from his face.)

Customer: “How dare you! I know what you did to [Female Soap Character]! I’m calling the police!” *to cashier* “Detain this man! He’s a known thug and a thief, and—”

Actor: *adapting a more exaggerated London accent* “‘Ang about; did you say [Female Soap Character]?”

Customer: “Well, yes! Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about!”

Actor: “Nah, nah! You must be confusing me with my cousin is all.”

Customer: “Your cousin?”

Actor: “Yeah, [Notorious Soap Character]. You can tell us apart because ‘is skin looks ‘ealthier, and ‘e keeps ‘iself groomed a lot better.”

Customer: *squints* “My God, you’re right! You look nothing like him! I’m terribly sorry. Look, I don’t mean to pry, but you should stay away from your cousin; he’s a very bad man!”

(The customer turns to leave the station. When she disappears the actor shakes his head and turns to the cashier.)

Actor: “Twenty years of doing this, you learn how to deal with people like them.”